Episode 41: Teleporting Snacks

The bell jingled again — though this time, it sounded more like it was sighing than ringing. A stout, round-faced man waddled in, wearing a robe that might've been a size too small… or three. He looked like a man who had never met a buffet he didn't befriend.

Felix looked up. "Welcome to Felix's Enchantments and Poor Life Choices. What can I get you?"

The man gave an exhausted huff, wiping sweat from his forehead. "I need a spell. A good one."

Felix leaned on the counter. "Define 'good.'"

The man leaned in dramatically. "I want a spell that teleports snacks directly to my couch. Popcorn, pies, pastries — you name it. No getting up. No crumbs on my robe. Just instant snacks."

Zira peeked from the back, eyebrows raised. "So… you want to summon snacks straight to your face?"

"Exactly," the man said, nodding so vigorously his chins wobbled. "But — and this is important — no calories."

Felix stared at him. "...No calories?"

"None. Zero. Zilch. I want to snack without the consequences. Magic can do that, right?"

Felix exchanged glances with Zira.

Zira smirked. "Oh, this is gonna be good."

---

A Cauldron, Three Spells, and One Small Fire Later…

Felix plopped a shiny, golden rune-stone on the counter. It glowed faintly, humming with what Felix could only describe as the energy of an overenthusiastic caterer.

"Here. Tap it once, say the snack you want, and it'll teleport to your couch — hot, fresh, and perfectly seasoned. And don't worry — I added the 'no calories' enchantment."

The man's eyes widened like a kid at a candy shop. "You're serious?"

Felix grinned. "It won't put a single ounce on you."

The man grabbed the rune and dashed out, already chanting "Triple bacon-wrapped meat pies" under his breath.

---

The Next Morning…

The door slammed open so hard the bell flew off. The same man stumbled back in — only this time, his robe hung off him like a curtain. His cheeks were sunken, and his belly… gone.

Felix blinked. "Uh… you okay, buddy?"

The man staggered to the counter, panting. "It works. It really works. No calories. None. At all."

Felix tilted his head. "Well, that's what you wanted, right?"

The man's voice quivered. "I haven't stopped eating for 16 hours. My stomach's flatter than my ex-wife's singing voice. I think I'm starving to death."

Zira, trying and failing not to laugh, chimed in. "Did you ever think to stop eating?"

"I CAN'T," the man wailed. "It's all so good, and I never get full! The fried cheese bites practically teleport themselves into my mouth now!"

Felix winced. "Ah. Might've over-tuned the calorie drain. Hold on — I'll fix it."

The man's stomach let out a sad, hollow growl. "Please hurry. I'd kill for a salad."

Felix smirked. "Now that is a sentence I never thought I'd hear."