Entry 7: Elizabeth Addler’s Party

I think there's something wrong with me. I think that there's this internal self destruct button that I can't help but push all the time. I do it with my parents and I think I do it with Preston too. I can't help but screw things up, even if they're going in my favor.

For instance, last night at dinner, we had a very nice meal laid out before us. Mom really busted out the big guns. Roast beef, potatoes, roasted veggies, pasta salad, and a bunch of other stuff. It was like a holiday dinner meal. Not something she would cook up on a random Saturday night.

Instead of sitting there, enjoying my meal in silence like everyone else, I had to create tension. Tension that wasn't even there! It was just that the silence was maddening, especially coming from my father. Still not a single word! Even after the scene I made.

"Are we always going to eat in uncomfortable silence?"

"I'm not uncomfortable," my mom tried to play off.

"Dads been uncomfortable for 9 months since he's seen my tits plastered all over the internet." I spoke up snidely since my father never wants to join any conversation we ever have.

He dropped his utensils and shot my mother a look. Not even me! Like I was simply her problem. Like I was just her child to discipline. Like he didn't have a daughter.

"Perhaps dad would feel comfortable speaking in his own house again if I were just gone! Maybe I should just kill myself!"

"Enough, Parker!" My mother yelled as my dad removed himself from the dining table.

Still not a word.

"See, I told you! Dad doesn't even want me here. I'm leaving!"

I ran upstairs and grabbed my cheerleading duffle bag. I packed all the things I needed for the party and threw them in. I also threw in a pair of overnight clothes and a couple extra outfits in case I needed to spend Sunday at Leah's as well. I knew after the scene I had just created, my mother wasn't going to be too welcoming Sunday morning.

After slinging my duffle over my shoulder, I flew back down the stairs and rushed out the door before my mother could stop me. She wouldn't have tried but I like to pretend that she would have.

By the time I had walked to Leah's house it was late. Late enough to start getting ready for the party. I told Leah I wanted to look sexy for Preston and she was totally on board. I wore a black strapless mini dress with a long slit up the side that stopped just at the bottom of my hip. I decided to go commando. No underwear and no bra. I didn't want to ruin the outfit. I also wore my thigh high black boots and some light jewelry. A silver choker, earrings and a bracelet. Nothing too showy.

Leah suggested I wear my hair half up and half down with two braided ponytails pulling my hair back. She put some colorful barrettes in my braids and helped me put eyeliner on. I loved the way it looked. It made me feel more sexy having the little cat eye.

Leah looked good herself but she insisted on wearing jeans. Sure, it was gonna be cold outside but we were going to a party! It was sure to get warmer in the house. She never listens to me and we always end up dressing for two entirely different occasions. Like a cropped sweater and jeans? While I'm dressed to the 9's??

It didn't matter what Leah was wearing though. I had to look good for Preston. The only thing on my mind was him and it was driving me insane. Leah had swiped a bottle from her parents' alcohol cabinet and was giving me shot after shot to calm my nerves. The pregaming seemed to do the trick as it was starting to hit me and I was feeling more excited than nervous.

We pulled up to the party around 11/11:30. We saw some of our friends head inside but there was no way I was stepping into a party that Drake was at, without a boy on my arm. I told Leah she could go inside and hang out with the other girls. I wanted to wait outside for Preston.

I recognize Preston's car immediately. He must've taken notice of Leah's car too because he pulled up and parked right behind it. Alyssa bolted out of the car and ran straight over to me.

"Oh my God, Parker! You look so pretty!"

I smiled at the compliment and gave her a hug. She ran into the house with no intention of sticking around with me and her brother. Speaking of Preston, when that boy got out of the car, it was like the angel choirs were singing and I mistook earth for heaven. He looked AMAZING.

His hair was wet and styled so I could tell he had just taken a shower. His outfit was unlike anything I'd ever seen him wear before. He had on a white t-shirt as usual but he was wearing an open, black short sleeve button down over top. He had khaki pants on and a pair of beige high tops. A thin golden chain dangled around his neck and all his usual piercings were filled with earrings.

I tried to catch my breath as he approached me but I couldn't refrain from feeling light headed.

"What's up," he asked casually.

I watched as his eyes examined my body. From head to toe he was taking the sight of me in. His eyes scanned me but his face stayed unchanging. Preston never said a word as he took my hand in his.

"Let's go inside."

I couldn't believe we were holding hands!

His hand was so rough and big but it felt warm and comfortable. With him beside me, I felt safe. I felt like none of the football players could mess with me! Especially Drake.

When we got into the party, it was bright and loud. Music was blasting, people were talking and scattered everywhere. I didn't know what to do first. Preston seemed to know where to go and walked over to a couple of senior boys. They all said hi to him as he greeted each of them in that hand shake/hug way that boys do. Despite this, he never let go of my hand.

People that would normally look at me like I was trash or some human stain, were looking at me with kind eyes. Like they wouldn't dare look at me in a negative way in the presence of Preston. This only made me hold on to his hand tighter.

We moved to the kitchen next where there was tons of alcohol. I poured two shots for us and tried to give one to Preston.

"Here!" I smiled as I offered him the shot glass.

"I can't. I've got Alyssa tonight."

I put both shot glasses down and watched as he frowned.

"Just because I'm not drinking doesn't mean you can't."

He picked up the glass and handed it to me.

Listen, he didn't have to tell me twice. After everything that went down with my parents, I wanted to get drunk.

I threw back the first shot and chased it with the second. Preston's face went white watching me pour another one. He snatched the bottle of Hennessy from me and raised an eyebrow.

"Jesus, slow down," he chuckled nervously.

I smiled deviously as I threw back the third shot.

"Okay, I'm good for now. Let's go out back."

Elizabeth's backyard was really nice. Her house was smaller than mine but the yard was like out of a catalog. There was a pool, a nice deck with a fire pit and they had a lot of yard furniture. As Preston and I went over to sit with some of the cheerleaders I knew, I began to feel hot.

The alcohol was hitting fast.

Preston sat on the sofa and I sat next to him, watching the fire roar and crackle. Other people were messing with the fire and roasting marshmallows for s'mores. I think Preston took notice of me eyeing the roasting food because without missing a beat, he grabbed a stick and stuck a marshmallow on it for me.

"Here, you look hungry."

I beamed a grin at him, super excited for the fireside delicacy. When Preston leaned back in the seat, I hunched forward to toast my marshmallow. All I felt was his large hand on the small of my back. He simply moved it up and down, slowly rubbing my back affectionately. Neither of us said a word. I wonder if he could feel that I wasn't wearing a bra. The cool evening air might've given that information away because my nipples were as hard as marbles and poking out right through my dress.

I was starting to get goosebumps from Preston's light massaging and the cool air. Again, taking notice of my needs, he removed his button down and draped it over me. I was eating my marshmallow when his hands moved to my hair. He was stroking it, playing with it softly while I ate my marshmallow. Still, he never said a word.

"Are you having fun?" I asked.

He nodded with a small shrug.

"Do you want some? I can make one for you?" I swung the stick in his face so fast, I nearly hit him.

"Whoa, Parker. I'm okay..."

He removed the stick from my hands and noticed how sticky I was.

"You're really messy. Do you want me to get you a napkin?"

I looked at my hands that were covered in sticky white goop. I could feel it around my mouth too.

I was fading.

If my memory serves me right, Preston got up and walked away. A lot of other people had left the area too and were partying by the pool or inside. All I know is, a devious looming presence replaced the safe, warm feeling I had felt when Preston was there.

I looked up and tried to align my vision. Drake was standing there with a couple of football players. I glared at them and went back to licking the marshmallows off my fingers.

"Parker, who invited you?" I heard Drake ask.

I never responded. I just kept looking down and ignoring him.

"Whatever, I guess every party needs some good entertainment. Right, guys?"

The other football players he was with laughed menacingly. I started to feel scared.

"You look hot tonight, babe," Drake said as he approached me.

I felt his fingers trail down my neck and I shivered with an icky feeling.

"Don't you miss me? Don't you miss this dick?"

I looked up at him with a look that could kill.

"I never had sex with you. Not once."

My words were slurred but he could make them out. He was lying! Lying in front of all of his little friends to feel big.

"Come on now, we both know that's a lie. You remember how much we fucked when we were together. You loved it. You would scream my name."

"I never!" I stood up, shoving Drake as hard as I could. He barely budged despite how badly I wanted him to fall into the fire. He grabbed my wrist tight so I couldn't escape. I started fighting him but the alcohol was hitting harder and harder. I could hear him and the other football players laughing and I tried to pull my arms free.

"Come on Parker," he restrained my arms at my sides. "One more time for old times sake?"

"What are you doing?"

I heard Preston's voice as tears fell from my eyes. Drake let go of my arms and smiled at Preston in a friendly way.

"Nothing man, this doesn't concern you."

"It doesn't?" He asks.

"No it doesn't. Besides, it doesn't matter what we do with her. It's not like we haven't seen her naked before."

Drake and the football players started laughing again. Preston took my hand and pulled me away but Drake, being himself, didn't know how to shut the hell up as usual.

"It's okay man, I get it. Make sure you fuck her rough, though. She loves it." He called after us.

Preston dropped my hand and turned around. Everything happened so quickly and my vision was so blurry but I could tell he had laid Drake out with one hit.

He came back to me and took my wrist.

"Let's go."

Preston dragged me through the party but I could barely keep up. I kept stumbling all over the place.

"Preston slow down."

We stopped walking in the living room where Alyssa, Leah and the other cheerleaders were sitting and playing a drinking game.

"Lyssa, get your ass up. We're going home."

"But I don't want to go ho-"

"Now Alyssa!" Preston yelled at her.

Alyssa did exactly as her brother said and got up. He grabbed her with his other hand and dragged us both out of the party. Leah followed and ran up to me.

"Parker are you okay?" She asked worried.

"I'm fine it's just Drake- and- and-"

"She's drunk. I'm taking her home," Preston explained.

"What's her address?"

"No, you can't take her home. Her parents will kill her."

"She can come back with us," Alyssa insisted.

My drunk ass was sitting there on the curb watching the three of them squabble over where to take me. I knew Leah didn't want to leave the party. I could feel it in my soul. I didn't want my night with Preston to end so I finally decided to open my mouth.

"I wanna go with Preston," I begged Leah.

I wrapped my arms around his leg as tight as I could.

"Please, I want to stay with him."

Preston helped me up and into the passenger seat as Alyssa climbed in the back. She was upset that her brother made her leave but Preston didn't care. He didn't want his sister in a house full of drunk, rape-y football players. I couldn't blame him.

That's pretty much all I remember before I passed out in the passenger seat. All I know is that I did not make the impression I wanted to. Getting wasted like that, Preston having to fight off Drake. He probably regret going to the party with me. Now he was truly never going to go out with me ever again. I hit the self destruction button hard this time.