Chapter 2: " A Bite, A Thought, A Choice

Lily was born September 21st. She's intelligent and meticulous, always conscious of every move and action she takes. People often call her beautiful, but she doesn't always see herself that way. According to society's standards, height is a symbol of beauty, yet at 6 feet tall, Lily despises her height. Every boy she's ever liked or found attractive has always been shorter than her, and that made her feel awkward.

For two years, Lily had an intense crush on BTS's Taehyung, always fantasizing that one day she would meet him, or that he would somehow come looking for her. But her dream was crushed painfully when she discovered that Taehyung was shorter than 6 feet. That reality made her think that it would be harder to find a "hot" boyfriend or husband being this tall. The thought stuck with her—she hated her height because it felt like it made her less desirable.

Another thing Lily hates about herself is her weight. As far back as she can remember, she's always been overweight. One memory stands out: when she was eight, her younger brother, Matt, was taken to the hospital because he was sick. At a glance, the doctor turned to her father and said, "It's not your son who needs treatment, but her." The doctor told her father that if Lily didn't change her habits, she would die of obesity. Even though she was just a child at the time, that moment stuck with her.

From that point on, she dreamed of becoming the slim, beautiful girl that every child and parent would admire. But for Lily, that vision always seemed out of reach. That memory haunts her, and it still lingers in the back of her mind, reminding her of what she wishes she could be, but isn't.

Now that Lily is older, she can't help but notice the girls around her, effortlessly flaunting their flat stomachs and small waists in crop tops. They wear fitted gowns, proudly showing off their beautiful curves, and she feels inferior. She feels less like a girl and more like a boy. Lily, being the type of person who tends to take things to heart and let them linger, finds herself thinking about these things over and over again.

One of the things Lily despises most about herself is the way she walks—she doesn't walk like a girl, or a girl of class, in her eyes. She feels disconnected from the feminine grace she longs for. She doesn't laugh softly like the other girls. She can't sit like them, either, struggling to cross or even close her legs. She feels that elegance is something she'll never have, and she blames it all on her body type. If only I had the perfect body, she thinks, then being graceful and elegant would be effortless.

Her mind constantly wonders: How can I cross my legs with all this fat between my thighs? How could I walk with the confidence of a model when I don't have their body? How can I speak softly and smile like a girl when I feel like I look like a boy? These thoughts live in her mind, rent-free, haunting her daily.

Lily sat at the dining table, staring blankly at the plate in front of her. It was one of her favorite takeout though—spaghetti with meat sauce—but she barely noticed. The smell, usually comforting, felt distant, like it belonged to someone else's home.

She twirled her fork through the noodles, wrapping them around the silver prongs without ever bringing them to her mouth. Her mind was far away, trapped in the endless loop of thoughts she couldn't silence. The doctor's words from years ago. The girls at school. The reflection in her mirror. The way she never felt enough.

"Lily, are you okay?" Her mother's voice broke through the haze.

She blinked, realizing that everyone at the table had paused—her father, her younger brother Matt, even her younger sister, Ava, who usually scrolled through her phone during dinner. They were all looking at her.

"I'm fine," Lily muttered, forcing a small smile. She quickly shoved a bite of spaghetti into her mouth, hoping they'd drop it.

But the food tasted like nothing. Just warm, empty calories.

"You sure?" her dad asked, his brow creased with concern. "You've been quiet all night."

"I'm just tired," she said, her voice carefully even.

Her mother watched her for a long moment before sighing. "Alright," she said softly.

Conversation slowly resumed around her—Matt talking about a funny video he saw, Ava complaining about how annoying her classmates were, her dad discussing work. But Lily heard none of it.

She kept eating, bite after bite, but it wasn't because she was hungry. It was just to make them stop looking

All she wanted was to disappear.

As soon as dinner was over, she mumbled an excuse about homework and hurried to her room, shutting the door behind her. She leaned against it, exhaling shakily.

Her stomach felt full, but not in a satisfying way. It felt heavy—like every bite she had forced down was a mistake.

She hesitated for a moment, then grabbed her phone. Her fingers hovered over the screen before she finally typed:

"How to lose weight fast."

Her heart pounded as she stared at the results. She knew she shouldn't do this. She knew where this path could lead.

But right now, nothing else seemed to matter.

And so, with a deep breath, she clicked.