Chapter 5: "The Cycle"

Lily woke up feeling light. Empty. It was a good feeling.

She ran her hands over her stomach, pressing down slightly. Was it flatter? She couldn't tell.

But today, she'd do better. Eat even less.

She glanced at her phone screen, the website from last night still open. "Rapid weight loss secrets." She had read every word, absorbed every extreme tip. It was simple: control. The less she ate, the more control she had.

A knock on her door made her jump.

"Lily?" Her mother's voice.

Lily quickly locked her phone. "Yeah?"

"Come make breakfast for your siblings before I leave for work."

Her stomach twisted. Cooking. The ultimate test.

She took a deep breath, pushing herself out of bed. I won't eat. I won't give in.

Downstairs, Matt and Ava were already at the table, still groggy from sleep. Their mom was buttoning her coat, eyes flicking toward Lily as she entered the kitchen.

"There's bread and eggs," she said, grabbing her purse. "Or make noodles if they want that."

Lily nodded, ignoring the way her fingers tingled with anxiety.

Her mom hesitated, looking at her carefully. Lily kept her face blank.

Finally, her mom sighed. "Make sure you eat something too."

She left before Lily could respond.

Lily turned to the stove, setting a pot of water to boil for the noodles. Ava hummed to herself while swinging her legs under the chair, while Matt scrolled through his phone.

The smell of the food filled the air. Warm, tempting. Lily clenched her jaw. I won't eat. I don't need it.

She plated Matt and Ava's food, setting it in front of them.

"What about you?" Ava asked, chewing noisily.

"I'm not hungry." The words rolled off her tongue easily now.

Ava frowned. "But you always eat with us."

Lily forced a smile. "Not today."

She turned away before Ava could ask more questions. But then—her eyes landed on the pot. There were a few noodles left, just a small amount.

It won't count.

Before she could stop herself, she picked up a fork and twirled a few strands around it.

The first bite was instant relief.

Then another.

And another.

By the time she realized what she was doing, the pot was empty.

Her chest tightened. No. No, no, no.

She dropped the fork, heart pounding. I wasn't supposed to eat.

The regret hit like a wave, drowning out everything else. She could already feel it—her stomach, heavy with guilt.

Her fingers clenched around the edge of the counter, nails digging into the wood.

What had she done?

The heaviness settled in, a weight pressing against her ribs. She had ruined it. All the progress, all the control—gone in a few desperate mouthfuls.

Her stomach twisted.

She could fix this.

"Lily?" Matt's voice pulled her back. She turned sharply, realizing he was staring. "What's wrong with you?"

Lily forced her expression to relax. "Nothing." Her voice was too tight. She turned to the sink, filling a glass of water to occupy her hands. If she acted normal, they wouldn't notice.

Matt just shrugged and went back to his phone. Ava was still watching her, though, her little brows furrowed.

"Are you sad?"

Lily exhaled slowly, turning to her sister with what she hoped was a convincing smile. "No, silly. Why would I be sad?"

Ava tilted her head. "Because you ate when you said you weren't hungry."

Lily's stomach dropped.

She had to get out of here.

"Finish your food," she said, voice brisk, and hurried upstairs before Ava could say anything else.

She locked her bedroom door and collapsed onto the bed, pressing her palms to her forehead.

Her mind was racing.

She needed a plan.

Skipping lunch. That was obvious. Dinner too, if she could get away with it.

Maybe a workout.

Maybe something stronger.

Lily grabbed her phone with shaky hands, opening her search history. "How to burn calories fast." "How to erase a binge." The words stared back at her, a cruel echo of her thoughts.

Her stomach twisted. She scrolled faster. Fasting tips. Extreme workouts. Laxatives.

Her thumb hesitated over one of the links.

A knock at the door made her jump.

"Lily?" Her mom again. Firmer this time

Lily's breath hitched. Did she know?

She shoved her phone under the blanket. "Yeah?"

"Open the door."

Something about her tone sent a chill through Lily's spine.

She swallowed hard, heart hammering.

She could open it, pretend everything was fine.

Or she could stay locked inside.

But the way her mother had spoken, the weight in her voice—Lily knew this time, hiding wouldn't be enough.