The One Where Keanu Brings a Knife to Trivia Night

[INT. BENTO BOX CAFE – NIGHT]

Five people are huddled around a table absolutely covered in empty bubble tea cups, sushi trays, and one unopened pack of UNO cards.

JESSIE

(fake whisper)

Okay but technically, Snape wasn't evil. He was just British.

MILO

That's not how morality works.

TANYA

Yes it is. Colonialism.

KEANU

(nodding)

She's right. I read two Wikipedia articles and a BuzzFeed quiz, I'm basically certified.

ZACK

BuzzFeed doesn't count unless it's "What Disney Princess Are You?"

KEANU

I got Mulan.

JESSIE

You got Mulan?

(beat)

I got Mulan.

KEANU

Wait. Are we the same person?

TANYA

This explains the vibe.

Laughter. The group is tipsy on sugar and the thrill of being extremely unserious on a Tuesday night.

MILO

Okay next question: What's the capital of Kazakhstan?

ZACK

Your mom.

JESSIE

Bro you've been saying "your mom" to every answer.

ZACK

And yet I've never been wrong.

KEANU

(quietly)

It's Astana.

Everyone turns to him.

TANYA

What the hell. How do you know that?

KEANU

I kill time with Wikipedia.

ZACK

He kills Wikipedia?

MILO

That checks out. He looks like the kind of guy who edits obscure pages for fun.

JESSIE

No no no, he looks like the kind of guy who'd be the final boss in a mental health app.

KEANU

(smiling)

That's fair.

[EXT. BENTO BOX CAFE – PARKING LOT – LATER]

Everyone's saying goodbye. Hugs, waves, laughing. Tanya stays back.

TANYA

Hey… Keanu?

KEANU

Yeah?

TANYA

I had fun tonight.

KEANU

Me too.

TANYA

We should hang out sometime. Just us.

She smiles. It's sweet. Nervous. Vulnerable.

Keanu smiles back.

KEANU

You know what?

TANYA

Yeah?

He stabs her in the neck.

Quick. Clean. Casual.

She gasps—eyes wide—collapsing against the hood of someone's Toyota Corolla.

Blood runs in streaks across the windshield.

Keanu tucks the blade back in his jacket pocket.

KEANU

...Definitely not Mulan behavior.

He walks off.

FADE TO BLACK.