Top 10 First-Years You Didn’t Know Were Traumatized (Number 6 Will Sign Your Plushie)

The morning sun streamed through the infirmary's enchanted windows as Lady Althea finished her final diagnostic spells on our bedraggled group. After a night of fitful sleep, I felt almost human again.

"Your magical pathways have stabilized," Lady Althea announced, her golden luminescence dimmed to a comfortable glow. "Though I strongly advise against any major spellwork for the next few days."

Professor Zephyr burst through the infirmary doors with his characteristic theatrical flair, Bloombastic trailing behind him with several floating clipboards covered in notes.

"Ah, my favorite chaos-inducing pupils!" Zephyr declared, his eyes gleaming with barely contained curiosity. "Now that you're all vertical and presumably coherent, I believe we have some rather pressing questions to address about yesterday's coordinate…"

"No."

Lady Althea's single word carried the weight of absolute authority. The Personification of Vitality and Restoration stepped between Zephyr and our beds, her flowing hair shifting from silver to pale blue in what I'd learned was a sign of her growing irritation.

"They need another day of rest before any interrogations," she continued, fixing Zephyr with a stare that could have frozen lava. "The psychological trauma of identity displacement combined with a coordinated assault requires proper recovery time."

"But the investigation…"

"Can wait twenty-four hours." Lady Althea's voice carried a finality that even the Personification of Air and Chaos didn't dare challenge. "I am their medical practitioner, and my word is final in matters of student health."

Zephyr deflated slightly, though he maintained his dramatic posture. "Very well. But tomorrow morning, bright and early! I want a full debriefing on this mysterious coordinated attack business."

As our group gathered our belongings and prepared to leave the infirmary, I caught Finn avoiding everyone's eyes again. The guilt radiating from him was almost palpable, and I could see Gavril shooting him concerned glances.

Whatever conversation was coming, it couldn't be postponed much longer.

****

The moment we stepped into the main corridor leading to the Great Hall, a wave of excited chatter hit us like a physical force.

"There they are!"

"The top ten!"

"Is that really Asher Ardent?"

"The Chaos-Mother himself!"

Before I could process what was happening, a mob of students from what appeared to be every year level descended upon us. But it wasn't just general excitement, many of them were clutching something that made my blood run cold.

Plushies. But not just any plushies.

"Oh no," I whispered, staring at what appeared to be a new addition.

"ASHER! ASHER!" A third-year girl with pigtails shoved a plushie in my face. "Can you sign my Madonna Edition Chaos-Mother? I set it to have Seraphina's eyes and hair!"

The plushie she held was indeed a new variant of the cursed doll that had been haunting my existence. But this one was different, and somehow worse. Instead of the fixed "Mei" appearance from my Jujutsu Kaisen persona, this one had adjustable features. The doll's hair shifted from black to platinum blonde as I watched, and its eyes changed from dark brown to the pale blue of a winter sky.

"The Madonna Edition features fully customizable appearance settings!" another student explained excitedly, holding up his own doll. "You can mix and match features from all of Asher's tournament personas! Look, I gave mine Seraphina's hair but kept Mei's eyes!"

More students pressed forward, each clutching their own variations of the Madonna Edition. Some had kept the traditional "Mei" look, others had gone full Seraphina, and a disturbing number had created hybrid combinations that looked like the fever dreams of a magical toymaker. But the worst thing was definitely the murderous glances I was getting from the toys themselves.

"This is a nightmare," I muttered, backing against the corridor wall as more students approached with quills and ink.

"Asher, please sign mine!"

"Can you say the 'Let's wreak some havoc' line while you sign it?"

"Do the voice! Do Seraphina's voice!"

The memory of speaking in that melodic, saint-like tone while trapped in the Madonna's body made me shudder. Somewhere in her dormitory, I was certain Seraphina was barricading her door and seriously considering whether memory-wiping spells were worth the ethical implications.

I tried to push through the crowd, but more students kept appearing from seemingly nowhere. The corridor was becoming packed, and I could feel my probability field starting to fluctuate from the stress.

"I really need to…" I began, only to be cut off by another wave of autograph requests.

"ATTENTION, ATTENTION!"

The booming voice came from above, and everyone looked up to see Bloombastic descending from what appeared to be a ventilation grate, his tentacle-vines allowing him to rappel down like some kind of plant-based spy.

"As the Chaos-Father's official familiar and newly appointed manager," Bloombastic announced, his bulbous head shifting to a brilliant gold color, "I am here to announce that we will be holding a proper magical signing session later this week!"

Wait. When had he become my manager? And since when was he my familiar?

"The Chaos-Father's signature will be embedded into a specialized quill that can automatically reproduce his autograph!" Bloombastic continued, clearly enjoying his new role. "This will ensure that every devoted fan can receive a properly signed Plushie without overwhelming our beloved champion!"

A student raised her hand. "Will there be other editions in the future?"

Bloombastic's head shifted to a thoughtful green. "We are currently in negotiations for potential future releases. The 'Gravity-Defying' edition is under consideration, as is the highly anticipated 'Bureaucratic Nightmare' variant featuring detachable parts and miniature filing cabinets!"

I stared at my self-appointed familiar in horror. He was making it worse. So much worse.

But the crowd was eating it up. Students began clustering around Bloombastic instead of me, bombarding him with questions about release dates, limited editions, and whether they could place pre-orders.

"The Chaos-Father requires space to breathe and recuperate from his tournament victories," Bloombastic declared with surprising authority. "Please direct all merchandising inquiries to me. I have updated my vendor's permit, and am fully licensed to handle all Chaos-Father related commercial activities!"

The crowd reluctantly began to disperse, though many students continued to follow us at a respectful distance, still clutching their Madonna Edition plushies.

"Thanks," I muttered to Bloombastic as we finally made progress toward the Great Hall.

"No root thanks necessary, Chaos-Father! A good manager always protects his investment!" Bloombastic's voice carried a note of pride that was both touching and terrifying.

As we walked, more students continued to approach, but now they were congratulating us on different achievements.

"Amazing work in Level Two!"

"The top ten first years! Incredible!"

"That alliance during the Identity Blender was legendary!"

I turned to Gavril, confused. "Top ten first years? What are they talking about?"

Gavril stared at me in disbelief. "You honestly didn't know? After the tournament results were announced yesterday, Professor Zephyr made it official. We're the top ten in our cohort."

"All of us?"

"The final rankings put our entire group in the top ten positions," Elias said, approaching from behind after politely asking his own cluster of admirers for some space. "It's quite unprecedented, actually."

I looked around at our group, trying to process this information. "Who exactly are we talking about?"

Elias gestured for us to move toward a nearby table in the Great Hall, and the crowd gave us enough room to sit down, though many students continued to watch from nearby tables.

"The current top ten first years, in order," Elias began, settling into his seat with characteristic grace, "are myself in first place, Soren in second, Vael in third, Valentina in fourth, and in fifth place is Caelum Nox."

I looked around the hall, trying to spot this mysterious fifth-place student. "Caelum Nox? I barely know anything about him except that he's really quiet."

"That's rather the point of his magic," Elias said with a slight smile. "Cognitive Perception Displacement. He diverts attention away from himself so effectively that most people forget he exists unless he actively engages with them."

"Then you're in sixth place," Gavril continued, "I'm seventh, Selene Faewynn is eighth, Finn is ninth, and Iris rounds out the top ten."

Selene Faewynn. I remembered her vaguely from the tournament, something about channeling mythological personas.

"Did someone call for me?!"

I nearly jumped out of my skin as Iris Thistledown materialized beside our table as if she'd appeared out of thin air. Her copper-colored hair was perfectly braided despite the early hour, and her modified Academy robes still featured the brass components and copper tubes that seemed to be part of her magical apparatus.

"Gavril!" she said, her voice bright with enthusiasm as she focused on my dormmate. "I've been wanting to talk to you about your spatial manipulation techniques!"

Gavril blinked in surprise, clearly caught off guard by both her sudden appearance and her enthusiasm. "Oh, um, hello, Iris. And, uh, good morning, XR-7," he added, nodding to the mechanical spider that had emerged from Iris's backpack.

The XR-7's optical sensors focused on Gavril and emitted a series of pleased-sounding clicks and whirs.

"I've been analyzing the recordings from your matches," Iris continued, pulling out a chair and sitting down without invitation. "Your multi-point existence fold technique is fascinating! The mathematical principles alone are revolutionary, but I think there are ways to improve the stability of the dimensional anchor points."

Gavril's initial surprise quickly gave way to interest as he leaned forward. "You think so? I've been struggling with the energy distribution across multiple focal points."

"Exactly!" Iris's eyes lit up. "If you treated each focal point as a node in a steam distribution network rather than independent anchor points, you could use pressure differentials to stabilize the entire matrix. I actually have some sketches..."

She began pulling out what appeared to be an entire arsenal of mechanical diagrams from various pockets in her modified robes. The XR-7 helpfully projected holographic displays of complex mathematical equations into the air above the table.

"The resonance frequency of your spatial folds could be harmonized using these copper resonators," Iris continued, producing actual small mechanical devices. "And if you integrated these pressure valves into your casting technique..."

I watched in amazement as Gavril's face transformed from confusion to genuine excitement. Within minutes, the two of them were deep in conversation about magical theory, mechanical engineering, and something called "dimensional steam pressure coefficients" that sounded both fascinating and completely incomprehensible.

"Your automaton design philosophy is brilliant, by the way," Gavril noted, "The hive-mind intelligence network must require incredible coordination spells."

"Oh, it's not just coordination," Iris replied, her enthusiasm growing. "Each unit maintains individual decision-making capabilities while sharing sensory data through these tiny resonance crystals. The XR-7 here is actually learning and evolving its combat algorithms based on every encounter!"

The mechanical spider seemed to preen at the praise, its sensors focusing on Gavril with what I could only describe as mechanical appreciation.

As Iris and Gavril continued their increasingly technical discussion, I noticed Finn sitting silently at the far end of the table. He was picking at his breakfast without really eating, his eyes distant and troubled. Every few minutes, he would glance at our group as if he wanted to say something, then look away again.

The weight of unspoken truths was becoming harder to ignore.

The rest of breakfast passed in a blur of congratulations from other students, excited chatter about tournament highlights, and Iris's continued technical discussions with Gavril. Bloombastic appeared periodically to handle autograph requests and merchandise inquiries.

"The Chaos-Father needs proper representation in all commercial ventures!" he declared when I questioned his new role. "Your probability field has already generated lots of business opportunities, including a line of unpredictable fortune cookies and chaos-influenced weather prediction services!"

I decided not to ask about the fortune cookies.

Eventually, the breakfast crowd began to thin, and our group made our way back toward the dormitories. The congratulations and autograph requests continued, but with Bloombastic running interference, they were more manageable.

"I still can't believe we're all in the top ten," I said as we walked. "It seems too convenient."

"The Academy's ranking system is based on comprehensive evaluation," Elias explained. "Academic performance, magical ability, innovation, leadership qualities, and performance under pressure. Our group has demonstrated all of those qualities, particularly during the recent tournament challenges."

"Plus," Valentina added with a slight smirk, "surviving a coordinated assassination attempt while body-swapped probably earned us some bonus points."

As we reached our dormitory, Iris finally began to say goodbye to Gavril, though she continued talking about mechanical improvements right up until the last moment.

"I'll have those pressure valve designs ready by tomorrow," she promised. "And I want to hear more about your theoretical work on dimensional mathematics!"

"I'd like that," Gavril replied with a wide smile.

After Iris left with her mechanical entourage, our group began to disperse to their respective rooms for some much-needed rest. But as Gavril and I headed toward our dormitory, I noticed Finn trailing behind us, his expression growing increasingly troubled.

It was time.

****

Once we were in our room, I closed the door and turned to face Finn directly. Gavril positioned himself near the window, cutting off any potential escape routes. The moment had been building for a while, and none of us could pretend anymore.

"Alright, Finn," I said, my voice carrying a gravity that surprised even me. "No more delays, no more excuses, and no more avoiding eye contact."

Finn's shoulders slumped as if he'd been carrying a tremendous weight. When he looked up, his features seemed somehow different, less familiar, more uncertain.

"I know," he said quietly. "I know you both have questions. I know you've been suspicious. And I know I can't keep avoiding this conversation."

The room fell silent except for the distant sounds of Academy life continuing outside our window. Gavril and I exchanged a look, both of us bracing for revelations that we suspected would be far more complicated than simple deception.

"Start from the beginning," I said quietly. "And this time, tell us everything."