Bloodthirsty

Meat, it was human meat...

I knew it! The sounds from those hovels, those voices. I wasn't just imagining things, it really was some sort of human farm.

They called them cattle for God's sake! That butler talked about them in grades and settlements like he was reciting from a menu.

Why would they even eat humans?

I nearly choked up once again...

As much as I hate it, I can't throw up again. The starving will intensify, my hunger will develop further and this pain will become even worse. I'm already struggling to maintain my identity right now... I couldn't fathom a pain worse than this.

...

Did they have no other choice?

Did I have no other choice?

There's always another path, surely...

Remembering the view of the destroyed landscape surrounding this crater; there's no life for miles, so far that the land blends into the horizon.

What if humans were the only source of food we had?

Was that good enough reason?

No...

Even when I try to reason it. I just can't accept that reality. Even if it's the most logical option, it's inhuman.

I know, just from tasting it once. I'll never be the same if I willingly choose to eat that.

Starving would be better.

Dying would be better.

---

Haah... Haaah... Haah!

I can't measure the passage of time. The only thing on my mind is this unbearable hunger.

Has it been days? Someone has knocked at the door multiple times, was each knock the signal for the end of another day? Or was it mere hours?

The idea that each time there was a knock at the door was to announce another feast set me on edge. For the briefest of moments I felt pride in my battle against the hunger, but an immediate soul crushing despair and sadness overwhelmed that feeling. How long must I continue this?

When will this nightmare end?

It wasn't even as if I could sleep through the hunger pains, no the only thing I could focus on was the ever present hunger that encapsulated my very being.

Before I had even realised, the bedsheets were soaked with fluid. I was actively salivating a ridiculous amount, it covered my body and the duvet I tried to cover myself with. To obscure myself from the world.

All I could imagine was that same meat that I had eaten in the dining room...

Even though I know what it is...

Even though I know that it's another human being...

Even though I know it's wrong, I'd do anything to stop this pain.

Anything.

My breaths were choked, as if I were immediately restrained, some overbearing powerful force that I had no control over, had took agency of my body and was enjoying my pitiful state. Laughing as it lorded over me. Choking the life out of me slowly, and the only paltry resistance I could offer... was this exercise in futility.

I could smell that familiar scent of iron in the air. Just past the door.

All I had to do was open that door. A set of iron hinges was all that depraved me of satiation. A mere wooden block that I could rip off the hinges with a simple wave of the hand.

A single choice and it would be over. This pain would be over forever.

I don't really have a choice, do I?

What's the alternative? Starve? To prove a point?

How stupid could I be? As if I would...

...

...I can't do it.

Please, whoever you are... Whatever God played this cruel joke on me...

I'm begging you. I'll right my wrongs. I'll apologise to all the people who's lives I've destroyed. I'll do whatever you want.

But I don't want to stop being human...

 I CAN'T!

...I'm praying. I'm on my hands and knees, begging. Won't you please have mercy on this pitiful man, on this wayward soul...

Sure, I made mistakes. So did anyone else. Yes, I hurt people... But it's not like they never hurt me either. It was mutually assured destruction.

Yes! That's it. It was self-defense. I was only protecting myself!

Surely, you can see that...

...

That's the funny thing about prayers... They were futile. Mine had never been answered, that's why I always tried to take control of my life, of my surroundings.

What was I expecting? Whatever God sent me to this place, to this hell. He obviously wanted to punish me... Why would he let me go so easily?

Heaven didn't answer my prayers...

That gave plenty of room for the devil to answer in his absence.

"Milord." A single word and the smell of that marbled meat. Juicy, succulent. It would quench both my thirst and hunger at the same time.

But I couldn't bring myself to open that door...

"I understand now is a hard time for you, Milord." He did?

No, of course he didn't! He was the same as those animals out there. They ate with no qualms. Don't listen to his words.

"To be subject to such troubles is unbefitting a lord. It is his servant's place to remedy these ailments. I have brought the meal to you."

"..."

"What's wrong, Milord?"

"..."

"It's only meat at the end of the day. Hardly anything of such importance. Having your palate ruined in the middle of a feast. Vomiting in front of your subordinates. These are certainly strange circumstances and foreign situations. However, can you afford to waste the meals that have been prepared for you?" But I...

"..."

"I thought of you as a pragmatist. The meat is already here, why not devour it?" I want to! I really, really want to- no I need to. But my mind won't allow it.

My hand naturally reached towards the door, the grip of my hammy digits hurt as I restrained myself. But not nearly as much pain as the hunger brought.

"..."

"Leaving the meat to rot. Would that not be a waste of all these people's lives?"

...

It was the perfect excuse that I needed to hear at this very moment...

The door slowly opened...

The smell of iron filled the room as a single low crunch resounded through the din...