Attunement

I'm so tired.

I haven't moved for an eternity, I haven't thought about anything but that vision of my parents.

Despite not doing anything for what I hope was nearly three days... Despite this deep darkness and silence that should aid my rest, I couldn't close my eyes. Or were they even open? I couldn't see anything for so long that I was becoming this haphazard...

What did the world look like again?

It feels like an eternity since I had last felt the warm embrace of sunlight. To feel the rush of wind against my skin. Hear the distant cries of birds as they sung in the morning light.

There was no morning, evening or night in this place. No. It was a constant agonizing existence, there was no reprieve from silence, nor any other acknowledgement of my existence. There truly was no difference right now; whether I was dead or alive.

It truly made no difference.

...

Why did cultivators require these conditions to accept the elements?

We're humans aren't we... Why is it so lonely?

Maybe it was a message from the Gods. That we shouldn't be doing this, that contributing to the endless cycle of cultivation was a step in the wrong direction.

To cultivate was to eat.

To live was to eat.

Devour as if your life depended on it, because it did.

Does that mean I can only succeed by pushing someone else aside?

I don't know if I want that...

Doesn't everyone have something they want to do? Why should I have to crush another's hopes and dreams just to achieve my own? Whatever that might be...

Dreams, huh?

There isn't really any particular thing I want to do. No particular goal I want to accomplish.

I just want to take care of my family and the few friends that I have.

If there were dreams to be had then they lied in the past.

In which case it was impossible.

My mind wandered to that same image of my parent frolicking in that field. Entering that cave. The gathering of Lotuses.

They were so undisturbed, as if the horrors of this world didn't exist for them. The bloody rain of the Baron wouldn't encroach on their serenity, they existed beautifully and quietly. In comparison I was only quiet, there was nothing beautiful about my captivity in this dark lonely cavern.

...

That was it, beautifully and quietly. Unbothered by the cruelty of this world.

If I could be like that as well...

Wouldn't that be nice?

...

Life in reality was nothing like that. You can't exist without other people.

As alone as that meadow appeared, those lotuses required the sunlight to grow and eventually bloom. They required water and nutrients to grow healthy. Even if they appeared to be forgotten, even if they looked abandoned by the world. The truth was that they needed the world around them to survive.

No one can live alone.

With that last thought I felt a small tremble inside. It wasn't so much a shiver as it was something intangible. As if my soul itself was vibrating. Even whilst at rest, lay against this cold floor, my body began to heat up and sweat as if I had just been exercising profusely.

I wondered if sickness was racking my body. An inevitability of close contact with this cold floor, the cave had limited airflow and a damp environment; it was possible one could become incredibly sick in such conditions.

Even so... this felt different.

I urged my body to stay still against the floor. If I were to run around or exert myself then I may lose even more strength, thus lowering my chances of surviving this ordeal even further.

I lay in my own putrid sweat as it continued to run what felt endlessly across my skin. Water splattering against the ground. That was the first time there was a constant sound in the cave. Sweat droplets fell from my elevated skin onto the cave floor, making a rain like pattern resound throughout my isolated world.

I couldn't tell if I preferred the endless silence or this new sensation of non-stop noise.

I think either was driving me mad.

But it was change, at the very least. I could be grateful for that.

Over time, this vibration inside me became more and more powerful. I felt the powerful grasp of something, what felt like tough yet flexible vines enraptured my limbs. Writhing on the ground as attempted to tear at them, I found myself in a completely different space.

It was as if I could see but couldn't at the same time. More like a sense completely removed from the traditional; touch, taste, smell, sight and sound.

Did this place really exist?

It was a boundless expanse. 

A room of pure blue, the ground was a slightly darker shade in contrast to the sky of this place. As I stepped across the surface it rippled like water casting beautiful projections of the sky against meandering waves.

But...

The ground... This ocean was slowly getting lower as I walked atop it.

Immediately fearing for the worst, I began to run along the water like a pebble skimmed across the surface. My life was fleeting and would slowly come to an end with each step across the water's edge. I needed to find something before then.

Before I was drained of this fluid and the cave became my grave.

I ran across the water for what felt like hours. It wasn't real, there was no possible way that it was, all the same, I still felt the effects of physical exhaustion tangibly. 

There was no proof. I knew instinctively; I don't have long left.

Something bright on the horizon. A white silhouette, it was obvious to make out across this endless expanse of water. I ran as fast as my body could possibly take me. With each step the volume of the water I ran across decreased exponentially. In response to the gradual shrinking of this ocean, I could feel my real body's thirst, my throat tightening and drying, my eyes beginning to sink into their sockets.

Leaping towards the Lotus in the middle of this serene hell, I desperately extend my hands out, attempting to place even a single finger on the flower.

My one chance for salvation.

Time appears to slow as I glide through the air, the Lotus in reach but ever so far. An infinity erected between us. My arms flail uselessly at the flower, trying to get ever closer...

My thoughts fade to black.