As Long As The Road Is Fun

- Later, at Stephen's house -

You were with Stephen and Neil, sitting together on the dining table, listening to Gordon Downie. You were sketching what would be town's next big paint job. A giant Sex Bob-Omb mural, featuring all its members on cool poses.

"You know, guys? I've been thinking of betting a paint job done on my arm, as a tattoo." You brought up the idea.

"I think it's cool." Stephen commented, nodding.

"What will you get, Wyenn?" Neil inquired.

"Been thinking of getting the same tattoo my dad has on his left arm." You answered.

The door opened, and Scott walked in, Ramona by his side. "Hey guys. Gordon Downie? He's a totally sweet genius." Scott commented.

"I know, listen to this part right here!" Stephen said, and pointed to his record player.

"He's a genius." Scott repeated.

"He's such a genius." Stephen agreed.

"Who's a genius?" Ramona asked as she walked into the room.

"Gord Downie, it's his solo album." Scott replied.

"He has two." Stephen corrected as he took a sip of his coffee.

"Who's that?" Ramona asked.

"The guy from The Tragically Hip." Neil replied.

"Ewww, what?" Ramona questioned with a hint of disgust.

"Not a huge fan, I'm guessing." You, with a smug smile, commented.

"So, we're making vegan Shepherd's Pie." Stephen told Ramona as he stood up.

"So who's vegan?" Ramona asked.

"Uh... none of us." Stephen replied.

"We just like to be inclusive." Scott explained.

"I eat fish." Neil clarified.

"I eat eggs." Stephen added.

"I eat a lot of stuff." Scott commented.

"I eat anything that's good enough." You chimed in.

"Hey." Kim said as she entered the kitchen.

"Hey, Kim! This is Ramona!" Scott introduced her. "Ramona Flowers, Kimberly Pine."

"Hi." Ramona greeted.

"Hi..." Kim returned the greeting, though a bit awkward.

- Coming up next: Cooking with Sex Bob-Omb -

Putting on a chef hat and an apron, Stephen turned toward you and asked, "Hey, Y/N. Ever cooked?" To which, you responded with a "kinda but not really" gesture. "Well, now's your chance. You're in?"

"Why not?" You replied as you stood up and walked over.

You looked toward the table, inspecting what you had to work with. 4 potatoes, 2 medium carrots, 1 celery with leaves, 2 gloves of garlic, fake meat, vegan gravy mix, soy milk, one onion, soy margarine, olive oil (a fine one, at that), some optional red wine, a set of knives, pots, pans, bowls, and other cooking utensils.

"So this is like a collaborative meal type thing?" Ramona asked, grabbing a knife.

"Chopping vegetables keeps us out of trouble with the law." Scott answered half-jokingly.

"What kind of thoughts are you having...?" You questioned, actually a little concerned. "Also, what if I screw this up?"

"Y/N, if you're as good a chef as you are an artist, you're gonna do more than fine." Stephen assured. "I'll walk you all through it. Just follow the instructions."

"Yes, boss." You nodded.

"Alright. One! Cut the potatoes into smallish pieces. Leave the skins on if they look okay. Two! Cut up the onion, carrot, celery, and garlic as small as possible. Use a food processor, or invite your friends and make them do all the work." Stephen instructed, and you did as told.

Kim took the onions and garlic, Ramona took the carrots, Scott took the potatoes, and you took the celery. As you all chopped up everything, Kim asked, "So, how did you two meet?"

"Um... It's kind of complex." Ramona answered, sounding a bit unsure.

"Read the book sometime." Scott simply replied.

"Wyenn?" Kim looked at you as if to say "can you help me out here?"

"Scott met her in his dreams. I'll leave it at that. Explaining the whole thing is gonna take all day." You replied.

"Three! Boil the potatoes 15-20 minutes until tender, then mash." Stephen instructed, and once again, you followed. "Four! Hear the olive oil in a pan, add the vegetables and cook for 15-20 minutes until they're very soft. Especially the carrots, which are probably the hardest."

"Um... I don't usually tell people this, but Scott and I dated and high school." Kim mentioned, as if it were a casual thing to bring up.

"What? Really?" Ramona asked, surprised.

"Uh-huh. It's not a big deal or anything, but... thought you should know." Kim added. "Y/N here is the only one that's never had a relationship."

"My love life is as dry as the Sahara Desert. Not because I can't find a partner, but because I'm not really looking." You commented. "I'm doing okay, I'd say."

"...You can add some red wine. It's an option. It makes everything awesome. Your other option is to drink the red wine, which works too." Stephen spoke up. "Five! Add the fake meat stuff. Six! Add the gravy stuff! Eight! Add some soy milk and stir so everything's saucy!"

"Y/N may not have problems with relations, but what me and Kim had is ancient history. So, don't worry about it, Rammy." Scott assured.

"Oh, so you're actually calling her that, seriously?" You inquired, chuckling.

"Rammy? Are you seriously calling her that?" Kim questioned.

"Are you seriously calling me that?" Ramona asked.

"No! It was a joke! Joke name! Ha! Ha!" Scott laughed nervously, trying to cover his tracks.

"Nine! Mash the potatoes with soy milk and soy margarine. Mmm, mashy. Ten! Get a 9 x 13 baking dish, or a casserole or something, and glop the fake meat/veggie mixture in. Eleven! Make a layer of potatoes on top! In between, you can optionally add a layer of sliced tomatoes, cooked spinach, or corn." Stephen continued, the food about ready to be eaten.

"You can serve it as is, or bake it in the oven for a few minutes to crisp it on top. A salad on the side would be health-conscious, but we only have so much energy for this." He added, taking off his apron and hat.

"Serve it! We're starving!" Scott said.

And so he did. You were all sat at the table, enjoying a nice meal. "Wow, this is GOOD." You commented, having a fork full of Shepherd's Pie.

"Told you you wouldn't screw it up." Stephen responded, smiling at you.

Yet, you couldn't shave off the feeling there was one more pair of eyes watching you. But who cares? Food first, worries later. Probably for a later part in the chapter.

- The Next Day -

"Damn it! I wanted to get a haircut!" Scott exclaimed as he, you, and Wallace walked to Casa Loma Park.

"Good job sleeping in past noon, then, guy." Wallace commented.

"I think you look fine. Not good, but fine." You assured him, placing a hand on his shoulder.

"I look like a long-haired hippie!" Scott complained.

"Honestly, I'm not seeing it. You look the same as you've always looked." Wallace said as he ruffled Scott's hair. "Hot."

"Like I said, looks fine. Don't overthink it, man." You reaffirmed.

"Thanks for walking down with me, anyway. I hate going to fights alone. It makes me feel like less of a loser." Scott told the both of you. "I always end up standing around and wondering if I'm in the right place and wanting to go home."

"And then you lose." Wallace joked.

"No, I never lose." Scott replied.

"Not yet." You added.

"Not ever." Scott retorted.

As you kept walking, you three stopped when you saw someone. Someone smoking, reading a book or some kind of script, with a skateboard and a cooler on the ground. It didn't take long for you to stitch two and two together.

"Can I help you guys?" The man asked in a deep, dramatic voice.

"Ahem. He's famous, and he talked to me!" Scott whispered, clearly excited.

"Evil. Enemy. Fight. Remember?" Wallace whispered back, snapping him out of the geekout.

"Focus, Pilgrim." You told Scott. "I absorbed some neon on the way here. I got you in case something goes wrong."

"Right, right. Um... Hi! Luke Wilson, right?" Scott asked.

"No, I'm Lucas Lee." The man answered. "What is this? Who are you?"

"Me? I'm Scott Pilgrim." Scott introduced himself.

"Oh, okay." Lucas said as he stood up, throwing away his cigarette.

"Um... maybe this isn't the best time, but can I-" Scott tried asking, taking out a notepad and pen. But he got clocked in the jaw. Still, he persisted. "...Can I have your autograph...?"

Lucas still didn't answer as he grappled Scott by his ankles, swung him in a circle, and flung him right into the side of the Casa Loma building. Wallace had nonchalantly left already, whistling.

At the sight, you lowered your shades, looked toward where Scott had flown off to, and said, "God damn."

"Damn is right, bro." Lucas agreed.

You rushed over to where Scott was, checking up on him, Lucas following behind you. "Yup, he's out."

"So, what now? You're gonna tag in for him?" Lucas asked.

"Kinda." You replied. "But not right away. He's gotta wake up. And, honestly, I'd prefer he wakes up before we start kicking each other's asses."

"Fair enough." Lucas shrugged.

- A few minutes later -

"Ughhhh..." Scott groaned as he regained consciousness.

"Are you okay?" Wallace asked, looking over Scott.

"Sorry, I couldn't react in time." You apologized.

"I take it we haven't missed much." Kim, who had arrived along with Neil, commented.

"Let's take a break, okay?" Lucas offered, helping Scott get back up. "I have a cooler with some gatorade, baby carrots, and ritz crackers."

You all sat down on the benches of the park and just began talking. It was weird how friendly Lucas was acting. Dare you say, he was a shockingly decent person.

"So what's this movie?" Scott inquired.

"It's called 'You Just Don't Exist'. I'm co-starring with Winfred Hailey." Lucas answered as he took a drag of smoke. "It's like, a romantic comedy."

"Winfred Hailey? Isn't she like, sixteen?" Scott questioned as he crunched on a baby carrot.

"Hey, man, I don't cast these things!" Lucas chuckled.

"...Is it gonna suck?" Scott asked.

"Let's change the subject." Lucas shifted the topic.

"That's all you needed to say, really." You commented, eating a couple ritz crackers.

"Hey, do you have any embarrassing stories about Ramona?" Scott asked, seemingly out of nowhere.

"And why do you wanna know that, exactly?" You questioned.

"Just in case." Scott shrugged.

"...of what?" You raised an eyebrow.

"Doesn't matter. I only have embarrassing stories to me. Or heartbreaking!" Lucas exclaimed.

"What? Wait, what? She broke your heart? She didn't mention any broken hearts." Scott was confused.

"Uh... not to be that guy, but... You're dating a girl with seven exes. How would you expect that to work out?" You brought up a pretty damn good point.

"Better listen to your friend, Pilgrim. She left me for the first cocky pretty boy that swaggered by!" Lucas told Scott.

"What? Seriously? She didn't mention any cocky pretty boy." Scott sounded genuinely hurt.

"I'm pretty sure there's a lot of things she's leaving out, considering her history." You remarked. "...which... huh... I guess makes a good lead."

"She likes to act like she's little miss perfect, but the truth is... she cheated on me." Lucas added.

"Before you became a movie star, I'm assuming." You pointed out.

"Right on the money, pal." Lucas replied, starting to tear up. "She cheated on me, and then dated that ass for like, the rest of high school!"

"Who does that remind you of?" Kim asked Wallace.

"You know, maybe Scott and Ramona are a match made in heaven." Wallace told her.

"Dude, you're a good actor." Scott commented.

"Yeah, really. Your movies are just... no." You added in the kindest tone you could muster.

"I'm going for an Oscar this year." Lucas told the two of you.

"I think you're going for the Golden Raspberry, dude. You need a new producer or something." You commented. "Or just change up your game a bit, I don't know."

"Okay. Look. Pilgrim, give me all your money, and I'll let you live. I'll tell Gideon you beat me up." Lucas offered, about done with everything.

"Wow, you really are a sellout." Scott sighed.

"Kiss Ramona's sweet ass goodbye, Pilgrim." Lucas said as he stood up and prepared to fight.

"Wait... Um... Hey... have you seen those stairs over there?" Scott asked, pointing over to a set of stairs.

"What about them?" Lucas replied, looking behind him.

"Well, you're a skater, right? Or you used to be?" Scott continued.

"Used to be? I still am! What's your point?!" Lucas asked, getting more irritated.

"Can you show me a cool trick before you kill me?" Scott requested.

"What, on the stairs? There's like 200 steps and the rails are garbage! It's impossible." Lucas explained.

"Impossible?" Scott challenged, a smug smile growing. He and Lucas stared at each other, then at the railings.

Without a word, Lucas took on the challenge, grabbing his skateboard. He took a running start, then jumping and sliding on the railings. His speed began building up: 34kph, 41kph, 56kph, 57kph, 81kph, 134kph, 309kph.

But you were concerned ever since Lucas hit 56kph. So, using light speed from neon, you ran toward him, keeping an eagle's eye on him.

"Y/N! What are you doing?!" Scott shouted, shocked by what was going on.

"Trust me!" You simply replied as you began to have another one of your moral dilemmas.

- Catch Lucas

He might have more insight about Ramona. You gave Matthew a shot at trying to become friends, so it's only fair. Plus, you could help Lucas get out of his problems, try and get him into a new business.

- Execute Lucas

Oh, hell no. A sellout like him doesn't deserve a chance. You don't want any of Ramona's exes getting a redemption arc. This is your kill, and you won't let Scott get away with this pathetic of a method of beating Lucas.

You knew what was right. Speeding up, getting to the bottom of the stairs, you jumped into the air, ready to catch Lucas. The moment his body flew off the stair railings, you caught him as if you were lifting a WWE belt over your head.

"Wh-what?" Lucas was confused.

"Don't worry, I caught you." You assured him. "Can't believe you fell for that, though."

"Yeah, it was kinda stupid of me." Lucas chuckled, then looked at you. "Could you let me down?"

"Oh, right. Sorry." You apologized as you put him back down.

"You're strong to lift me up like that, bro." Lucas commented, dusting himself off.

"You're not the first person I've picked up, and you're not gonna be the last." You smiled, shrugging.

"Aw man! Why did you do that?" Scott asked, sounding annoyed.

"I have my reasons, Scott. My reasons." You replied, turning to Lucas. "Hey, uh, Mr. Lee. Why exactly did you join the league of evil exes? You are aware that you'd have to fight the other exes if you won, right?"

"It's not about getting back with Ramona." Lucas began, which surprised you. "It's about making her feel how I felt when she left me for that jerkass."

"So, you haven't gotten over her yet. Got it." You nodded. "But... what good would that do? Realistically, she probably would've seen it coming. If, figuratively, you did kill Scott, she wouldn't have felt the same way as you did when you broke up."

"What's your point?" Lucas asked, raising an eyebrow.

"My point is: what are you hoping to gain from this? Because it's not Ramona." You told him. "And revenge wouldn't make you any better, just make you look more... petty. Have you thought about the fact that maybe you being evil is what's screwing you over in the film industry?"

"..." Lucas was thinking about it.

"Move on, don't get stuck in the past like... I don't know, Captain America refusing to go with any other girl than Peggy Carter." You advised.

"...I guess you're right. Besides, the movie is already a bust, anyway. I need to set things straight." Lucas said, sighing. "Thanks, uh... What was your name?"

"No, it was Y/N. Call me Wyenn." You introduced yourself.

"Alright, Wyenn." Lucas said, shaking your hand.

"You're welcome, man. Just doin' the right thing." You responded. "Now, go get em, tiger. Show the world that Lucas Lee's ready to party."

"Party. That's what I'm talking about." Lucas laughed. "See ya."

As Lucas walked off, Ramona approached you. "Wow... You're really good with your words, huh?"

"I like making allies. And, well, friends." You answered, putting your hands in your pockets.

"Well, whatever you're doing, keep it up." Ramona told you. "You're a good person, Y/N."

"Where've you been, anyway? Didn't you want to say hi to the guy before he left?" Scott asked as he walked down the stairs.

"Yeahhh... not really." Ramona replied awkwardly.

"Whatever. Wyenn saved the day. Again." Scott shrugged, turning to look at you. "You really have to let me take care of things."

"I'll stop when you know what you're doing, buddy." You teased, patting his shoulder.

"Yeah, suck it up, Scott." Wallace joined in.

+ Good Karma!