Negotiating With Ghosts

I sprinted like a madman, kicking up dust as Big Wu, and the ghostly debt collectors thundered behind me.

"COME BACK HERE, YOU CHEATING RAT!" Big Wu roared.

"PAY WHAT YOU OWE!" the scholar ghost shrieked, his scroll now glowing ominously.

"I JUST WANT MY CHICKEN BACK!" the farmer howled.

I had two options:

1. Fight an entire army of angry ghosts, and get my soul beaten out of my body.

2. Negotiate like the shameless scoundrel I am.

Obviously, I chose option two.

I skidded to a stop, spun around, and threw up my hands. "ALRIGHT, EVERYONE, HOLD UP!"

To my shock, they actually stopped.

Even ghosts appreciate a good con, I see.

Big Wu cracked his knuckles. "Your last words?"

I forced a grin, and dusted myself off. "Gentlemen! Honored spirits! My dear, respected victims! Let's be reasonable..."

"You stole my life savings."

"You burned down my tea shop."

"You punched me so hard I transcended mortality!"

Okay, yeah, my past life was a little chaotic. But I had reasons!

I cleared my throat. "Right, but let's focus on the bigger picture! You're all dead. I'm alive. If you kill me, then who's going to...uh...pay you back?"

The scholar ghost narrowed his eyes. "Go on."

I internally smirked. Hook, line, and sinker.

"Think about it! If you let me live, I can… uh…" I scrambled for ideas. "I CAN HONOR YOUR MEMORY!"

Big Wu folded his arms. "How?" Crap.

I randomly pointed at the scholar ghost. "You! Your scroll! I'll write a great novel about your debts, and spread it across the Four Realms! You'll be famous! A LEGEND!"

The scholar ghost stroked his beard. "...A legend, you say?"

I nodded furiously. "The Greatest Debtor in History! Scholars will weep at your tragic yet impressive financial ruin!"

"...That does sound impressive."

One ghost down.

I turned to the farmer. "And YOU! You want your golden chicken, right?"

The farmer grumbled. "Damn right I do."

I clapped my hands. "Then hear me out! If you reincarnate properly, I'll personally find you the fattest, juiciest, most divine chicken in the realm! A true legendary beast!"

His ghostly eyes widened. "A divine chicken…?"

"THE GREATEST CHICKEN."

"...Hmmm." Two ghosts down.

Then, I turned to Big Wu. The hardest challenge yet.

Big Wu cracked his knuckles. "And what about me, you slippery bastard?" I gulped.

"...I CAN TEACH YOU HOW TO EAT MEAT WITHOUT BREAKING YOUR MONK VOWS!" Big Wu froze. The ghosts gasped.

I had no idea what I just said. But I rolled with it.

"You see, Big Wu, your problem isn't meat...it's the guilt!"

Big Wu squinted. "...Go on."

I nodded sagely. "If you can achieve true enlightenment, you can eat anything without attachment! Meat will be nothing more than a fleeting illusion!"

The ghosts murmured among themselves.

"...Wait," the farmer whispered, "does that actually work?"

"Of course it works!" I lied. Big Wu rubbed his chin.

"Enlightenment, huh?"

"Exactly!" I clapped his shoulder. "Let me live, and I'll personally guide you on the path of guilt-free barbecued pork!"

"...Hmmm." For a moment, the tension was thicker than Big Wu's biceps.

Then....Big Wu sighed.

"...Fine." The ghosts all groaned in disappointment.

"UGH, HE GOT AWAY AGAIN!"

"HE'S TOO GOOD AT SCHEMING!"

I barely stopped myself from smirking. "Thank you, gentlemen! Now, if you'll excuse me, I have a cultivation journey to resume..."

"Wait." I stiffened.

The scholar ghost adjusted his glasses.

"While this arrangement is fair… there is still one debt left unpaid."

My stomach dropped.

"...What debt?" The scholar ghost smirked.

"The debt… of betrayal."

Suddenly, the sky darkened. The air turned icy.

And then, behind the ghosts… A new figure appeared.

A woman in white robes. With cold, piercing eyes.

I froze in anger. It was her.

The White Jade Beauty. The one who betrayed me.

And judging by her murderous aura… She wasn't here to talk.

The moment she appeared, every hair on my body stood on end.

The White Jade Beauty. The woman who betrayed me.

The woman who stabbed me in the back both figuratively, and literally.

The woman who I really, really hoped was too dead to haunt me. Yet, here she was.

Standing before me.

Her white robes fluttered eerily in the wind, her pale hands folded gracefully before her, and her gaze… Her gaze could have frozen hell over.

"Long Fei Jian."Well, I shivered slightly.

"Haha! Uh… fancy meeting you here!" I took a casual step back. "Look at you, still rocking the whole 'divine beauty' thing! How's the afterlife treating you?" Her icy expression didn't change.

The scholar ghost chuckled darkly. "Heh. You thought you could escape ALL your debts?"

"Y-you know, debt is such a strong word..."

The White Jade Beauty raised her delicate hand. A sword of pure moonlight materialized in her grip.

My soul nearly left my body, again.

"Okay, okay, wait...let's be civil here!" I raised my hands in surrender. Right now, I am not in thw position to fight, and win

The ghosts took a step back. Even Big Wu went pale.

"Ah, screw this," he muttered, immediately retreating. "I ain't getting involved in lovers' quarrels."

"Lovers' quarrels?! SHE LITERALLY MURDERED ME!"

The ghosts whispered among themselves.

"Yikes, she really did."

"Brutal."

"Wait, does this mean she's still mad at him?"

"OF COURSE I'M STILL MAD." The White Jade Beauty took a step forward, her sword glowing ominously.

I took a step back. "Now, now, let's be rational..."

"You conniving, cheating, lying, arrogant bastard." Okay. That hurt.

"...You framed me for treason, stole my sect's treasure, and left me to take the blame."

WAIT, HOLD ON.

"WHAT?!" I gawked. "You FRAMED ME! You're the one who conspired with my sect disciple to kill me!"

Her brows twitched. And I blinked.

"...Wait. Did we both get betrayed?"

The ghosts gasped dramatically.

The scholar ghost adjusted his glasses. "Ooooh, plot twist!"

Big Wu frowned. "Huh. This just got interesting."

The White Jade Beauty narrowed her eyes. "...You mean to say… you weren't the one who betrayed me?"

"HELL NO!" She hesitated.

Then, very slowly… lowered her sword.

"...Then who did?" Great question.

I had spent so much time hating her, I never actually questioned what really happened.

"...I don't know," I admitted.

We both fell into an uncomfortable silence.

The ghosts shifted awkwardly.

Big Wu scratched his head. "So, uh… what now?"

The White Jade Beauty exhaled. Then, she turned her piercing gaze back to me.

"...For now, I'll allow you to live."

"How generous of you." I deadpanned.

"But..." she stepped closer. "You, and I are not done, Long Fei Jian."