I barely rolled to the side in time. "WHAT THE HELL?!" I screamed.
She flicked another spear into the air. "Good reaction time. Now keep dodging."
MORE spears rained down like divine punishment. I jumped. I rolled. I flailed. At one point, I just accepted my fate , and let the wooden shaft slam into my stomach.
I doubled over. "I think I saw the afterlife."
The ghosts whispered. "He should already be dead."
Big Wu nodded. "Truly, an impressive idiot."
After twenty minutes of pain, I finally figured out how to sense her attacks before they landed.
Sweating, and panting, I grinned. "HA! I dodged that one!"
The White Jade Beauty blinked at me. "Good." Then she kicked me into a tree.
The scholar ghost adjusted his glasses. "This seems excessive."
Big Wu nodded. "This is why I never trained in my past life."
I groaned, peeling myself off the tree bark. "I hate this. I hate her. I hate everything."
The White Jade Beauty simply tossed me a towel. "Rest. We start again at sunrise." I wanted to cry.
Lesson Four: Cultivating While Drowning
At dawn, she led me to a large lake.
I sighed in relief. "Oh, good. We're finally taking a break."
She pointed to the water. "Go inside."
I raised a brow. "Uh, sure?"
I stepped in. The water was cool, relaxing, almost nice... And then she shoved me underwater.
BLUB BLUB BLUB...?! I flailed, thrashing as I fought for my pathetic life.
Through the bubbles, I could hear her muffled voice: "Now, cultivate."
IS THIS WOMAN INSANE?! The ghosts on the shore shook their heads.
"He's gonna die."
"Yeah, but consider...this is funny." Eventually, I managed to focus my breathing, stabilize my energy, and not drown like a complete idiot.
When I finally resurfaced, gasping for air, the White Jade Beauty simply nodded.
"Good. You're improving."
I clutched my chest. "You tried to kill me."
She tilted her head. "If I wanted you dead, you'd be dead."
"...WHY DO YOU KEEP SAYING THAT?!" She walked away.
Big Wu patted my shoulder. "Don't worry, man. You only almost died four times today."
I collapsed into the grass. "I give up."
The scholar ghost smirked. "You don't have a choice."
I was never going to survive this training.
By the time morning training ended, I had been drowned, slapped, insulted, and emotionally crushed at least seven times.
I lay on the ground, staring at the sky. Was this what life was now? Just endless suffering?
The White Jade Beauty loomed over me, arms crossed. "You've survived longer than I expected."
I blinked at her. "Wait, you expected me to die?" She nodded.
I groaned. Of course she did.
Big Wu, my ever-supportive ghost, chuckled. "Hey, look on the bright side...you're still breathing."
I turned my head to glare at him. "I can fix that."
The scholar ghost adjusted his glasses. "Suicide is not the answer."
Lesson Five: Running For Your Life
After a short "break" which was just me lying on the ground wishing for death, the White Jade Beauty pointed to the distant mountains.
"Run there," she said.
I blinked. "Excuse me?"
She repeated, "Run." I looked at the towering mountains, shrouded in mist, filled with deadly beasts. "All the way there?!"
She nodded. "Without stopping."
I laughed. "Hilarious." She unsheathed her sword. And I stopped laughing.
"You have one minute before I start throwing spears," she added. I took off running. And immediately tripped.
The White Jade Beauty sighed. "Pathetic." Then she threw a spear at me. I screamed.
Big Wu burst into laughter. "This is entertainment."
The scholar ghost nodded. "I would pay to see this."
I scrambled to my feet, and started sprinting before another spear could impale me.
Behind me, I heard her mutter, "Good. Fear is an excellent motivator."
I gasped for breath. This woman was a demon. After an hour of running, my legs burned, my lungs ached, and my soul had left my body at least twice.
I collapsed against a tree, panting. "I…can't…" A spear whizzed past my face, embedding itself in the bark.
I yelped. From behind me, her voice rang out: "I said, without stopping."
I whimpered. Why was she like this?
The scholar ghost nodded. "He's building endurance. Good training method."
Big Wu grinned. "Yeah, but let's be honest. She's just having fun torturing him."
I continued running, tears streaming down my face. By the time I reached the mountain, I was half-dead, fully traumatized, and spiritually broken.
I collapsed onto the ground, wheezing in pain. The White Jade Beauty arrived shortly after, looking completely unbothered.
She tossed a small bun at me. "Eat."
I grabbed it like a starving animal. "Thank you, merciful goddess."
She smirked. "You're still pathetic."
I ignored her, and shoved the entire bun into my mouth like a wild beast.
Big Wu clapped. "Good job, man."
The scholar ghost nodded. "Truly, the peak of cultivation." I wanted to cry.
Lesson Six: Punching Rocks Until You See God
After "lunch" which was one small bun because this demon of a woman thought food was a privilege, she pointed at a large boulder.
"Punch it," she ordered.
I blinked at her. "Why?"
"To strengthen your body." I stared at the solid rock, then at my delicate, very breakable hands.
"Do I look like a masochist?"
She raised a brow. "Did you just question my training methods?"
I gulped. "I...." She kicked me toward the boulder.
My face slammed into the rock. I lay there, stunned, as the world spun.
The scholar ghost adjusted his glasses. "Fascinating technique."
Big Wu burst into laughter. "This is the best thing I've ever seen."
I groaned. "I hate my life."
The White Jade Beauty tapped her foot impatiently. "Less complaining, more punching."
I gritted my teeth, raised my fist, and punched the rock with all my strength.
My knuckles cracked instantly. And I screamed.
The White Jade Beauty sighed. "Weak." I whimpered. Why was she like this?
The scholar ghost scribbled in a notebook. "This training method is…questionable."
Big Wu grinned. "Nah, this is hilarious." Through my tears of pain, I looked up at the boulder. A tiny crack had formed where I punched it.
My eyes widened. "Wait. I…did that?"
The White Jade Beauty nodded. "Again."
I wiped the tears from my face and stood up.
"Again," she repeated.
I clenched my bleeding fist.
"Again." I punched.
I punched until my hands were numb, until the pain faded, until the tiny crack became a fracture.
I grinned through my bloodied knuckles.
"I did it," I whispered.
The White Jade Beauty smirked.
"Good."
Then she gestured toward another, bigger boulder.
"…Now do it ten more times."
I fell to my knees. "I'm going to die."