Chapter Forty

My first year in college didn't start on quite an interesting note. First, Jude Kam had forced me to study a course I had no interest in; Business Administration, for the sake of the future of his company. I didn't have any choice. I stayed one full year with him locked in a castle, in a new country. And at college, it was pretty hard for me to associate with people. Actually, I was scared of associations. My roommates were just too disgusting to me, or maybe I was to them. They were the partying type, always out at night. Sometimes I doubted if they were really in the school to study. Lisa and Sandra, two cheeky best friends. Lisa was the only one who acknowledged that I was an introvert and how much I cherished my time alone. But she still disgusts me sometimes. Sandra basically picks on every single move I make in that room and I concluded she hated me.

Most times, I wished I had never survived the surgery, or my own suicide attempt. I still have a scar on my right wrist and it reminds me of everything. I lost Damien. Some unknown guys killed him, right in my face. I was depressed, though I tried to keep it away whenever my subconscious reminded me that Damien wouldn't like to see me that way. It rarely does that though. I now had a personal psychiatrist and my PTSD was under control. I just tried to be happy even though I only felt empty inside. About music, I haven't had the guts to go back to it. I might never. I broke my guitar. There's no music in me without Damien. I think the only thing I didn't stop reading was the Bible. He made me fond of it.

"Paige!"Lisa entered the room. It was just some minutes past seven in the evening and I was reading a book.

"Lisa, what's up?"I was actually surprised that she had come to talk to me. She sat on my table and stared at me for a while before speaking. I don't know why she does that, but she does that all the time, especially with me.

"There's a music show tonight. I got three invite cards. I'd like you to go with us."

I hesitated. She could tell.

"You have to. Come on girl, you're eighteen. It's not a club party. It's not a party. It's the school's band that's performing. Actually, they're the best in this town. I bet you'd enjoy yourself."

"Why me?"

She hissed. "Aren't we friends? C'mon girl, loosen up!"

"Fine, I'll go."

"Dress nicely. You never can tell where your prince charming will be."She giggled and got on with finding her own clothes.

Prince Charming at eighteen.

"Unfortunately, I'm just eighteen."

"So!"She shrieked. "You mean you've never had a boyfriend?!"

I couldn't answer that. Floods of memories exploded my brain and I slumped on my bed.

"Don't do that, Paige. We'll be late. It's almost Eight."

I looked around, not sure if I wanted to go or not. "What about Sandra?"

"She's there already. She has a big-time crush on the leader of the band so she attends so early for attention."Lisa laughed.

"Wow,"I said dryly.

"If I'm gonna be saying the truth. I'd say I like him too. He's the most handsome I'd ever seen. But I've done my research. He isn't the girl type. It's only a pity that my bestie would not stop chasing a gay."

"A gay?!"

"Yes, that's who he is. Now get yourself a nice dress and let's get out of here!"She said. "Or I'll help you."

*

I was dressed in a purple rubber jacket and black nylon pants, carefully chosen by Lisa. My high-heeled boots made me look way too taller than her. She insisted I had make-up on. I only agreed on a blush of powder and lip gloss. She had insulted me for my stiffness. We took a seat in the front row reserved for us by Sandra. Sandra looked downcast. Lisa asked why.

"He's not here."She said. I could tell how pained she was, from the look on her face. She really liked this unknown guy. With Lisa's description, I really wanted to see him myself.

"How? Why?"

"He got a call earlier and walked out. He's not presenting tonight."

"Well, not a big deal."She chewed on her word, knowing it made no sense to her best friend. "That guy is a jerk. You should not hurt yourself for him."

"Big time jerk!"She exclaimed.

Sandra finally regained her energy. The show began and I would lie if I said I didn't enjoy myself. I actually cried. I could not help it. Music had always pacified my soul, but this time all I could think of was Damien and my guilt. I shouldn't have stopped singing. I didn't need anyone to tell me how much I craved to be on that stage performing like in those days, with my light by my side. The girls must have thought I was touched by the song its melody, so I wasn't disturbed by anyone. I had enough time to think. To reflect. I remembered Damien's exact words.

"I have a few things to tell you, Paige. First, I left you a guitar at the music store at the gate of the estate. Go pick it when you're ready."

I never remembered that, maybe because I woke up in another country after my last surgery. I got transferred while in a comma. Jude said a part of my brain was affected and I needed brain surgery, so he transferred me with his helicopter.

"God protects me." How true was that word? For him?

God really protects me, He hasn't let me die despite all my efforts, but why Damien?

I made up my mind then that I was gonna get Damien's guitar back.

"I'm sorry Damien. I hope it's not too late."