Chapter 63

" What did he say?" he asked again. 

I hissed.

" Asked me to find the girl and the key or die." I qouted him in verbatim. " says death like he can afford it." 

" You know he can." Julian chuckled. " You don't need to find them. There will be war anyways. Let's just start preparing for it."

I thought for a while. 

" you'll prepare the soldiers then. Though I'll try my best but I won't be around for a while and you've got to help me."

He arched a brow. " where are you going this time? And why are you putting me out of your plans."

I sighed. " first, I'm not putting you out of my plans. C'mon, I'm just following my instincts. I'm seeing things sort of. I need to find some people. Just three to four days. I'll find them."

" three to four days?! What excuse would I give on your behalf?!" 

"Dont be daft! " I hissed. The truth is I hate explaining myself. " I'm going to get new legion members to prepare for war. That's an excuse! Truly, I'll bring new legion members and also do my own thing."

" Must you embark on this... journey?" he questioned, looking concerned.

" I understand if you don't understand. I too don't. I just feel like— there's this push. I must do this." I winced.

 He thought for a while. Somehow, our silence now feels awkward to me.

" I can't let you go alone." he finally spoke.

" don't start." o warned.

He began to argue. Julian's way anyways. " I can't let you go into that city. I know my people. You are still like a stranger to them..."

" Well, don't worry, there'll be no problem. I'll talk to my father about it."

" I do not want you to go with me! " I spat.

" why? Cause you hate to see me?" he smirked." definitely not!"

 I laughed. That sounded more funny to me than it should have. Though my subconscious was saying something else.

" oh, you think I like you?" I jeered. " you're decieving your damn self and it's so funny."

I saw him frown and I knew it was time to stop. I stifled my laughter and formed a serious face.

" Look Julian, I do not like you. You might be my assistant or my be helping me with my business, it's your choice. You're a demon and nothing can change that. I ...." I trailed off, this is getting harder than I imagined. The look on his face along is causing my heart to cry. I stopped and pursed my lips.

He seized the opportunity to make jest of me. He laughed.

"you should learn from the demons once in a while. At least you'll learn how to lie."

I wanted to cry. Why the hell did I stop?!

I faked a laughter, stood up to leave to my room. He definitely can't follow me to my room. He noticed my move and stopped me.

" we are not done talking."

" well, you are too good at appeasing yourself and it's so annoying watching you do that..."

" oh am I?" he smirked getting hold of my two hands. I flinched but his hold was tight. "i have proof that...you like me. First, you called us 'we' earlier." I was seething, I could feel my hot blood browse through my veins. "shpuld o quote you?" he stared into me. I tried to stay away— I mean far away from his face at least though he was till holding my hands. " you said we can't be together. second, we kissed and we...."

" Hush!" I screamed, amused at how he could say something that gross so easily.

" shut up you idiot! That was a mistake!"

" No!" he yelled back." it wasn't a mistake. It was a consented kiss. And you kissed me right back. " he emphasized on the ki—ss.

" Enough okay." I decided to be gross like him. I feel like He's taking my likeness for granted by telling to my face. Or I do not want him to know that I do...at least not now. " I never expected to hear this from you. About ki... I can 'iss anyone back. C'mon you're just taking things too personal. I k... Raleigh and I don't like him." I was apeased when I say his face fall. I'm so good at lying. He's definitely underestimated me

" so get those ugly stuff about love from your head. It does not exist. At least not with me. I don't like you. I never loved you and I would never!" I struggled to get out of his hold but it was even tighter. I felt like he was squeezing out life from it.

" let go. You're hurting me." I winced.

He ease his hold and brought me closer to himself.

He was sweating, his eyes had a tint of red and I could feel flames of rage emitting from it.

"Tell me. Tell me right to my face. That you don't... Tell me!" he shrieked.

I stalled myself. 

Katrienair, you have to do this. It's not right to accept now. You might have a chance in the future not now. My subconscious encouraged me.

" I don't!" I managed to say.

" don't what? Tell me! " I was touched. I've never seen him like this before and I feel so much guilt for donig this but my head and heart ain't agreeing.

Emiliar, What should I do?! I screamed in my head. It's a void call anyway cause she will not hear me.

" I ...I ...don't love you" I muttered.

He held my face in his palm. I got lost in the red sea I his eyes. His breathe was just to fast, like he was going to pass out the next minute. 

" look at me Katrienair and tell me that you do not feel for me. That you've never Katrienair. Say it."

Hot tears streamed down my face. I could not control it. I lost my voice for moment and just stared. His eyes...on my. I can't breathe.

" Talk."

" I ... I love you Joel!" I cried hard and fell on his chest. " I love you but..." 

He embraced me. I could feel my hair get moist. He was crying too. What have I done?!

" but what?" he whispered.

" it's not allowed." I sobbed.

" it doesn't need to."

" not that." I swallowed. " I'm scared." I looked up amidst of my cloudy eyes.

" Joel, I'm scared."