Awkwardness

"Okay, class, you're dismissed," Mr. Yon said, not even looking up as he began stuffing his belongings into his worn leather bag. The bell's chime echoed through the room, slicing through the still air, letting out a few rings before silencing.

The room erupted into motion instantly; chairs scraped back, backpacks zipped, and the light chorus of overlapping conversations filled the classroom with a lively dissonance. Amid the noise, Lena sat in silence, her gestures slow and practiced as she packed her belongings. Her gaze drifted across the room, observing the groups of students around her, the laughter and casual touches exchanged with a fluency she could never quite grasp.

A familiar ache curled beneath her ribs—bitter, unwelcome. She felt like an imposter among the normal, kept students, out of place in a world where she would only ever be a quiet observer. She swallowed hard; it was irrational, she told herself; and yet, she stared transfixed as if watching another world through glass, one she could never touch. 

There was a particular cruelty in the way their interactions seemed so unlabored, so instinctive. Lena could never understand how others made it look so easy. How they opened themselves without fear, without restraint, as if belonging were a reflex instead of a distant ache.

"Lena!" a voice that was growing all too familiar to her ears rang out. She looked up just as she finished slipping the last of her books into her bag. There, weaving her way between desks with light, unhurried steps, was Umire. Her hair caught the light as she moved, dark strands trailing behind her like soft, silky ribbons.

"Umire…" Lena's voice trailed off, the name tasting unfamiliar in her mouth. 

She barely had time to react before Umire was beside her desk, a breeze of confidence trailing in her wake. Lena noticed the nearby group, once buzzing with laughter, pause mid-conversation. Heads turned. Curious eyes flicked at them.

"Umire, what's up!" one of the boys from the group called, grinning.

Umire glanced at him. He stood around a head taller than her.

"Nothing much," she said. "Just came over to talk to Lena."

"Lena?" the boy repeated, blinking, not knowing who Lena was despite sitting right next to her. "Who's that?"

Lena didn't move. She felt every syllable like a pinprick.

Umire didn't answer right away. Instead, she placed her hand gently on Lena's desk, fingers brushing the edge as if careful not to startle her. She looked down at Lena with a smile that felt like sunlight, quiet, steady, and sure.

"My bestie," she said softly, her voice laced with warmth, "She's right here."

"Bestie…" the boy echoed, his tone drifting off as his gaze shifted to Lena.

Her chest tightened. She could feel the thud of her heartbeat in her throat as the group's attention turned toward her, eyes suddenly heavy on her skin.

"U-uh, hi…" she stammered, glancing up just long enough to meet his gaze before dropping her eyes again. Her voice barely carried, brittle as paper.

Despite all the times Umire had leaned close, their faces just inches apart, Lena was awful at looking into others' eyes; like a scared mouse, she always felt the need to look away.

"Oh, you're the new girl!" the boy said, his voice brightening with belated recognition.

"Huh? Umire, you're friends with her? Since when?" a girl asked from behind him, curiosity edging into her tone as she leaned over for a better look.

Lena swallowed hard, eyes fixed on her hands resting in her lap. Her thumb was already caught between her fingers, the skin beneath it raw from anxious picking.

Umire sighed, not with irritation, but something gentler, like she was tired of having to explain something that should've been obvious.

"Not friend. Best friend," she said, drawing out the word with dramatic care. "Gosh, how many times do I have to say it? Yuna already gave me an earful about this yesterday."

"Yuna?" another voice from the group echoed. Lena kept her gaze down, her fingers twitching slightly in her lap.

Calm thoughts. Calm thoughts. She tried to ground herself, but her skin was damp with sweat. Why did it feel like the whole class was gathering around her desk?

"Yuna seemed pretty upset earlier. She was so snappy when I asked about you…" a girl murmured, her voice trailing off.

"Haha, wait, is this why? That's hilarious!" a boy burst out laughing. "Gosh, she always brags about being so close to you…"

Lena began letting the voices blur into background noise. She focused on anything else, what she'd do after school, maybe study? The teacher had been worried about her grades. He'd even asked someone to help her.

Suddenly, she felt a hand, one she was growing far too familiar with, settle gently on top of hers, pulling her fingers away and stopping her from picking at her skin.

"To answer your question", Umire said, voice light and clear, "we've been best friends since now!"

Lena blinked, looking up as Umire beamed at her. "We're kind of like soulmates, hehe. Right?"

"Uh… Yeah…" Lena heard herself say before she could stop it her eyes locked on Umire. Her face flushed hot.

"Oh…" someone muttered behind her.

"Oh, poor Yuna", a girl giggled. "Lena, you stole Umire from her. How could you?"

Lena looked up at the speaker, throat tight. She had no idea how to respond. Words always came so easily to everyone else, but for her…

She probably thinks I'm rude now. Or worse, weird.

"I… uh…" Lena mumbled, shrinking back into her chair as the all too familiar spiral of self-hatred began. I'm such a mess. So awkward that it's painful. Why can't I just be normal?

"Lena!"

A voice cut through the whirlwind of her thoughts, saving her from spiraling any deeper. She startled, blinking up as someone called her name over the hum of lingering chatter.

Half the class had already cleared out, but the group around her remained the loudest. Amid the noise, she finally pinpointed the voice coming from the front of the room.

"Come see me in my office before you leave, okay?" Mr. Yon called out, his tone casual as he packed up his things.

"Uh—okay!" Lena replied, a little too loudly. Her voice rang out sharper than she intended, and her face flushed as a few heads turned her way.

Mr.Yon nodded at her before leaving the classroom.

"Oh dang, see ya, Lena," one of the students said with a wave before turning back, Lena's presence already forgotten. "We should probably head out too. Hey, Umire, come hang with us, please?"

"Will the lovely, beautiful, and talented Umire grace us with her presence?" one of the boys added with a dramatic bow, making the group burst into laughter.

"No, but seriously, come on!" a girl chimed in, her tone urging.

Lena stood up stiffly, letting go of Umire's hand, grabbing her bag. The laughter behind her stung more than she wanted to admit. She forced down the pang of jealousy. She knew she'd never be that kind of person, not effortless, not easy to like. Always stiff and awkward to the point of being painful for those around her.

"Gosh," Umire said with a playful lilt, "I didn't know my presence was so sought after."

"I mean, you only ever hang out with Yuna and her group… we're curious too. So come on."

Lena quietly stepped away, heading toward the teacher's office. She figured that was her cue to disappear.

But then warm fingers curled around hers again, halting her in her tracks.

"I'm honored, however…" Umire's voice drifted for a beat. "I'm hanging out with Lena today!" she declared, almost too cheerfully.

Lena blinked, stunned. Her heart gave a nervous flutter as she turned to look at her.

Why? she thought. Why would someone like her want to be with someone like me? Awkward. Boring. Forgettable.

"I have to meet with the teacher… ", Lena murmured her eyes on Umire's pretty hand that wrapped around hers so effortlessly. 

"I'll walk you to his office. I'll wait for you. Okay, we can hang out after~", Umire said as though it was the most obvious thing in the world she would hang out with her rather than the others who weren't awkward and stiff.

"Damn Yuna's probably dying of jealousy….", Lena heard someone from the group murmur.

"Well, we'll be going now! Don't want to keep Mr. Yon waiting," Umire chimed, tossing a playful wave over her shoulder as she tugged Lena forward.

Lena watched her smile—a quiet, deliberate thing that felt too certain, too real.

It left her hollow and full at once, like a dream she couldn't wake from.