Chapter 22: The Janitor’s Japes

Dawn's first light found Li Fan already awake, adrenaline cutting through any grogginess. This was it—day of the grand finale. He quickly scarfed down some leftover stew (cold stew for breakfast, not ideal, but a cook can't be choosy mid-trial) and gathered his belongings. His body ached, but he felt strangely energized, whether from Mo's pep talk or just the knowledge that the end was in sight.

He climbed steadily, the terrain turning from forest to craggy rocks. Occasionally, he spotted signs of other participants: a discarded water skin here, footprints there, once a shattered sword embedded in a tree (that one he decided not to think about too much).

By midday, Li Fan reached a plateau near the summit. He could see the peak just above, a stone's throw away—well, a stone's throw for someone much stronger; for him, perhaps an hour's climb remained. But what really drew his attention was the scene on the plateau itself: a wide open space with ancient ruins of what looked like a small temple or shrine, and at its center, a shimmering golden flower atop a pedestal—the Jade Lotus.

It was breathtaking: the lotus flower seemed carved from emerald and jade, yet alive, each petal glowing softly. So this was the prize. But of course, nothing this beautiful would be left unguarded.

Crouching behind a boulder, Li Fan observed two figures near the lotus, arguing heatedly. One was an elegant woman in flowing white robes—Li Fan recognized her as Lin Cai, a renowned talisman cultivator. The other was a brawny man with a hammer, probably the blacksmith disciple from the Iron Temple Sect. They seemed to have arrived around the same time and were now in a standoff over who should claim the prize.

"Back off, I decoded the runes to disable the barrier, so I have the right!" Lin Cai was saying, clutching a handful of glowing talismans between her fingers.

The man hefted his hammer. "And I cleared the guardian statues that nearly crushed us. It should be mine! We can settle this the old fashioned way—last one standing takes the lotus."

They began to circle each other, tension thick. Li Fan grimaced. He definitely did not want to get in the middle of those two. Perhaps he could wait it out until one emerged the winner (assuming they didn't kill each other) and then maybe, um, politely ask to borrow the lotus? Right, because that'll work, he chided himself. Still, rushing in now would be foolish.

As he deliberated, he heard a scuffle from another side of the plateau. To his dismay, Zhao Da emerged from some rocks, looking worse for wear (his face was still faintly red from the slaps, and his once pristine robes were tattered and stained, likely from various mishaps). With him was another cultivator ally, a stern-faced archer. They, too, spotted the lotus and the two already in combat.

Zhao Da's eyes flickered around and, unfortunately, quickly landed on Li Fan's hiding spot. Perhaps Zhao's "mortal-radar" was high after his humiliations. Zhao bared his teeth in a nasty grin and said something to his partner. The archer nodded and split off, circling to flank Lin Cai and the hammer-wielder.

Li Fan realized Zhao intended to swoop in like a vulture when the current fight weakened both. But first, Zhao was making a beeline toward Li Fan, who he clearly noticed.

"So the kitchen rat made it this far," Zhao called out mockingly as he closed in. Lin Cai and the hammer man snapped their attention toward the new voice, startled by the interruption, which momentarily paused their duel.

Li Fan stepped out onto the plateau, no point hiding now. "Zhao," he greeted with a sigh. "I see you recovered from our little... spar."

Zhao's left eye twitched at the reminder. "I recovered, yes, and I've been dreaming of returning the favor." He drew a slender sword that glinted with toxic green Qi—a venom blade. "No referees here now. This time, I won't hold back behind polite slaps."

Great, a venomous sword. Li Fan instinctively raised his wok defensively. "Are you sure you want to do this?" he stalled, glancing to the other pair. They seemed content to let Zhao handle the 'mortal distraction' while they kept an eye on each other. Fei, the woman he encountered yesterday, wasn't present (likely she had parted ways as promised), so Zhao only had the archer for backup.

Zhao sneered, "Oh, I've never been more sure. I'll rid the trial of you and claim compensation for my humiliation in one stroke."

He lunged. Zhao's swordplay was quick; Li Fan barely interposed the wok in time. The venom blade struck the metal wok with a loud clang. Sparks flew. Li Fan felt the shock up his arm. The wok, fortunately, seemed resistant to damage (perhaps from absorbing so much spiritual cooking energy—it was a pretty high-quality wok, if he said so himself).

Li Fan countered by flicking a pinch of leftover chili powder from his sleeve (he'd kept it handy since the boar). It poofed into Zhao's face. "Gah!" Zhao staggered back, eyes watering, a familiar scenario. "You and spices!" he sputtered.

Not wasting the opportunity, Li Fan whacked Zhao in the shin with the wok. It wasn't an elegant strike, but it made a satisfying thunk and Zhao howled, hopping back.

Before Li Fan could press any advantage, an arrow whizzed past his ear, narrowly missing. The archer ally was now firing at him from the side. Li Fan yelped and ducked behind the cover of a fallen pillar.

Meanwhile, Lin Cai and the hammer man decided this was the perfect chaos to settle their own matter. They clashed again, spells and brute force colliding. The plateau became a scene of two battles: Zhao + archer vs. Li Fan, and Lin vs Hammer in the backdrop.

Arrows peppered Li Fan's cover, one nearly hitting his foot. He needed to take out that archer or at least neutralize him, otherwise he'd be skewered sooner or later.

He recalled the fairy's gift: the vial of blinding dust. Perfect. Taking a deep breath, Li Fan dashed out from behind the pillar in a zig-zag, unpredictable path like a drunken goose (he may have invented a new footwork: Drunken Goose Dodging). As the archer loosed two more arrows, Li Fan dove and rolled, feeling one arrow graze his sleeve but thankfully not flesh.

In his roll, he scooped a handful of sand and quickly doused it with the fairy dust, then flung it at the archer's face. The dust glimmered and, upon contact, erupted into a flash of bright light. The archer cried out, dropping his bow to claw at his eyes, temporarily blinded by sparkles.

Zhao, having wiped most of the chili from his face, charged at Li Fan again with a snarl. Li Fan grabbed the nearest thing on the ground to throw in defense—he really was relying on improvised projectiles at this point. His hand closed around a stiff old broom discarded among the ruins. He barely registered that coincidence, focusing instead on jabbing the broom bristles toward Zhao's face like a spear. It wasn't sharp, but it was annoying as heck.

"Arrgh!" Zhao swiped the broom aside, slicing it in half with his sword. The front half of the broom (the bristles part) went flying... directly into the archer's open mouth as he was yelling in pain. The archer choked and stumbled, effectively out of the fight as he tried to dislodge a mouthful of bristles. If the situation weren't so dire, Li Fan would have laughed at the sheer slapstick of it.

Now it was just him and Zhao in a direct duel. Wok vs. sword.

Zhao took a deep breath, steadying himself. "You've been a thorn too long, mortal. Time to end this." His sword began to glow a deeper poisonous green, the aura extending like a blade of energy beyond the steel. A serious technique—if that hit, even the wok might not fully block it, and any graze could poison Li Fan badly.

Li Fan gulped. Fighting head on was suicide. He needed to either disarm Zhao or outsmart him, quickly.

His hand brushed something in his pocket: the bronze token with the smiling chef. Not a weapon, but maybe... an idea sparked. Distract and disarm with humor? Worth a try. Buying a few seconds, Li Fan exclaimed, "Wait, Zhao! Before you do something drastic, there's one thing you should know!"

Zhao hesitated, suspicious. "What trick are you pulling now?"

Li Fan held up the bronze token. "I found this along the way. It's a special treasure that can enhance one's cultivation if licked. Perhaps we could... share it?" He had no idea if Zhao would buy such a stupid bluff, but he tried to look earnest.

Zhao blinked, caught off guard by the random offer. "Enhance cultivation by... licking a coin? Do I look idiotic?"