Go big or go Home

THE HOMECOMING STORY

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There's A famous saying in Texas: "Go Big or Go Home".

That was my goal for the school year. I was going to go all out. Try new looks, do new things I've never done, and just have the best school year possible.

One thing I've never done was be engaged in school social activities and events.

What better time than Homecoming.

Here's how that went....

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When it came to homecoming, Texas did not hold back. This was the second major student event— right behind the senior prom—and people went all out for it.

I wasn't sure where all these specific homecoming traditions originated from, but from what I've heard from the military kids that came from out of state, their old schools had nothing like the homecomings Texas had.

Since the beginning of the semester and the moment football season started, many of my classmates had already been looking forward to homecoming. Some had already had their dates planned way in advance ,whether they were going with a partner, as a group of friends, or flying solo.

My freshman year I had no interest in it until I saw exactly how things truly were. It looked like lots of fun. This year, I figured —why not? Go big or go home, right?

The day when the announcement about this year's homecoming theme came up, I was just sitting in my homeroom class, casually doodling on my sketchbook like usual. The world became silent around me when I was in my own place.

"Good Afternoon Panthers!"

The intercom system started their usual announcements. To me, all I heard was "blah blah blah."

"As for homecoming, the student council has decided on a theme for this year's event."

"Shhh shhh." One of the students hushed the class from carrying on their individual conversation.

There was immediate silence and anticipation. I even stopped moving my pencil to have a listen.

"And this year's theme is ..."

The silence was broken with the iconic synthesizer opening to Prince's 1999 playing over the intercom.

"PARTY LIKE IT'S 1999!"

The class started to hype up and immediate conversations were going on left and right.

I'm not going to lie, as much as I was trying to act like this didn't excite me like the rest of the class, it did.

The theme was perfectly timed. It's 1999. This was going to be the last homecoming of the decade, the century, THE MILLENNIUM!

But who's going to want to go with me?

I didn't want to fly solo or go with a group of friends. I wanted to go with a partner, whether it be just as friends or more than friends.

I really wanted to find that connection like CC and Kenny had.

Throughout the semester, I tried my best to talk and befriend other girls. TRIED. I was beginning to think I had been cursed or something. Most of the time, I was just too damn shy to even approach them or know how to break the ice.

Why was this so damn difficult?

Having built up some muscle on my shoulders, arms, and even slightly slimmed down because of the swim team, I was hoping that added to my confidence and it would help.

It really didn't.

As for the few girls I did manage to talk to, none of them really made that connection the way me and CC did during summer school. Naturally, CC was off limits and already going with Kenny. It would also be awkward to go as a third wheel.

I'm not doing that.

There were plenty of girls to ask and pursue that were cute in their own way, but was that just biology talking? All of that was just physical attraction to me. What about that deep connection? That spark of love?

What exactly was Love? I didn't know.

This wasn't something explained in the shows I watched or comics I read, but it did appear. Many times. Even then, how was I supposed to recognize it?

The new girls that started hanging out with the group were pretty cute too, but their attitudes made them a bit of a turn off. They were constantly bickering with each other about getting the most attention from either Victor or Boss like "Pick me, pick me". They appeared desperate. Not exactly the kind of girls I want to be involved with.

One girl that could be a possibility for a homecoming date was Maddie, a petite blonde who was also an alternative rocker type girl (*sigh*). I thought she was pretty damn cool. We met in swim practice where we would constantly challenge each other whether it was whoever finished their laps first or who can hold their breath the longest.

During our bus rides, we would talk about Vampires and werewolves and other kinds of dark fantasy creatures. She had introduced me to the works by Anne Rice. All I knew from her works was the movie adaptation to "Interview with the Vampire".

The other girl I could think of was Lilly. My dear friend I've known since middle school, who I had public speaking with.

"Wait a minute! What if I actually asked Lilly?"

I got a bit anxious just thinking about it. I've known her the longest. She already knows I'm nerdy and awkward as hell. I've already broken the ice and I'm comfortable talking to her, except when it comes down to expressing feelings.

Why not? Even as friends. The worst thing she can say is "No. Not my thing." Who knows, maybe something will spark.

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Throughout the bus ride after practice, I was mentally rehearsing how I wanted to ask.

Should I take the direct approach and just ask?

Or should I ask indirectly by bringing it up like a hypothetical situation?

Our public speaking class was held in the theater room upstairs. It was old and very depressing looking. The stage was small, it had 3 rows of old wooden theater seats that were not comfortable if you were a bit chubby, and some of the lights occasionally flickered.

The moment I walked in, I saw Lilly sitting in her usual spot in the back row. She had her backpack on her lap and she was doodling something on it.

"Hey Lilly." I almost froze immediately the moment she looked up at me.

"Hmm?" She paused the artwork she was doing of a very detailed Rob Zombie from the Hellbilly deluxe album on her backpack.

"I...uh.."

Ok, Indirect it is!

"..was just curious.." My tongue was seizing up trying to get the correct words to come out. "If I were to....(Damnit get it together)...to ask you about going to homecoming with me. What would you say?"

"Oh." Lilly was a little shocked for a moment. She brushed the bit of her hair out of her face and adjusted her glasses.

She became very composed and seemed cool about it—even thoughtful. It didn't look like a big deal to her. Her expression shifted into being very pensive and inquisitive.

I was getting nervous and feeling a bead of sweat form on the back of my neck.

She tapped her pen on her drawing a few times in silence before saying anything.

"Is...this you asking me?"