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Werewolves: The Apocalypse — The Book of Hungry Names
(Now with 98% more ecological guilt and 100% less graphics)

You and your band of traumatized werewolves (read: a group of poorly resolved furry therapists) must save the Living Earth using two infallible ingredients: homicidal rage and questionable spirituality.

In this interactive novel with hundreds of choices (most leading to inevitable doom), you'll have the chance to face a Wyrm Spirit that manifests itself as... a lie you really want to believe. Like that voice that says "I'll start my diet tomorrow." Only with more cosmic destruction.

 Written by Kyle Marquis and set in the wonderful (cough) universe of World of Darkness, this epic without a single image (but with 1.6 million words, in other words, an abusive relationship with reading) is fueled solely by the most powerful thing in the world: your imagination that has already failed three college entrance exams.

You are a werewolf. And like all good werewolf, you are a mix of:

Shaman who thinks meditation cures demonic migraines,

Hero that nobody asked for,

Monster with existential crises,

And sustainability consultant for Mother Gaia (bankrupt, of course).

Created by the goddess of the Earth, you were gifted with the ability to turn into a wolf (in other words, walk around naked with style), and tasked with the noble mission of preventing humanity from turning the planet into a cosmic McTrash.

But guess what? You failed. Congratulations.

 Three years ago, your pack was part of the Sept of Broad Brook, Massachusetts (land of maple syrup and spiritual doom), where werewolves still pretended they had a chance against the Wyrm — the spirit of destruction, chaos, and people who comment “first” on YouTube.

While other Septs fell like dominoes at a satanic rave, yours was there, firm, strong, and deluded. Some said you would prevent the Apocalypse. Others just thought it was funny to watch the circus burn.

Now, all that’s left is for you to pick up the pieces (literally), avoid becoming an evil spirit’s kibble, and, who knows, write your name in the Book of Hungry Names — the one that eats hopes, New Year’s promises, and happy endings.

Do you want me to adapt this to become the introduction to chapter 1 as well?

Of course! Here's a Desciclopédia-style warning, with a touch of acid and humor, that you can put at the beginning of your story on Wattpad to make everything clear:

WARNING BEFORE SOME LITIGIOUS SPIRIT COMES TO BARK

This work is a humorous reinterpretation (read: full of irony, sarcasm, dark humor and some inconvenient truths) based on the style of interactive stories like those from Choice of Games. But, before anyone calls the lawyers or invokes the spirit of copyright, let's make something VERY clear:

This is not plagiarism. It's parody. It's a joke. It's entertainment.

(And, let's be honest, not even Mother Gaia would bother to sue.)

The writing adopted follows the Desciclopédia style, that is:

Nothing is sacred.

Everything can be a joke.

If you get offended, congratulations, the system worked.

 This is a tongue-in-cheek homage to the classics of the genre, using the interactive format to tell stories that are bizarre, tragic, hilarious, and incredibly stupid (sometimes all at the same time). None of the original Choice of Games content was copied directly—only the structure was inspired, because let’s face it, reinventing the wheel is a lot of work.

If you want an epic journey with deep moral dilemmas, go play the original.

If you want to laugh at your own misfortune while turning into a werewolf and punching mystical capitalism with your paws, go ahead. It’s your house.

Zerk World) Zombo Stars

**Fake Desciclopédia entry: "The Most Disastrously Hilarious Kidnapping in History"**

**Kidnapping Express 3000**: Alternative tourist experience where you're thrown into a windowless van, given a "treat" (free blindfold!) and a fast-paced tour of "relative time". Includes surprises such as:

- **Weather Mode**: Abrupt transition from winter night to sunny beach without asking the seasons for permission.

- **"Where's My Kin?" Package**: Random separation from the group for extra adrenaline.

- **"Bloody Self-Portrait" Bonus**: Questionable ketchup special effect on Bly's face (hint: don't lick the "narrative" blood).

**The Least Qualified Tour Guide in the Cosmos**: A guy who mixes the friendliness of a cruise ship host ("Welcome to the new home!") with the delicacy of an ogre in a rush hour. - **Award-winning phrase**: "What are you, furniture? Get off the plane!" (translation: standard hospitality protocol).

- **Secret skill**: Ignore the suspicious colleague who carries a *stun rod* (electric baton) on his waist as if it were a pen.

**Plot twist worthy of a 6pm soap opera!**

Here comes **Ônix**, the *head wolf of logistics*:

- **Human disguise**: As convincing as a cat in a shoe... if you ignore the tail sticking out of the sweatshirt.

- **Rescue technique**: Wait for the kidnapper to get distracted with the classic "Look, a unicorn!" (post-apocalyptic version).

- **Impact tool**: Electric baton that goes *zzzzzt* and turns the villain into an involuntary electroshock dancer.

**Moral of the story**: If your kidnapper looks like a sleepy intern and your rescuer is a wolf in Bermuda shorts, you're either in a Netflix script or... this entry. In either case, **clap your hands!** (Uncyclopedia approves).

`Editor's note`: This event includes unauthorized participation by Sonoma, leader of the resistance, whose motto "send the wolf first" is revolutionizing low-cost rescue. #SponsoredByTheOnyx.