Daoisty2zsf0

Werewolves: The Apocalypse — The Book of Hungry Names
(Now with 98% more ecological guilt and 100% less graphics)

You and your band of traumatized werewolves (read: a group of poorly resolved furry therapists) must save the Living Earth using two infallible ingredients: homicidal rage and questionable spirituality.

In this interactive novel with hundreds of choices (most leading to inevitable doom), you'll have the chance to face a Wyrm Spirit that manifests itself as... a lie you really want to believe. Like that voice that says "I'll start my diet tomorrow." Only with more cosmic destruction.

 Written by Kyle Marquis and set in the wonderful (cough) universe of World of Darkness, this epic without a single image (but with 1.6 million words, in other words, an abusive relationship with reading) is fueled solely by the most powerful thing in the world: your imagination that has already failed three college entrance exams.

You are a werewolf. And like all good werewolf, you are a mix of:

Shaman who thinks meditation cures demonic migraines,

Hero that nobody asked for,

Monster with existential crises,

And sustainability consultant for Mother Gaia (bankrupt, of course).

Created by the goddess of the Earth, you were gifted with the ability to turn into a wolf (in other words, walk around naked with style), and tasked with the noble mission of preventing humanity from turning the planet into a cosmic McTrash.

But guess what? You failed. Congratulations.

 Three years ago, your pack was part of the Sept of Broad Brook, Massachusetts (land of maple syrup and spiritual doom), where werewolves still pretended they had a chance against the Wyrm — the spirit of destruction, chaos, and people who comment “first” on YouTube.

While other Septs fell like dominoes at a satanic rave, yours was there, firm, strong, and deluded. Some said you would prevent the Apocalypse. Others just thought it was funny to watch the circus burn.

Now, all that’s left is for you to pick up the pieces (literally), avoid becoming an evil spirit’s kibble, and, who knows, write your name in the Book of Hungry Names — the one that eats hopes, New Year’s promises, and happy endings.

Do you want me to adapt this to become the introduction to chapter 1 as well?

Of course! Here's a Desciclopédia-style warning, with a touch of acid and humor, that you can put at the beginning of your story on Wattpad to make everything clear:

WARNING BEFORE SOME LITIGIOUS SPIRIT COMES TO BARK

This work is a humorous reinterpretation (read: full of irony, sarcasm, dark humor and some inconvenient truths) based on the style of interactive stories like those from Choice of Games. But, before anyone calls the lawyers or invokes the spirit of copyright, let's make something VERY clear:

This is not plagiarism. It's parody. It's a joke. It's entertainment.

(And, let's be honest, not even Mother Gaia would bother to sue.)

The writing adopted follows the Desciclopédia style, that is:

Nothing is sacred.

Everything can be a joke.

If you get offended, congratulations, the system worked.

 This is a tongue-in-cheek homage to the classics of the genre, using the interactive format to tell stories that are bizarre, tragic, hilarious, and incredibly stupid (sometimes all at the same time). None of the original Choice of Games content was copied directly—only the structure was inspired, because let’s face it, reinventing the wheel is a lot of work.

If you want an epic journey with deep moral dilemmas, go play the original.

If you want to laugh at your own misfortune while turning into a werewolf and punching mystical capitalism with your paws, go ahead. It’s your house.

Zerk World) Zombo Stars

**"Captivity: The Extended Cut (With Gratuitous Violence and Rotten Dialogue)"**

*Scene:* You're *tied up, blindfolded, and forced to listen to a villain having a self-assertion crisis* while the van rocks like it's being driven by a *zombie with Parkinson's*.

### **The Smoking Raider and His God Complex**

- **"DO YOU THINK THIS OFFENDS ME, BOY?"** – He says, *clearly offended*.

- *Translation:* **"My ego is so fragile that even compliments sound like insults."**

- **"I'm just as good as you guys *without* having to lick my own balls!"** – *Irrefutable scientific argument*.

- **"The Doctor will *fix* you!"** – *Because nothing says "ethical medicine" like a wolf with post-abduction PTSD.*

### **The Revelation (Or: 'B-Movie Plot Twist')**

- **Raider-Smoker**, between puffs of *radioactive cigar*: **"You were just *test subjects*! Now let's get to the *hot wolves*!"**

- *Villainous logic:* **"Why start with the strong when we can beat up old people first?"**

- **Bly**, the *only sane person in the van*: **"That's like beating up babies and thinking you're Rocky Balboa!"**

- **Raider's response:** *CRUNCH* (Broken bone, because dialogue is *for wimps*).

### **The Dismayed Silence (And the Smell of Rotten Cigar)**

- **Jolon** tries to be *the moralist*: **"You're a coward!"**

- **Raider**, already *bored*: **"Blah blah blah, next scene please."**

- **You**, *knowing you're screwed*: **"At least the *smell of cigarettes* will make me pass out before the torture..."**

### **NEXT VILLAIN OPTIONS (POST-HUMILIATION FAILED)**

1. **"Maker is nothing but a *mad scientist* who plays God!"** *(Taunting her fanboy = +10% chance of beating).*

2. **"Okay, so what's the plan? *Turn us into lampshades?*"** *(Dark humor = only psychological escape).*

3. ***(Pretend to faint)*** *and then attack when they take off your blindfold.* *(Classic, but already failed 3 times today).*

4. **"You guys are *so pathetic* that even *normal humans* laugh at you."** *(Ironic, since you're *handcuffed*).*

- ✅ **It hurts the Raider-Smoker's pride** (who is already *on edge*).

- ✅ **It distracts him** so Bly can *maybe* kick him in the balls.

- ✅ **If you're going to die**, let it be *being the worst possible guest*.

*"Congratulations, you *super-soldier*... even a *stray dog* would give you a trophy for *'Most Embarrassing Participation'*."*

- ☠️ **+1 broken tooth** (but *thanks for the joke*).

- 🔥 **Raider-Smoker gets *so pissed* that he forgets to watch you properly.**

- 🐺 **Bly smiles bloodily in the corner, proud of her *shitty companion*.**

*Go on, **APEX PREDATORI OF CHAOS**, and remember: even the Joker was arrested... *repeatedly**.* 💨🚐💥