Clockwork

Claria - [Mesai I think we should talk]

Claria - [I said some things I shouldn't have, I was hurt I'm sorry. Can we discuss this in person]

The messages came in as I sat on my bed, I was reading a book that I had heard about online. Fortunately I had asked Ashers mum to get it and bring it back when they came to visit next, which happened to be a yesterday. I couldn't actually read it in peace though, I had an unwanted guest. Its not that he wasn't unwanted its just that it had been like this since the other day. We didn't talk we didn't speak we just did our own thing.

It bothered me in a way, I enjoyed the company but it just felt pointless. In the end I gave up after 2 days of questioning this unnecessary act.

It was the 4th day that he came when the messages came in. I never got notification, not unless it was Claria or my distant cousin which I managed to get along with. Because of this I always kept notifications on, it's not like I got lots of them anyway. Claria rarely messaged knowing, my social patterns, so I was a little suprised when I got the text.

Asher looked at the noise of the ping, once I finished reading the message I too looked up. I held eye contact with him for a little, there really was no reason for it though.

My fingers moved faster then I could stop, my brain was acting against and I hated it.

Mesai - [Okay, I can meet today]

Mesai - [I'm at the hospital still]

I sat there for a little while before getting up.

"I have to go." My voice slipped up, I could hear myself sound pained. If I could here it so could he.

Instead of bugging me he just let me be. It felt nice that someone could understand what I meant, it was nice for someone to understand boundaries and give me space when I needed it.

I walked down the floors of the hospital, through the complicated labyrinth of the first floor. I waited in the waiting room for ages, agitated, neverous almost scared. I never had friends to begin with so I thought I hadn't gotten emotionally attached. In reality I wasn't that attached, but it still hurt. She was probably alot more hurt then me and it made me feel almost guilty.

People came and people went in the time I had waited until finally a girl I recognized walked in. She was wearing joggers and an oversized hoodie, comfortable clothes.

"Hey Mesai."

I looked up to meet her gaze before nodding towards the chair opposite me.

"Hi."

"So, are you going to be realised soon."

I nodded my head, implying my obvious answer.

"I was only going to be here for 2 weeks."

"Oh."

Neither of us had to say it, but we both felt the awkwardness continuously increasing.

"I'm sorry. I said things I didn't mean, I was just hurt, just angry."

I looked at her for a while, the words triggering a distance memory.

***

"Mesai your still young but its better for you to learn early."

She stopped for a while looking up to my father's. My small body has turned curiosity back then. My dad's head shock disapprovingly.

"She's just a child let her learn on her own."

"She's young and vulnerable, it's better to learn early and be prepared."

"You can't do this to a little girl she's going to be so pained when she's older."

My mother ignored my fathers remarks continued.

"Remember Mesai, the truth comes out when people are angry. Don't let them lie to you saying they're sorry."

Little me did not understand it then but I had already learnt to understand it by now.

***

"Its okay. I understand."

We couldn't quite revert back to out usual ways, but Claria tried. She continuously asked a few questions for a little while but eventually she gave up. I was tired of talking and she needed to go home. It was time for hs to stop.

However before I could go my brother and Laural walked in. She looked sophisticated as usually buy she didn't feel so unapproachable as when I first met her.

"MESAII." Every time I saw my brother he slowly become more and more vibrant. I didn't realise what 3 weeks in a better household could do to him until it was before me. His recovery was going to be a long journey but it already showed.

The warm smile Claria had never seen I make shocked her when she saw it. She stared for a little while watching my small interactions with my brother.

"Mesai do you know where Asher is, I have a few things to discuss with him and you aswell." Her demeanor was cold but I knew it was just a facade, kind of like myself.

Claria turned to look at me.

"Mesai, is she on about Asher from our class? Why is your brother with this lady? And. . ." she looked up and down at me, the smile, the hug with my brother. She'd probably expected me to be like the way I was with her, with everybody else. Maybe I was cruel but I was kind and gentle with my brother only, it was fair in my eyes.

She didn't continue what she was going to say but she stuck around a little longer.

My brother looked at the pretty girl and asked me about her in curiosity.

"She's my friend."

"Mesai, come on it's important. This is to do with whats going to happen legally. The laywer will be there"

The happiness and life I felt drained. This was a reminder, peace doesn't last long. This was just an escape. Nothing will change from the way it was. I will continue living with or without the abuse. Maybe I'll end up missing my uncle, he wasn't bad at first.

I followed laurel quietly leaving my brother with the Claria and the nurses. The walk to the toom felt suffocating, the air was heavy. I would hate this, just like I hated everything in this fucked up world. This conversation would just be all that I had been through compiled up with lots of sympathetic looks.

I didn't want that from Laurel. I didn't want that from the random stranger lawyer that would be there. I didn't want that from Asher.

I walked into the room, there was a lawyer that Laurel had hired, Asher, a police officer and what looked to be an Investigator.

"Good afternoon Mesai." As I walked in the lawyer spoke, standing up and shaking my hand. I just nodded in response amd found the nearest seat.

The police officer waited for me and everybody else to sit down before speaking.

"We would like to discuss legal matters. We'll be going to court, you are most certainly going to win but we need statements and evidence. We already have 3 witnesses including you, your brother and Asher. We would like to talk about what happened but before that we also need to talk about something"

Their was a pause.

"Your a minor and we can't really talk to you without a guardian. However your situation is a little different. Your only relatives near are your uncle and aunty. For obvious reasons you can't have your uncle. Your Aunty also can't he your guardian as it is legally specified by your parents that your Aunty is not a suitable figure, we'd like to know why that is the cause."

I thought for a little while coming up with my answer.

"Can I do this without a guardian."

"You can however it is very strongly advised that you have one."

"Does it have to be family."

"It can be someone you trust strongly due to circumstances."

I glance over to Laurel making eye contact for a little while.

"In that case I'd like Laurel to be my Guardian."

"Okay than we shall proceed."

This was going to be a long process which I already hated.

"When did the abuse start?"

"The abuse was only just turned physical, a day or two before this incident. "

"Am I right in assuming that it was mental abuse before then?"

"It can be called that, yes."

"Did your Aunty ever play a roll in it, or try to stop it. Anything at all?"

"She did nothing. She ignored it all, liked there was a sound proof wall between us."

The office and Investigator looked between each other at that statement, it was like they expect something. It was like they new something I didn't. And the worse thing was that they probably did know something. I felt a weird feeling in my stomach. I couldn't pin point what it was or how it began. It was like I was like the last few piece of the puzzles was given to me.

Or taken away?

I couldn't tell.

The question continued, they dug through every nut and cranny they could think of from the beginning till end. Fortunately it didn't all start until 3 years after staying with my Uncle so my recollection was prettu clear, clearer than when I was 10.

"This is the final thing. Possibly one of the most if not the most important question."

"What are you planning to do once you leave the hospital?"

It was something I hadn't really thought about, what was I to do? Asher had asked a thing similar to this a little while ago and I just brushed it off.

I'm a 15 year old girl who doesn't have a job or any money. The only money I do have is from the paper rounds that I do whenever I have spare time. I have about £500 saved up from doing that for nearly two years. What was I supposed to do?

I had no close relatives and I couldn't move not whilst it was my last year of school, not when my distant relatives barely had enough money to look after themselves. Brandon was with Laurel but I couldn't ask her to look after me too. I'd be too big of a burden. She has enough with my brother and Asher's medical bill are most certainly expensive even with the NHS.

I would probably go into a foster home but with stricter regulations that will need to be met, it'd be hard to find a place. I was a 'troubled teen' who was in an abusive house with a brother, that already puts me off the market. Not just that, I'm in GCSE years which means I'll have to have a foster home that is near the school. It's too much even if I'm a well behaved child.

My silence lasted a long time, I was thinking. I was thinking of all the suitable options in my head. It was like clockwork.

Tic, tic ,tic. It didn't end. Eventually I came up with something.

"I can stay in a cheap youth hostel, their normally very cheap. I'll find a small job that will take teenagers. I can juggle that until I'm 16 in a few month's before getting a better job?"

As I spoke I felt a familiar gaze. Ashers eyes looked a little pained. It wasn't a sympathic look, it was more one of self blame. Maybe it was just for a brief moment, but when we made eye contact it felt like I could understand what he meant, it wasn't what I thought. I wasn't even something I could explain, it wasn't something I could write down or explain in a book. He just knew and so did I. Nobody else would understand but us. It was nice.

My moment's rest was then broken by another familiar thing. This time it was the voice belonging to Raphael, which was extremely unexpected.

What the fuck.

"Sorry I'm late to the meeting, I was running late on an operation. Luckily I caught this moment of conversation in time. Mesai can stay with me. I'll foster or adopt or whatever or it can just be a small arrangement until she's of age."

The silence was a little defeaning, everbody felt that.

I just stood there in a daze. I subconsciously let my own mouth run rampant.

"What the fuck."