gone pope

dude: what's the news

dasch: well the pope passed away

dude: what else

dasch: i mean what else is more newsworthy than that?

dude: it's just a pope

dasch: no it's the pope

dude: no it's just a pope among so many others in history

dasch: but this pope was the most recent one. it deserves a special treatment.

dude: i never had any personal connection to him? is it him or her?

dasch: dude, there is no such thing as female pope.

dude: i think that's newsworthy, don't you think.

dasch: to think about it. it is quite strange why there's no female pope.

dude: who knows there might be one and she's just not around as much and likes to stay home. staying lowkey.

dasch: popes can't be lowkey. they gotta be out somewhere to bless others in need. don't you think.

dude: maybe they decided to have roles. male pope goes out to work and female pope works at home.

dasch: isn't that pretty sexist? plus they are probably not even married.

dude: i don't know why they agreed to those roles. i can't answer that. i am not into popes. are you much of their follower?

dasch: nah, i just know. you know they are on the news.

dude: i wonder they have salary for being on TVs.

dasch: probably, don't they gotta make a living of their own? after all they are just humans too. they must have expenses.

dude: but maybe they fare well just living off of collection.

dasch: what's the collection about?

dude: i was thinking they would pass around like a basket where followers pay out of their pocket in cathedrals

dasch: the popes are in vatican, they would only get the ones from Vatican, not anywhere else.

dude: yeah, i doubt that cathedrals around the world wire transfer to the popes. just imagine the popes with paypal or cryptocurrency wallets.

dasch: i could totally imagine them having their own cellphones though.

dude: that's not too far away from having paypal or crypto wallets then.

dasch: they are probably crypto rich, who knows.

dude: yeah who would care to audit the popes. they are the highest moral standard.

dasch: i wonder if they get tax exemption.

dude: how's that so

dasch: because they are doing everything for humanity. in a sense, they are non-profit.

dude: to be honest, i have done nothing for me.

dasch: you don't follow them anyways. and you never donate for them either.

dude: maybe even donators never got much benefit from them either who knows.

dasch: i mean the popes must be praying very hard. they are supposed to be very close to the god.

dude: the problem is we don't know what they are praying for.

dasch: i do remember seeing them praying publicly.

dude: i am talking about private prayers. if they are working hard, they should pray whenever possible whether camera is on or off.

dasch: you know they need privacy too. they need to unwind too once in a while. they can't be praying all day long.

dude: that's actually true. otherwise they will die praying. we don't want their prayers to be cut short.

dasch: i wonder what they do in their free time.

dude: probably nothing religious.

dasch: how so.

dude: imagine you are a basketball player. you wouldn't play basketball on vacation.

dasch: good point. but if it's nothing religious, what would it be.

dude: that's quite difficult to get at. they have cellphones so they might be playing games or doing social media.

dasch: i think they could be playing classic games like solitaire or chess.

dude: i can see where you are getting at. those classic games have somewhat medieval themes. chess has knight. solitare has kings and queens.

dasch: maybe taking even further, they could be playing poker if they have cards to play solitaire. it's just one more step from solitaire.

dude: are you suggesting they might be gambling.

dasch: i never said that. poker can be totally absent of money betting.

dude: then they must be losing out on all the fun that poker really is about.

dasch: since they are non-profit, they wouldn't have any direct access to money to bet at all.

dude: maybe they can bet some old latin books they have in their study.

dasch: you mean they would be good at speaking latin and so they may have old books that may worth alot for historical value?

dude: yeah like old poems or manuscripts dating back to roman times.

dasch: that's actually a very healthy version of poker. when you win you get more books that you can read and learn more.

dude: wouldn't it be boring though.

dasch: yeah it's too dry to be honest. they gotta bet something more materialistic like jewelry or something.

dude: you know how in cathedrals they sometimes share bread and wine for celebration or something.

dasch: are you sure that's related to catholic?

dude: to be honest, i don't care. let's just say that that is true.

dasch: sure why not.

dude: they could be their wines. i bet they have large collection of wines and spirits.

dasch: but aren't they for just sprinkling holy water? i don't think holy water is supposed to be alcoholic. i think your alcoholism is actually distorting their real tradition.

dude: i do not know. you don't know. i think no one has truly tasted the holy water. it's only to be sprinkled on someone.

dasch: yeah that I can agree with. but still why alcoholic.

dude: you know holy water is supposed to cleanse someone of their sins. this basically frees them from guilt and corruption.

dasch: okay, that sounds pretty reasonable. since it's all about forgiving and confessing your wrongdoings.

dude: well think about it. don't you think sins and wrongdoings are like virus, bacteria, and germs?

dasch: yeah, i could see how they might be related.

dude: well, when you use hand sanitizer, what is it removing?

dasch: germs? so you are saying this is evidence that holy waters are alcohols that exterminate sins and wrongdoings which are germs?

dude: precisely, you are on the right track.

dasch: but then why would they have so much wine or spirits if they are only using it to sprinkle. it's not gonna need that much.

dude: well think about how much sins and wrongdoings humanity have.

dasch: oh...crap... so you are saying

dude: yeah man, they probably don't have enough wines and spirits to cleanse all humanity from their sins and wrongdoings.

dasch: oh man, isn't humanity then kinda screwed?

dude: why so?

dasch: because on one hand, the popes are keeping all the alcohols to cleanse people, on the other hand, the humanity drink their brain out to commit more sins.

dude: that actually captures how this vicious cycle works and why alcohols are forever needed in this world.

dasch: i think we are entering the conspiracy zone.

dude: yeah, it's as the popes are running a business of sin cleansing. they will never run out of clients too because as long as people get drunk, the sins will never run out.

dasch: this is some black market economy in operation.

dude: except it's not black at all, it's all legal and happening this very second.

dasch: don't you think we will be in trouble if we ever let others know about this scheme.

dude: i'm sure we don't want to be on the other side from the catholics.

dasch: we should stay clear of cathedrals then.

dude: but for now, their morale has plummet because as you said, the pope died.

dasch: maybe we are good for now.

dude: there will be a new one soon.

dasch: does that mean it's a new CEO?

dude: yes and the rest of followers are their employees.

dasch: holy moly.

dude: yeah, it would mean it's the largest non-profit organization.

dasch: it has monopoly too.

dude: well, there are other competitors you know as many as other religions that are out there.

dasch: oh so they are like the conglomerates and corporate dinosaurs.

dude: yeah man. in a sense, this world never has unemployment rate.

dasch: because even if you are jobless, these religions will hire them.

dude: yeah, exactly. they are always hiring new ones.

dasch: wait but what does that make me. i'm just a dog and i got no job and no religion too.

dude: well, i didn't wanna say this out aloud but you are not part of humanity so you don't count.

dasch: but i am pretty human, the very conversation we have is only so human.

dude: i don't know how these religions count dogs. i think that burden is on you.

dasch: i mean since i haven't been reached out. i guess they are unaware of me.

dude: yeah you are probably an anomaly. i am not sure if it's supposed to be a good thing.

dasch: well, i want to see it as a bright side. it means i am not working for anyone.

dude: maybe it means you are your own boss. congrats.

dasch: but how about you, are they gonna come after you?

dude: now i think about what we discussed today, they would never do that.

dasch: why?

dude: cause i am the most violent drinker and sinner, so i am their untouchable mega client.

dasch: i wonder how much sprinkling they would need to do to exterminate your sins.

dude: they will need a firetruck and firehose.

dasch: are you ready to face that?

dude: i mean the pope just died so i am waiting to see how things are gonna shake up. i don't wanna make a move when they are in the midst of process.

dasch: well, i guess we will just have to wait and see what the new pope is all about.

dude: for real, until then i think i'm gona head out and grab some beer. you care to join me?

dasch: nah i think i'm good. maybe i will think twice after knowing what the new pope is all about.

dude: i respect your decision.

dasch: so do i

dude: cheers

dasch: adieu amigo