Chapter 3: I Sneezed, Her Pill Exploded, and Now I Have to Mop with My Face
Lin Feng had been a disciple of Azure Sky Sect for less than 48 hours, and already he was a legend.
Not a good kind.
A why-is-he-still-alive kind.
"Today we begin your alchemy training," said Elder Mu Dan, her voice sharp enough to dice onions. "You will learn the sacred art of refining pills. With discipline. With control. With—"
Quack.
The elder paused.
On a nearby windowsill, Lin Feng's self-declared spirit beast—the world's first Fire-Spitting Spirit Duck—stared blankly at her and yawned. A tiny fireball drifted lazily from its beak, singeing a hanging scroll.
Elder Mu Dan sighed as if her patience had just declared bankruptcy.
Lin Feng shuffled awkwardly into the alchemy hall, dragging his over-sized robe, one slipper missing, and a distinct aura of "I'm sorry in advance."
"Lin Feng," said Elder Mu Dan, "you will sit at the farthest cauldron. Preferably behind a barrier. Preferably underground."
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Enter the Ice Queen
His neighbor? None other than Senior Sister Bai Xue—the Ice Phoenix of the Inner Court. Refined. Powerful. Radiating chilly disdain like an immortal glacier in human form.
She glanced at him once and immediately summoned a wind barrier between their tables.
"Touch nothing. Breathe nothing. Exist quietly," she said without looking.
Lin Feng bowed politely. "I shall do my utmost to fail less."
The duck waddled in and perched atop his cauldron like it owned the place. Lin Feng tried to shoo it away.
"Don't spit fire in here, alright?"
The duck blinked. Then spit a fireball directly into his face.
---
Refining Begins…
The lesson began.
Everyone lit their pill flames with grace and focus.
Lin Feng struck a matchstick against his boot, then another. Then another. He was on his seventh match when his cauldron finally sputtered to life—mostly from the duck sneezing into it.
"Close enough," he whispered.
Step 1: Add Stargrass. Easy.
Step 2: Add Frostroot. Cool and minty.
Step 3: Crush Sunflower Pulp.
Lin Feng accidentally crushed a piece of moonstone and his own finger.
"Bit crunchy, but sure."
Senior Sister Bai Xue's pill flame shone like a winter aurora, her cauldron producing the faint outline of a rare Ice Phoenix Pill. The other disciples whispered in awe.
Meanwhile, Lin Feng's cauldron was bubbling like angry soup.
He leaned in. "Is that normal? Why is it purple?"
The duck sniffed it. Then promptly fell unconscious.
Then it happened.
A tingle.
A tickle.
No. Not now.
His nose twitched.
He turned away. Focused. Thought of mountains. Waterfalls. The Sect Leader's terrifying eyebrows.
But Bai Xue's spiritual aura—icy and intense—swept over him like a cold slap to the sinuses.
"—ACHOOOO!"
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Alchemy Apocalypse
The sneeze was seismic.
It shook his cauldron.
It tilted Bai Xue's.
It ignited four nearby tables.
BOOM!!!
Her cauldron detonated in a shimmering cyclone of ice, snow, and medicinal horror. Three disciples were flash-frozen. A phoenix statue cried actual tears. Someone's pants turned into icicles and shattered mid-sprint.
The duck woke up, sneezed in retaliation, and launched a fireball that perfectly roasted a medicinal herb rack.
Lin Feng crawled out from behind a melting desk. "Did I pass?"
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The Aftermath
Elder Mu Dan stood before the devastation, hands trembling.
"You. Sneezed. And caused an Ice Pill Chain Reaction."
"To be fair," said Lin Feng, "that should be worth bonus points for elemental synergy."
"Synergy?! You turned my alchemy hall into a battlefield!"
Senior Sister Bai Xue stormed toward him, her robe shredded by the blast, hair frizzed, and eyes glowing with murder.
"My Ice Phoenix Pill—weeks of work—ruined by your disgusting sneeze!"
Lin Feng raised a defensive hand. "Technically, it was a spiritual sneeze. Very advanced."
"You—!"
Elder Mu Dan intervened before Bai Xue turned Lin Feng into a popsicle.
"As punishment… you will clean the entire alchemy hall using nothing but your spiritual energy."
Lin Feng scratched his head. "I… don't have enough spiritual energy."
"Then use your tongue for all I care."
The duck cackled and spat a tiny fireball in approval.
---
Later…
Lin Feng was on hands and knees, scrubbing melted pill goo from floor tiles while muttering apologies to no one in particular.
Junior disciples passed by.
"That's him."
"The Duck Disaster."
"Did you hear he defeated a dragon-blooded genius by kicking his celestial grapes?"
Bai Xue strode past, wearing a new robe, but still looking like she wanted to exile him to the Shadow Realm.
"Stay fifty feet away from me at all times," she snapped.
Lin Feng gave her a thumbs up while elbow-deep in spiritual sludge. "Don't worry, Senior Sister! My allergies only trigger when I'm nervous, anxious, or breathing."
The duck gave her a wink.
She summoned a sword.
Lin Feng screamed.
End of Chapter.
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