Chapter 10: The Sect Leader’s Hair Turned White Overnight Because I Accidentally Made Him Taste My Cultivation Porridge
It was dawn in the Azure Sky Sect, and birds chirped sweetly from the crimson-tasseled rooftops.
Lin Feng, however, was in the kitchen again—unsupervised.
A tragedy in progress.
"Today," he whispered, "I shall cook a porridge so profound, so divine, it'll unlock new realms of spiritual enlightenment!"
The duck, already traumatized from last night's Illusion Banquet incident, let out a skeptical quack and flapped toward the window, muttering duck curses.
Lin Feng opened a sacred recipe scroll he'd found in the Sect Library's forbidden wing. It was titled:
"Celestial Spirit Porridge: WARNING – Side effects may include confusion, immortality, or irreversible digestive enlightenment."
"Perfect," Lin Feng grinned, tying his apron like a war general donning armor. "Time to break through breakfast barriers."
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Step 1: The Gathering of Ingredients
Lin Feng marched into the herb garden with a burlap sack and a dangerous lack of supervision. He grabbed:
Thousand-Year Lotus Root (was still alive and screamed when pulled)
Laughing Mist Beans (made you giggle and hallucinate purple squirrels)
Sky-Fire Millet (which spontaneously combusted when agitated)
Phoenix Egg Yolk (a rare item, stolen from the kitchen's top shelf)
"Chef Lin strikes again," he declared, holding up his loot. "Let's make breakfast history."
The duck returned, dragging a jar labeled "Do Not Consume: Void-Spirit Chili Paste".
Lin Feng nodded sagely. "Yes, yes. Good thinking. Spicy is always better for cultivation."
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Step 2: Cooking Catastrophe Begins
He lit the fire with a match, some Qi, and the duck's tail feathers (the duck screamed in betrayal).
Then he tossed in the ingredients with no respect for proportions:
One scoop of phoenix yolk (it exploded briefly).
A handful of Laughing Mist Beans (the porridge began to giggle).
Sky-Fire Millet (the pot burst into flame, then immediately froze over).
And finally, the Void-Spirit Chili Paste.
The entire kitchen began humming in an ancient language.
The porridge turned purple, then glowed, then began chanting, "You shall not digest me."
"It's talking. That means it's working," Lin Feng said confidently, ignoring the duck who was trying to scribble a will with a piece of charcoal.
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Step 3: Enter the Sect Leader
Sect Leader Mo Tianyun was enjoying his morning meditation when his nose twitched.
A smell.
A terrifying smell.
Like enlightenment mixed with sewage and regret.
He followed it.
Moments later, the great doors of the kitchen burst open.
"Lin Feng," he said slowly, "why does the air taste… purple?"
Lin Feng beamed. "I made porridge! Want to try?"
The porridge bubbled. "Consume me and behold the secrets of the universe... and possibly your own intestines."
Mo Tianyun stared at the glowing bowl.
Lin Feng held it out with both hands. "Please, Sect Leader. As a token of respect."
There was a long pause.
"…Very well," Mo Tianyun said. "One spoon."
The duck fell over in slow motion.
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Step 4: Instant Karma
Mo Tianyun took the spoonful.
There was silence.
Then a tremble.
Then he dropped the spoon.
He looked at Lin Feng.
"Your porridge…"
"Yes?" Lin Feng asked hopefully.
"Just unlocked my ninth spirit vein," he whispered, wide-eyed. "But also…"
"Yes?!"
"My hair…"
With a gust of mystical wind, his entire head turned snow white.
"...turned white," he finished solemnly. "I have aged 10,000 years in a single bite."
Everyone gasped.
The duck fainted.
Lin Feng was amazed. "Senior! You reached enlightenment!"
The Sect Leader stood, glowing faintly. "I can see the truth of reality now. Everything… is noodles."
He then walked outside, barefoot, smiling gently at the sky. "The clouds… they're dumplings."
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Step 5: Consequences of Enlightenment
News spread fast.
"Sect Leader's hair turned white!"
"Lin Feng cooked breakfast again!"
"Is the kitchen still on fire?"
"Yes!"
Elder Mu Dan burst into the kitchen, saw the porridge levitating and chanting mantras, and slapped Lin Feng with her alchemy spatula.
"You created a sentient meal again, didn't you?!"
Lin Feng hid behind the duck. "It was only supposed to be spicy!"
The porridge began to float toward her.
"I am destiny," it whispered ominously.
She punched it into the next dimension.
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Step 6: The Aftermath
The next morning, Mo Tianyun returned, robes glowing like a celestial tapestry.
"Lin Feng."
"Yes, Sect Leader?"
"I had 37 prophetic dreams. One of them involved you becoming the God of Soup."
Lin Feng gasped. "That sounds accurate!"
"As a result, I have decided…"
Lin Feng gulped.
"…to never eat anything you cook without wearing full spiritual armor again."
"Oh. Fair."
"Also, you are promoted to 'Kitchen Guardian Third Class.'"
The duck tilted its head.
"That's not a real title," Lin Feng whispered.
Mo Tianyun gave him a look. "It is now."
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