Chapter 9: The Forbidden Banquet of Illusions: I Got Trapped in a Dream Buffet Where the Noodles Called Me Weak

Lin Feng stepped through the shimmering gate of the second trial, still burping up hints of spicy regret. Behind him, Bai Xue clutched a talisman pouch, Whiskers licked a paw covered in soot, and the duck flapped along with a dumpling skewer clutched in its foot like a divine weapon.

The next chamber shimmered with golden mist and smelled faintly of coriander and cosmic disappointment. A floating sign greeted them:

"Trial Three: The Forbidden Banquet of Illusions. Resist the temptations of desire. Or become soup."

Lin Feng squinted. "Does this mean free food, or a metaphorical inner journey that will reveal my truest self through hardship and reflection?"

Bai Xue glanced around at the floating dumplings, levitating roast pigs, and a dancing custard bun.

"Definitely the first one. Or the last one. Maybe both."

Suddenly, a deep voice echoed around the hall.

"Who dares enter the Hall of Illusions with hunger in their heart and crumbs in their soul?"

Lin Feng raised a hand. "That would be me. Also, do you have napkins?"

The mist swirled, and a massive banquet table materialized. Dishes of every imaginable type—spirit eel sushi, sky bamboo rice, phoenix feather salad—floated before them.

Then the food began to talk.

A bowl of noodles twisted its form into a sneering face and said in a raspy tone, "Weak. I've seen stronger cultivators cry over spicy tofu."

Lin Feng blinked. "Did that noodle just roast me before I roasted it?"

"You have entered the Forbidden Banquet of Illusions," intoned the voice again. "Eat, and face your fears. Deny your hunger, and face your truth."

Lin Feng turned to Bai Xue. "Is this a therapy session or lunch?"

"Both," she muttered, already dodging a hostile dumpling that had leapt off a platter.

Subchapter 1: The Noodle Showdown

Lin Feng found himself alone before a massive bowl of steaming dream-noodles. They writhed with smug energy and began to chant.

"Coward! Peasant palate! You use chili oil from a bottle!"

"Hey! That was a family recipe!" Lin Feng shouted.

The noodles coiled up and formed into the shape of a majestic warrior with noodle arms and chopstick legs. "If you can defeat me in the Art of the Slurp, you may eat. Otherwise, suffer eternal culinary mockery."

Lin Feng rolled up his sleeves. He summoned every ounce of spiritual energy he had (which wasn't much—his dantian wheezed), and grabbed the chopsticks.

"Prepare yourself, Pasta Spirit! I shall slurp you into submission!"

What followed was a battle of epic proportions: slurping sounds like whirlwinds, spiritual sauce flying, Lin Feng dodging rogue scallions that sliced through air like blades.

In the end, Lin Feng managed to vacuum the entire bowl in one glorious gulp.

"SLUUUUURRRPPP!"

The noodle warrior gasped and exploded into glittering sesame seeds.

A gong rang. "Trial of Pride: Passed."

Subchapter 2: The Roast Duck of Self-Doubt

Next up, Lin Feng found himself in a dream kitchen. A golden roast duck on a platter spoke in a deep baritone.

"You think you're funny. But deep down, you're afraid no one respects your cultivation path."

"...How did a duck get so insightful?"

"I read books," said the roast duck. "Also, I represent your insecurities."

Lin Feng sighed. "Is every meal in this place going to psychoanalyze me?"

The duck nodded. "Also, I'm sentient. If you eat me, it's murder."

Lin Feng hesitated.

Then the duck sneezed into the stuffing and said, "Just kidding. I'm an illusion. Chow down, loser."

He ate it. It tasted like roasted therapy.

Subchapter 3: Bai Xue vs The Judgmental Tea Set

Meanwhile, Bai Xue faced her own trial.

A set of ancient teacups floated around her.

"You're too uptight," said the first cup.

"You need to let go of your fear of exploding cauldrons," said the second.

"You secretly enjoyed Lin Feng calling you 'Senior Sister Boom-Boom,'" whispered the third.

She shattered all three with a flick of qi.

"Emotional stability: Passed," intoned the Trial Spirit.

Subchapter 4: The Duck's Inner Demon is a Pancake

The duck stared into a mirror where a demonic pancake appeared.

"You will never be more than garnish," it said darkly.

The duck squawked, launched a chopstick into the mirror, and moonwalked away.

"Demon confronted. Identity asserted."

Subchapter 5: The Final Platter - Mirror Meal

At the heart of the banquet, Lin Feng faced one final dish: a mirror showing him at a grand sect table, alone, everyone else gone.

The voice said: "This is your future if you continue to chase laughs instead of power."

Lin Feng frowned. "That's... dark."

Then he threw a pie at the mirror.

"Nah. I choose food, friends, and flaming ducks."

The mirror shattered. The mist cleared. The gate to the next trial opened.

To Be Continued...