Chapter 6 - Flower

CONTENT WARNING: This story contains a sensitive scene that may be distressing to some readers. If you're experiencing a mental health crisis or thoughts of self-harm, please reach out for help:

- NATIONAL CENTER FOR MENTAL HEALTH (PH): 1553 or 1800-1888-1553

- Your local emergency services

- A trusted friend, family member, or mental health professional

***

**PROLOGUE**

[2002]

"I know parents make mistakes because they're human, but can I say they were selfish, Elena?"

I was stopped short by Fern's words as he composed himself and gently wiped his swollen eyes.

"Didn't they even think about how their children would be hurt when they made decisions about their lives?"

Again and again, I had no response except to sit beside him and let him speak and pour out his feelings.

"Why did Dad keep gambling when he knew it would hurt us?" he asked again, and like before, I could only respond with silence. "Why didn't Mom try harder to stay with us?"

I looked at him quickly, unable to help feeling pity for him and his twin who were now both orphans.

"I understand they're human, but as our parents, shouldn't they have cared more about how Zahara and I would feel?"

Tears began to fall again from his eyes, causing me to let out a deep sigh as I gently patted his back.

'How can I answer her questions when I ask myself the same things? But what's even sadder is that Fern will never get the chance to ask these questions to his parents who chose to abandon them both.'

***

[2002]

FLOWER

For months, beauty unseen.

I know there are wounds that need healing.

But longing still remains,

awaiting your return.

***

"Mama!" When I opened the door, I found Aunt Zenaida on her knees while the twins held both of her hands.

"Let me go!" She was struggling, trying to reach for the rope in front of her. I immediately ran to grab the rope and take it away from her.

"Mom, do you think this will solve our problems?" said Zahara, her eyes red and swollen from crying.

'Thank God, I was wrong earlier. It was an attempt and thankfully the twins were here to stop her.'

"I can't take it anymore, Zahara. Your bastard father keeps hurting me over and over! All he does is love himself more than us. It would be better if I just disappeared—"

"Mom, please!" Fern shouted, which silenced auntie.

'I've never seen Fern this serious before.'’

"Mom, will you leave me and Zahara like papa did? Don't you love us anymore? Do you think my twin and I won't be hurt when you're gone?"

'It changed. This time, Fern managed to confront her mom.'

Even Zahara fell silent like me because she wasn't used to seeing Fern this serious either. Among the three of us, he was the one who made everything into a joke. Even when our playmates would punch him back then, he could still joke around and brush everything off.

"You're not alone, mom. Zahara and I are here now. So please--" Like Zahara and me, auntie remained speechless as her knees seemed to weaken, and she collapsed completely onto the floor as tears began to fall from her eyes.

Zahara immediately embraced auntie while Fern let out a deep sigh before walking out of their house. When I turned my gaze to Zahara, she slowly nodded at me, prompting me to follow her twin outside.

***

"Fern." He quickly turned around, but I could still see him wiping away his tears.

"You don't have to hide from me, Fern. Just cry if you're sad. Come on, we've known each other since you were seven. I've seen you cry before - your nose was running so much..."

I couldn't finish what I was saying as tears started falling from his eyes, followed by uncontrollable crying, which made me sigh and approach him for a hug.

'I don't know how to comfort someone, but I remember what grandmother told me before, that a hug is equivalent to saying I'm here. Hopefully, this helps her somehow.'

"Thank you, Elena," he said after breaking away from the hug.

"If you hadn't told me what was happening while I was away, I might not have stopped Mom in time."

*

"Did you get everything Elena? Want some bagnet for Grandma?"

"This is enough, Fern, too much actually," I replied while holding a bag of souvenirs she brought from the other province.

"Well, if Grandma Amanda wants more, just come back, okay? We won't eat all this, and Dad might just sell it for drinks." I suddenly stopped at what he said.

'I feel really guilty about this. He really has no idea what's happening. Isn't this unfair to him?'

"You should head home, it looks like the rain will get worse." I nodded and was about to open my umbrella when I hesitated and faced him again, causing him to look at me with wide eyes.

"What is it? Did you forget something?"

"Ah... well"—

"Well what?"

"Grandma asked me to tell you... y-yes, she said you and your twin should have lunch at our house while your mom isn't home yet," I answered, then quickly turned away and opened my umbrella.

"Oh okay, we'll come over, I'll just clean up so Mom won't get mad when she's back—"

'I can't keep this secret anymore.'

"Fern," I said, turning to face him.

"I need to tell you something."

*

"If you hadn't told me about mom's current situation, I might not have been able to stop her earlier."

As I said, this was supposed to happen next month. But even before that tragedy could occur, aunt had probably already attempted many times. She must have reached her limit because since we were children, Uncle Fernando's vices and borrowing large amounts of money from various people had been happening repeatedly.

"I understand Zahara, but is my game more important than my mother?" Fern continued, making me look at him now.

'Again, I'm not used to seeing him being serious.'

"Problems are too heavy to bear alone," he said, making me slowly smile and nod. "I can't blame mom either, she's tired of dad too... it's like he loved his vices more than his family. But now that my twin and I are aware, mom has someone to share her burden with."

"And besides, you're all here to help us, right? ...or don't tell me you won't help us because I won't hesitate to ignore you too, just like Zahara."

'And he's back, the Fern I know.'

"Fine," I said while dodging his attempt to pinch my cheeks, which he always does to tease me.

"Let's go home, the rain's getting stronger," I told him, but this rascal just chased after me, trying to pinch my cheeks.

Now there's hope that auntie will live. Unlike before when she seemed to face problems alone, now she has Fern, Zahara, and grandmother and me ready to help her.

'That same question keeps coming back - What if I had done this before? If I hadn't been selfish, could I have saved auntie then?'

***

"Elena!"

An extremely loud knock on my bedroom door, making me almost jump up from lying down.

"It's so early..." I suddenly stopped and my eyes widened when I saw not just Fern but also Alejandro and Zahara standing there.

I quickly closed it and turned to the mirror beside me.

'Damn, my hair's a mess and I still have eye boogers.'

"Hey Elena, it's just us, come out!"

"What is it? It's so early, Fern."

"Don't you want to help? Come sell pancakes and drinks with us outside."

I let out a sigh and stopped combing my hair. "Of course I'll help. But let me get ready first!"

***

"You and Zahara make the pancakes, and Alejandro and I will take care of the cold drinks," Fern said while handing me an apron.

I couldn't even take my usual thirty-minute shower because they wouldn't leave me alone earlier. If this wasn't for auntie, I would have beaten up Fern by now.

"Do you know how to make pancake batter?" Zahara asked, making me pause.

'After avoiding me for a month, I'd forgotten what this girl's voice sounded like.'

"Don't worry, mom gave us a recipe to follow."

I nodded in response and was about to take the large bowl she was offering, but hesitated when she pulled it back.

"I-I'm sorry," she said, making me stop frowning and look at her. "I wanted to say sorry for a while now, I was just embarrassed because I was wrong and childish and—"

"No, Zahara," I interrupted, looking right at her. "I should be the one apologizing, I was mean, selfish and—"

"Alejandro explained it all. I was just really immature and overreacted. I'm even embarrassed in front of Alejandro now..."

"now he knows I have a crush on him," she whispered, making me smile and unable to resist hugging her.

'I really missed her.'

"Since when did you learn to hug?" she joked, but she hugged me back tightly too.

"Okay, we have a customer," Fern interrupted, making us both let go.

"How much for the pancake?"

"Hey, how much is this?" I turned to ask them.

"Three pesos each," Alejandro answered, which I just nodded to and quickly turned my attention back to the child buying.

"Three pesos each, how many do you want?"

"Three pancakes," the child answered, making me smile.

"Zahara, three pancakes," I called out to her who was on the veranda where the stove was.

"Three pancakes, got it!"

"How about some cold drinks, kid? Of course, if you're going to push something down, you need something to wash it down with," Fern said, making Alejandro and me laugh at his excellent sales talk.

"Five hundred and fifty-six pesos!" Fern exclaimed after counting our sales.

It was only two in the afternoon and all our goods were sold out, probably thanks to Fern's powerful sales talk and Aunt Zenaida's delicious pancake recipe.

"So our capital was two hundred, we can return that to Grandma Amanda, and the profit of three hundred fifty-six pesos will be our capital for tomorrow," Zahara explained while holding a pen and paper to record the sales.

"Would it be okay if you each get twenty pesos as salary—"

"No need, Fern." Before Fern could even finish what he was saying, Alejandro and I refused.

"Better add that to the payment for uncle's debts," I told him. "My intention is to help, not to get paid."

"That's right Fern, I volunteered anyway, this is my help to you."

"A-are you sure?" asked Zahara who paused from her writing and seemed to be having second thoughts.

"Haven't Fern and I bothered you enough? Especially you Elena? You might need to review—"

"To hell with that review, I've barely opened my books since vacation started," I said, causing them all to furrow their brows at me.

"What's the point of calling it a vacation if I'm just going to study?" I continued.

"Elena, is that you?" Fern joked while holding both my cheeks. "Has something possessed you again?"

"You're really crazy," I said, pushing his hands away.

"But seriously, thank you all," said Zahara. "This is a big help in paying off dad's debts."

"No worries Zahara," said Alejandro.

"Hey, don't be like that, my twin's bottom might start tingling from excitement."

"Oh, Fern shut up!" Zahara burst out, suddenly hitting her twin with a notebook. She probably had enough since Fern had been teasing her about Alejandro non-stop.

"Okay, okay, I'll stop. Zahara might float away from happiness,"said Alejandro, making Zahara glare and hit him with the notebook too.

'I missed this.'

Fern's jokes, Zahara's shouting, and Alejandro joining Fern's teasing.

'All of this disappeared before because of me. But this time, I won't let this friendship end again.'

***

Stop crying and rise.

Show your beauty once more.

Heal your wounds

and journey towards your ARAPAAP

***

**EPILOGUE**

It's now June and almost two weeks have passed since classes started.

I'm here now in front of Caloy's gate but like yesterday, their gate is still locked. The last time I saw him was when we ate porridge and I gave him the cassette tape.

"Did they move again? But if so, couldn't he at least say goodbye?"

"They went back to America to get Sir Carlo's eyes treated."

I turned to look at the woman opening Caloy's gate.

"And who are you? How do you know they left?"

"Because unlike you, Sir Carlo said goodbye to me," she said with a sarcastic smile before closing the gate behind her.

'What was that about?'

I started to leave but stopped when I recognized the woman.

My eyes got big and I looked back at her. "Kenley?"

'This isn't how I was supposed to meet her.'

*

"Are you Elena?"

I slowly lifted my head from the pocket book I was reading.

'Who's this disturbing me. What I hate most is being interrupted while reading a book.'

"What?" " I said, raising my eyebrow because I was annoyed.

"I'm the transferee, I just wanted to ask about the math lesson earlier, I didn't understand it. And ma'am said I should ask you—"

"Is it my fault that you're stupid?" I said rudely before turning my attention back to the book I was reading.

*