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Talking excitedly about her virginity and her not having bled when first

pierced, she remarked, "Susan told me that when she--" Then she stopped

and turned the conversation, but my curiosity was whetted. I pressed her

to tell more, she got confused, said it was her cousin Susan, would not

go on to say what Susan had said, at last refused to say more. I did

not forget it, and one night as I lay kissing her and fingering her

clitoris, she told me under promise of the greatest secrecy, that her

sister Susan bled when her young man first put it up her, and with this,

that Susan had been seduced and had a child; so her father had sent

her to service in London, and the better to get her taken care of, had

arranged that her sister Sarah should always take service in the same

house with her; hence at my mothers. "And, oh!" she concluded, "if Susan

or father should ever know what I have done, I should die." The family

trusted her.

This accounted for the somewhat forward manner of Susan, for her

exclamation when I got up against her belly on the night of the fair,

"Gracious God, what am I about again!" Sarah believed Susan could have

had no one else but her first sweetheart, and that was more than a year

before. All this set me thinking, and more than once when twiddling

Sarah's cunt, I thought of Susan's with the thicker and darker hair, and

wondered in what other respects it differed from that of her sister.

Now came trouble. Sarah said she was two months gone with child; she had

kept it to herself hoping her courses might come on. She got with child

she thought the first day I fucked her. We were both in great anxiety,

but did nothing to help it. Sunday morning usually passed this way.

Directly they had all gone to church, up came Sarah to mother's room

or into the garden parlour, there I looked at her belly to see if it was

bigger, then she had a crying fit, then we fucked, then she went down to

see after the meat roasting, then generally we had another fuck, and

all was over for that day; for my prick usually came out of her not long

before Susan rang the bell to be let in.

At length her state began to show, her mother just then was very ill and

wrote to her, she made this an excuse for asking to go home, intending

to try when there to get rid of her encumbrance. My mother with great

objection let her go, for she liked her. For one or two weeks before she

left someone or other had stopped at home on Sundays, so I was balked

in getting ar her, and only did it once to her in nearly a month. I

gave her what money I could to help her; a charwoman came to work in her

absence; it was arranged that her sister should do most of her work as

well as her own, as far as she could.

My mind reverted to what Sarah had told me about her sister. Would she

not like a doodle up her again I how she must long for a man, I used to

think. She nearly let me coming from the fair, what if I tried again.

Then I thought how wrong it was, seeing what I had done to her sister.

But back again the desire came, I grew randier. "I won't try her on

account of her sister," thought I, "but there will be no harm in larking

with her."

So I began and reminded her of the night of the fair, told her I knew

that the hair of her motte was dark, by degrees got her to kiss me, to

leave off chaffing her, felt her outside, but went no further. About the

fourth day after her sister had left, I got my hands on her thigh. On

Sunday when all were at church: to blind my mother I had gone out, but

went home directly, and into the kitchen to resume my baudy chaff, I

forgot all about her sister, got to kissing and trying to feel her. I

was long in the kitchen with my prick out, sometimes hanging, sometimes

standing stiff, trying to induce her to let me, but it was of no use.

Her cap was off, her hair dishevelled. I had got her clothes once up

to her hips, had seen her motte, felt it, got my prick up against it,

knocked it about all over her belly, but no more; time was short, and at

last with a sort of guilty fear I went out before church was over, and

came back in time for our early dinner, telling my mother I had been

to ------ church. Then I reflected and thought it was as well I had not

done it to Susan.

When mother returned she left my sister and little brother in the

country. My old deaf relative remained with us and slept in the room

adjoining my mother's. That same Sunday night, I waited until Susan came

up to bed, pounced upon her on the top landing and tried to feel her;

she dropped her candle-stick and made such a noise, that back I sneaked

to bed, and was asleep, when I heard the bell ringing violently in

the servants' room. Out I rushed saw Susan on the landing with but

a petticoat over her night-dress, and old Mrs. ------ going into my

mother's room who was taken very ill.

Down to the kitchen went Susan and I to get boiling water, I heaped wood

and coals on the fire, she blew it with the bellows, old Mrs. ------

was upstairs getting brandy and other things ready. What followed I

recollect as well as if it were yesterday. Susan was half squatting,

half kneeling and blowing the fire furiously. Standing by her my

randiness came on, I pulled out my prick, and pushed it right in her

face. "For shame!" said she, "I will hit you with the bellows, think of

your mother." It did shame me for a moment, I hid my prick, and knelt

by her side stirring the blazing wood. But just then I saw her breasts

through the half-tied night-gown; it was too much for me; that and the

attitude she was in together; loosing all prudence, I pushed one hand

on to her breast, and the other up her clothes, between her legs,--which

were very conveniently opened quite wide,--and on the slit of her cunt

With a suppressed cry she dropped the bellows, attempted to rise, and

repulse my hand, and in doing so we both rolled backwards ( for I had

stooped) on to the floor among the black-beetles of which there were

dozens about. "You wretch," she cried in a suppressed voice, "oh!

don't,--and your poor mother so ill,--oh! don't,--you shant!--and

wanting hot water,--you shant!" in a still louder tone as I got my hand

full on her cunt. "Oh! my God, here is Mrs. ------."

Had Mrs. ------ not been as deaf as a post, she must have heard our

scuffling, as she neared the kitchen. In an hour or so my mother was

better, and Mrs. ------ stopped in the room with her for the night. My

mother was asleep when I left, Mrs. ------ had had a good dose of brandy

and water, and I knew she would sleep well enough. I went to my room

excited by the continual trying it on with Susan; Mrs. ------ had given

her a glass of brandy and water, "to keep the cold out," as she said,

and she went to her room. I listened, heard her moving about longer than

I expected. I had come up some minutes before to deceive all, and was

shivering in my night-shirt. I thought how unfair it was to her sister

who was in the family way by me, of the risk I ran with my mother in

the house; but a standing prick stifles all conscience. I crossed the

landing, opened her door, shut it rapidly, and there I was in the room

with her, both of us in our night-dresses. She was doing up her hair as

I entered, she wore a night-cap.