I Could Never Hate Him

Sky Maddox's POV

I'm not angry.

I wish I was. God, I wish I could scream or throw something or shove those awful pictures in his face and demand answers. I wish I had the energy to yell at him the way a good mother probably would.

But I don't.

I can't.

Because I don't hate him.

How could I?

He's my baby.

My son.

My Sebastian.

I carried him in my body. I raised him with stories and kisses and lullabies and pasta nights and midnight fevers and band-aids with little blue dinosaurs. I picked him up every time he scraped his knees and told him he was magic, even when he didn't believe it.

And now he's grown, tall, and handsome, and reckless in all the ways boys get when they think they're invincible. He smells like smoke sometimes. And danger. And a world I tried so hard to keep him away from.

But I don't hate him.

I'm just…

Sad.

So, so sad.

The kind of sadness that starts in your bones and sinks down to the parts of you that once knew how to be strong. The kind of sadness that doesn't let you sleep, even when your head is pounding and your body is burning with fever.

I sit at the kitchen table, still in my robe, his favorite pasta untouched on the stove. I watch him standing there, eyes wide, frozen like a little boy again, and for one insane moment—I just want to hold him.

Because I know.

I know he's hurting.

I know he's lost.

And I don't know what to do.

What do you do when your son isn't a little boy anymore? When he lies to you with a soft smile and you still want to believe him? When he's out there living a life you didn't prepare him for—drinking, fighting, kissing girls like he doesn't have a home that aches for him?

What do you do when your baby becomes a stranger?

I stare at the photos again. They're real. The evidence is right there. The bruises on his neck. The cigarettes. The clubs. The faces I don't recognize. And I should be angry, right?

But all I feel is this cold kind of heartbreak.

I wipe my eyes. Try to smile. My voice cracks.

"Please… Sebby baby," I whisper, even as my hands tremble, "please tell me it's not you."

He looks like he wants to cry.

But I don't say anything more.

I can't.

Because even now—

Even when everything feels like it's falling apart—

I love him more than life.