Chapter 6: The gamble i lost

After going home that night, I couldn't sleep at all.

No matter what I did lying still, changing positions, even covering my face with a pillow it didn't work. My mind just wouldn't stop. It kept thinking… and thinking… about what would happen tomorrow. About the acting. About everything.

I wanted to rest so badly. I knew I needed it. My body was tired from all the practice earlier, but my mind wouldn't shut up.

In the end, I barely got any sleep. Not even three hours.

When I woke up, I already felt like a mess. My whole body was heavy, and I couldn't think straight. Every little thing I did eating breakfast, taking a shower, even walking to school felt like I was moving through fog.

But the worst part was… while walking, my mind still wouldn't stop thinking. I kept worrying about the act we were about to do. About what might happen. About how I'd probably mess it up.

Before I knew it, I was already at school. First subject had already started.

I didn't even realize.

Miss De Luna was already calling my name, pulling me back to reality.

"Marcus, answer this question."

I panicked. I couldn't even hear what the question was. My head felt light, my eyes were drooping, and I could barely stay standing.

So I just blurted out the first thing I could think of.

"Ah… ah… I-I… can I go to the bathroom? I really need to go, ma'am."

Some people laughed. Others didn't care. I didn't care either. I just wanted to sleep. The floor even looked soft to me… like a fluffy pillow calling me to lay down.

I was about to collapse.

Suddenly, someone grabbed me. Strong, steady hands held me up before I hit the ground.

It was Lucas.

His voice was filled with worry.

"Hey, dude. Marcus, you alright?"

I frowned, confused.

"Why are you here?"

Lucas sighed.

"Miss De Luna was worried. You looked super pale earlier, so she told me to check on you."

I sighed.

"Ah… I was just tired. That's all."

Lucas helped me to a bench outside. A moment later, he returned with a coffee in hand.

There really was no one else like him. Yeah, he was loud, annoying, and acted dumb most of the time but he still showed up when it mattered.

I weakly smiled.

"Thanks."

Lucas grinned.

"Don't thank me yet. Pay me back for that."

Stingy as always, but I didn't mind this time. I punched him lightly on the arm and drank the coffee.

It was bitter. Really bitter. But I preferred it that way.

Better to taste bitterness now than be fooled by fake sweetness.

We skipped the rest of the subject. When we returned, we apologized to Miss De Luna. Luckily, she only gave us a warning.

After a few more lessons, the time finally came.

Art and Acting.

The one thing I had been overthinking about since last night.

My heart started beating fast. I wasn't even standing in front yet, but it already felt like my chest was about to explode.

I watched the other groups perform. They were so good. Confident. Fun to watch.

I kept doubting myself.

Am I even good enough? Can I do this?

Then… our turn came.

Calliope stood up first. I forced my body to move and followed her toward the stage. My hands were shaking, but I tried to hide it.

The act started.

It was going well. Almost… too well. It felt like a dream. I could hear Calliope's voice, calm and steady, guiding me through every line.

I remembered what she told me yesterday during practice:

"Just look at my eyes. Don't look at the crowd. If you keep your eyes on me, you won't black out from fear."

That small advice helped me more than I thought. I kept my eyes on her. Only her. It made everything easier.

But… curiosity got the better of me.

I wanted to know how the crowd was reacting. Just a little peek, I told myself. Just one small look.

Calliope noticed I was about to turn my head. She tried to signal me to stop.

But I didn't see her warning.

I turned my eyes toward the crowd… and that's when it all crashed down.

I couldn't even remember what I really saw. Some faces looked bored. Some looked disappointed. Or maybe I was just imagining it.

But the damage was done.

My heart started racing. Faster. Faster than normal.

The symptoms.

They were coming.

But I pretended I was fine. I kept going. I didn't want to disappoint Calliope. Not now.

My heart screamed for me to stop. To grab my medicine. To rest.

But my mind kept saying,

No. Keep going. Don't mess this up.

I chose my mind over my body.

I kept enduring the pain. Calliope started noticing something was wrong. She tried to signal me again, asking if I was okay.

I lied.

I shook my head, pretending everything was fine.

The act continued. The ending was near. I told myself I could do it. Just a little more.

But then…

My heart stopped.

My body shut down.

Everything turned blurry. The sounds faded, replaced only by a muffled voice calling my name.

It was Calliope.

And then, I felt someone lifting me. Lucas. His voice was panicked, shouting my name over and over.

The last thought in my head as I blacked out was:

"I failed her."

When I woke up, the familiar white ceiling greeted me.

The hospital.

Again.

I stared at the walls, the beeping of the monitor beside me making everything feel… empty.

I knew what I gambled on that stage. My ego. My pride. My life.

And I lost all of it.

I cried silently, wiping the tears away before anyone could see.

I failed the act. I failed Calliope. I failed myself.

Nothing has changed, I thought.

It's still the same… I'm still the same…

"Maybe I shouldn't have tried stepping out of my comfort zone," I whispered to myself, voice cracking.

"It was my mistake… and I never learned, huh…"