Chapter 7

"You're avoiding me, is it because I confessed and told you I love you?"

"You did what!?"

How did I even find myself in the middle of this? Two pairs of eyes stared at me, one begging for an explanation after I ghosted him, the other one commanding me for an explanation about what had happened.

And they couldn't have been more different than one another.

It was the weekend and Pierce like always went out of his way to pick me up, only we didn't know that Josiah was waiting right in front of my apartment.

I had been avoiding him since his confession and I haven't answered his messages and calls since then.

"Qian please talk to me"

Josiah begs as he steps forward to grab hold of my hand only for it to be deflected by Pierce's own hands.

"You can talk with her later, we need to get home now"

"I can take her to her house today, this is important"

I stiffened at the sudden heated gaze of both of them as they glared at each other. No matter how I look at this, it won't end well.

I held Pierce's hand which made him look at me and break his glaring competition with Josiah.

"Pierce, give me a minute or two"

I pleaded and somehow felt relieved when Pierce snorted before nodding his head.

"Hands off her"

Pierce pointed an accusing finger towards Josiah which I now know that the latter doesn't appreciate.

"Josh…"

"Qian if I had said something wrong I'm sorry. I'll change myself, I'll change it, everything just please. I thought what we had and felt was mutual. Can't we just be together?"

What we felt was mutual? Was my feelings for him that of love too? Was I blind to not see that?

"You didn't do anything wrong. I just need some time to breathe, to think about things, this, my feelings, and everything else"

"Can you not do it without cutting me off? I'm right here I won't go anywhere so… can't I stay by your side while you do so?"

I shook my head at Josiah.

"I don't know, just give me some time Josh. I'll come around."

That was all I said as I walked towards Pierce's car and got in it without another word. It took Pierce another minute before he got in and started driving. 

"He confessed Pierce"

I said after a moment of silence. The only reaction that Pierce gave me was a quick nod before he said.

"Did you give him an answer?"

I shook my head as I closed my eyes and let out a deep breath.

"I can't, at least not yet"

"And your feelings? Do you love him?"

Do I? Once again it was Pierce's question that invaded my mind. do you love him? or do you love the idea of being redeemed from your failed ones?

Do I love him? Or was being with him the only answer to stop me from being destructive? To stop me from ruining my life and finally redeeming the soul that I had smeared black? For me to not end up like her?

"Harriett…"

"I remember Anna"

I cut Pierce off and I could feel him stiffening right beside me as I mentioned the taboo name that we had always avoided naming.

"Why would you remember her?"

He asked in a chilling tone of voice.

"She was destructive. She was mean. She was abusive. Did you think she did all those things to me because she felt the same way as I am now?"

A surprised gasp came out from my mouth when Pierce suddenly parked the car on the side street, took off his seatbelt and faced me. His hands firm at my shoulders and his face contorted with rage and disgust.

"You are not like her. She did what she did to you because she was a devil incarnate. A person who wanted to ruin you, ruin your life and she succeeded. You've only recovered now Harriett, please don't think of her that way."

My eyes widened when Pierce's tears finally let loose. Anna was the unspoken person between us. The one who brought us together when we were kids. 

But she was also my taboo. My greatest nightmare and the person who ruined me beyond repair. The one who stole my innocence and purity without consent. She was my r*pist.

And I know I will never forgive her, will never forget the scars that she burned through my skin. 

But right now, at the talks of redeeming oneself I can't help but think about her. I can't help but think that at some point in my life I had become Anna. All the guys I dated, I stole a piece of their heart and ran away and acted like I hadn't known them anymore. I broke something inside of them that shouldn't had been broken.

I had smeared my soul black just like how Anna colored hers with my blood.

"You aren't like her Harriett"

Pierce said firmly, his grip softening as he caressed my cheeks.

"You will never be like her. We made sure of that hadn't we?"

Ahhh that's right. The reason Pierce never left me, the very same reason he treats me like I'm fragile was because he was there. He saw what she had done to me over and over again. Saw my blood and cried along with my tears.

It wasn't just me that Anna traumatised during that period of time. Pierce was there too.

And that was the very reason his whole family hates me.

"I'm sorry Kael, I don't know why I just suddenly thought of her."

Pierce rested his forehead against mine and I could feel his breath just inches away from mine, ragged and hard. Like his very breath was being stolen away from him.

"Harriett you are not Anna. No matter how much destructive you think you had become, you are not like her. You will never be like her. Because you knew what love looks like. You experienced it and if it's not like that with Josiah then all you gotta do is say no to him. No more games"

No more games. Right. Because Anna until the very last day I had seen her hadn't known what love really was. But I did.

We're not the same. That's right. I'm not Anna and I will never be like her.