Chapter 6

This wasn't what I was expecting and that just made my eyes sting and burn with tears. 

I woke up. But apart from that, I woke up feeling lighter than I should be. My heart still feels empty but my soul felt like it had been bathed and washed. 

I stood up and that's when the headache hit me. My whole world felt like it was spiralling. I guess this is what I get as a punishment. 

I stared at my hands and hair then stared at the mirror not far from me. It's too long, my hair that is. So I grabbed the only pair of scissors I have and held the length of my hair before cutting them off.

I didn't stop until my hair was only an inch away from my shoulders. I smiled when I looked at myself. Everything feels lighter now. I bathed myself and spent the whole afternoon building up my appetite and exercising like it's a normal thing that I do.

I just feel so different compared to yesterday and that's scares the shit out of me but at the same time, I can't help but feel overwhelmed of the sudden lightness in my soul.

"Harriett are you inside!?"

It was Pierce. I opened the door to my apartment only to see a sweat drenched and disheveled Pierce who was staring at me wide-eyed. 

"Shit"

He cursed as he slumped on the ground outside my door. I can't help but panic as I crouch down in front of him.

"Hey Kael, what's wrong? Did something happen?"

Pierce was silent for a good whole minute before he looked up at me, his eyes now blood shot and stained with tears.

"You happened. Damn it Qian Harriett, why do you have your Goddamn phone turned off for a whole day? I thought something bad has happened to you"

It's as if I was poured over by a bucket of cold water. I did have my phone turned off the whole day since last night. He went here because he was worried. Like always. Pierce had always been like that.

He had been checking up on me everyday so of course he'll be the first one to wonder why my phone was turned off. Then it hit me.

If I had died, really died, Pierce will be the first to see my corpse. I'll forever haunt him. Forever haunt the only person who cared and stuck around for me for years. I'll be hurting him again. Once again, I will be the cause of his misery.

I gently wiped Pierce's tears and hugged him, his arms immediately enclosing around me as he returned my hug.

"I'm sorry Kael, I won't do it again"

I muttered softly as I caress his back. Pierce always looked bigger than me, always felt stronger. But right now, as he's sobbing and hugging me tighter, he felt so small and fragile.

"Stop scaring me Harriett. If something happens to you I don't know what I'll do with my life"

Pierce sounded weak and tired and that made me a whole lot thankful that I woke up. Made me thank the Gods that they gave me another chance. Another reason. Because I can't be the one who breaks my best friend's heart.

I can't leave him not after what had happened with his family. I'm the only one he's got.

Pierce was the one who broke our connection as he wiped his whole face and stared at me with a small smile in his face. His hands flew to hold the short length of my hair brushing against my cheeks.

"This look suits you too. You look beautiful Harriett."

I smiled and chuckled as I felt my heart flutter from his simple compliment. Not realising that this moment was when everything started to get messy.

It was only after Pierce left that I finally opened my phone only to be berated by countless messages and missed calls. Some from Pierce, from mom, from Mae and Pat and from Josiah.

Mom's messages were the same, telling me to come home on the weekend while Mae's and Pat's were just informing me that they won't be coming home for a week.

Pierce has the largest amount of messages and missed calls, all asking if I'm alright, what happened to me, where I am and to pick up his calls.

Then there's Josiah's just one long message.

I must have said something inappropriate, so I'm sorry, I still don't know what's wrong with me but I do know this. I do love you. Last night after you didn't reply and I fell asleep, I had a dream. It was Al, the one I told you about.

She said it was finally time for me to let her go and move forward before I lose you. Said that it's alright for me to love again and that she'll be our Guardian Angel. 

So Qian, I love you, please accept me.

He's telling me he loves me because his dead ex-girlfriend told him so? 

A bitter laugh escapes from my mouth and I'm not so sure now if I find this situation funny or sad. But I do know that I felt something inside of me break again.

I am not an option that he gets just because his dead ex-girlfriend told him so.

I was on the verge of typing a reply when the phone in my hand vibrated and it showed Pierce's name. Relief instantly washes over me as I answered his call.

"Kael"

There was a heavy sigh of relief at the other end of the call before a chuckle rang through.

"I thought you didn't want to overuse that name?"

I smiled before raising my knees to my chest hugging it.

"It's my comfort word"

I said shortly and somehow I feel like I could see Pierce's smile.

"Harriett I know you don't want to tell me what's happening earlier because you're not used to it so… you think you can tell me through the phone?"

I smiled sadly, the level at which Pierce can read me is terrifying sometimes but I guess that's what happens when you've been together half of your life.

"Just that 21 is such a scary age"

I said and somehow I know that Pierce realizes that I don't want to talk about it anymore. There was a long stretch of silence before he finally said.

"Then just wait until we're 25 with our current back aches and stress levels? I don't think we can call ourselves young adults anymore."

I laughed, for the first time today I finally laughed and it was the best feeling ever.