Chapter 33: I, Agent Durex Dupont

"Don't worry, I won't let you take such risks," Dr. Arnim Zola said, a reassuring smile on his face. As if, he thought, we would waste ten beautiful women on a madman like you.

Alan couldn't help but look disappointed, but he quickly pulled himself together. "Please, I insist," he said firmly. "The organization must send ten blonde, blue-eyed, long-legged beauties to test my loyalty."

"Where would I even find ten women with those exact specifications in the middle of a war?" Dr. Zola rolled his eyes, then recovered. "This mission is very important, Alan. You will need to act as a triple agent."

"Yo, a triple agent!" Alan placed his right hand on his chin like a pistol and said solemnly, "This mission is extremely challenging and very much in line with the temperament of my alter ego: 007 Agent, Durex Dupont."

"…"

Durex, Dr. Zola thought, as in the condom company that was founded four years ago? If he hadn't used their product himself, he might have actually been fooled by this lunatic.

"The mission is simple. We will create a new identity for you. First, you will infiltrate the Soviet Union, and then you will move to America to establish a spy intelligence system. Don't worry, someone will be there to pick you up."

"There is nothing in this world that I, Durex Dupont, cannot accomplish," Alan said confidently. "I will let the glory of Hydra spread to every corner of the world."

Dr. Zola nodded with satisfaction. Although Alan had a few screws loose, his fanatical devotion to Hydra was undeniable. When they had first captured this city, Alan had chased after their troops, shouting "Hail Hydra" at the top of his lungs. The Red Skull, seeing his potential as a unique, if unstable, asset, had brought him into the fold. As the war escalated, Hydra needed to establish an intelligence network, and Alan's seemingly abnormal state was the perfect, unassuming disguise.

"This will be a great hardship for you," Dr. Zola said, offering a comforting pat on the shoulder.

"What hardship?" Alan's eyes suddenly lit up. "Oh! You mean you really found them? The ten blonde, blue-eyed, long-legged, G-cup beauties wearing lace suspenders and white stockings!"

If not ten beauties, how about ten strong men? Dr. Zola winked at the soldiers beside him. Immediately, two guards stepped forward and lifted Alan by his arms.

"Wait! This is my first time with a man! I'm not mentally prepared yet! Wait, wait…"

Two soldiers dragged Alan out of the office.

Dr. Zola pushed up his glasses and said to himself, "Forget it. He's just a smokescreen. I hope the other agents will be alright." Hydra agents were rigorously trained; they would never place their real hopes in a psychopath. The more pawns like Alan they sacrificed, the harder it would be for the Soviets and the Americans to find their real targets.

At this time, Alan let the two soldiers hold him, dragging his legs and refusing to walk on his own. "I am innocent! You have to believe me! Let me see the Führer! I am his classmate from the Vienna Academy of Fine Arts! If you dare to touch a single hair under my armpit, the Führer will not let you go!"

The soldiers were professionals and completely ignored Alan's chattering. He was taken to his cell and pushed impatiently inside. Before leaving, one of the soldiers couldn't help but taunt, "Everyone knows the Führer was a failure at the academy."

Alan stopped making trouble and observed the other men in the cell. They were all older, emaciated from hunger, and they looked at him with bulging, listless eyes.

One of the prisoners asked casually, "Young man, what did you do to get in here?"

"I'm too handsome. Some people were jealous." Alan flicked his hair and said narcissistically, "I have a damnably good-looking face. I wake myself up at eight o'clock every morning; I've never slept in. It's really a blessing and a curse."

"…"

The prisoners looked at each other, regret in their eyes. Someone sighed, "He was a good young man, but he was tortured into madness by the Skull Division."

"For scientists like us who are against the war, the consequence of disobedience is that we probably won't walk out of this cell alive."

"Science is for the benefit of mankind, not for war."

"Yes, war is a crime against humanity."

Alan understood. He was in a prison full of scientists.

"Don't worry," Alan said, posing with a pistol hand. "Justice will surely triumph over evil, and we will definitely escape. No one can kill me, Durex Dupont."

"Save your energy," another prisoner said weakly. "These Nazis only give us one meal every three days. Even if the cell door were open, we couldn't get far." He lifted his shirt, revealing a row of obvious ribs. He was just skin and bones.

"Luckily, I was smart and caught a Pokémon before I came here." Alan pulled a half-dead gecko from his trouser pocket, held it up, and boasted, "A gecko this big is enough protein for three days."

Gurgle.

Some men looked disgusted, but others swallowed hard. I'm so hungry, I'd take a bite if I could.

"Since you're all so friendly, I'll give it to you as a welcome gift. Let's be friends." Alan gave the gecko to the first scientist he had spoken to. Under the watchful eyes of the crowd, the scientist wolfed it down, fearing it would be snatched away if he were a second too slow.

Bang, bang, bang…

At this time, soldiers hit the iron fence with their batons. "Dinner is ready!"

After putting down two barrels, the soldiers turned and left. The scientists looked at the barrels with disgust, and no one stepped forward.

"Why aren't you guys eating?" Alan couldn't wait to check the food.

Someone explained, "Don't eat it. It's all leftover swill mixed with bread. Pigs wouldn't eat it."

"It's delicious!" Alan said, a piece of black bread already in his mouth and a grilled sausage in his hand.

"It's bread!"

"And sausages!"

"I must be dreaming!"

Suddenly, all the scientists rushed forward, scrambling to grab the food.

Vomit…

The scientist who had just eaten the gecko held onto the wall and vomited violently. Life is full of surprises. One second, you are glad to have meat, and the next, fate plays a hellish joke on you.

Smack!

Alan threw the bread and sausages he was holding on the ground. "Don't eat it!" he shouted. "It's poisoned!"

Everyone fell silent, looking at him in confusion.

"They never gave us food before, but now they're sending us sausages? They must be trying to poison us all at once! How despicable!" Alan used his own unique intelligence to come to a fairly reasonable conclusion.

"That makes sense. Let's wait and see if the person who ate is okay. If he is, then we eat."

"They are so vicious. I thought they were being kind."

"Luckily, I didn't eat a single bite."

Soon, a soldier came in and took away the barrels. Looking at the remaining food, he couldn't help but mutter, "You are such a bunch of jerks. You don't even eat the food we give you, and you still complain about being hungry."

The scientists watched the barrels being taken away and suddenly realized that the food was not poisonous. It was really an improvement in their diet.

"I haven't eaten yet! Come back!"

"Don't go! Give me a piece of bread!"

"Please, let me have just one bite!"

Sadly, the soldier turned a deaf ear and disappeared down the corridor. At this moment, pairs of angry eyes glared at Alan. If I hadn't listened to the madman, I wouldn't be so hungry.

Alan pointed at the bread and sausages he had thrown away on the ground. "Don't panic," he said. "I was smart enough to hide some food beforehand."

Is that what you hid? That's what you threw away!

Of course, no one cared about that. They fought for the remaining food like vicious dogs, and the situation even escalated into a full-blown brawl.

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