Chapter 129: Kai Part 3: Bananas and Parasites!

A few days after Dr. Fun had agreed to save the duke.

"IT'S A MONSTER!"

"RUN!"

Doctor Fun's miraculous clown clinic came stomping through the duchy as it made a beeline for the duke's mansion, terrifying any village or town in its path as it sprinted past or through them.

"Can't you make this beast slow down?!" Lui spoke as the constant turbulence was making his face change color.

"Do you want a bucket?" The clown nurse asked as he handed the knight a bucket.

*Bleurgh**snap*

"AAHH! What the!"

"Gross! I get you don't want to share, but you didn't have to vomit all over my crabs!" The clown nurse said as he watched the vomit covered crab, pinching the knight's nose.

"WHY YOU!"

*Swoosh*

Just as Lui was about to attack the clown nurse, the clinic suddenly stopped, causing everything not nailed to the ground to go tumbling forwards, along with the clown and knight.

"AAAAHHH! Why did we have so many loose needles lying around? We don't even do acupuncture anymore!" The clown nurse shouted as his face was covered in needles.

"What happened? Why did we stop?" Lui asked Dr. Fun who just unbuckled her seatbelt.

"Ouch! It's! Ouch! Because! Ouch! We! Ouch! Have! Ouch! Arrived! Ouch!" The clown nurse said while pulling out the needles in his face.

"What?"

Running to the window, Lui could spot the duke's estate in the distance. After requesting Dr. Fun's help, Lui joined them inside the chicken-footed clinic as they rushed towards their destination. The doctor had been rather wary of letting the whole gang of soldiers into her abode. Hence, the other soldiers were left behind as their horses did not possess the stamina required to keep up with the tireless clinic. As the clinic never seemed to tire of running, they had been moving continuously for several days, hence they reached their destination on record time, only using two thirds of the time it usually would take to reach the other side of the country.

They had stopped about half a kilometer away from the city gates as they didn't want to frighten the citizens by having the clinic leap over the city walls before sprinting its way through town in a mad frenzy like it had done many times before on its way here.

"Ugh! Finally! I'll lead you straight to his lordship's manor, so just follow along and please, restrain your antics!"

"Ouch! What! Ouch! Do! Ouch! You! Ouch! Mean! Last one! Ouch!" The clown nurse said as he dropped the last needle into the bucket labeled 'Pointy stuff' sitting right next to the candy bucket.

Dr. Fun after grabbing her briefcase, saw the buckets. She then pulled out a piece of candy before swapping their positions.

"*sigh* Never mind! Just let me do all the talking!"

"Can do! Huh? AAAAHHH!" The clown nurse screamed as he tried to reach for a piece of candy, only to stab a bunch of needles into his hand.

"Could we mayhap, leave this man behind?" Lui asked Dr. Fun, only for her to shake her head and walk out the door.

Once the trio left the clinic, Dr. Fun pulled out a big red button from her briefcase. When she pressed it, all the doors and windows of the building slammed shut before locking themselves.

…

Lui had led Dr. Fun and her nurse through the city gates and into the duke's manor. Normally, anyone wishing to enter the duke's city would have to wait in line before undergoing a thorough inspection first. However, with Lui being one of the duke's most trusted aids, they had been let in without a fuss, despite their strange appearance.

Everything had gone smoothly until they entered the manor.

"Who are you? Who let these strange people into my manor? Guards!" A middle-aged man with a curly mustache and a mole on his left cheek spoke.

"Sir Julius, please calm yourself! These are the physicians I have requested to treat his lordship!"

"Lui! Go figure! Have you finally run out of quacks, and resort to having circus freaks treat my brother! Have you no shame?!"

"…"

"Guards! Throw them out!"

"SIR, YOU CAN'T!"

"I have had quite enough of this nonsense! My brother will face his end with dignity!"

Just as the guards were about to throw the duo out of the manor.

"AAAAAAAAHHHH!"

"Whoops! Sorry bout that!" The clown nurse said as he stepped on the foot of the guard.

"Guess it was a bad day to be wearing spike shoes!" He said before lifting his foot to reveal a number of razor-sharp spikes under his clown shoes.

"AAAAAAAHHHHH!"

Meanwhile, Dr. Fun had pulled out the pepper spray from her briefcase and was not hesitating to use it on any guard, servant or whoever happened to be nearby, regardless of their intent.

"Hey, doc! I think this guy's gona need some bandageaaaAAAHAHAAAAAAAAAHHH!"

"CEASE THIS AT ONCE OR I WILL HAVE YOU EXECUTED!" Julious screamed, however it seemed to have no effect.

In fact, it seemed as though his screaming may have only egged them on as Dr. Fun had pulled out a second pepper spray and was practicing her dual wielding of two spray cans at once now.

"WHAT IS ALL THIS RUCKUS!" An elderly woman in a red dress shouted from atop the stairs.

"My lady!" Lui said as he quickly bent the knee.

"Older sister!"

"Julius are you the one behind this? I told you not to cause another commotion within the manor! My husband is still very ill, and I can't have you disturbing his rest with your tomfoolery!"

"No! It wasn't me it was-!"

"Sir Lui? You have returned!" Rushing past her younger brother the lady moved to grasp Lui's hands as she asked.

"Did you find it? Did you find a cure for my sweet Charly's ailment?!" She asked with teary eyes.

"My lady! Please, calm yourself!" Lui said in a fluster as he was overwhelmed by her expectant eyes.

"Ehem! Please forgive my outburst! You mentioned finding a lead regarding a cure to my husband's condition last I saw you!" The lady spoke after recomposing herself.

"Yes, my lady! And I am glad to report my mission was a success! According to my sources this woman has cured multiple people afflicted with the plague that ails his lordship!" Lui said while pointing at Dr. Fun who was emptying her spray cans into her assistant's eyes.

"What really! Can you really cure my Charly!" The elderly lady spoke as she swiftly moved to grab Dr. Fun's hand.

She was fortunate her spray cans were empty as the doctor was trying to hit those dewy eyes with pepper spray.

*Clank*

"Argh! Yes, we can! Ain't that right doc? Huh!" The clown nurse said as he accidently tripped on the empty spray can the doctor had dropped, while still being blinded by the pepper spray.

*Thud*

*Farting sound*

"This is ridiculous! Out of all the quacks you have invited in here, this one is by far the biggest hoax yet!"

"Julious!"

"I mean, she is a woman for crying out loud! She isn't even qualified to cure a cold let alone a plague!"

"JULIUS! Please, hold your tongue!" The elderly woman spoke as her expression darkened.

"If you could please follow me!" The elderly woman said, as she led the doctor and her nurse passed her brother and towards the duke's room.

"Tsk!"

…

*Cough**Cough**Cough**Cough*

Inside the room lay duke Charls von Fiora, coughing up black blood as his face had turned a purplish black color.

"It was fortunate you came when you did! My Charly took a turn for the worst shortly after Lui left! He is barely hanging on!" The old Duchess spoke as she sat down at the side of the bed holding her husband's purple hand.

"My lady! Please! If you were to contract the illness too-!"

"Nah! It's fine! This thing's not contagious! Right doc!" The clown nurse spoke as his superior ignored him and moved to sit beside the Duchess.

"Can you really save him? *sob*" The old Duchess asked as tears started running down her cheeks.

*nod*

"Okay! So, if you could, all leave the room in an orderly fashion! Please be careful of banana peels on the floor as the doc has a habit oOOF! *Thud*" The clown said, as he slipped on a banana peel Dr. Fun had dropped on the floor right after entering the room.

"Wait! Why do we need to leave the room? What are you going to do to my husband?"

"Ouch! Well, we are going to perform a very delicate procedure! So, it would be best if you waited outside until we finished, so you don't distract the doc!"

The Duchess seemed rather reluctant to leave her husband's side as she turned to Lui.

"Are you absolutely certain they can heal my Charly?"

"According to my witness reports, they cured an entire village far to the east of here!"

"But you never witnessed them do so in person?"

"…"

"Is that so! Then let me make this clear! If my Charly die today! I will make sure all of you die a slow death!" The Duchess spoke as bloodlust filled the room.

"Hey! What are you!"

*Slam*

However, it seemed like the elderly woman's fierce bloodlust had no effect on Dr. Fun as she shoved everyone but the duke out of the room.

"Hey, doc! I think you made a mistake! Let me in!" The clown nurse said as he started banging on the locked door.

As the sounds of power tools could be heard from inside the duke's room, the duchess grew anxious as she started muttering some rather dark threats, while the clown kept banging at the door, begging her to be let back in.

Finally, the doors opened to reveal, a bandaged purple skinned duke and Dr. Fun holding a giant slug in a jar.

"CHARLY! WHAT HAPPENED TO YOU?! WHAT'S WITH THESE BANDAGES?!"

"What is that you're holding?" Lui asked, pointing at the slimy creature squirming inside the glass jar.

"Whoa! That's a big one! The old dude must be one tuff cookie to have survived that thing!"

"EXPLAIN YOURSELVES OR I WILL HAVE YOUR HEADS MOUNTED ON MY WALL!" The Duchess said with wrathful eyes after confirming her husband was still breathing.

"Well, you see miss Duchess! The thing inside this jar is what was causing your husband to turn purple!" The clown said as he took the jar out of the doctor's hands.

"What?"

"Yes! The plague that has been going around recently is in fact caused by this parasite! It inhabits your stomach as it feasts on your blood and flesh while injecting a small amount of poison into your bloodstream causing your skin and blood to change color. And once its host perishes, it lays its eggs inside their meat so they can infest other carnivores who come to feast on the corpse!"

"If that thing is the problem with my Charly, then why is he still like that?"

"Oh, well, once the parasite is removed, the poison will slowly fade out of their system, but in the state, he is in, that could take a while!"

"So, what are you going to do with that thing?" Lui asked.

"Their poison can be used as materials for alchemy and even some types of medicine, so we usually just wait until they suffocate inside the jar before removing their poison pouch! Anyways, as long as it stays in this jar its harmless!"

*Slam*

*Smash*

*Gulp*

"JULIA, I HEARD SHOUTING! I KNEW THESE QUACKS WERE UP TO NO GOO-!"

"AAAAAHHHH!" The clown screamed as he realized what had just happened.

He had stood a little too close to the door when the Duchess's brother had suddenly barged in. The door had pushed him over smashing the jar open as he fell on top of it and the parasite had wasted no time forcing its way down his gullet.

"I swallowed it! Wait doc! No! Stay back! Or at least use some anesthesia first!" The clown begged as Dr. Fun approached him with a hacksaw and an ominous glint in her eyes.

"AAAAAHHHH! AND I NEVER EVEN GOT MY LOLLYPOP!"

The crowd of onlookers soon got a close-up demonstration of how they removed the parasite as they listened to the clown's pleas for mercy and/or candy.

…

After the parasite was removed from both the duke and the clown nurse, the Duchess invited Dr. Fun to stay in the manor guest room until both the patients recovered. She was afraid of something happening to her husband as a result of their treatment and wanted to have them nearby should something happen.

Much to her relief, the duke seemed to regain more and more of his original skin color with each day that passed, and by the end of the week.

*Smash*

"Ch-Charly! You're awake!"

The duke regained his consciousness.

"Honey! You look so pale! Whatever is the *cough**cough*!" The duke coughed out as he had not yet made a full recovery.

"Charly! Don't strain yourself! Wait here! I'll go get the doctor!" The Duchess said before rushing out of the room.

Not long after, the duchess followed by Dr. Fun and her assistant came into the room.

"Honey? Since, when did we employ such a strange man as our physician?"

"Charly! These odd people are the ones who cured you from that horrible illness!"

"Is that so? You have my gratitude! May I know your name?"

"My name is Chuckles, and this lady over here is Dr. Fun!"

"Huh? Doctor? But is she not a woman?"

"Yes, Sir Duke! Or I think so! Hey, doc you're not hiding a banana under there are you?"

*Pow*

Dr. Fun responded by punching her assistant in the nose. She then pulled out an actual banana from under her skirt and began eating her lunch.

"Is it not illegal for women to practice medicine?"

"Charly! We can worry about that later when you are better! For now, just relax and leave the rest to them!" The duchess said, putting her forehead up to the dukes.

"Okay, honey! I trust you!" The duke said as he relaxed into his bed, while Dr. Fun checked his pulse.