I run into an old friend

Tuesday the 6th of September.

Well that was a dreary start wasn’t it?

Well I had to fill you in on how much of a miser I’ve been since you died, and I’ll most surely get back to that little cliffhanger at the end.

Today I awoke slowly, like I always do. Outside the curtains the sky was still dark. Morning had not yet come, but I knew sleep would not return.

Somewhere inside our room, my phone rang continuously with it’s annoying ringtone. I waited for the call to roll by and embraced the silence that followed.

I could not bear standing up to get my phone so I lay there and stared at my ceiling. I did not want to think, I was tired of doing that. I was tired of being a complete sob story.

Maybe Paul was right, you wouldn’t want this. You’d want me to be happy and live a life worth living.

“Ugh.” I groaned as I brought my hands to my face.

I’d do the smart thing. I’ll do the right thing.

I’ll start my life anew the right way.

I struggled to my feet and rummaged through the dark for my dumb phone. Struggled for a few minutes until i found the dumb device.

The picture of us at the cinema four years ago was still my wallpaper. I wasn’t changing it anytime soon.

I made my way to the bathroom and stared at the hunk of meat and disappointment that stared back at me.

Starting all over was going to be hard.

And then I get the bright idea of going for a run around the neighborhood. And that my dear Tabitha is how I fucked my already fucked up life for good.

If I hadn’t made that run, or if had maybe, I don’t know, missed that call, then maybe I would have slept peacefully until morning(highly unlikely).

Well I didn’t miss the call and I most certainly went out for a run by three in the bloody morning.

Forgive my memory,(you used to remind me about everything). I forgot to mention how freaking cold Manchester was getting. It wasn’t even properly winter yet as far as the seasons go, but it was already so frigid.

The weather chap on the Telly keeps talking about how cold the next day was going to be, and now we’re always expecting a colder tomorrow.

And I know I said I liked the cold but it was fucking freezing today.

Another reason why this run was an absolutely stupid idea. But I needed to clear my head. For all I knew, I had run into you yesterday and had made a proper fool of myself. The lady at Paul’s place had almost called the coppers on me. Paul had to step in and talk things out with her. I later realized how mistaken I was and decided to apologize for being a creep. The lady walked out on me and Paul thought I was crazy after I mentioned the resemblance.

His exact words were “Are you sure you’re okay Joshua?” His old eyes filled with pity and worry.

I had just been berated by the woman I thought was my dead wife so I most definitely was not okay.

He on the other hand had seen no likeness of any kind. No red hair(she was blonde), no freckles no nothing.

That was it. I was officially a mad man.

That’s why I thought I needed this run. And so I got into my big ‘ole winter jacket, and sneakers and begun my run down the street. The cold bit at my face and I could see little white specs falling from the sky. This was fucking winter in the beginning of September.

You would have called it signs of the end times. I don’t even know what to call it.

I had just reached the Adams property when I began to regret my decision.

Who said starting life anew had to be so rigorous. I could start anew with something else, like a book maybe. And this stupid weather did nothing to help. I was literally freezing out here.

Fuck me and fuck this. I was about to call it a day and promise to go further the next day when I heard footsteps coming from behind me.

I was just wondering who the hell would be stupid to go for a run by this unholy time of the morning( I know what you’re going to say but I am already quite stupid so it doesn’t count.)when that voice from the past spoke.

“Glad to know you haven’t changed one bit.”

Ever had Deja vu? You most likely have, but I’m telling you, whatever it was you experienced had nothing on what my mind was trying so desperately to assimilate.

I turned around slowly as the old familiar face made her way towards me, her silky black hair bouncing in the cold wind.

“You’re still making stupid decisions heh?” She continued with a giggle.

“Miranda?” I stood transfixed to the spot, my eyes not leaving the face that I had not seen once for two years. She smiled lightly as she pulled me into her arms for a hug.

“How?” I asked, my voice filled with emotion. I was happy to see her, but Miranda Gonzalez had been my wife’s best friend. I mean the last time we had actually seen each other had been at the funeral.

She pulled out of the hug and held me at arms length, inspecting me like a mother would to her children just before school.

I could hardly think, much less form comprehensible sentences.

“Wow, you let yourself go.” She remarked, her eye fixed on my bulging stomach that was still very much visible through my jacket.

“Australia?” I finally asked after finding my voice.

She waved the question away like one swatting a fly, “I left Australia months ago. I’ve been in England for months now.” She let go of me and added with a mocking tone, “Everyone who bothered to check up on me has known for months.”

I got her message and turned my face in guilt.

“Yeah, I know.”

“What happened to you Joshua?” She asked, this time her voice conveying a hint of anger.

“It’s probably almost fourteen degrees out here.” I observed, completely ignoring her question. “Maybe we should make our way to the house for coffee.”

I knew she was mad, and I knew she wasn’t going to be offering me any pity the way Paul had done, but it was extremely cold and she had nothing on but a red evening dress that clung to her body and left her arms and much of her legs exposed. I was surprised she hadn’t lost some of her limps to the cold already.

What she was doing outside by this time was the real mystery.

“I don’t think I can.” She said and turned to a shiny sports car that was parked not too far away.

“I’m here with someone and I can’t leave him outside while we talk inside.” I took notice of the figure of a man and nodded.

“Then maybe we’ll get to talk another time.”

“Why can’t we talk now?” I could tell she had been trying to keep her anger under control from the start but she was slowly beginning to lose it. “We used to be friends, forget about Tabitha for a moment. May her soul Rest In Peace.” She said making a crucifix and I grudgingly made the same symbol as well. “Forget I was her best friend. I was a part of your lives for seven years.”

I nodded my head shamefully. “I know, I know. And I am genuinely sorry.”

She raised her hands up and laughed mockingly “Oh that’s rich. We both know you’re not sorry for shit!!”

“You don’t understand Miranda. It’s complicated.” I tried to ex

I don’t know what happened or why I why I did it but I just reached out and grabbed her by her shoulders, All I knew at that moment was I couldn’t stand letting another friend of mine, or any other person I cared about down. And so I reached out, with my hands trembling, eyes teary and lips shaking.

“I’ve got cancer Miranda.”