AngelRouge

BAY is  ready to explore what it means to be loved ; however, she's  convinced that this fantasy only exists in her head with her crush.

 Will she finally talk to that special someone  and be satified with her true self or will she continue  shying away from what life has to offer.

After all Why should she fit in , confort to one space  when thinking outside the box is so much better.

THINKING OUTSIDE THE BOX

Days turn into weeks as they turn into months of crying myself to sleep or looking at dating profiles because everyone has a label. 


On day one am terrible at flirting, two weeks later, awkward hugs, and two months knowing someone I don't want to be away from them. 


This leaves me to question that if everyone has a label, what's mine because I also understand that some people would not accept me. 


I could also stay positive and have faith that someday I will meet someone that will love me, but the same people that I've embraced, hugged, and became vulnerable with would not reciprocate the same feelings toward me. 


Some people will meet you halfway, and other times they will disappear before you could introduce yourself. 


The toxicity of a relationship is overwhelming, and the lack of empathy is stressful because I don't know who made the rules on where to meet, who to date and how two people should always be happy regardless of physical attraction. 


What if you don't know who you are attracted to and what if you don't know what relationships should feel like, what do you do then. 


I don't know how to do this and I don't know how to not feel a connected attraction and be attached to someone because I want a life with them. 


I kept telling myself I don't want to scare them away, but to be honest any type of affections makes me worry. 


I am confusing my confidence further because I want the weird phone calls, the I love you text, the good morning calls and goodnight pictures, the corny messages when I don't expect them. 


So you may know the feeling or the fear of never wanting to be apart with someone , they give you butterfly and you can't stop taking about them with your friends or family and you want to defend their every little flaws. 


I Am warry. After all, as a child I had no one to hold me, no one to lie too because I was crying and make me feel better because life was awkward but as an adult, I want to cling to someone as much as possible but there's just one catch. 


I realize that people aren't perfect, they need time to get back on their feet after they have been hurt and I know that sometimes they cant find their way back into happiness. 


Maybe I should learn to be myself or maybe I should just be alone for a while until I am truly happy. 


The timer rings as I see Doctor cesaro staring at me from across the room. 


I looked up to her timer that read 30 and realized that it has been 30minutes ago that I arrived at my daily reminder appointment which consists of me sitting in a corner hoping to open up my feelings to a stranger. 


"You really dont have to read what I wrote, 


Instead of telling her , I was still in my head, staring at my doctor that she she had to smile briefly and echo 


She caught her self shortly echoing my name and continues 


I respond quickly with a smile because its been 1 month and she still calls me by my last name. I know she should but I felt confident with her and not vulnerable. 


'Am still getting used to that but I will eventually' 


labels and lapses