Chapter 7

Steve's City Cousin, Holy Jokes, and the Church of Laughter

Simba had faced many wild things in life: fake weddings, goat-fighting dreams, sponsorships that paid in sausages, and Natasha's motivational madness. But nothing, absolutely nothing, could've prepared him for what was about to happen—a church comedy night organized by Sister Rutendo and the mysterious arrival of Steve's city cousin: a chicken named Pastor Wings.

It all started on a sunny Monday when Simba was sitting under the mango tree rehearsing new jokes. Steve was pacing nearby like a veteran manager stressed about an upcoming show. Then, out of nowhere, a silver Honda Fit pulled up and parked like it had attitude.

Out stepped a man in skinny jeans, tinted glasses, and a gold chain that looked heavy enough to tow a bus. In his arms? A chicken. But not just any chicken. This one had feathers dyed in ombre blue and red, a beak ring, and a tiny glittery backpack.

Simba stared. Steve froze. The newcomer flapped its wings dramatically, then jumped down and strutted like it had just won a dance competition.

The man said, "This is Pastor Wings. Steve's cousin. From the city."

Simba blinked slowly. "Pastor… Wings?"

The man nodded. "Yeah, he's got followers. Literally. Thousands. On ChickenTok."

Steve looked offended. He fluffed his feathers and pecked the ground with extra volume.

Before Simba could even finish processing the madness, a loud knock came from the gate.

It was Sister Rutendo, wearing her usual outfit: a church robe, sunglasses, and sneakers from 1998.

"Brother Simba," she said, "The Lord has spoken. He wants a comedy night at the church. And you, my brother, have been chosen as the headliner."

Simba choked on air.

"At church?" he asked.

"Yes," she said. "We need holy laughter. Revival through comedy."

Simba tried to imagine himself doing jokes about poverty, heartbreak, and expired airtime in front of elders who prayed louder than thunder.

"But Sister, what if they throw hymn books at me?"

"They won't. We've warned them."

And so it began: preparations for the first ever Church of Laughter Comedy Night, featuring Simba, Steve, and the urbanized Pastor Wings.

The church wasn't ready.

The night of the show, the church was packed. Elders. Youths. Children holding corn. Even the old deacon who always shouted "Fire!" during slow hymns was seated in the front row with arms crossed like a bouncer.

Simba arrived backstage (behind the altar), sweating bullets. Steve wore a bow tie made from an old curtain. Pastor Wings had a glittery cross hanging from his neck and was perched on a church bench like he had just baptized a goat.

The MC was Sister Rutendo herself.

"Brothers and sisters," she shouted, "Tonight, laughter will fall like manna. Open your hearts, and close your mouths—unless you're laughing!"

The crowd clapped. One guy fainted with excitement and was revived by a bottle of Mazoe.

Simba stepped up. The microphone was a shared church mic with strong anointing and suspicious echo.

He took a deep breath.

"Good evening saints! I promise I won't preach. My sermon tonight has no verse—only rehearse."

The crowd giggled.

"My name is Simba, and I used to fake my life. I faked a wedding, faked a degree, and I even faked a girlfriend named Natasha—until the real one came and tried to manage me like I was a struggling prophet."

Laughter erupted. Even the deacon chuckled and quickly pretended to cough.

Simba continued.

"You know you're broke when you buy tomato sauce in those tiny sachets and treat them like treasure. My cousin used to collect them like medals. 'This one is from Chicken Inn. I fought for it.'"

More laughter.

"And don't ever argue with people who fast every week. They're not hungry. They're dangerous. One prayer, and your WiFi dies."

Steve clucked on cue. Pastor Wings gave a dramatic wing-flap and dropped a feather like it was anointing oil.

Simba was killing it.

Even the elders were laughing. One stood up and shouted, "This is the comedy revival we've been praying for!"

But just when things were smooth, Pastor Wings took things too far.

During Simba's closing joke about fake prophets who give people cooking oil and call it deliverance juice, Pastor Wings jumped off the bench and ran to the front, flapping his wings like he'd caught the Holy Ghost.

The congregation gasped.

Sister Rutendo screamed, "The chicken has received the Spirit!"

One woman started singing a worship song. Another shouted, "Miracle chicken!"

Simba tried to calm the crowd, but it was too late. The church was in full revival mode. Pastor Wings jumped onto the pulpit, flapped his wings again, and pooped on the offering basket.

Chaos.

The service had to be ended with three closing prayers and a mop.

Afterward, Simba sat under the tree, exhausted. Steve looked annoyed. Pastor Wings was sipping water from a plastic cup like nothing had happened.

Then the worst part.

The next morning, a headline appeared on a viral Facebook page: "Chicken Delivers Revival in Church of Laughter."

Underneath, a picture of Pastor Wings mid-flap with the caption: "Anointed poultry brings crowd to tears."

Sister Rutendo sent Simba a message: "We are now doing revival every Friday. The chicken must attend."

Simba almost deleted WhatsApp.

To make matters worse, Natasha returned from Harare with new energy.

"Simba, this is big," she said. "We need to market this anointed chicken. Maybe start a gospel tour?"

"Gospel tour?" Simba asked.

"Yes," she said. "We go church to church. You perform. Pastor Wings ministers. Steve… supervises."

Steve side-eyed her so hard Simba thought the feathers might explode.

Still, the madness continued.

They held three more church comedy nights. Pastor Wings became a celebrity. People brought sick chickens to be healed. One woman asked if he could lay eggs of blessing. Someone else tried to pay tithe in feathers.

Simba was drowning in confusion.

Then things got worse.

One night, while Steve was sleeping under the couch and Pastor Wings was doing wing stretches, Simba received a call from Sister Rutendo.

"Brother Simba, we have an emergency. The bishop wants to see the chicken."

"What?"

"Yes. Bishop Takawira saw the viral video. He wants to meet the holy bird in person. He's driving from Gweru with oil and questions."

Simba fainted for two seconds, woke up, and drank Mazoe straight from the bottle.

By the time Bishop arrived, Simba had cleaned the entire yard. Steve was bathed. Pastor Wings had on his best glittery collar.

Bishop sat on the veranda, examining the chickens like a suspicious uncle at a lobola ceremony.

"Which one received the spirit?"

Simba pointed. "That one, sir. Pastor Wings."

Bishop nodded. Then Pastor Wings sneezed.

Bishop stood up. "It is well. We must arrange a crusade. A big one. In the stadium."

Simba nearly swallowed his own tongue. "Stadium?"

"Yes. The Lord is using the poultry to reach the people. Even the Bible had doves. We have chickens."

By the end of the week, a massive poster was designed: THE FEATHERED FAITH REVIVAL. Featuring Simba, Pastor Wings, Steve, and Special Prayers by Bishop Takawira.

Tickets were sold for a small fee. People came with Bibles, feathers, and lunchboxes.

The event was madness.

Simba performed. Steve danced. Pastor Wings stared into the crowd like a prophet planning to expose secret sins.

Then came the climax.

Bishop Takawira called the chicken to the pulpit.

Pastor Wings walked up. Turned. Faced the crowd. And… laid an egg.

The crowd exploded.

People screamed. Others fell. Some laughed until their wigs tilted.

One man shouted, "That egg is prophecy!"

Another cried, "We must eat it for blessings!"

Simba grabbed Steve and ran. Natasha jumped on stage holding a contract. Sister Rutendo fainted twice. The bishop blessed the egg. And Pastor Wings… sneezed again.

Simba later sat alone, wondering how his life became a mix of comedy, chaos, chickens, and now… church prophecy.

He looked at Steve and said, "If we survive this, I swear I'll write a book."

Steve clucked once. The moon blinked.

Chapter 8 loading. Reality shows. Betrayals. The chicken goes missing again. And Simba receives a vision—probably from hunger.