Chapter 8

The Reality Show, the Missing Chicken, and the Pastor's Curse

If Simba thought the anointed poultry revival was the peak of madness, he was wrong. Chapter 8 begins with the one thing more dangerous than fake miracles, expired dreams, or Natasha's motivational quotes: a spiritual reality show.

It all started when Natasha returned from Harare wearing sunglasses that didn't fit her face and confidence that didn't fit her budget. She burst into Simba's yard with a plastic folder, three bananas, and a voice that sounded like opportunity and trouble had gotten married.

"Simba," she said, "I've cracked it. We're going global. I've registered a show—Anointed and Afraid: The Chicken Diaries. You're the host. Steve is the manager. Pastor Wings is the main act."

Simba blinked. "Chicken diaries?"

"Yes," she said. "We film miracles, madness, and motivation—live. We use my uncle's kabhazi smartphone, edit on his daughter's stolen laptop, and upload on borrowed Wi-Fi. This is our break."

Before Simba could object, a tent was erected in his yard. A banner was drawn with marker: COMING SOON: ANOINTED & AFRAID. Natasha painted Pastor Wings' face on it, but it looked like a dancing turkey with a headache. Steve stared at it for five minutes, then turned around and pecked the gate.

Episode One was filmed with Simba standing in front of the camera holding a microphone made from a broken radio antenna. He opened with:

"Welcome to Anointed and Afraid! Where chickens perform miracles, sponsors disappear, and people pray for Wi-Fi before healing."

Steve squawked in the background. Pastor Wings was supposed to lay a blessing egg. Instead, he just blinked twice and walked away.

That episode got 31 views—27 from Simba's cousin in South Africa and 4 by accident. Still, Natasha was undeterred.

"Now we do Episode Two," she declared. "This time, the chicken must disappear and come back. Like resurrection!"

Simba stared. "Are we doing real magic or just hunger illusions?"

But it was too late. Natasha held a production meeting with Steve and Pastor Wings. Steve tried to leave three times, but Natasha bribed him with grilled maize.

The plan was simple: during filming, Pastor Wings would walk behind a cardboard box, disappear, and then appear again from a plastic cupboard with dramatic music.

But Pastor Wings had his own plans.

During shooting, just before the disappearing act, a real hawk flew overhead. Pastor Wings panicked, squawked, and flew into the neighbor's kitchen.

Then vanished.

Gone.

Vanished.

Natasha screamed. Steve flapped. Simba dropped the camera. The neighbor shouted, "Whose bird is this in my sadza?"

The village went into full panic mode. Posters were printed: Missing: Anointed Chicken. Last seen headed toward Komboni but may have spiritual intentions.

Episode Three turned into a chicken hunt. Natasha filmed herself crying with makeup running.

"Viewers," she sniffed, "we've lost our prophet. But faith will bring him home."

Meanwhile, Simba was in full confusion. What started as fake clout was turning into real heartbreak. People were coming to his gate asking for healing, laying eggs at the gate, and praying facing his goat shed.

Then came Pastor Mapuranga.

Mapuranga was a rival pastor who believed only humans could preach. When he saw the headlines about the disappearing chicken prophet, he declared Simba cursed.

"Chickens are not vessels!" he shouted at his church. "Next thing you know, lizards will baptize us!"

Simba tried to explain. "It's not that deep. It's just a fake life turned funny."

But Mapuranga wasn't having it. He sent three prayer warriors to Simba's yard armed with anointing cooking oil and salt. They poured it on Simba's doorstep.

Steve stepped in it, screamed, and ran like he saw a debt collector.

The villagers were now divided.

Team Pastor Wings vs Team Mapuranga.

One group believed in poultry power. The other thought Simba was turning the village into a circus.

Meanwhile, Natasha held a press conference with six people and one confused goat.

"We are not giving up," she said. "Our prophet will return. Chickens don't abandon their destiny."

But the madness peaked when someone reported Pastor Wings had been spotted… at a wedding in a nearby village.

Simba, Natasha, and Steve rushed there, only to find the chicken sitting on a speaker, wearing a tiny hat and eating popcorn. Apparently, someone had adopted him and renamed him DJ Eggcellent.

Simba tried to grab him. Pastor Wings stared, jumped on the table, and danced to Winky D. The crowd clapped. The bride cried. Natasha fainted.

After intense negotiations involving two loaves of bread, a prayer, and a music break, Pastor Wings was returned.

But now, he was changed. He refused to sleep in the coop. Demanded snacks. Ignored Steve. And insisted on walking around the yard with sunglasses.

Simba realized something.

"We've created a monster."

Natasha disagreed. "We've created a star."

To recover, Simba went to church—quietly, alone. He knelt at the altar and whispered, "Lord, I was only joking. I didn't mean for the chicken to become an influencer."

Then Deacon Moyo approached.

"Brother Simba," he said, "we are doing a youth conference. We want you to close with comedy."

Simba almost screamed. "Not again!"

But he accepted.

Youth Conference Friday Night. Full house. Pastor Wings backstage demanding nuts. Steve pacing. Natasha filming.

Simba stepped on stage.

"Good evening. I used to fake life. Now life fakes me. I can't even lose a chicken in peace."

Laughter.

"I wanted fame. God gave me feathers. I wanted a career. I got a chicken with an ego problem."

Roars.

"And Natasha says we need to shoot a trailer for Season Two of Chicken Diaries. Apparently, the chicken now wants a wardrobe budget."

Screams.

But as Simba was wrapping up, a loud noise came from the crowd.

Pastor Mapuranga had entered the church.

"Stop this madness!" he bellowed

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