SHAPESHIFT

Over two years ago, it was during in the middle of winter of the school year.

"Hey man, you seen that new girl?" One boy asked another in the hallways, their smiles forming.

"Ah, you mean the new girl? I think her name went by Shino Natsumi." The other boy responds with a smirk on his face.

Mayeda would silently walk past them on his way to the cafeteria, looking down at his phone to get past the hallways alone.

Yet despite that, he could still hear everything that would be heard in this school.

After all, these years would be the years filled with curious and growing boys and girls.

For the better or for the worse.

"Dude, she's fucking hot as shit. Her breasts are way too big for someone of our grade!" The boy goes again with a wide hand gesture to emphasize what he was saying.

"I know right! I could totally get a piece of that!" His friend agreed with a laugh.

The tall boy kept walking with his phone, his eyes looking down at his screen before making a quick glance.

Disgusting creatures.

But he would be used to this by now.

Both boys and girls would be seeking intimacy and love at this age of course at their age, it's not something that can be controlled during hormonal changes.

Boys talking about their sexual preferences on women.

Girls talking about their feelings of sexual attraction towards men.

High school was a perfect place to meet and talk about such topics.

Yet it was also one of the worst places to experience such topics as well.

Months would go by, days zoomed like they were being fast forwarded on a regular.

"Bro, did you hear I was able to sleep with Shino this weekend!"

"Seriously? Lucky you! Are you two dating now then?"

"What? Hell no! I only pretended to like her back so that she'd let me in."

"Amazing! I should try that with this girl too then!"

The same boys again would be talking like this despite it being months later into the school year.

It would irritate Mayeda on how things would happen.

But who was he to say something about it?

It wasn't his place to decide for others no matter how he felt.

Events would happen and shape with him just living on life in the shadows.

One that a boy like Mayeda deeply despised, would be the people who can't see others as others with their own feelings.

***

The fat boy, Mayeda, would be in the school courtyard trying to workout with his newfound friend sitting on the bench, just watching him.

It was a nice sunny day with a nice breeze due to the season of summer approaching quickly at the last week of the school year.

Their graduation just coming up in a few days.

"Mayeda, what're you trying to do?" Usui questions and sat up straight.

The black haired boy was changed into a white tracksuit with a black headband instead of his red middle school uniform.

With a small determined huff.

"I decided that if I wanted to change my life for the better, I'm going to really change it this time." Mayeda calmly spoke with a small smile.

A small hum in thought would be on Usui's face before smirking.

"Hey, if you're gonna work out, at least look good while you do it. You're tainting my eyes in that outfit." He teased his looks a bit, thinking it was a bit endearing but extremely embarrassing.

"Fuck you." The fat boy murmurs before getting in a push up position on the grass.

"Oh? Pushups? You have a workout routine in mind?" The brown haired boy questions when he sees his friend in a pushup position.

Mayeda tries to bring himself down for a push up but immediately gives out and falls on his stomach.

Damn it, I can't even do a single push up.

The black haired boy grits his teeth and sat in his knees while Usui was quietly laughing.

"Man, fuck you. I'm gonna grow at some point." Mayeda exclaims with a small embarrassed look.

"Yeah? Which way? Horizontally?" His friend trolls him a bit more.

"Fuck you."

The fat one would say again.

For the next few days, school would go by, Mayeda would be working out to get stronger for himself.

Their last day of middle school would shortly come by now for tomorrow.

Damn it, after a few days of going at it, I could only manage to pull out two pushups but with a five minute break between the two.

Mayeda sighed as he got out of his push up position, but in his school uniform at the school courtyard.

Usui's joking comment really got to him.

"How am I supposed to get stronger at this rate? This is gonna take forever." He sighed and sat on the grass, looking up at the sky.

Oh man, middle school is ending tomorrow. I feel a bit excited about graduating from this place.

A small smile formed on his face.

These years felt like shit. Glad it's ending now so that I can binge anime all summer with Usui.

He would be lost in his thoughts before he noticed a boy with a hand on the wall next to the side of a girl's head.

A good looking kid as well, though that smug snd charming smirk made him feel iffy.

Ah, one of the playboys are hitting on her.

Mayeda didn't really seem to understand much other than the guy being known for a big charmer.

Obviously, he always had bad feelings about people like those.

With a small paper in the boy's hand, they walked away from her, leaving the girl leaned back on the wall.

Oh? Did she give him her phone number on the paper?

Mayeda stood up and walks over to her after seeing the guy had left, though a bit hesitant.

Usually people wouldn't want to talk or see him, but the girl gave him a feeling of peace, so he wanted to give it a try.

"Um… excuse me…" Mayeda quietly calls out to her, a bit shy at first with an expressionless smile.

The middle school girl turns her head to look at him and gives a small smile that shown excitement.

This would radiate hope for him.

A chance to make another friend. A friend with a pretty girl!

He decided he wanted to try and make a small chat, starting off slow with asking her about her day.

"I, uh… I was just wondering-"

"Sorry, I have someone I'm seeing right now." The girl quickly stammers out with a hand in front of her towards him.

…

Huh?

Mayeda was puzzled yet understood that she must've mistaken this as hitting on her.

Maybe she's used to guys like me going up to her… better correct her real quick.

"Wait no… I was just gonna ask how was your-" He tried to repeat his words.

Suddenly, his eyes would see a hand flying towards the side of his face.

Slap!

A smack to the face was all that he could process next.

…

Wait, why did she slap me?

Mayeda gently touched his right cheek with small widened eyes, unable to understand what just happened.

"I said I was already seeing someone! I can't stand fat guys like you who think they have their ways with me!" The girl exclaims again in a more frustrated voice, unable to hold back her frustration and disdain.

Was I wrong about her after all?

Mayeda's heart sunk a little from her words, he tries to have a small smile and speak up.

"Why does this always happen to me with boys like you? I'm trying to go on with my day and find hot guys and instead attract you people?" She goes on a small rant, each word hitting him through the heart like a knife.

Such cruel words, even though Mayeda didn't have such intentions, they still hurt.

Was the idea that he made a friend for the first time before getting him over his head? He didn't understand what he did wrong.

"Don't come near me again. You're disgusting." The girl in blonde ends it off and rushes off away from him, soon leaving his eyesight.

…

His body felt as if he had been stabbed so badly, so consecutively in just a few minutes.

He had been working hard, trying to change, yet it's apparent that it looks like he hadn't.

Even if it was just a few days, he always tried it boost himself up for slowly making a change, that he would be recognized for his efforts of trying.

But nobody cares.

Why am I trying to change?

Is it really that unloving to be the way I am?

Is it really alright for me to be the way I am despite how much I hate it?

Floods of questions flew threw his head.

He leaned back on the wall and slid down onto the grass by himself, lunch period still going on.

Usui had to do makeup for his final testing, so he was just by himself for this lunch period.

Sniff, sniff…

Mayeda buried his face in his arms, his knees hurdling up to support them as he hid his face.

I thought that things were finally going well… I finally made a friend for the first time…

His past mood felt like it was sinking away.

It doesn't matter how kind or nice people would be to others, how you look is what mattered most this day and age…

The harsh truth kept settling in, he had known this years ago due to his weight, but he thought he was finally being treated equally.

Had the idea of me finally making a friend made me think way more than I am? A fat ass who can't even do more than two pushups…

Small tears fell from his eyes.

Even if he had explained to the girl what his true intentions were, the truth of what she felt in her heart was as already out.

He had nobody to else to blame.

Was the way he looked and acted really that creepy?

He understood the girl's frustration and couldn't help it against her.

She must've had many experiences of all kinds of boys trying to get onto her… many unpleasant experiences she'd never be able to forget… forming such a mindset her age is inevitable to happen.

He knew after this graduation that he'd most likely not end up seeing her again over the summer or even the transfer towards high school.

Mayeda always accepted the way he was, he had Miyasaki before and Usui now which made him feel special and appreciated yet he wanted more.

Is it bad I want more? Do I even have the right to seek for more validation?

He wipes his tears with his thumb and buried his face more into his sleeves.

I was lucky enough to even be friends with Usui before the summer.

But I'm still as pathetic to seek for validation of being this stupid, lonely boy…

He kept silently crying to himself, unable to escape this sad reality for himself. One that felt unchanged for his future.

Unchanged?

No.

He can still change.

A thought of realization crossed his head and peeks up from his arms.

Now is no time to be sad and doing nothing.

Mayeda sniffs again before slowly standing up, using the wall as his support.

I can't always rely on Usui to help me feel better.

His crystal silver eyes looked down on the ground before looking ahead.

Even though he's my friend, I can't rely on someone all the time to help me up. I need to be that somebody that'll pick myself up when times are rough.

A deep and long sigh emerged.

Relax…

He felt a lot calmer now and clenched his fist to his sides.

If I can't even accept myself as I am now, how can I expect people to accept me as well in the future?

Things needs to change.

A small smile would form on his face again like earlier and looks up back up at the beautiful sun.

After all, it would be pretty badass to suddenly change a lot now until high school. Like one of those generic manhwas.

Such a silly thought gave him a bit more confidence and energy to start again.

I could learn how to fight as well so that-

The memory of that time before he met Usui played back in his mind. The blood and tears still playing in his mind.

He would never forget what happened that time.

I need to learn to get stronger.

No.

To become better person than the way I am now.

If I don't ever grow, I'll always live my life with regrets in a way I'll hate forever until I die.

He raised his fist up, wanting to feel like a scene right out of an anime where the main character is more determined than ever.

The fat boy from the past lowers his hand down before a small sigh.

"Now, where was I?" Mayeda spoke to himself with a smile.

He got on his knees and into a push-up position to once again to start working out for the hope of self acceptance.

For the countless opportunities laying before him.

For the looks that he had been dreaming for everyday.

For himself.