WANT TO DIE

ADELINE'S POV

Veronica has managed to take everything away from me. She took away my life, she took away my hope, she took away my dignity. She took away my boyfriend and my best friend and now she has taken away the last bit of fight I had left in me. She has taken it all and now I have nothing left.

I'm so tired that I have no more fight left in me. all I want to do is give up and accept my fate. It makes me realize why a lot of girls in this place have given up. It makes me realize why it's so easy for the girls in here to accept that this will be their lives forever. Veronica takes your greatest fears and uses them against you. She makes sure that she breaks and hurts you in all the worst possible ways. I understand why Silver is the way she is. I understand why Della has become the way she is.

And now, I'm about to become one of those girls too. Colton and I, we weren't friends, but I liked his company. I liked the fact that when I was with him, I didn't feel like just another object to be consumed I like the innocence and pureness that I felt in his presence. I knew that Colton would never want me, or at least want to have me like all the other men here would love to.

I wanted to believe that mine and Colton's relationship would remain as pure as possible. But even that got ruined. I knew Veronica wasn't bluffing when she said she would kill all the people we cared about. She threatened Naomi and she threatened Della, and she threatened to bring Colton's sister here and have her live the same fate as me and all the other girls here.

She was testing us, she wanted to see if Colton would really do what she had asked him to do. I saw it in his eyes and I saw it in his actions. I saw how bad and how hard he was fighting it. I could tell that he didn't want to hurt me. I could tell that he didn't want any part of it. But then if we didn't do what Veronica asked, Naomi and Della would have paid the price and I couldn't be that selfish. I couldn't just let them die when I had the solution right in front of me and then I though of all what Colton has gone through to keep his sister out of this life.

If we disobeyed Veronica, it would have all been for nothing and I couldn't have that, nit when there was clearly something that could be done about it. I knew Colton had been drugged. I don't know what I expected to happen, but when I touched him, I knew I could never reverse time.

As soon as I touched him, I could see it in his eyes how much he could not control himself any longer and it broke me. it broke me to see him looking at me that way. It broke me to see that in his eyes, at that moment, I was just any other girl to him. He wasn't rough with me.

I couldn't feel anything but I adjusted by body to how he wanted it as tears spilled from my eyes. He enjoyed it. I don't know how I can look him in the eyes again after what happened. I don't know if I can ever live a normal life again after what happened with Adrian, with the director, and now with Colton.

And I just can't get the thought out of my head that it will happen so many other times with other people and there will be nothing I can do about it because I'm weak. Because Veronica is stronger than me. Because I'm hopeless. Because Dante and Liam are never coming for me.

"I can't even help myself. How can I help Naomi and Della?" I whisper as I lay in my bed, my hands wrapped around my body, my legs drawn up high to my chest. There's nothing I can do. If Colton keeps helping me, he'll only be put in danger.

Both him and his sister and I cannot allow that to happen. I just can't. As I lay in bed, Colton suddenly walks in and I gasp, instinctively leaving my bed and heading towards the bathroom. I hear him take in a deep sigh. I hear his boots stomp on the floor as he walks towards me.

As I take a look at him, my heart drops to my stomach. He has bruises all over his face and he winces as he takes steps forwards. What did Veronica do to him?

"You're not ready." He says in a low voice, avoiding my eyes and I almost break down.

"What did she do to you?" I ask him.

"Why aren't you ready Adeline?" He asks me with a frown on his face. Every word he speaks seems like too hard a job for him. He looks terrible.

"I didn't know we were supposed to leave our rooms today." I answer honestly. It's clear that Colton is ignoring what happened between us and maybe that's a good thing, because I don't want to talk about it either. I don't want to remember what happened.

"Veronica wants you to meet someone. She said to tell you that it's a surprise." I furrow my brows in thought as he speaks. Nothing coming from Veronica can ever be good. Nothing coming from her can ever make me look up to meeting her. I know she has another evil scheme up her sleeve and I want nothing to do with it.

I wrap my hands around my body and take a step back and as I do, a million pieces shatter between Colton and I He can see clearly that I want to put some distance between the two of us. I can see pain and hurt and regret in his eyes, but he has no idea how I feel. He has no idea how broken I already am.

"You need to cancel plans with Dante." He snaps his head at me as the sentence leaves my mouth. For the first time since he walked into my room today, he makes unfiltered eye contact with me.

"Adeline what-"

"It's too dangerous. I'm too scared of something going wrong. Too scared of what Veronica might do of she catches us. She's already on to us and I have a really bad feeling."

"So you're giving up?" He asks, flaring his nostrils at me as his eyes soften. I don't want his pity. Right now, all I want to do is survive.

"What happened to that girl who killed two people the first time I saw her." He asks me with pain in his voice.

"She got broken beyond repair Colton. And she just cannot anymore." I answer him as tears fall from my eyes. He takes a step back and balls his hands into fists as he looks at me.

"I'm not giving up on you Adeline." He says, his voice barely above a whisper. "No get ready, keep your head held high and I'll be waiting outside."

He takes a step back and then walks out of my room with his eyes on the floor. A tear stains my cheeks and I wipe it off aggressively as I walk into the shower still with my clothes on. I want to die.