The Idiot Girl I Like Can't be this Cute

"I like you."

There it was. The bombshell. The confession of the century.

Only, instead of it being some grand, romantic moment, it came out like I had just tripped over a rock and was desperately trying to save face. My voice squeaked at the end, and I swear my brain short-circuited from sheer embarrassment.

But Akari... she didn't laugh. She didn't make fun of me.

Instead, she blinked. And then she smiled. A soft, gentle smile. Like she already knew what I was going to say before I said it. Like it was already written in the stars.

And me?

I felt like I had just climbed Mt. Everest.

But with a lot more awkwardness. And no oxygen.

Then she tilted her head and leaned forward, eyes sparkling like she'd just opened a treasure chest of juicy gossip. "Really?! You like me?! Since when? How long? Was it during the sandwich? It was the sandwich, wasn't it?"

I blinked. "Huh?"

"You fell for me during the karaoke? Was it when I hit that high note? Or maybe—OH! Was it the dramatic verse when I sang that girly pop-song solo?! I KNEW IT!"

I was still processing oxygen again.

"I—uh—it's not the sandwich," I mumbled, ears turning red. "And I've always— I mean not always, always, but like... you know... always?"

Smooth, Shiwei. Real smooth.

She gasped. "Wait, so since when?! Be specific! Was it the garden? No, wait. Was it the time you fought that hedge bush and called it a worthy opponent?"

"That bush had hands," I muttered defensively.

"Was it before or after I helped you with Mrs. Henderson's garden?" she asked, leaning in with way too much enthusiasm. "Or was it when I cooked you curry? No—wait—was it karaoke? It was karaoke, wasn't it?! When I sang the bridge like a drama queen when we're dueting I see the Light—oh my gosh, I knew it!"

"N-No, that's not—" I tried to cut in, but nope. The girl was on a roll.

"Or was it earlier than that?! Was it that time we went shopping together and I let you see me in that dress and you're suffering from my sheer cuteness?"

I choked. "Suffer?!"

She grinned like a villain. "Cuteness in pain is a real thing, Shiwei."

My face was on fire. I could feel my ears turning red. Probably steaming like a kettle by now.

I tried to act cool, okay?! Tried. Keyword. TRIED!

She kept grinning, bouncing slightly in place like a hyperactive bunny on a sugar rush. "Okay okay okay—but wait—if you liked me, why'd you always act like a dramatic old man with commitment issues?"

"I DON'T HAVE COMMITMENT ISSUES!" I lied, voice going up three octaves.

I tried to collect the shambles of my pride and dignity. I cleared my throat, stood up straight — while still internally trembling — and pulled out the roses from behind my back like some kind of Shakespearean disaster. "Here. For you."

Akari's eyes widened.

"These are real," I confirmed unnecessarily. "And yes. I like you. I really do. Probably too much. Like... emotionally irresponsible levels of liking."

The second I finished talking, I realized my hands were shaking like I was disarming a bomb instead of offering flowers to a girl.

She took the roses, held them delicately like they were made of glass, and beamed up at me. "Shiwei..."

I held my breath. This was the moment. This was it.

"Did you like me during the time I helped you on your marketing strategy? Or was it the first time I made you laugh?"

I blinked. "You're still talking?"

"You're still blushing," she teased.

I turned around to face the tree. "I am not. That's just my blood... reacting to gravity."

She giggled. Actually giggled. My heart basically melted and reformed into a soggy sponge.

"I can't believe you confessed first," she teased.

"I can't believe I'm still standing after it," I replied. "Pretty sure my soul left my body five minutes ago."

And yet...

Even as she continued to throw question after question like a relentless rom-com protagonist with too much caffeine, I couldn't help but smile like an idiot.

Because she was smiling.

Because she didn't run away.

Because I said it.

And she was still here.

Maybe I didn't crash and burn completely after all.

Maybe... just maybe... something wonderful was beginning.

***

You ever have one of those moments where you just want to melt into a sidewalk crack and become one with the pavement? Yeah, that was me. The moment we started heading home. Ofcourse we're riding my mighty steed, Silver Fang.

The sun was setting beautifully, painting the sky with those warm orange-pink hues you only see in anime when the main character's about to have a life-changing realization.

And I was.

Realizing that I might not survive Akari's teasing.

"So, Mr. I-Like-You," she said in a singsong voice, swinging her arms as she walked beside me like she hadn't just verbally wrecked my entire existence under a cherry blossom tree. "Since when, huh? You still didn't answer. Was it the curry? You definitely made this face during the curry."

She proceeded to imitate my alleged face. It looked like someone trying to sneeze while holding in a fart.

"Akari, please," I begged. "Let a man breathe. Let a man live."

But nope. She was on a mission. A mission to destroy every last shred of composure I had.

"Oh wait! Was it during the marketing incident?" she gasped. "When I helped you to become the marketing genius of Fried Chicken Heaven you are today?"

"The only thing you did that time was feed me," I muttered.

She grinned like a villain. A cute villain. The worst kind.

"You're not denying it though~"

"I am choosing not to engage," I said, with the dignity of a man slowly crumbling into dust.

She twirled. Actually twirled. In the middle of the sidewalk. Like her joy levels were set to max.

"I had no idea you liked me that much," she said with a playful sigh. "And here I thought you were just being awkward and emotionally constipated."

"I WAS being emotionally constipated," I cried. "Do you know how terrifying you are? You're cute! You smile like a Disney princess and then let yourself walk straight to danger all the damn time!"

Akari laughed. That high-pitched, delighted laugh that made me want to simultaneously melt and jump off the nearest metaphorical cliff.

"It's just... I can't believe it," she said after a while, her voice softening. "You really like me."

I didn't say anything. Mostly because I was busy pretending to admire the sunset and not think about how red my face was. I probably looked like a tomato with legs.

She nudged me with her elbow. "Hey. You okay?"

"I'm fine," I lied. "Just contemplating my life choices and planning revenge."

"Revenge?"

"Against the smartphone that led to this moment. I'm gonna throw it into the ocean."

She blinked. "Your smartphone?"

"Yes," I hissed. "It tricked me. It said 'go confess your feelings, it'll be fine.' IT WASN'T FINE!"

Akari was losing it. She was laughing so hard she had to stop walking.

"Okay okay okay, but real talk," she said, catching her breath. "I'm glad you told me."

That shut me up. I looked at her. She was smiling again. Not teasing this time. Just genuinely smiling.

And suddenly I didn't care how much she teased me. Or how embarrassing I'd been.

Because that smile was worth it.

Before I could say something mushy and completely destroy whatever street cred I had left, we reached our apartment complex.

"Well," I said awkwardly, scratching the back of my neck. "This is you."

Akari nodded, stepping up to her door. She paused, looked back, and gave me a look that made my heart stutter.

"I like you too," she said casually.

Then she threw up a tiny finger heart.

And smiled.

Smile critical hit! It's super effective!

My brain? Gone. My soul? Ascended. My composure? Never existed.

I stood there like a stunned deer, trying to process what just happened. Then I turned around and power-walked back to my apartment like I was being chased by embarrassment itself.

Once inside, I collapsed onto my bed, stared at the ceiling, and let out the most defeated sigh in human history.

"That was criminally cute," I whispered. "I'm gonna die. I'm gonna die from being in love."

I rolled over, covered my face with a pillow, and groaned.

"This must be what Horace feels like every time Yue smiles at him. I'm turning into a moron in love. This is bad. This is so, so bad."

Still, I couldn't stop smiling.

And the pillow couldn't muffle my laughter.

Because no matter how humiliating today was, or how hard Akari teased me...

She liked me too.

And that made everything worth it. Because you know what? There comes a moment in every man's life when he realizes he's no longer in control of his dignity. For me, that moment arrived thirty seconds after Akari hit me with the finger heart of mass destruction.

You'd think I'd be chill. Cool. Maybe a little embarrassed, sure—but manageable, right?

Wrong.

Because I was currently rolling on the floor like a human tumbleweed of shame and love-sick agony. I had curled into a metaphorical shrimp and then physically into one, arms hugging my knees as I flopped back and forth like I was trying to exorcise the ghost of romance from my body.

"NooooOOOOOoooooo!!!!"

Thud!

My head hit the leg of the coffee table. Which was honestly deserved.

"Ow," I muttered.

I flopped onto my back, eyes toward the ceiling. The lightbulb stared back at me judgmentally. Like it's laughing at my life choices. 

"I messed up," I said aloud. "But I also won. Like... I crashed and burned and somehow landed in a pile of gold. It doesn't make sense. I'm a paradox. A romantic paradox."

I stared blankly at the ceiling.

"This must be how Horace felt. That idiot."

And then I remembered the true source of all this chaos. The harbinger of my downfall. The object that had set this whole ordeal in motion.

My smartphone.

I reached for it with the weary fingers of a man who had been emotionally mugged and left for dead by love itself.

"You traitor," I told the phone as I held it up. "You set me up. You knew what you were doing when you made me Google 'How to Confess'."

It offered no apology.

Sighing, I tapped Horace's name and hit call.

It rang once.

Then twice.

Then—

"Hello?"

"Horace," I said, deadpan. "I'm dying."

"Shiwei? Bro, what happened?"

"I'm turning into you."

There was silence. Then a suspicious noise that sounded a lot like a snort.

"I confessed."

"YOU WHAT?!" came Yue's voice in the background.

"Yeah. It happened. I said 'I like you' like I was tripping over a root, handed her three roses like a trembling gremlin, and she—she smiled. SHE SMILED, HORACE."

"Did she slap you?" Yue yelled.

"No! Worse! She said she likes me back!"

There was a loud cheer. Followed by Yue laughing like a hyena.

"You're done for!" Horace cackled. "You're officially infected! The Moron-In-Love Disease! Welcome to the club, president Shiwei!"

"I hate this," I groaned, rubbing my eyes. "Everything hurts. My pride is in shambles! My cool image is six feet under! I blushed like a middle schooler!"

"Shiwei," Yue cut in, still snorting. "You are a middle schooler. Emotionally."

"I hope both of you step on a Lego."

They kept laughing. I flopped onto my couch like the dramatic loser I was.

"You don't understand. She gave me a finger heart. A. FINGER. HEART. Do you know how lethal that is? I nearly combusted. I think my soul left my body for a second."

"You've got it bad, dude," Horace wheezed.

"I do. And the worst part? I'm not even mad about it."

We sat in silence for a bit—me on the couch, them probably doubled over somewhere. My heart was still doing somersaults like it was training for the Olympics.

"...So," Horace said. "When's the wedding?"

"I'm hanging up now."

"Shiwei—"

Click.

I threw the phone onto the couch, covered my face with a pillow, and screamed into it.

"This is my life now," I mumbled into the cushion. "I've become a romantic lead in a badly written shoujo manga. What happened to me?"

Somewhere in the background, my phone buzzed again. Probably Horace sending memes. Probably Yue sending pictures of my breakdown reenacted with action figures.

I let out one final sigh.

"I am doomed."

And you know what?

Maybe... I was okay with that.