Chapter 13. Treacherous.

"Put your lips close to mine, as long as they don't touch. Out of focus, eye to eye. Till the gravity's too much."

I sat silently with my own thoughts for a moment. If he didn't want to kiss me, why didn't he just pull away? Why lean in at all? I got off the bed and started pacing, my body still humming from the kiss, my mind racing just as fast. Confusion. Frustration. Wanting. Needing…Horny? Was that what this was? Something I'd repressed for so long had finally woken up. And now for some reason it refused to be ignored. 

Before I could answer my own question Justin stepped out of the bathroom. Stunned to see me off the bed. I swallowed hard, my pulse hammering in my ears. But I needed to know. Needed to hear him say it.

"Tell me you didn't want to stop," I said, putting every ounce of conviction I had left into those words.

Justin blinked, his expression unreadable at first, like he wasn't expecting me to call him out. His jaw tensed slightly, his lips parting like he wanted to say something but couldn't find the words.

Then he exhaled. "August…" He hesitated, like he was weighing his next words carefully. "I didn't stop because I wanted to. I stopped because I…" He let out a small chuckle, shaking his head. "I don't know. I guess I don't want you to feel pressure, I don't want you to think I have expectations of you, or of us doing anything more than..."

His eyes glazed over me, searching for something, maybe reassurance, maybe permission. "Trust me, stopping was the last thing I wanted to do." His voice was lower now, almost rough, like the restraint itself was costing him something.

I felt my breath caught at my throat, my skin prickling from the weight of his words. He wanted it too. The confirmation that the pull between us wasn't just in my head. That he was curious about me the same way I was about him.

But he was giving me the out…leaving the next move up to me.

And that terrified me just as much as it thrilled me.

So I stepped closer.

Now standing straight in front of him, staring up at him, trying to close the gap between us. I could see it in his eyes…he was studying my face, waiting, like he wasn't sure if I was about to pull away or pull him in. Then, finally, he took a step closer too, erasing the last bit of distance between us.

Our height difference felt more noticeable now, my head tilting up, his gaze locked down on mine. I stared a few moments longer, my breath shaky, my chest brushing his with every inhale.

"I want to have sex with you again." The words left my lips before I could second-guess them.

"And I want to remember it this time." My voice was barely above a whisper, but I knew he heard me.

His expression shifted, his jaw tightening just slightly. "Are you sure?" His voice was lower now, more careful, like he was giving me a final chance to back out.

I slowly shook my head no.

Because in reality, I wasn't sure.

Every emotion I had felt in the past 48 hours surged through me…every heartbreak, every betrayal, every loss. They flooded my veins, rushing through my body, reminding me of everything I had never let myself do. Everything I had always held back.

But for once... maybe I was sure of what I wanted.

"I have never been in control of anything regarding my own life." My voice was steady, but my heart pounded. "Everything has been laid out and planned for me by my mom. Even losing my virginity was supposed to be some distant, planned-out milestone. Something I lost control over, but this time, by my own doing. I want to have sex with you, Justin. Do you want to have sex with me?"

I said it again, firmer this time, because now I meant it.

Justin ran a hand over his face, exhaling through his nose before looking at me again.

"August, I don't even know what happened last night. What if we didn't have sex? What if I never got it up?" His lips twitched slightly, like he was trying to keep the moment light. "Truthfully, I don't even know if I could get it up right now, but—" his expression softened, "But I just don't want you to regret this later."

I took a step back, my fingers curling around the hem of my shirt before pulling it over my head. It hit the floor, forgotten, as Justin's gaze swept over me, his jaw tightening slightly. He bit his lower lip, his eyes darkening with something unreadable. Slowly, I reached behind me, unhooking my bra and letting it slip to the ground beside him. A shiver ran down my spine as the cool air met my skin, but the heat in his stare set me on fire.

If he took me right now, there was no turning back. And for once, I was okay with that.

His muscles tensed slightly, his restraint was more noticeable now, but then he took a step closer, closing the space between us. His arms wrapped around me, and in one swift motion, he lifted me effortlessly. A small gasp left my lips as my legs instinctively wrapped around him, pressing against the solid warmth of his body. I could feel every inch of him, the strength beneath his skin, the way he held me like I weighed nothing.

He carried me to the bed, his movements deliberate, careful. When he laid me down, he hovered just above me, his hands braced on either side of my head, his weight still held back.

The air between us was thick, electric, every nerve in my body was set ablaze as I looked up at him.

 He took his shirt off and I stared at him more closely than I ever had, memorizing every crease on his face. I noticed his eyes looked kinder than before. I held his face close to mine and I kissed him, softly at first and he kissed me back. Each kiss became more passionate than the next. And before I knew it, he started traveling to my neck. I could feel his stubble grazing my skin as he moved lower, the roughness sending shivers through me. 

"You tell me to stop and I'll stop okay?" He whispered in my ear and turned to look at me. 

"Okay," I whispered back. 

"Are you…sure?" I asked, glancing downward, unsure if he was as ready as I was. He smiled and nodded yes and began to kiss me again. I could feel his hands traveling all over my body. Each touch making me desperate for more. His lips trailed to the center of my chest, and I felt the slight pause, like he was giving me a moment to stop him. But then his hand glided over my breast, his mouth following, warm and careful. I could feel a rush of adrenaline filling my body. I felt my toes curl and my back arch lightly with every pull of his mouth. He stopped, causing me to lose my focus. He pulled back suddenly, leaving me breathless and confused.

 "Is everything okay?" I asked, my voice softer now. Without a word, he slipped off the bed, searching through his suitcase that was still in the corner of my room. My heart pounded as I watched him, and then I saw the slim purple packet in his hand. He started taking his shorts off. 

I propped up on my elbows waiting for him. "Curtains opened or closed?" I asked. He let his eyes roam over me, slowly, making no effort to hide it. Lying half-naked on the bed, I felt completely exposed–seen in a way I wasn't used to. But the way he looked at me? Like he wanted to memorize every inch? It made my skin heat in a way that had nothing to do with embarrassment. 

"Open cause the light is hitting perfectly in here and I want to see every part of you," he responded without a hint of regret. I could feel blood rushing to my cheeks and a smile forming on my face.

He finally took his boxers off and I was able to see all of him. His body was all sharp lines and defined muscle, the deep V above his pelvis forming an unmistakable path downward. And while this isn't the first one I've ever seen, it is the first one I've seen in person. And to put it lightly he could definitely back his previous talk up and now there was no worry about if he would be able to or not. He rolled the condom on with ease, his eyes never leaving mine. 

Then, without hesitation, he was back, settling over me, his weight pressing into me in a way that made my breath stop. He was propped on top of me again.

 "Now, where were we?" he asked, his voice teasing. I took his hand, guiding it back to my chest, feeling the warmth of his palm against my skin. 

"Right here," I murmured, watching his lips curve into a knowing smile before he leaned down again. And I was back in the moment. He stayed there for a moment longer as his other hand found their way to my thighs. He gripped onto my thong and slid it off my legs with ease. Now, there was nothing between us, just skin, heat, and the undeniable pull drawing us even closer.

Every emotion, every doubt, every hesitation, melted away, leaving only the warmth of his touch and the way my body responded to him. His hands trailed slowly between my thighs, his touch deliberate, coaxing a soft gasp from my lips as he gently placed one finger and then another, inside me. He looked up at me as he began moving his fingers to spots I didn't know existed. 

I gripped my hands on his shoulder as each movement felt better than the last. He smiled knowing what he was doing to me was working. He stopped briefly and pulled my body down so I was no longer half sitting up. Seconds later he finally slid in me, there was slight pressure causing my body to tense, but each movement drew a breathless moan from me. We moved together, our bodies entwined, falling into a rhythm that felt effortless, like we had done this a thousand times before. My eyes rolled back, as I scratched his back. His eyes locked onto mine, something unreadable flickering in them before he suddenly stilled. 

"Did you-" I started, but he cut me off with a small smirk. 

"Not even close," he murmured. "I want to make sure you're taken care of first." His lips brushed my ear, voice low. "Do you trust me?"

I let out a breathless laugh, because after everything, wasn't that a given? Still, I nodded. 

"Okay good." He said as he started moving his face to the lower half of my body. Kissing every inch of me as he made his way down. Planting one more right above the most sensitive part of my body. A shudder ran through me as his tongue found me, each stroke unraveling me in ways I hadn't known were possible. The more I moaned the more he would do. I could now feel his tongue and his fingers inside me, working in perfect unison. 

My hands now gripping the bed sheets tightly. A rush of heat coiled low in my stomach, building, tightening…until it finally unraveled all at once. 

"Oh my god, Justin" I gasped, the pleasure crashing over me like a tidal wave. He lifted his head, eyes filled with satisfaction, before trailing slow, lingering kisses back up my body each one sending aftershocks through me.

Our eyes met, and before I could even process what was happening, he flipped me over. Now, on all fours, my breath hitched as he grabbed my hips, pulling me close to him, the heat between us building. I could feel his hand press gently at my neck, holding as he entered me.

At first, his movements were slow, controlled, and deliberate. I couldn't help but gasp, feeling every inch of him, each slow thrust sending a shiver down my spine.

The rhythm of his movements became a steady, rhythmic pace, his hands gripping me with a raw intensity that matched the fire building inside me. I never imagined this, never thought I would be here, but now I couldn't deny how badly I craved it. The sensation was unlike anything I'd ever experienced…ecstasy so overwhelming I almost couldn't catch my breath.

The thought of how long I had deprived myself of this kind of pleasure, the feeling of being wanted, needed—made my head spin. But with every thrust, every press of his body against mine, that thought faded, leaving only the intensity of this moment. My body moved with his, feeling the pull, the friction, the heat, each second stretching longer than the last.

He groaned quietly behind me, his breath ragged, and I could hear the rawness in his voice when he spoke, "Oh August, you feel so good." The praise. his words, lit a fire inside me I didn't even know existed. For a moment, l pushed back into him, matching his rhythm, my body finally in tune with his. I felt confident, powerful, like I had control over something I never thought possible.

He continued for what felt like an eternity, his hands still gripping my body, his thrusts becoming quicker, more urgent. I could feel my own release building, like a wave pulling me deeper, faster. And then, without warning, he groaned again, his grip tightening as he came to a stop, his body shuddering against mine. I couldn't move, but I didn't want to, feeling both the rush of everything we had just shared and the raw aftershocks of the moment.

The silence that followed was heavy, filled only with the sound of our breath coming in ragged gasps. He slowly pulled away, his fingers brushing my back as he did, leaving me with the ache of our connection lingering on my skin.

I flipped back around and watched as he removed the condom. The sight of it immediately made me feel shy, and I reached for the blanket to cover myself. "You should go to the bathroom before you get too comfortable," he said as he got off the bed.

"Huh?" I looked at him, confused.

"You're supposed to pee after sex to avoid a UTI," he explained casually, with no judgment in his voice.

"Oh, right," I said, still a little flustered. I got off the bed and walked to the bathroom, catching a glimpse of my reflection in the mirror. For a brief second, I stared at myself, hair disheveled, face flushed and felt more exposed than I ever had.

Then I noticed Justin in the reflection, watching me, and my shyness deepened.

After washing my hands, I stepped out of the bathroom, and I could hear the rustle of him putting on his boxers. As I made my way back to the bed, I searched for my thong. 

"It's right here," he said, handing it to me. I slipped it on, feeling the weight of everything.

"Are you okay?" he asked, his voice low, a hint of concern.

I let out a nervous laugh, trying to cover the swirl of emotions. "Uh...yeah. No. I don't know." I could feel my eyebrows furrow as the reality hit me. I had just had sex with Justin. Sex. With my sworn enemy. And it felt... complicated. Vulnerable, yet somehow relieved. Maybe even a little sad. But definitely confused, because it felt so good.

"Come here," he said gently, sitting on the edge of the bed. He handed me his T-shirt to wear, and I threw it on before sitting next to him, facing forward. He was facing me, waiting.

"I feel..." I trailed off, trying to find the words. "I feel silly. And kind of exposed."

His face softened with genuine concern. "Are you regretting it?"

I shook my head immediately. "No, no. I don't regret it. It was good. Honestly, better than I expected. And I... I guess I just can't believe I had sex." I laughed awkwardly, covering my face, feeling even more shy.

He chuckled quietly but continued to stare at me, a little lost, trying to read my emotions.

Without warning, he stood up, scooped me into his arms, and gently placed me back in the middle of the bed.

He climbed in next to me, wrapping his arm around my shoulder as he pulled the blankets over us. We laid there in silence for a while, the weight of everything hanging in the air.

"I had this perfect idea of how my life was gonna go," I started, the words slipping out before I could stop them. "It was all planned out. I'd go to college, meet my husband, graduate, get my masters, pass the bar, get married, have kids, a job... et cetera, et cetera. But life... life took its own course. With my mom and now this..."

He looked at me, his expression soft. "This?"

"Having sex before marriage," I clarified. "I thought I'd be devastated if I ever gave in before marriage. My mom always said I would regret it instantly. But now that I've done it... I don't know. I thought l'd be in a panic, but somehow, I don't feel like the world is ending." I shrugged, still not entirely sure what I was feeling.

"Do you wish you would've done it with someone else?" he asked, his voice gentle but probing.

I paused, considering it for a moment. My life had been a whirlwind recently, but I had to admit that I was strangely at peace with the way things had unfolded, it's not like I could change it now. "Well, if you want pure unadulterated honesty... I'm kinda glad it was with you. Or at least someone like you."

"Someone like me?" he asked, an eyebrow raised and a hint of defensiveness in his voice.

"I don't mean it in a bad way," I quickly added. "I mean it like... no strings attached, no expectations. I didn't feel pressured to do anything, and that was... nice. And not to boost your ego, but I would definitely do it again with you if the opportunity presented itself." I giggled softly covering my mouth. 

He smiled, his eyes warming. "If it makes you feel any better, just thinking about you like that has me hard again," he said, his tone playful.

A wave of curiosity hit me, and before I even realized what I was doing, I lifted the blanket. Sure enough, he wasn't lying, and I couldn't help but laugh. We laid quiet for a couple of moments until the guilt started seeping into a small corner of my brain. Now that the dust had settled between us, I had this aching feeling in me.

 "I do have a confession to make though," I said. 

"What's up?"

"I really like Erik. And now I think the guilt is setting in. I know he and I aren't even together. And I know he didn't even kiss me at the end of our first date but yeeeeah I'm starting to feel guilty" 

"Well him not kissing you was his loss. Look where he could've gotten himself," He said laughing a little, but truthfully I'm okay with Erik not having to see me this vulnerable or even how broken I was over my mom. 

"Oh god no that would be too much pressure! I would be way too shy," I exclaimed.

 "I don't think you're as innocent as you think you are." He said.

 "What? How!?" I asked defensively. 

"You looked me dead in the eyes and said you wanted to have sex with me and then proceeded to take your clothes off. Those are not innocent actions!" I could feel him chuckling quietly. 

"Yeeeah I guess that wasn't very… innocent of me. But hey if drunk me got to experience it then sober me deserved to as well" 

"We don't even know if we did it," he said in his usual playful demeanor.

 "We woke up pretty much naked next to each other with a few hickeys on our necks and scratches on your back, don't forget the hickey on my inner thigh . If it wasn't sex something still happened." 

We laid there staring at each other for a while.

"You said it first, but I just want you to know that if the opportunity ever did present itself again, I would have sex with you in a heartbeat," he said, a smile creeping up on his face, but his eyes were serious. I could tell he was deep in thought, as was I.

"No one could know this happened. By the way, not even Mallory," I stated, keeping my tone light, but there was an edge of truth to it. I didn't want anyone to know about this. Not yet, anyway.

"Well, she kinda already knows about last night, but our secret's safe with me," he said, leaning in a little closer. "Besides I have a slight confession to make as well. The girl I've kinda been talking to is also on this trip, so I guess neither her nor Erik would want to know about this."

"Wait, who are you talking to?" I asked, my voice a little more eager than I intended. It felt like gossiping with Mallory, but I couldn't help it. I was curious.

His expression shifted slightly as he turned his body to me. "Her name's Hannah. She works with Mallory in marketing. We started talking a while ago, but nothing really progressed. I like her, but we've been taking it slow. Mainly because of you know, my past incapability to… yeah…I'm afraid that what happened with Hailey would happen with her."

I raised an eyebrow. "Oh, I know Hannah. She seems really nice." I paused. "Does she know about what happened with Hailey?"

He shook his head, looking a little sheepish.

"Nah. I haven't talked to her about it. To be honest, I'm not sure I'm ready. I haven't even told her much about my past. It's not exactly the easiest thing to bring up, y'know?"

I nodded, understanding. "Yeah, I get that. But... maybe one day you will. It sounds like she's worth it."

Justin let out a soft laugh. "Maybe. But again I'm not ready to have that conversation yet. And the thing is... I think maybe you fixed me."

I stared at him, surprised. "What do you mean?"

He looked at me, a small, playful smirk forming at the corner of his mouth. "Well, let's just say that, uh, if it wasn't for you, I don't know if I would've gotten over that... barrier, you know? Maybe you're my little miracle worker."

My cheeks flushed at his words, but I couldn't help but smile back. "I didn't do anything," I said, my voice teasing.

"Oh, no, you did," he insisted, his tone growing more serious again. "You helped me realize that I can trust myself again, and that things are maybe... normal now."

I laughed, feeling the tension break, but there was still a deep honesty in the air. "Well, I'm glad I could help," I said quietly, feeling a strange kind of peace settle in. 

I let the silence settle between us for a moment, my fingers absentmindedly tracing over the edge of Justin's shirt that I was still wearing. There was an undeniable shift in the air, not uncomfortable, but different. A door had been opened between us, and part of me wanted to see just how far it could swing before either of us pulled back.

"I do have a question," I finally said, keeping my voice light.

Justin turned his head toward me, an eyebrow raised. "Oh? Should I be nervous?"

I smirked, tilting my chin slightly. "Maybe."

That caught his attention. He shifted onto his side, propping himself up on his elbow. "Alright, hit me."

I bit my lip, pretending to deliberate before finally asking. "What exactly do we mean by 'if the opportunity presented itself'?"

Justin's expression didn't falter, but I saw the way his eyes darkened just slightly, like he was assessing where I was going with this. "That depends," he mused. "What kind of opportunity are we talking about here?"

I kept my face impassive, but inside, my heart picked up its pace. "Let's say... one of these nights, I can't sleep, and I need to…relieve some pressure. Is that an opportunity?" I met his gaze, searching for a reaction.

His lips curved into a slow smirk. "I'd say that's fair game."

I nodded, like I was merely making a logical assessment. "What if I was... curious about something? Maybe I wanted to try something new?"

Justin exhaled sharply through his nose, shaking his head as if I'd just thrown down a challenge he wasn't sure he should accept but wanted to. He shifted a little closer, his voice dropping. "Now that," he said, his fingers grazing the edge of the blanket between us, "definitely sounds like an opportunity presenting itself."

I swallowed, but I didn't back down, I felt more brave than before. "And you'd be willing to... help with that?"

He let out a quiet laugh, dragging a hand through his hair. "August," he drawled, his tone both teasing and serious, "you have no idea what kind of can of worms you're opening right now."

I lifted a brow, feigning innocence. "I don't?"

Justin exhaled again, rubbing his jaw before finally locking eyes with me. "You're pushing," he said, voice rougher now.

I tilted my head. "So push back."

He studied me for a beat, then let out a slow, wicked grin. "Alright. What's something you're curious about?"

I hesitated for half a second, but the truth was, my mind had already been circling a particular thought, a question I never thought I'd ask anyone. Let alone Justin. "Hmm. What's your…favorite position," I said finally, my voice barely above a whisper.

His reaction was instant, his smirk deepened, eyes flashing with something unreadable. "You really want to know?"

I nodded, holding my ground.

He leaned in just a fraction. "That's easy. Girl on top," he admitted, his tone both casual and charged.

I blinked, heat creeping up my neck, but before I could respond, he grinned wider and added,

"You get to watch all the action happen to you. Oh. And boobs in my face—hard to beat."

That broke the tension just enough to make me laugh, but I could still feel it lingering in the air, simmering beneath the surface.

I shook my head, amused. "I walked right into that one."

Justin shrugged, looking far too pleased with himself. "Hey, you asked."

I narrowed my eyes, pretending to contemplate. "I did."

He leaned back on his elbows, watching me carefully. "And?"

I bit my lip, pretending to consider. "I think... I wouldn't be opposed to trying it one day if an opportunity presented itself. My curiosity has peaked."

His expression flickered with something new, curiosity, intrigue, maybe even understanding.

"Good to know," he murmured.

The weight of his gaze made me shift slightly, my heartbeat still unsteady. The waters had been tested, the boundaries pushed, but neither of us had retreated. If anything, the door between us had only swung open a little wider.

Justin watched me for a second, then let out a slow chuckle, shaking his head. "You know," he said, propping himself up on his elbow again, "if you're that curious, there's really only one way to find out."

I rolled my eyes, trying to ignore the way my stomach flipped at the suggestion. "Uh-huh, real smooth, Justin."

He smirked. "What? You're the one asking questions. I'm just saying, all this talk, and yet, you're still over there, not taking any action."

I scoffed. "Oh, so now I'm supposed to just what? Hop on?"

Justin shrugged, entirely too casual. "I mean… you were the one who said you were curious. If the opportunity presented itself and all that."

I gave him a deadpan look. "You really think I'm just gonna straddle you right now because you dared me to?"

He grinned. "Didn't say dare, but now that you mention it…"

I grabbed the nearest pillow and smacked him with it, making him laugh as he fell back against the bed.

"Okay, okay," he said between chuckles, holding his hands up in surrender. "I'm just saying, if you're ever curious, you know who to call."

I rolled my eyes, but my face felt warm. "Noted."

"Good." He stretched out on his back, folding his arms behind his head like he didn't have a care in the world. "Just don't be shy when the moment comes, alright?"

I huffed. "You're awfully confident about that."

His smirk was damn near smug. "What can I say? I have a feeling curiosity's gonna get the best of you sooner or later."

I bit my lip, trying to ignore the tiny voice in my head that agreed with him. Because, honestly? It just might.

I shifted onto my side, propping myself up on my elbow to look at him. "Well, in the meantime, try not to get too jealous when you see me with Erik," I teased, flashing him a smirk.

Justin let out a laugh, shaking his head. "Jealous? Please. I'm just gonna sit back and watch you get bored out of your mind."

I rolled my eyes. "Not everyone is as easily entertained as you."

He grinned. "Maybe not, but I've gotten to know you a lot in these last few hours. And I know you like a little… excitement."

I ignored the implication behind that, instead narrowing my eyes at him. "Speaking of excitement, you should probably ask Hannah out soon, especially here in paradise."

That wiped the smirk off his face, if only for a second. "Oh yeah?"

I nodded. "Her and Mallory talked about it when we ran into her at the mall. She likes you, but I don't think she's gonna wait around forever."

Justin was quiet for a beat, then exhaled, rubbing his jaw. "Yeah… I know."

I tilted my head, watching him. "You gonna do something about it, then?"

He met my gaze, something unreadable flickering behind his eyes before he smirked again. "Why? You trying to get rid of me already?"

I rolled my eyes, reaching for the pillow again. "No, I just think it'd be a shame if you missed your shot."

He caught my wrist before I could hit him, his grip firm but easy. "Noted," he said, voice low, something amused but thoughtful lingering underneath.

For a second, neither of us moved. Then, just as easily, he let go, rolling onto his back with a lazy stretch.

"Guess we'll see what opportunities present themselves, huh?" he mused.

I laughed. "Guess so."

I studied him for a moment, letting the weight of our conversation settle between us. We both knew where this was going, we knew what lines had been drawn and which ones we'd already smudged. But for now, neither of us seemed in a rush to clean it up.

I exhaled, rolling onto my back and staring at the ceiling. "I think I'm gonna see where things go with Erik."

Justin hummed beside me, his tone unreadable. "Yeah?"

"Yeah," I said, turning my head to look at him. "He's… near perfect. Easy to be with. Like daylight after a long dark night. Yeah he's daylight," I paused before adding, "What about you?"

He smirked at that, eyes flickering. "I think I'm gonna ask Hannah out. Take it slow, though but I guess we'll see."

I nodded, absorbing the answer. "Good. You should."

We lay there silently for a moment, I was just trying to absorb everything that just happened between us. I sensed Justin shift slightly, turning his body towards mine. 

"So if he's daylight, does that make me midnight?" He laughed but his smirk faltered for a split second. 

"I think you are…yeah midnight, but not like in a dark way, more in a 'what normally happens between two people during midnight' way, you know?" I shrugged, watching his reaction closely as the corners of my lips twitched up, letting out a small laugh.

He didn't argue that. Instead, he exhaled, running his hands along his chest. "I guess that works for us then, huh?"

"For now," I agreed, stretching my legs beneath the sheets. "I've got some things to figure out after this trip. But until then…" I trailed off, tilting my head toward him with a smirk.

Justin mirrored my expression, his fingers drumming against his chest as he looked at me, a sly smirk forming. "Until the next opportunity."

I could feel his hand lazily grazing my arm now and for a moment the world shut down around me. I wasn't thinking about anything but him, and I and whatever weird thing we just quietly agreed on. And somehow that was okay because for now, that was enough.

"So now I have a question for you," Justin whispered as he turned to face the ceiling. 

I was curious what he was thinking. Knowing him it could be anything. I paused for a second and then finally spoke. "Okay, ask away." 

He stared at me for a second, almost like he was talking himself into asking me. "Why wait till marriage?" He turned to look at me, watching me intently, watching for my reaction.

I let out a breathy laugh because that was behind me at this point but I began answering anyway. "Well my mom–"

"No no," he interrupted, raising his hand up slightly, "why did YOU decide to wait? I know your mom told you to but you have the final say. Besides, we never listen to our parents, so why wait?"

And he was right, even though I was told to wait I ultimately made the decision to wait. I stared at him for a moment, gauging just how much I wanted to tell him. But at this point I had bared it all to him, got to know him in a way I never expected and he got to know me the same. And while I was no longer that girl that once believed in her Prince Charming whisking her away on her wedding night, part of me was still her. Deep down I was still that little girl that never had any control in her life and looking back now, that was the only thing I could control. 

 "I don't know, I mean I guess it started because my mom had ingrained it in me from a very young age. As far back as I could remember, she told me I had to 'save myself for my future husband,' and maybe I was resistant at first but then..." I looked up at him, his eyes were soft, he was listening closely, I continued. "But then I started dating and it felt like that's all guys wanted. Like I was dwindled down to what I could provide in the bedroom, but I wanted more than just a fling. They'd run the minute they realized I was serious about waiting. I was serious, that I wanted something real, something that was more than just surface level. And it didn't help that my mom told me she had waited for marriage and how my dad was the love of her life and how she knew she'd never have something greater. How much of that do I believe now? Not much but regardless I just–"

"You just kept waiting until n–"

 "Until now…yeah but–"

"August," he cut me off, his eyebrows furrowed as he stared at me. "I shouldn't have pushed, I should've known better and I knew you were waiting but I'm really sorry about last night and even earlier. Honestly It was selfish of me to kiss you during truth or dare. I kinda made an offhand comment to Marshall and Hunter about you last night and I guess he took it and ran with it."

His face dropped slightly as he spoke, I couldn't help but wonder what he told Hunter that could've made him pick me to kiss Justin for truth or dare. I knew I had to ask. "You did? What did you say?"

He was hesitating at first but a small chuckle broke his silent laugh. "I may or may not have said you had 'secret freak in the sheets energy'. Now in my defense it was after Marshall told me to stay away from you because you were a good girl. And he may have only said that cause I said you looked hotter than I expected in your skimpy black bikini but I'm sorry nonetheless. I don't know what the fuck is wrong with me sometimes. And now this…I can't believe we just… uh yeah." He covered his face with his hands as he let out a humorless laugh. 

I could tell he felt bad about objectifying me. But that just made me more curious about how he truly saw me. I know at work it's one thing but here, in paradise, with every guard down, I was really curious. I won't hold his words against him. There was no denying I also thought he was attractive. And maybe at one point it might have made me want to rip my hair out, but now, him thinking that about me made me feel…hot, like I wasn't just the sweet innocent girl I was raised to be. But instead something worth breaking rules for. 

"Honestly, it's okay. I mean we can't change that, but I really don't regret it. I might not know who I am anymore, I might not know what I believe and I definitely don't know what will happen to me, but in the end I'm kinda grateful with how things turned out. It feels like a weird weight lifted off my shoulders. Like the pressure to be perfect is off. I think back to who I was growing up. A girl afraid of the world because I was told it was scary but truthfully…my mom faking cancer was probably the best thing that could've happened to me." 

His face was pensive, he took in every word I had thrown at him and I could tell he was processing it all. Until a small smile cracked his scowling lips. "That's pretty twisted August, but if I'm honest, my dad dying was the best thing that could've happened to me so…I get it." 

"We're pretty twisted right?" I said laughing, breaking any remaining tension. He wrapped his arm around my shoulder, pulling me into his chest and I didn't resist it. I don't know what has gotten into us but I'm not looking to dissect that in this moment. I just want to live in this bubble we had created for ourselves a moment longer, before reality would creep in and one of us regrets crossing the line in the sand that had never been drawn.