Chapter 42. hoax.

"Stood on the cliff side screaming 'give me a reason'. Your faithless love's the only hoax I believe in."

I pulled away first, though I hesitated to. I turned to look at Justin, whose eyes were deep-set, tired, and maybe with a hint of sadness behind them. The world around me felt like it was caving in on me. I needed to escape. 

"We should probably sneak back into our rooms. The sun is about to come out. Maybe we can still get at the very least an hour of sleep?" I let out a deep exhale. 

He lightly rubbed my back and I turned to look at him. "You go ahead I'm probably just gonna hang out here until people start waking up. Want me to walk you to your room?" 

"No, I'm okay. I'll see you later then. Don't forget we're on 'Mission help Jacob propose to Allie' so we'll have to sneak around even more now." I laughed quietly but I could tell my smile didn't reach my eyes. 

"Get some rest, August, I'll see you later." He gave me one last small pat on my back and I stood up to walk away. I glanced over at him for a split second but his gaze flickered away just as I looked back, like he couldn't bear to hold it. I turned back and made my way to the steps and back to my room. I quietly opened the door to the room but to my surprise Mallory was already awake. She was sitting at the edge of her bed with her phone in her hand. I wasn't ready to deal with this. I was hoping she didn't notice I was gone all night. 

"August, where have you been? I was just about to call you. I noticed you were gone earlier but I just woke up and you still weren't back. I was starting to get scared." She noticed…

"Uh yeah I couldn't sleep, I feel kinda sick to my stomach. I had a lot to drink last night and the boat rocked all night." I lightly rubbed my temples, trying to convince her I was sick when in reality I was barely keeping myself together. 

I shut the door behind me, kicked my flip flops off and started walking over to the bathroom. She didn't question it much more than just offering something for my headache. Once I was alone in the bathroom I felt the entire weight of the night fall on top of me. I stared silently at myself in the mirror. Noticing how tired my eyes looked, the fact that Justin's hand left the slightest mark around my neck and how swollen my lips were from every stolen moment we just shared. 

I still couldn't wrap my head around how lost in the moment we were. You hear people talk about being so wrapped up in each other that you don't care about protection, you don't think about the consequences, nothing else but the moment. And while it had happened in small facets before, it was never to this extreme. We have never been so wrapped up that we needed to buy plan b. Something I never thought I'd have to do. I could only imagine the heart attack my mom would have if she found out. 

My mind shifted almost instantly when my brain finally allowed me to think about Erik. I couldn't believe I just did that after mentioning moving in with him. I felt like a cruel person because I really like him, but my mind tells me if I did care about him I wouldn't have done that. I wouldn't have continued being so selfish and being with Justin at every chance. Sex ruins everything. And now it ruined me. 

I hate myself for allowing it to get this far. I hate how much I enjoyed it. I hate how even after everything, I was going to miss being with Justin. It was sick and twisted. And now it was making me feel physically ill. My stomach twisted so hard, I needed to vomit. Now. I ran over to the small toilet in the corner and let everything out. And it felt like it wasn't stopping anytime soon. A moment later, Mallory walked in. I could feel her hand gently patting my back, as she grabbed my hair with her other hand. 

"It's okay, Auggie. Let it all out." She whispered quietly as my body contorted, pushing everything I had in the last twenty four hours out. 

Finally my body gave way and I stopped throwing up. I sat down by the toilet, looking over to Mallory whose face had 'pity' written all over it. She took a seat on the floor with me. Probably sensing there was more than just a hangover. 

"What's going on, August? You've been acting more stressed than usual. We're in paradise so it's gotta be major." Her eyebrows pinched together as she lightly tapped my leg. 

I let the silence stretch hoping it would say it for me but I could tell she was getting impatient. "I'm thinking about moving in with Erik." I finally blurted it out. Her head tilted slightly as she raised an eyebrow. 

"Why?" Her question was casual but loaded. 

"Because I have nowhere else to go. I can't go back home. And every apartment is either too expensive or just awful." I responded, hoping it would be enough to get her off my back. 

She smacked my leg harder this time.

"Ow! What was that for!?" I squealed. 

"For being a dummy." She smacked me again. "And that was for assuming you had nowhere to go when you know you have me." Her arm extended once more but this time she brushed my leg gently. 

"Mals… your family has given me so much. The opportunities I've had because of you guys…I could never repay that back. But this is different. I need to gain a sense of independence and I can't do that if I move in with your parents." My face dropped, I didn't want to see her reaction. 

"Auggie, you're being ridiculous. YOU ARE FAMILY. It's not a burden to me or my parents, you know that. But if you don't want to move in with my parents, then move in with me in the meantime. We can find a bigger apartment, and move in together like we've always talked about." Her voice was shaky but her smile was sincere and confident. She is my family, my only family, but I just know it wouldn't work out in the long run. 

 I crossed my legs as I shifted on the ground. "I want you to be honest with me… are you and Mark getting back together?" 

She bit her lower lip and avoided my gaze for a second. That was my answer. She didn't need to say it out loud for me to know they were. But I waited for her to admit it. 

"I don't know…maybe?" She let out a sigh and parted her lips to speak again. "Yeah we are." 

"Then no, I don't want to move in with you." I didn't mince my words. I wanted her to know I was being serious. 

I could sense her frustration as she gave me a pointed look. "Just because I'm getting back together with Mark, doesn't mean you have to move in with Erik."

"Mallory, you know how I feel about Mark. He's going to be there 24/7 and I just can't deal with that." I huffed. 

"I'll make sure he and I spend more time elsewhere." She said. 

"Where? His moms house?" My words came out sharper than I anticipated but that didn't stop my rant. 

"Mallory you have a one bedroom apartment, you have all the freedom in the world and having me there is going to impede on all of that. That's why I never asked if I could move in with you in the first place. Please. Don't take offense. I love you but you and I both know we would not survive living together. Now add my dislike for Mark to the mix? I don't want to lose you if something were to go wrong. You…" my voice faltered. "You're all I have Mallory." My eyes welled up and I couldn't fight the water works much longer. Tears streamed down my face and Mallory's tears followed right after. 

My emotional exhaustion weighed heavy on me and it only heightened my crying. Everything from my mom, to Justin, to Erik and then back to what had just happened with Justin was making this breakdown inevitable. Mallory scooted closer to me, sensing it was more than what I just said and she held me tight as the tears continued to flow. 

"I'm so sorry, August. Shhh it's okay." She whispered in my ear softly as she held me and rocked me slightly. 

I meant it when I said she was all I had. In the end whatever happens with Erik or Justin she is my only solid lifeline. The lifeline I had been many times for her. She let me continue breaking down until finally I stopped. She gently rubbed my back as I lifted myself off of her. 

She watched me closely as I grappled with my reality. I reached over to grab toilet paper, blew my nose and sat quietly on the floor. 

She didn't move but I could tell she had more to say. "Okay, so then move in with Erik but don't let that be your permanent solution. Maybe plan to live with him until you can find a place of your own. Some place where you can have the freedom you so desperately deserve. Oh and make sure it has a guest room for when I want to come and sleep over."

I nodded my head, agreeing with her because that was actually a great idea and I was grateful that I was opening up to her. 

"That's actually a good idea. I can stay temporarily with him until I find a suitable place. And yes I promise it will have room for you." I tapped her leg and she gave me a genuine smile. 

"Sooo…" The gleam in her eye told me she was about to ask me something I probably didn't want to answer. "Since you're moving in with Erik what does that mean for not only your relationship with him but with Justin? I know you're mad at him but let's face it, you keep coming back for more. Now you know how I feel with mark." She laughed but Mark didn't compare. Despite my occasional frustrations with Justin, he is ten times the man Mark could ever be. But I couldn't say that, not to her at least. So instead I let out a long sigh, giving myself time to gather my thoughts. 

I scoffed a little bit but I knew I had to open up to her just enough to see if she could maybe help me out. "Well Erik and I are definitely still figuring things out. I'd like to get more serious with him but I can't imagine doing that with Justin still looming over me. Literally and figuratively." I let out a sharp laugh, but it died quickly in my throat. My fingers found a loose thread on the hem of my shirt, tugging at it like it might unravel the whole mess I was sitting in.

Mallory didn't say anything right away, but I could feel her watching me, waiting.

"God," I muttered, shaking my head. "That sounds worse out loud." 

She just scrunched her nose, let out a small laugh and rolled her eyes. "So why do you keep going back?"

"I literally don't know why I keep going back. I tell myself every time that it's the last time, but then it's like I blink and we're right back where we started." I sighed, because that was the truth, I really don't know why I kept going back. He and I were nothing more than friends with benefits. And those benefits? Very much not unlimited.

"Well sometimes earth shattering sex comes with earth shattering consequences." She said quietly, like she didn't want to say it but also couldn't stop herself. But after earlier she was more right than I'll ever admit to her. 

"Touché," I whispered. "Well I'm gonna shower and try to nap before the day starts."

"Okay I'll bring you a water bottle for when you get out. I'm gonna go lay back down, I'll stay with you. I want to make sure you're alright." She leaned over and gave me a hug before she stood up and walked out of the bathroom. Leaving me on the bathroom floor with nothing but my thoughts and the slow, sinking realization of how fucked up things had really gotten.

A pity party wasn't going to fix any of this. And besides, most of the blame landed squarely on me with a generous assist from my mom.

I stood up and slipped out of my clothes, desperate for a shower. To wash off not only the grossness I felt but the guilt that settled deep within me. I didn't know how I was going to face Erik after what just happened with Justin. But I had to swallow my discomfort, especially if I was really going to live with him. And I knew I had to tell him about what was going on with Justin but maybe that could wait. At least until some time had passed and we weren't all stuck on these forced group outings together.

I stepped into the cramped shower and turned the water to the hottest setting, letting the steam close in around me, willing it to suffocate my thoughts for just a minute. But as much as I tried to turn my brain off, I could still feel Justin's touch, imprinted on my skin, ghosting over me in a way that kept my muscles tight, kept my pulse uneven. I squeezed my eyes shut and pressed my forehead against the cool tile. This isn't helping.

I rushed through the rest of my shower, knowing what I really needed was sleep. Just a little bit of sleep. Even an hour.

By the time I crawled into bed, wearing the silk pajamas Mallory had packed in her over-prepared suitcase, exhaustion had finally settled in. The last thing I remembered was the softness of the sheets against my skin before I let go, sinking into the quiet.

I woke up four hours later.

For a moment, I felt light. Weightless, even. I stretched my arms above my head, pressing my face into the pillow, letting myself exist in the quiet.

Then my phone buzzed.

And just like that, the weight came crashing back down.

I groaned, rubbing my face as I grabbed my phone off the nightstand. My stomach twisted before I even read the messages.

Erik: Good morning, hope you got good rest. I'll see you at breakfast. 8:24 AM

Erik: Noticed you missed breakfast and I just spoke to Mallory. I think we should talk. 10:43 AM

My chest tightened. What the hell did she say to him?

I swallowed hard, scrolling to the next set of messages.

Justin: I'm really sorry again. I feel awful. 9:15 AM

Justin: Talked to Dani. She said we're gonna get home around 8 tonight. Once we get back, we can sneak out and hit up a pharmacy that's like 20 minutes away from the house. It closes at 10pm, so we have time. Just need an excuse to get out without company or suspicion. 11:45 AM

His words were so practical. So casual. Like we were planning a late-night snack run instead of this. Instead of cleaning up the mess we'd made.

I stared at the screen, fingers hovering over the keyboard, but I had nothing to say.

I just need to get through today.

I forced myself out of bed. I couldn't keep hiding. I splashed cold water on my face, changed into my other bathing suit, and threw a dress over it. I fixed my hair so it would cover the faint marks around my neck. I was playing a dangerous game but I had no choice. I hesitated before stepping out, gripping the doorknob for a second longer than I needed to.

Then I pushed it open.

The sunlight hit me instantly, filling the small hallway as I stepped into it. I blinked against the brightness, against the reality waiting for me.

And then I walked forward. Not turning back, no matter how badly I wanted to. As I crept around the corner, I could hear the liveliness echo from the lower deck. I made my way over to the deck below, dragging my feet with every step I took. The friendly faces of the afternoon greeted me, with wide smiles and small hellos. Mallory stood up and looped her arm around me. She's guilty of something. Now I know what she told Erik wasn't going to be good. 

My heart skipped a beat when I saw Erik and Justin deep in conversation, but before I could get to them Mallory dragged me over to where Dani was sitting, enjoying a cocktail. 

"Okay before you get mad—"

I cut her off, I was upset and my voice sounded like it. "Mallory what did you do? And why did I get a message from Erik saying he and I needed to talk?"

"Nothing bad I swear. I just… I'm worried about you and he needed to know you were a bit fragile." Her expression softened and I was grateful to her looking out for me but I wish she wouldn't have said anything to him. 

"Mals," I sighed. "I get you're being protective but getting a 'we need to talk,' message is the last thing my fragility needs." Just as I finished talking Dani had noticed we were behind her. 

"Ladies come join me!" Dani waved us over and we hesitantly walked over. We took a seat on the chairs across the table. "How are you feeling, Auggie? Mallory said you were sick earlier." Dani's smile faltered a little as she spoke. 

"Yeah, I had way too much to drink, and the boat rocked all night so I got sick." I replied, the words barely coming out with how dry my mouth was. 

"The boat rocked or you were getting rocked?" Dani let out a loud laugh and Mallory joined her, I let out a small laugh and rolled my eyes. 

"Where would I even do that, you two are crazy if you think I would do it so…out in the open." I looked around, emphasizing how crazy that would be. Even if it did happen. 

"Mmmm no that's definitely something you would do, especially if it's with Justin. You can be convinced to do it anywhere with him." Dani said as she leaned in and shot me a quick glance but she couldn't help and laughed even louder. The worst part was that she wasn't wrong. I laughed along with them, trying to play it off, trying to act like that wasn't what happened this morning. 

"I would not want to risk getting caught, plus…" I looked around and noticed a camera at the corner of the deck. Fuck. I froze. The camera sat in the corner like a silent witness, tucked above a speaker, red light blinking. My stomach dropped. How much had it seen? I followed the slow rewind in my brain—skin against wood, fingers against skin, hips thrusting on the couch, moments I thought were private. Jesus. I needed to get to that upper deck. Now.

"There's cameras. Everywhere." I awkwardly smiled and swallowed hard. Coming to the realization that there really were cameras everywhere, I couldn't believe how reckless I was this morning. 

"That's what makes it even more thrilling." Mallory finally interjected. "I'm sure there are places on this yacht that don't have cameras besides the rooms. Rich people need their privacy for…activities." She covered her mouth and giggled. But that didn't settle me. The thought of someone watching what we had done, what I did to him, what he did to me. I didn't want to face it. 

"Well then you wasted a perfect opportunity." Dani looked at me through the rim of her sunglasses, her smile was mischievous. Like maybe she knew I didn't waste a perfect opportunity but I just played it cool as best as I could. 

"I'm gonna go get some fresh air on the sun deck. My stomach is still feeling a little queasy and it's like a cave down here so maybe sunlight will help." I stood up and started walking away before either of them got the idea to join me. 

I bolted past Erik and Justin who were still enthralled in conversation on one of the couches and headed for the door to the upper levels. I breezed up the stairs and finally I reached the highest level of the yacht. I glanced around for a quick second before I heard footsteps behind me. Calm, cool collected footsteps, which could only be one person, Erik.

I pretended like I hadn't heard him and walked over to the railing, hoping the endless sea would calm my nerves. 

"Hey," his voice was soft but cut through the sound of the world around us. 

I turned slowly, my pulse hammering in my ears, a comforting smile across his face. A deep contrast to a tight lipped one I shared. 

"You okay?" he asked, stopping beside me. He didn't touch me. Just stood close, his calming presence wrapped around me but I knew there was something hidden beneath the surface. 

"Yeah. Just needed air." I didn't have the energy to lie well. Hopefully, he'd let it slide.

"You missed breakfast," he said. It wasn't accusatory. Just a fact, maybe his way of reminding me he pays attention to me. 

"I know," I murmured. "Drank way too much yesterday, overslept today." My gaze lingered on him for a second longer and then out to the glittering water below. 

"I spoke to Mallory this morning." 

There it was. The dreaded conversation we had to have. What could she have possibly said that caused him to need this to happen right now. My stomach knotted. 

I turned slowly back to him. "Oh right. What's up?" I asked casually, trying to hide the fact that my heart beat was louder than the horn that just went off. 

"She was worried about you," he said, running a hand along the back of his neck. "And… she told me how she felt about me offering you a place to live. And I started thinking maybe I was out of line."

"Erik, you weren't out of line." I said quickly, almost too quickly. He searched for a hint of hesitation, but there was none. "Your offer came from a place of care."

"Still… I shouldn't have pushed so much yesterday. I don't want you to feel like I was expecting something serious when I know we're just dating."

I swallowed. The guilt swelled again, not because of what he said, but because of what he didn't know. The secret that keeps expanding, the moments I keep stealing. 

"I don't feel pushed," I said honestly. "But… I do want to talk to you about that."

He waited, quiet and open, the way he always was.

"I think I'm going to take you up on your offer to move in when we get back." I said slowly. "But just for a while at least until I find a decent place to call my own. It's not that I don't want to be with you, it's just… I need to know that I can stand on my own. I've never had a place that was mine." 

His eyes softened, though there was a glimmer of something else behind them. Disappointment? Hurt? Maybe a hint of surprised. 

"But that doesn't mean I don't see a future with you." I added quickly. "I do, really do. I just want to get there without skipping the part where I finally choose something for myself. Or rushing either of us for something we're not ready for. I need something that's just…for me." 

He was quiet for a second, and I hated how much I braced for him to take it the wrong way.

But he didn't.

"That makes sense," he said gently. "Honestly I understand you more than you realize. You want to work toward something on your own for yourself. Just like I needed to build something that's mine. Without the help of my last name." 

"That's kinda why I decided to come despite the stuff with my mom, I know I could've stayed home but I needed to experience this." I said, gesturing vaguely around me. "This whole trip. Being around people. Making questionable choices. Messing up sometimes. Just existing in a world of my own."

My chest loosened. I hadn't realized how tightly I'd been holding my breath.

He laughed under his breath, and I almost smiled.

"I'm glad you told me," he said. "And for what it's worth? I think it's brave."

I blinked, thrown by the word.

"Brave?"

"Yeah. Wanting to love someone but not lose yourself in the process? That's brave as hell."

I looked down, my cheeks warm from more than the sun. Though the guilt still curled at the edges of my heart like smoke, but for a second, it faded.

I wasn't proud of everything I'd done.

But in this moment, I could be proud of this.

His hand reached out slowly behind me, falling on the small of my back. Then he leaned in and pressed a kiss to my temple. Soft and sincere. Like punctuation at the end of a sentence he didn't need to say aloud.

"I'm glad we talked. We'll worry about details later. Let's enjoy these last couple of days. For now I'm gonna change, we are docking soon. I'll see you around August." He lightly caressed my back and started walking away. 

One last glance before he disappeared down the stairs, his silhouette swallowed by the shadows of the lower deck. Part of me hates how unfair it is for him to treat me with such kindness while I'm…doing what I'm doing. 

I stayed still for a long moment, staring at the space where he'd just stood, his presence lingering like the scent of citrus and salt on my skin.

Then I exhaled—really exhaled—for the first time all day.

And finally, I let my eyes scan the edges of the deck.

The corners. The beams. The overhang of the canopy. No blinking red lights. No small, glassy eyes watching me from the shadows. No cameras. None.

I nearly laughed. Of course there weren't any. This deck was made for privacy, for luxury. For rich people secrets and summer sins.

I gripped the railing tighter, my knuckles turning white. Good. At least that wouldn't come back to haunt me.

And then almost instantly I was brought back to this morning. Haunted by the way his hands had felt on my skin, the way I never say no, the way I'd stopped thinking just long enough to ruin the peace I was trying to build.

I shut my eyes again, letting the sun pour over me for one more moment. And then I let my eyes fall to the horizon again, the guilt quietly mingling with my thoughts. 

I just had to get through the rest of the day and then the final looming task would rear its ugly head before I could finally relax. I took one last deep inhale followed by a sharp exhale before I headed back down to the crowd. I could see the island in the horizon. I had to eat something small and get my game face on. I wanted Jacob's proposal to Allie to go without a hitch and I knew I had one of the biggest jobs. Distracting her. What better way to distract than with my problems. 

The stairs creaked beneath my sandals as I descended, each step pulling me further away from peace. I could still feel Erik's kiss on my temple like it had been branded there, gentle, warm, and undeserved. Kindness always hurts more when you know you couldn't return it fully.

The sun clung to my skin, but my insides felt cold. Guilt had made a home in the hollows of my ribs, pressing up against my lungs until breathing felt like a chore I had to keep remembering to do. Inhale. Exhale. Smile if someone looks at you. Don't think about the couch. Don't think about the cameras. Don't think about him.

As I rounded the corner and stepped back onto the main deck, the chatter of the group hit me like a wave almost too loud, too bright, too much. Everyone looked so normal. Laughing, drinking smoothies, arguing about snorkeling gear. It should've grounded me. It didn't.

My gaze flicked toward the lounge area without meaning to. There was Justin, slouched like he had all the time in the world, one arm thrown across the back of the cushions, sunglasses hiding his eyes but not the smirk tugging at his lips. He looked too relaxed for someone who had pressed me against wood and stolen my breath less than twelve hours ago.

Our eyes didn't meet. Or maybe they did and he just didn't let it show. Which was a blessing in disguise. No one needed to know. Especially not now.

I slipped past the couches, letting my fingers graze the edge of a table just to remind myself I was real, still here, still standing. I found a quiet spot near the railing and sat down, pretending to scroll through my phone like I wasn't internally listing all the things I had to keep track of breakfast (skipped), eye contact (limited), body language (relaxed but not too relaxed), guilt (contained). I needed to eat something. I needed to act normal. I needed to not think about the pharmacy run I'd have to coordinate with him later like we were partners in some clandestine heist.

I rested my head in my hand and let out a slow breath through my nose. You're okay. You're fine. This is fine. It wasn't. But for now, it had to be.

A low voice cut through my anxiety. Jacob. "Hey Auggie, sleep okay?"

I slowly lifted my head and forced the smile to form across my face. Play it cool, August. Pretend like you aren't mortified that he caught you in the act this morning. "Oh hey you! Yeah I did. How about you?" I looked around to see if Allie was anywhere near us and I let out a sigh of relief knowing she wasn't. "Nervous?" I asked as he leaned in closer to me. 

"Fucking nervous," he let out a tight laugh, the look on his face said more than his two words did, he looked short of throwing up. In an instant Justin walked over to us. Probably sensing we were talking about today's plan. They both took a seat across from me. Jacob tapped his knee with his fingers, fidgeting his nerves away.

"We're docking soon right? So what's the plan?" Justin asked in an even, calm tone. Like Jacob hadn't caught us going at it hours earlier. I swallowed the thought and glanced over at Jacob who was pensive. 

Jacob looked around the deck, making sure no one, especially Allie, could hear what he was concocting. "When we dock, I think we should go our separate ways. And then I'll text you guys in a group chat." He went quiet for a second, really thinking of the best course of action. "Auggie, that's when you pull her aside and tell her you really need to talk to her one on one. Then give Justin and I enough time to set everything up. Once you get the all clear text, I need you to take her to the area where we dock. Just whatever you do, don't come before." 

A genuine smile flicked across my face. I could sense his nerves and excitement tied into a perfect little bow. "Okay you got it! I've been known to talk an ear off or two." 

"Yeah she definitely knows how to talk an ear off." Justin's eyes glanced over at me as he joked. I rolled my eyes and shifted my focus back to Jacob. 

"Does she know you went out for a very early morning stroll?" I asked. I needed to form a perfect storyline as to why I was going to tell her anything regarding Justin and I. 

Jacob let out a sharp breath. "Yes, unfortunately she heard me walking back into the room. But I told her I went to grab water and only came back empty handed because there was none in the cooler." 

I nodded, already coming up with my own game plan. Moments later we heard a soft voice coming from the stairs. 

"There you are Jake! I've been looking for you. Come on, we gotta get ready, we're about to dock and it's the perfect time to wear our matching Hawaiian shirts." Allie giggled as she waved at us. 

Jacob reluctantly stood up, he looked pale but he shook it off and a smile flickered on his lips as he turned to face Allie. 

"I'll catch you two later!" Jacob's voice trailed off as he got closer to Allie, leaving Justin and I behind. 

My gaze was fixed on the horizon, refusing to look at Justin. But his eyes were locked on me, watching as I tried to steady my breathing. 

"August…" out of the corner of my eye I could see his hand extend out, only to retract it in the same instance. He let out a sigh, and groaned. "I wish I could take it back. Not the way it felt—just the way it happened."

My laugh slipped out of me before I could stop it. Why was I laughing? Especially when it felt everything except funny. I finally let myself look at him, confusion was embedded deep in his face. 

"I…don't know why I just laughed." I bit my lower lip trying to stop the next laugh that was eager to escape. I took a deep breath, pushing back my giggle. And then I remembered the cameras. "Did you know there's cameras everywhere?" Don't know why I said that. It was almost worth it seeing his eyebrows raise from behind his sunglasses. 

"You're fucking with me?" He tilted his head down enough for me to see his eyes from the rim of his glasses. 

I pointed to a camera facing us at the corner of the deck, the red flickering light taunting him. I laughed again, this time I didn't stop laughing. I let myself fall back on my seat, gasping to catch my breath. 

His eyebrows still pinched together but there was a smile starting to creep up on his lips. "August. What the fuck." He finally let out a laugh though I don't think he was as amused as I was. 

I finally stopped, I wiped a small tear that formed from how hard I was laughing. "I already checked the sun deck. There's none up there. The only place besides the bedrooms that's camera-free. Pure. Stupid. Luck." 

He shook his head and lifted his sunglasses, setting them to the side. Our eyes met and the world suddenly quieted down. "You are trouble, August." A shaky smirk spread across his face. 

"We are trouble," I corrected him. I leaned forward on my seat, placing my hands on my knees, facing the horizon once more. I could feel my heart hammering in my chest, but this was always easier than it should be. Being with Justin was easier than I wanted it to be. Even after our Royal fuck up, this was easy. 

He cleared his throat, capturing my attention again. "Penny for your thoughts?"

I looked back at him, his expression softened as our eyes met. "I'm still panicking, don't get me wrong but…" I hesitated, did I really want to say it out loud? I pushed. "I'm not doomsday panicking anymore. Maybe I will be later when we try to find a way to sneak out. But for now I feel…light." I finally admitted. "Is that weird?"

"Nah, not weird. I definitely still feel panicky but agreed. Not doomsday panic. We'll figure it out. For now though we need to bring our A game to perfect Jacob's proposal." His smile was easy as he stood up from his seat, offering his hand to help me to my feet. I took it, letting our fingers lightly graze as I stood up. 

I pulled my hand back to my side, offering him a small smile as we quietly made our way to the steps. We went our separate ways once we reached the bottom and I watched as he turned the corner for the other hallway, giving me one last smile before disappearing. 

This was always easier than it should be.