Chapter 41. illicit affairs.

"And you wanna scream, don't call me kid, don't call me baby. Look at this godforsaken mess that you made me."

I decided to break the quiet tension that simmered between us. Pushing the boundaries I always pushed. "What are the odds that both of you have had threesomes?" I laughed and waited for his response. 

"I haven't had a threesome." He scoffed and gave my arm a small pinch making me laugh. 

I looked at him confused "What? You literally said you did." 

"No I didn't. I just shrugged my shoulders and laughed. That's not a yes. Besides, I'm waaay too selfish. I could never be a part of a threesome." His laugh was easy and when I turned to look at him he was already looking at me. "I'm assuming you questioned Erik about his endeavors." His eyebrow shot up and his classic smirk appeared. 

My lips tightened a little and I trapped the laugh I had formed. "Maybe I did ask him…wait so really? You haven't? Hmm." 

"What's that hmm for?" He nudged my arm with his hand. "But yes I really haven't. It's just not for me. I don't like sharing, even if it was two girls. Plus that sounds like a lot of work. But I'm assuming he actually did have a threesome?" 

"Uh yeeeeah he did. But it's a little intimidating knowing he has." I bit my lower lip, it was weird knowing he'd done that but in the end I don't have any place to judge him. 

His hand found their way to my waist and he playfully tickled me. "Are you jealous?" 

I pondered the question for a moment. Trying to see if I was jealous and while a part of me had a tinge of jealousy I knew he had been with other people. I couldn't exactly be jealous that he had a whole other life, even a fiancé before I even existed in his life. "Not jealous. Just…curious, I guess." 

"What's funny is he doesn't peg me for the wild type but a threesome and sex in a very public place…I'd like to see his bucket list." Justin laughed but I could tell something was bothering him, his laugh wasn't as easy as earlier. 

"Wait. Can we talk about the fact that Hannah thinks Erik is a better kisser?" I glanced up at him as I asked, waiting to see his reaction. 

He looked annoyed that I asked, he rolled his eyes and scoffed. "She just said that to get under both of our skin and looks like it worked." 

"Oh I don't care that she thinks he's a better kisser but you clearly do." I teased him, challenged him to finally say what he was thinking. 

He gave me a pointed look, and then immediately he shifted into something more neutral. "I don't care 'cause again she said it to piss us off. She can do whatever she wants just like I can do whatever I want. She can think he's a better kisser 'cause I think…whatever." He looked away from me but a small smirk started showing up at the corners of his lip. 

"Say it! Puuhlease tell me. Who do you think is the better kisser? Hmm." I sat up and faced him, poking him playfully. I narrowed my eyes, trying to get a reaction out of him but he wouldn't face me still. 

"I think if a girl says I'm not a better kisser then I don't think she should have the title of being the better kisser. And Hannah clearly thinks it's not me." He shrugged and finally looked at me, a twisted smile on his face. "So what was your answer?" His eyebrow perked up, now he was challenging me. 

I smirked, teasing just a little. "I think you already know who it is."

"Do I?" His voice rolled out slowly and deliberately. He was daring me to say it, but I wasn't going to give in. Not easily, at least.

"Yes, you do." My voice was just as slow and deliberate as his. My smirk didn't move.

"Humor me." He leaned in slightly, his voice lower now, smoother. "Who's the better kisser, August?"

A chill ran down my spine, but I refused to let him see what his words did to me. I tilted my head, like I was considering answering, but the only thing I was considering was how much I wanted to push him. I leaned in even more, holding myself up by grabbing onto his knee. 

"I guess you'll just have to live with the mystery." I said, almost in a whisper. 

His jaw tightened slightly. He shook his head, letting out a short, humorless breath. "Then I guess we'll both have to live with the mystery of who the better kissers are."

But he didn't lean back.

He was still close.

His eyes flicked down, stealing a quick glance at my lips. But there was something hesitant in his stare, like he was weighing something, like he was considering proving a point right then and there.

The air between us shifted, stretched tight and thin, and I knew I should say something to cut it. Laugh, roll my eyes, anything.

But for a second too long, I just held his gaze and said nothing at all. He leaned in once again, now our breaths were tangling with one another. "I'm gonna kiss you now, August." 

I didn't say anything, I couldn't make words come out of me. Instead I just nodded, agreeing to let him pull me in again. But he didn't move right away, he just stared at my lips. I gently grazed my fingers across his leg and on his arm. The second my fingers brushed his skin, his lips pressed against mine. His hands gripped my waist, pulling me on top of him like he'd been waiting for permission to finally lose control despite being the one to make the first move. 

I sat on top of him, my thighs gripped his legs underneath me as his lips traveled to my neck. His hand held my back, pushing me further into him. I felt his fingers slide underneath my shirt, the warmth of his fingertips left a trail of heat, I had an idea of where this was going. His lips found the spot on my neck that made me shiver. 

His hands were just as relentless as they traveled from my back to my butt. I could feel his fingers wrapping around the back part of my thong, teasing to pull them down. I shifted my hips forward, feeling him under me, and now without doubt I knew where this was going. 

He pulled back enough to catch his breath. "Please stop me if you want to." His eyes were hungry for more and I couldn't deny that mine said the same thing. 

I grabbed his hands and placed them on the bottom of my butt as I lifted myself up slightly. Shifting myself so I could whisper in his ear. "Do you or do you not want to mark boat sex off the list?" I pulled back enough to see his reaction. He didn't say anything, instead he took the opportunity of me standing up off of him to finally do what he's been wanting to. His fingers wrapped around my thong and he pulled them down slowly, never breaking eye contact. I stood up and he slid them off of me. 

"You won't need those anymore." He tossed them to the side and brought his hands back onto me.

 I sat back down on him, watching him with an intensity I'd never felt before, waiting for his next move. Feeling almost desperate for it. 

I couldn't wait any longer so I lifted my shirt up enough to show him I also wasn't wearing a bra. His eyes flicked to my chest and then back up to me. The smirk on his lips deepened, but he still wasn't moving. I reached for his hand, "there…" I whispered as I placed it on my chest. "That's where I want it."

"You sure?" His voice was a little raspy, a little teasing and his grip tightened just enough to make a small moan escape my lips. I nodded slowly.

His other hand traveled to my back, I could feel his nails lightly scratch my skin. He slowly shifted his hand to my hips, down my thighs slowly moving inward but stopping before he reached what was in between my legs. 

I took his hand and finally moved them towards me. His eyes widened slightly as his fingers slipped inside of me. "You've been dying to touch me here… stop pretending like you haven't." The words left my mouth quietly. I could feel his pulse quicken as he moved his fingers slowly, coaxing my breath. 

"You're really playing with fire, August." He whispered into my ear, his voice was teasing but I could tell he was just as desperate as I was. 

I leaned down enough to whisper in his ear. "I think we're past playing, Justin." And without skipping a beat he moved his fingers enough to make my moans slip out louder. 

He kept moving his fingers in a more deliberate way, almost like he wanted to take me to the edge faster than he had before. My breath started coming out more restrained, I gripped his shoulder with one hand and covered my mouth with the other. Biting my finger when the pressure became too much, stopping myself from screaming. 

"This is where you want me right?" His words were teasing, his movements even more teasing. I couldn't say anything, my words caught in my throat. 

My eyebrows pinched together and I nodded as I leaned down to kiss him. His lips felt more possessive than his fingers. The pressure continued building inside of me, I was so close to the end. And right when I was about to jump off the edge he came to a full stop.

I pulled away from his lips and a small scowl formed on my face. "What the fuck." I whispered, his fingers slowly slipping out of me and his smirk was deeper than before. It was obvious now that he did it on purpose, he got me so close but didn't let me finish. I could feel my body throbbing, my breathing was still uneven, and I was struggling to catch it. 

"I can't let you have all the fun now can I?" He slipped his two fingers in his mouth slowly, never breaking eye contact with me. And I know it was supposed to be gross but I'd never been more turned on. "Besides, I prefer the way you taste over the way you feel." 

I swallowed hard, my entire body craved more, I licked my lower lip and seconds later his hand met the back of my neck. Pulling me into a wet kiss. His hands gripped around my hips and my back. I felt him shifting slightly underneath me. Moments later he stood up, almost effortlessly, still holding me up and he carefully walked away from the lounge chair. Our lips were still intertwined, his hands gripped my butt and before I knew it he was laying me on the floor of the deck. 

The cold floor was a shocking contrast to the warmth of my bottom. His lips were pressed hard against mine and his hands continued traveling around my body. And god I hated how badly I wanted him. How badly I needed whatever it was he was about to give me. 

He stopped for a second and looked around, until his sight caught what he needed. I laid there silently, watching as he grabbed a few of the couch cushions. He lifted my back slightly and slid them under me. Enough to have me sitting up a few inches off the ground, while my butt was still on the cold floor. 

Finally he came back down to me and picked up right where we left off, his lips finding mine almost instantly. After a few intense minutes he lifted himself off of my lips, but in the same breath his lips moved to my jaw, and then to my neck. I could feel my pulse threading in his mouth as he bit me softly. Sucking just enough to make my neck tingle.

His warm breath spread throughout while he groaned slightly. His hands slipped under my shirt, seconds later his fingers gently wrapped around my throat, a touch of pressure but nothing painful. He looked at me then, his eyes dark, the intensity between us was almost unbearable. "Trust me," he whispered, the words sending a jolt through me. And I did. I trusted him.

I looked up at him, feeling his intense gaze. His fingers barely touched my skin, but I could feel every ounce of control he had. He moved slowly, making sure I felt the weight of his touch, before he lowered himself down to me, his lips grazing my skin with burning intent.

His other hand gently pushed my thighs apart, and I could feel his body settle between them as he knelt on the ground. He never stopped looking at me as he leaned down, his lips brushing against me before he kissed me with a deep hunger. His fingers still held my neck, and the pressure made me shiver with anticipation. I gasped as he moved lower, his hand steady against me, guiding me into a place of heightened tension. His reach was just enough to hold onto me, and now the cushions propping me up made sense. Watching as he continued filling me with pleasure in a way I'd never felt before was exhilarating. 

The power of both his hand and his tongue were making me hyper aware of how much my body enjoyed every second of it. 

"Justin," my voice came out rough as his name barely escaped my mouth, still loud enough for him to hear. 

He shifted at the sound of his name. Though his eyes never left mine, I could tell he was paying even closer attention. He lifted his head just enough to whisper, "I'm not letting you go anywhere just yet. Not until I've made you forget everything else."

Without missing a beat, he moved back into me. My eyes rolled back instantly as a new rush of ecstasy flooded through me. His grip around my throat remained, gentler now, but still firm, holding me in place.

A minute later, the pressure in my stomach built, tightening until I finally shattered. As I came undone, his fingers tightened around my throat just enough to make the release feel even more intense. My body shook beneath his hold, the moans escaping me more shocking than the pleasure itself.

"Oh… fuck." I panted the words out as I tried catching my breath. I didn't even realize how tight I was holding his arm until I let go and saw the finger marks I left behind. 

His face was full of satisfaction as he sat up, resting his elbows on his knees, watching me trying to come back to life. My hand found its way to my neck, touching it softly, like I was trying to remember how it felt. My breaths were still coming out of me uneven and breathy. 

"How did you—I feel—" I was at a loss for words, I never could have imagined giving up all of my control would feel this…good. I shook my head, trying to ignore those thoughts.

His gaze softened as he watched me, clearly savoring the aftermath of what had just happened. A smirk played at the corner of his lips, but there was something in his eyes that I didn't expect, something a little more... genuine.

"Didn't think you'd like it that much," he said, his voice low and teasing but with an edge of something almost... unsure. He reached out, gently brushing a strand of hair from my face, his thumb grazing my cheek. His cocky smirk returned as he leaned in close, his lips brushing against my ear. "Guess I'll have to remember that for next time." 

A shiver ran down my spine but before I could let myself get lost in it all over again, I reached for the cushion behind me and gently hit him with it. He let out a loud laugh and ripped the cushion out of my hand, lightly tapping me in return a few times before I said, "I surrender," and I threw my hands up in defeat. 

He set the cushion down next to me and laughed. I brought my knees up to my chest, wrapping my arms around them, pulling them closer to me while I just stared at him quietly. I leaned my chin on my knee and thought to myself that I'd never felt closer to him than I did right now. His eyes searched mine, flicking from my lips to my neck and back to my eyes. But neither of us spoke. The air still felt electric around us, and I knew this wasn't over with, I knew there was more to come. 

He stood up and extended his hand out for mine. "Let's put the cushions back and sit for a minute." I reached for him and he helped me back on my feet. We each grabbed a cushion and set them back onto the couch in the corner of the deck. We took a seat next to each other, our thighs gently grazing, and I was grateful he had jeans on because if my skin felt his he would know where my mind was heading to. 

I turned my body to face him completely, one leg on the couch, the other dangling to the side. My shirt lifted slightly, catching Justin's attention, his eyes stayed put and it wasn't until I looked down that I realized I hadn't put my underwear back on. I felt a rush of blood flood my face, even after what had just happened between us, I still managed to blush around him. 

I grabbed the edge of my shirt and pulled it down enough to cover myself. "I should probably put my underwear back on," I laughed and started standing up but his arm reached out and grabbed mine, stopping me in place. 

I turned to look at him, a little confused until a knowing smirk formed on his lips. He nodded slowly and said, "you don't need those yet." 

"Oh…" was the only thing I could come up with as the heat coursed through me once again. I swallowed a little hard and couldn't hold my smirk back much longer. 

I sat back down completely, still facing him. His hand climbed up my thigh that was on the couch. He leaned in closer to me. "As much as I enjoy taking you to places you've never been, it's only fair that I get to have a little fun too, maybe even let you take what you want." His voice was teasing, and his words taunted me. 

"You're insatiable." I whispered back, but my eyes betrayed me as they flicked down to his lips. 

"So are you." He spoke low and smooth, knowing what it does to me as he leaned in. We sat quietly, testing each other again. Seeing who would be the first to move. I couldn't believe how I still wanted more. How I truly was just as insatiable as he was.

Just then the boat rocked, and I felt myself tip forward. Enough to close the last inch between us. Enough that I felt the heat of his breath against my lips, his hand tightening on my thigh. Enough that stopping didn't even cross my mind. I wasn't sure what to do from here. I felt shy. Inexperienced. Especially after what he just did to me. But one thing I did know for sure was that he likes it when I'm on top. I needed to use that to my advantage. Or maybe use the element of surprise and do something I had never even done.

We still hadn't moved, our eyes were locked on each other, our breaths now in sync. I gently moved my hand forward, landing on his thigh and slowly moving up to his waist. His eyes flicked down to my hand but he still didn't move, he just watched as I unfastened his belt. His gaze held steady as I unbuttoned his jeans and slowly unzipped them, testing his patience. But I could see it in his eyes that he was holding back. Letting me take control. Fighting the instinct to reclaim it.

I finally stood up from the couch, but I hesitated, my fingers still wrapped around his jeans. I had never done this before, I've never even thought about it. But right now, with him watching me like that, something inside me wanted to. It was almost like I needed to. I wanted to know what it felt like to be the one making him come undone for once.

I brought myself down to my knees, now there was no question what I was about to do, and his expression said it all. His eyebrow perked up as he quietly watched me make my next move. I lifted his shirt up enough to expose the V line of his stomach, and gave him a soft, lingering kiss but I watched him with the same intensity I felt. I moved lower, placing another kiss just above the waistband of his jeans. 

For a moment, I wondered if I was doing this right, if I was taking too long, if he expected more. But then I heard him suck in a sharp breath, and for some reason, the sound alone sent a rush of energy through me. I slipped my fingers back to the waistband and tugged them down slowly, he lifted himself up enough so I could bring his jeans and boxers all the way down to his ankles. 

My heart began racing fast, not from fear but from anticipation. I adjusted his legs enough to get in between them, I could feel his piercing gaze as I moved closer. And before I did anything else I glanced up at him, his eyes were full of hunger, and heat, and maybe even a flicker of desperation. His hand found my hair, not to push, not to control, just to touch, just to allow himself to unravel for me. It felt like a quiet encouragement. And suddenly I wasn't nervous anymore. 

I looked up at him as I slowly moved forward, my hands moved first and then my face followed. He was watching me closely, his expression unreadable—but I could feel the tension in his body, like he was waiting, bracing. Maybe even holding back.

I wasn't sure if I was doing it right, if my touches were too soft or too hesitant. But then, when I moved my tongue a certain way, his breath caught, his head tilted back slightly, a groan slipped past his lips.

Oh.

A rush of heat shot through me, something new and thrilling curling in my stomach. I did that. Me. I'd never had this kind of power over someone before, never seen someone come undone from something I was doing. I tried it again, just to see if I'd get the same reaction. This time his fingers tightened in my hair, not to guide me in any way, just from how he was reacting. I swore I saw his jaw clench, like he was fighting to keep still, to let me take my time.

And maybe that's what made me bolder…the fact that he was the one struggling to hold himself together now. Every move after became more deliberate on my part, I slowly incorporated my hand, and now I could tell he was really holding back. Not once did I look away from him. I wanted to take this in almost as much as he did. I liked watching him shift under my touch, under my movements and finally under my tongue. The roles were reversed and now it made sense why he said he liked tasting me more than feeling me. It was the power he held over me that turned him on. The way he could coax my breath, the way my hips would shift under him without a second thought.

Now with some confidence behind me I moved faster, paying attention to what made him tighten his stomach and what made his eyes roll back. I got him to shift under me and that's when I knew I had him. He was right at the edge, the edge he had taken me many times before. I could sense his urgency as he finally gave way and pushed my head forward. But just as he held my head tight I slowed down all together. He wasn't going to get away with trying to take this moment from me. He noticed I slowed down and he finally let go of my head. I remembered from the other day that guys think it's hotter if a girl holds her hair back during the action, so I did. I picked up the pace again, and his eyes rolled back once more, he flexed and I knew he was close.

And then a little thought creeped in my head, I could feel how excited I was while doing this, so I took advantage of the fact that he hadn't let me grab my underwear earlier. I slowed down almost to a full stop, he looked down at me, a hint of confusion crossed his face. But I just smirked as I pulled away, I stood up and lifted my shirt up enough to show him what I was about to do. I moved toward him slowly, he caught on almost instantly, I put a knee on the couch as he grabbed my thighs. He lifted his shirt up enough so it was out of the way and I finally shifted on top of him until he was finally in me.

I leaned in and for the first time in a while I spoke. "Being on top means I'm still in charge right?" I batted my eyes innocently as I shifted my hips in a way that always drove him crazy.

"Fuck, August." He groaned loudly as I moved again, I could feel his hot breath on my neck. 

Our bodies collided like many times before but this time it felt different. There wasn't urgency behind our movements, it was like we were both savoring the moment. His hand gently grazed over my hip, slowly lifting my shirt to my neck. His other hand moved up my chest, cupping my breast and guiding it to his mouth, the gentle pull making me moan. I leaned back holding on to his knees as leverage and this angle felt even better. I rolled my hips, and I could feel him throb under me. We were so lost in the moment we didn't even hear the faint noises of footsteps at the base of the stairs. It wasn't until we heard a deep voice say "hello?" that we realized we had company. 

I immediately jumped off of Justin and pulled my shirt down, while he stood up and pulled his pants up. He didn't have the time to button or zip them up before we saw Jacob at the top of the stairs looking around. We were in the corner, just out of sight but he definitely knew someone was there. I sat down next to Justin, bringing my knees up and using my shirt to cover up the fact that I didn't have anything else on. Justin grabbed a pillow and covered his lower half up because it was still obvious he was excited.

"We're over here!" I finally said, we watched as he caught a glimpse of us. I could feel my heart pounding so hard as he slowly walked over to where we were sitting. I wondered how much he heard or if he questioned why we were up here to begin with. I tried fixing my hair before he finally reached us. 

He approached us slowly but his smile gave nothing away. "Hey guys, I thought I heard someone up here. What are you guys doing? Can't sleep either?" Jacob asked as he looked at Justin then at me. 

"No." Justin and I said in unison like many times before but this time it was too rushed, too practiced, and I could see the gears turning in Jacob's head. 

And before he could come up to the correct conclusion I spoke. "I came up for fresh air, I was feeling a little seasick earlier and Justin got here a bit ago." I tried playing off the discomfort I felt. 

Justin stayed quiet and nodded slowly, like he was agreeing with my version of events. 

Jacob nodded like it made perfect sense. But in the same beat his lip twisted slightly and just then I realized he definitely thought something was going on. He looked almost pale, like he knew what he just walked into and maybe didn't know how to back out of it. 

"What about you?" I asked, trying to direct the conversation.

"I…can't sleep either, I've got a lot on my mind." His gaze dropped to the floor and then I realized something else was going on. 

"Grab a chair and maybe we can talk about it?" I pointed to a chair that was behind him but a few footsteps away. He turned around and walked over to grab it. I looked over at Justin and his usual cool, nonchalant smile was plastered across his face. Nothing ever shook him, not even getting caught having sex on a boat could break his chill.

Jacob came back and sat directly in front of us. He leaned forward and dropped his elbows to his knees and his face to his hands. 

I didn't want to pry but knew I'd have to ask the right questions. He always put up a fake tough exterior but I always saw through his facade. "What's going on Jacob? Is everything okay with you and Allie?" 

He let out a long and loud exhale. He was holding something in, and it seemed like he was hesitant to say it. "So, I know Allie and I have only been together for a little under a year but we both kinda agree that this is it. Like we don't want or need anyone else. I…want to propose to her before we leave Hawaii." He stood up and pulled out a little blue velvet box out of his pocket. Opening it to expose a gorgeous leaflet oval diamond ring. 

I gasped as he handed me the box, I couldn't contain my excitement, I stared at the ring in awe. I handed it over to Justin and he just silently stared at it. A close lip smile formed on his face and he just nodded toward Jacob as he gave the box back to him. 

"Jakey that's…I'm so happy for you guys." I jumped up and gave him a hug. Seconds later I felt a tug at the bottom of my shirt and Justin pulled me away from Jacob. I had completely forgotten I had nothing on underneath. I sat down before Jacob could realize it was Justin that had pulled me back. Justin held the pillow on himself firmly, acting like nothing happened. 

"The nerves are eating away at me. I haven't told anyone yet, mainly because I could never find anyone alone or without Allie by my side. I came out here for some fresh air. I was on the bottom deck when I heard furniture moving up here. I figured it was finally my chance to tell someone. August, I'm grateful it was you up here. You introduced me to her and I can't ever thank you enough. It only makes sense if you're the one who helps me with this." Jacob's words and facial expression were sincere. For a moment I even thought a tear would drop. He was finally getting color back into his face. 

"I'd be more than happy to help, just tell me what you need from me." I couldn't hide how excited I truly was, I'd never been a part of something so intimate and so romantic. I was going to take in every second of this. I looked over to Justin again who was still just quiet. 

"Well the captain said that tomorrow we were gonna go to an island, so before we leave the island I want to propose but I was hoping, August, you'd help distract her for a bit while we're there so I could set a few things up. And Justin, maybe you could help me set up what I need to set up. I spoke to the crew earlier today when I was walking to the house. They picked up the stuff I'll need."

Before I could respond Justin spoke up. "Yeah man, anything you need." A genuine smile formed on his lips finally. 

"Yes! I'll figure something out, just let me know when and I'll pull her aside and distract her." 

"Thank you guys, I appreciate it." He stood up and shook Justin's hand. He turned to me and just smiled. "Alright well I'm gonna go back to bed, so you two can continue fucking." Jacob winked at me and smirked. 

"What?!" I laughed trying to play off how red hot my cheeks felt and how tight my stomach knotted. I turned to look at Justin who was just laughing. 

"Come on, I said I heard furniture moving, and well the rhythm was familiar but it wasn't until I heard Justin say 'fuck, August,' that I realized I got lucky it was you out here. That's why I needed to interrupt. I'm sorry for cutting it short. I'm not gonna like though, I kinda expected it to be Erik. No offense Justin. But I guess Allie was right. Oh and August your underwear is right there." He pointed to my bright pink thong behind him and he finally stopped talking, giving me the chance to fully grasp what he just said. 

Justin let a small laugh slip as he asked, "Allie was right about what exactly?" 

"She said something felt off between you two. I told her there was no way cause August was super into Erik. But she insisted, said that regardless, there was something there. Guess she was right. Don't worry, your secret is safe with me and obviously her. Allie is gonna flip when I tell her though." Jacob let out a low chuckle as his gaze bounced between Justin and I, gauging our very different reactions. 

I didn't want him to tell her. I wasn't ready to face the fact that we had been blatantly caught once again. "Please let me tell Allie... That way, I can use it as a distraction on the island. Besides she's gonna want details and well we just don't have the time to tell you everything right now." My words slipped out of me very rushed, like I was desperately grasping at straws so he wouldn't spill this secret.

"Okay that's fair. Well goodnight. And give me like five minutes before you start moving the furniture again." Jacob laughed, winking at us and walked away shortly after. 

I could hear his footsteps go down the stairs as I glanced over at Justin who's amused look never left his face. He smirked but I didn't smirk back. I still couldn't believe Jacob caught us in such an awkward way. The fact that he heard us left me feeling uneasy. Adding that he expected Erik but found Justin instead, made the guilt that much more inevitable. Justin sensed I was still tense. 

"Well I blame you for getting caught, if you hadn't been so good I would've never been so loud." He joked, but I didn't find it funny. 

I was struggling to shake off the feeling of guilt mixed with extreme embarrassment. It was one thing for Mallory or Dani to catch us, it was something completely different for someone like Jacob. A million thoughts ran through me. What if he doesn't keep the secret just between us? What if he tells Erik by complete accident? My stomach twisted at the thought.

Justin wasn't laughing anymore. He just watched me, quiet, like he could feel every bit of tension winding through me. He shifted slightly, his fingers flexing like he wanted to reach for me but wasn't sure how. For a second, I thought he might make another joke, try to tease me out of it. But he didn't. Instead, he exhaled and moved the pillow from his lap.

His hand slipped behind my back, warm and steady, pulling me onto his lap before I could think too much about it. I crossed my arms and pouted quietly as he held me close, placing a soft kiss on my shoulder. The feeling grounded me just enough to take me out of my thoughts. I turned to look at him, he slowly moved his head closer, he bumped his forehead against mine and kept it there until some tension released, letting me exhale a small laugh. 

"We've almost perfected sneaking around," he joked, "but I'm sorry that we got caught, again." His voice was softer this time, forehead still pressed against mine, like he actually meant it.

I finally was able to take a deep breath. "I know. It's just kinda embarrassing. The fact that he heard us, my god I'm mortified. It's gonna be hard facing him tomorrow." 

He just shrugged it off. "Jacob went to a party school for college, this is definitely not his first time hearing people have sex." 

I narrowed my eyes at him, but I couldn't stay upset much longer. Justin wasn't wrong. I know Jacob wasn't a stranger to all of it, it's just weird that it was me he heard having sex. 

"I am excited for Allie though, I can't wait to see her face when he proposes." I gushed a little. 

"Yeah, less than a year together is kinda crazy though. You guys all love to rush things don't you?" Justin laughed but I could tell he was masking something. Maybe he didn't believe they were moving fast at all and it was a small jab at me for maybe moving in with Erik. Or maybe he really just doesn't like commitment. 

I stared at him for a second, his expression was now neutral. "When you know you know. Whether it's six months or six years. Sometimes time means nothing." I shrugged my shoulders. 

He bit the inside of his cheek as he watched me closely. "So since you're moving in with Erik does that mean six months from now I'll be getting a wedding invitation?" He let out a humorless laugh. I knew he wasn't talking about Jacob and Allie moving too fast. 

I decided to have a little fun with it. "Six months? Hmmm we were thinking of getting married week one of living together. Week two is when we have our honeymoon and week three is when I pop out the first baby." I laughed and pressed my forehead against his scowl that quickly turned into a smirk. 

"Let me just make sure my schedule is cleared. Maybe I can officiate." His laugh came out easier. I just rolled my eyes and laughed. 

"I'm definitely closer to the six years crowd. Even if none of my relationships ever got past month three." 

"Same. Commitment is—"

I cut him off. "Terrifying?"

"Something like that." His smirk turned into a tight lipped smile. 

"I don't know, I like commitment. I like the promise that you only want one person. I've just never gotten past month three because…they realized I was serious about waiting for marriage to have sex. But I mean," I looked down at my pantless body and let out a sharp laugh. "Look at me now. I just got caught having sex and the worst part is I'm more mad we got stopped at the best part and we didn't get to finish." I threw my head back slightly from laughing. Justin's laugh followed shortly after. 

"Are we allowed to mark it off the list if we didn't get to finish?" His question sounded playful but his expression told me he was truly thinking about it. 

"Well I did get to finish earlier but you…"

"You're so selfish, August." His hand reach over to my shoulder and pushed me back enough to where our chests weren't touching and he grabbed my leg and put it around him so I was straddling him again instead of sitting on his lap sideways. I couldn't help but laugh as he grabbed my hips and pulled me closer into him. His smirk was back on his lips. 

"I think it's been more than five minutes?" He whispered, but his eyes were searching mine to see if maybe I was down to go again. 

"Justin…it's starting to get late, or should I say early. What if someone else wakes up and catches us?" 

He sat still for a moment, I could hear the water quietly crashing against the boat, I could hear the humming of the boat and an occasional creak from the boat rocking. But I didn't hear anything else. The rest of the world was still asleep. 

"That just means we'll have to work faster this time." His smirk deepened, this time he wasn't joking. His fingertips traced the outside of my thighs, sending chills throughout my body. His hand slid underneath my shirt, slowly grazing my back. He could tell what he was doing to me was working. 

"You…" he pulled me closer to him, placing a deep kiss on my neck, taking the words out of my mouth. "Are…" another deep kiss as his fingers gently scratched my back. "Inst—" this time he kissed my lips before I could get the last word out. He was too good at this or maybe I was just too easy. 

He pulled away enough to let me catch my breath. "You were saying?" 

I gave him a light smack on his arm but I couldn't resist the smirk that crept up. "You've had enough sex today!" 

"It's a new day, what we did at the house was technically yesterday so doesn't count for today, but you're welcome to get off of me. I'm not pinning you down." He smiled and I felt his hand come out of the back of my shirt. He slowly raised his hands up, like he was showing me he wasn't holding me down. 

But he knew I couldn't resist him. He didn't have to physically hold me down to have a hold on me. The smirk alone drove me crazy. But was I really about to risk it after already getting caught once? 

My heart sped up at the thought of earlier, I could still feel his fingers wrapped gently around my throat. That was all I needed to give in. His gaze stayed fixed on me but he was waiting patiently for my next move. I slowly slid off of his lap and stood up, backing up a few steps. His smirk faltered but he didn't push for more. 

I leaned down, holding myself up by gripping on his knees. "I'm giving you enough space to take your pants off." 

His smirk reappeared and without skipping a beat he stood up enough to tug his pants down. 

Without further hesitation we were back to where Jacob had cut us off. Though this time I could feel the urgency between us. We both knew what we had to lose and we didn't want time to go to waste. The urgency also had something else hidden inside it. Our time together would soon be coming to an end. Not just in this moment but all together. We were about to go back to normal life. The possibility of moving in with Erik hung over my head. 

So much so that I knew I wanted to savor these moments with Justin. The heat between us climbed so high I didn't know how I was going to come down from it. With every thrust, every moan that escaped me, every sensation that felt so good also started feeling… sad. I watched him closely as we moved in sync and I think he felt it too. He felt that this, whatever this was, whatever book we were writing was in its final chapters. 

I started getting lost in the moment, getting lost in his eyes, in his touch. I started kissing him harder, started moving with desperation because this was slipping through our fingers. We always knew it was going to end. And the end was finally around the corner. 

"Justin," I shouted his name once more. His grip tightened around my hips, holding me closer as I toed the line, and finished. He followed seconds later but this time it felt different. He shuddered underneath me. 

His entire body relaxed, and then—Oh God.

I could feel it. 

I pulled myself up fast, but it was already too late. My hands trembled as I moved back, putting space between us but I was still on his lap. Justin was still catching his breath, eyes half-lidded, lost in the haze. He didn't immediately realize. But then he saw me. He saw the sheer panic in my face, and he immediately snapped out of the haze. 

I moved my hand down to feel what was gliding down my inner thigh, and when I brought it back up we both had the same look of shock. I lifted myself completely off of him and stood quietly in front of him. I wasn't sure what to do, I was stuck in disbelief. How could we get so lost in the moment that I let him finish in me. 

"Fuck," he finally whispered. He brushed his hand over his face, he was just as shocked as I was. He looked up at me, I still hadn't moved. This was uncharted territory for me. We'd done it before without protection but have always stopped ourselves right before…this. 

But this time we were so wrapped up and now I could feel it dripping down my leg and a huge part of me just wanted to cry. His reaction had me even more uneasy. His lip parted slightly and just when I thought he was going to say something—anything, he didn't. He stayed quiet as he got off the couch and pulled his pants back up. Seconds later he walked away without saying anything else. I still couldn't move, I wasn't able to shake off the feeling of complete dread. 

My chest tightened as I managed to sit myself down on the couch, and that's when Justin came back with a towel in his hand. He crouched down by my legs and looked up at me. "Hey, we're gonna figure this out. It's gonna be okay, August." He took the towel and started wiping between my legs. His fingers brushed my skin and what once would've drove me crazy this time it made me want to vomit. 

"It's not okay Justin. This shouldn't have happened. This isn't like me to be so…so…irresponsible." At that moment I felt like my mom had been right about everything. Sex ruins everything. No matter how good it felt, no matter what we shared, it ruined everything. 

"August," his voice was soft, almost pleading. His eyebrows pinched close together. He placed a gentle hand on my thigh. "Please trust me on this. It's gonna be okay. We can figure out a way to get Plan B when we get back to the rental house. Okay?" 

I didn't say anything, no words would form. I just nodded my head slowly, agreeing but not believing. He stood up and walked over to grab my underwear for me. He handed them to me but I couldn't bring myself to put them on, I felt drained. I'd never felt this before, and it wasn't until he started putting them on me that I snapped out of the daze I was in. 

"I got it, thank you." I got off the couch and slid them all the way up. I sat back down on the couch, I needed another minute to finish processing the potential consequences of our actions. "I'm sorry Justin, I'm just scared." 

Without skipping another beat he sat down next to me. "You don't need to apologize, you have a right to be scared but the minute we get the plan b everything is gonna be back to normal. Like nothing ever happened." 

"But it did happen. And it can't happen again. We can't keep doing this, we're playing with fire waiting to see if we're gonna get burned. But this is it, this is us getting burned." 

"August…" he wanted to say more, I know he did, but he didn't. He shook his head and said. "Okay." 

We stared at each other for a moment longer, until I noticed the blue-ish hue of the horizon. The sun was coming, the world was waking up while I was silently falling apart. Justin's eyes stayed glued to me, watching to see when I would finally break. 

"I'm sorry, August. I never meant for it to go this far." His voice came out quiet, so quiet I thought I made it up in my head. But there he was quietly waiting for me to say something to him. His eyes were filled with sadness. That's when I realized he probably was spiraling just as much but holding it together for me. 

I shifted to look forward and just leaned my head on his shoulder. "I know you are. I'm sorry too." 

He lifted his arm over my shoulder and held me quietly, I didn't fight it, I didn't want to. I just needed some sense of stability. Something to tell me that maybe this was going to be okay. 

We sat quietly leaning on each other, neither one of us moved, neither one of us said anything. We just watched as the sky brought daylight in. We both knew what that meant. It was time to go back to pretending. Pretending like we're upset with each other, pretending like we didn't just share an intense moment. Pretending that I'm not falling apart, or bursting at the seams. Do what we do best…pretend.