Chapter 36. Out Of The Woods.
"We were built to fall apart. And fall back together."
I threw open the door, running after him.
"Justin." I yelled. He was at the base of the stairs about to go down but he paused for a second. Long enough for me to catch up to him, but when I did reach him he just ran down the steps. When he made it to the last step he flipped around. I was a few behind him, so when he stopped we were at eye level. His breathing was stiff and consistent. Holding back all the anger I could see written on his face.
"I need a fucking minute August. Please."
"No! You didn't give me my space when I told you I didn't want to talk. So you don't get a fucking minute. You have to deal with it now." I kept poking his shoulder, I knew I shouldn't have. By the time I went to poke him a third time he grabbed me by my wrist to get me to stop. He pulled me closer to him, my hand still in his wrist and now my other hand holding onto his shoulder.
Moments later his grip on my wrist loosened enough for me to drop it. My hand was still on his shoulder but neither of us moved. Just watched each other intently, letting our breathing synchronize. "If you want to have sex with him you are in your every right to. But for me. Please don't. He can hold your heart but your body…I don't want to share you. August. Please." He pleaded again, this time his eyes filled with sadness, any anger he had disappeared right in front of me. His voice was low, shaky, almost broken. Something in me just wanted to stay angry. To be offended at how possessive he was over me. But I couldn't. I couldn't be mad when I expected the same from him even if I didn't say it out loud. I didn't want to share him with Hannah, at least not in that way.
I didn't say anything, I just brought my hand to his jaw, cupping his face and caressing his cheek with my thumbs. Seconds later I pulled him into me, the space between us dissipated the minute our lips met. His hands met my waist in the same breath, pulling me into the way we always melted into each other. It's intoxicating, infuriating and terrifying all at once. To be held on so tight by something that didn't make sense to anyone but me and him. I was so lost in my thoughts I barely noticed when he picked me up. My legs wrapped around him with an instinct he anticipated. Neither of us let go of our kiss, of our embrace as he walked us up the stairs and into my room.
Moving based off of pure habit, closing the door behind us, locking it without giving a second thought. Our lips were still attached to each other. Unable to break the hold we had on one another. My legs still wrapped around him as I felt his hand go underneath my dress, slowly slipping it off of me. He put me down, our lips separated only long enough for him to take his shirt off, immediately finding their way back. His fingers tangled in the back strings of my bathing suit, pulling one that completely unraveled them.
His kiss traveled down my neck with an intensity I'd never felt before, with an urgency that was fleeting and permanent all at once. His lips finding the one spot that drives me crazy.
He leaned in and whispered in my ear. "I'm so sorry, August. You're so much more than a hot—,"
I covered his mouth before he could finish his sentence. I never wanted to hear that phrase again.
"Shhh it's okay, I forgive you." I whispered back right before our lips met again. We didn't let go of each other as we walked over to the bed. Clothes coming off with each step we took until we were both completely undressed, and laying on the bed.
His lips, unrelenting as they made their way to my neck, and lower with each second that passed. Not stopping, and for once not waiting for permission. Every inch of my body ached for more, each breath slipping out of me like an oath I had to keep. His hands moved around my body like all the times before but this time it felt like electricity ran through them. Sparking as they made their way down, gripping around my hips, pulling me closer to him.
I felt the desperation in his breathing, like he couldn't get enough or like I was slipping away. His mouth trailed down my neck, passing my chest and slowing down as he reached my hips. He placed another kiss on my thigh, moving inward. The silence stretched between us, I could feel his eyes on me, searching, and for a heartbeat, I wondered if he was questioning this moment, this choice. But I didn't want him to stop, or hesitate. So I tangled my fingers in his hair and moved his head exactly where I wanted him.
His arms wrapped around my thighs and in one quick motion he pulled my lower body closer to his face, taking control in a way that made my breath still. The moment he kissed me, everything else faded. The world outside of us disappeared as he took over with an intensity that left me breathless, pushing me further than I thought I could go.
I gripped the bed sheet beneath me, my body already reacting to him, the pressure building with every movement, every breath he took. His touch was a perfect balance of dominance and care, coaxing me with each movement, pushing me further into the moment.
The rhythm he held, the moments stretching on but not feeling like they were long enough, as if time slowed in those final seconds, leaving me caught between wanting more and knowing I was reaching the limit of everything. And then with one final brush, a surge of ecstasy coursed through me. My grip tightening the sheets before releasing them in the same breath. My body trembled as his lips trailed back up, I wasn't sure I could handle much more but I also knew I didn't want to stop.
Our eyes met and I could tell he was satisfied with what he was doing to me. He placed one more kiss on my shoulder before I felt his hands wrap around my waist, adjusting me once more to where he wanted me.
Except this time he hesitated, his body hovered over mine, we didn't break eye contact and his eyes pleaded for permission even though he knew he had it. My hands held his face, my fingers lining his jaw, I pulled him closer. Kissing his lips before moving his head to the side. Enough for me to whisper in his ear. "Only you, Justin."
Seconds later his hesitation melted and I felt him take control again. It was like he needed to hear it before he moved forward and for once I meant it. At least for right now this is what I wanted, this is what I needed. Whatever happened after this moment we would have to face, but right now I was all his. And he took me as such.
Each breath escaped me more desperately than the last. His name slipped past my lips in a way I wasn't sure it ever had before, like a prayer, a plea, a warning. And yet, neither of us stopped. Neither of us wanted to. I couldn't hold back the sounds that spilled from me.
His hands gripped my hips like he was anchoring himself to me as much as I was to him. We moved in sync, lost in the rhythm that felt both reckless and inevitable. Skin against skin, nothing between us, and for a fleeting second, the weight of that hit me. But I couldn't bring myself to care, not when he was looking at me like this, not when my body was already responding to his body in ways I couldn't control.
"Fuck," he groaned against my neck, his pace faltering for the first time. I could feel the tension in him, the way he was barely holding on. His hands trembled where they held me, and then just as suddenly as we started, he pulled away, a sharp breath leaving him as he pulled himself up just enough to be out, but he stayed on top for a second. Shuddering more than he had before.
Justin let out a slow breath, his fingers grazing my hip before he pushed himself up. I watched as he ran a hand through his hair, still catching his breath, before he reached for something, his discarded shirt at first, then thinking better of it, he grabbed a towel from the edge of the bed.
He didn't say anything as he gently ran it over my skin, the warmth of his touch lingering even through the fabric. There was something unspoken in the way he did it, something careful. Considerate.
He wiped himself off next, moving with the same quiet deliberation. When he was done, he tossed the towel aside on the bed and collapsed next to me, our breathing still uneven as silence settled between us. I was comfortable just laying here quietly. Justin had a different idea. He turned to his side to face me and I did the same.
"I feel awful for what I said to you. You're so much more than that August. I'm really sorry." His eyes softened as he spoke. This time I believed his apology, before it was just words he knew he had to say but now I could feel his remorse. "You are the sun, you are the moon, you are everything and everything revolves around you." His laugh gave his joke away almost instantly, the laugh he has when he knows how ridiculous he's being. I gave him a soft shove but kept my hand on his chest.
"I know you're sorry. And while I never want to hear that phrase again I'm also sorry for pushing you to the point of snapping. My stupid fake argument plan really backfired on us huh?" I laughed a little, thinking of how I thought a fake argument would work, only for us to flip the script and actually get mad at each other.
"I wouldn't say backfire but we are definitely a little ridiculous for getting real angry at a fake argument. I mean it got me laid though so I can't say it was the worst thing in the world." He had a smug smile and I smacked him on the chest a little hard causing him to laugh louder than before.
I let out a long sigh, Justin caught on that I had more on my mind. So he pushed a little. "So what happened with Erik last night? Was he mad about the truth and dare kiss between us?"
I bit my lip, really considering what I should say to him. The truth? Somewhere in between? "He said he wasn't mad about you and I kissing, he was just more upset that he had to find out the way he found out."
"Yeah I uh dropped by your room last night and he didn't look too happy with me. I just wanted to make sure you were okay but I didn't expect to see him there. I thought he was still avoiding you," his voice was serious but his expression was still soft.
"He came up to grab his shirt, and then obviously we had to talk about it. And we did talk about it but we didn't really get into the conversation because we were both a little too drunk. And then..." I debated telling him about what actually happened between Erik and I but after earlier I don't think he wanted to hear about it. "never mind…anyways I did hear when you knocked but I was about to jump in the shower so that's why he answered the door."
"For a second I thought you sent your bodyguard to answer the door." The right side of his lip curled up, he was toeing the line between wanting to be serious but also not wanting to suffocate in it. "So, you and Erik…you just made out huh?" He asked, his voice lower than before, like he was almost testing me, waiting for me to crack.
"You really want to know?" I challenged him, because I couldn't imagine he actually wanted to know what happened. Not after he begged me not to sleep with Erik.
"No…but I guess I'm just trying to figure out how you were naked and you guys didn't… because you're naked in front of me right now and I want to take you again. So I'm just trying to process it." His face tightened, but he kept his tone soft.
"I wasn't naked. I had my underwear on but I was topless. But I'm telling you we only made out and then it came to a dead stop and then went to sleep."
He raised an eyebrow slightly, part of me thought he still doesn't believe me. "Well he was drinking so I can't blame him for not being able to…" he let out a sharp laugh, like he was making fun of him but also knew that problem all too well.
"No, there wasn't an issue with that. I…don't want to talk about it. I feel weird telling you." I bit the side of my cheek and watched as his face went from neutral to soft almost instantly. I'm trying to spare him in all this but he seems like he wants to know.
His arm moved around my waist and he pulled me close enough to him that we were now eye to eye. "I don't want to know but then a part of me has to know. I have to know when I'm going to lose this to him." He was smiling the entire time but something in the way he said it made me realize he wasn't joking.
"Justin you're not…" I let out a sigh, "I wanted to know if he even felt like that about me. I wanted to know if I…turned him on because he never even attempts to go past a kiss, he never even pulls me into him. And I know part of that is my fault. He thinks I'm still waiting for marriage. But like to not even slip a hand under my shirt? Did he even find me attractive in that way? So I pushed."
"And?" He questioned.
I stared at him before looking away, unsure how to answer what I was feeling. "And nothing. The minute it got heavy he pulled away, he saw me bare chested, called me intoxicating and he felt how I felt but he still stopped. And it's not like I can blame him. Before I was worried about him seeing me so vulnerable but now I'm worried he just sees me as something that's about to break. And now well I'm not going to be pushing that boundary again anytime soon. And with you, it's like we can't keep our hands off of each other."
"August… I know it's not fair of me to ask you not to have sex with him. But you have to know he's attracted to you like that. You know that, hell even I know he is attracted to you that way. For me it's easy to cross that line with you because we've crossed it before. But he doesn't know that about you yet. Be grateful he respects what you want or wanted for yourself. He's ready whenever you are. But for my sake, don't push again." His laugh was genuine this time. I know he was serious about me not pushing again but there was something so sweet in his way of comforting me.
"I promise no more topless make outs." I lifted my hand mimicking taking an oath, and laughing as he grabbed my hand and pulled me even closer. Now we were skin to skin, I could feel his chest rise and fall with each breath he took.
"At all? Like ever?" His smirk grew as his eyes dipped from my eyes to my lips and back up, sending a spark through my entire body.
"You're unbelievable. I tell you I want to sleep with another man and yet here you are," I started saying but I think he was done talking. He reached down and grabbed my face. Lifting my face enough for our lips to me and I squeezed out a few more words in between kisses "…pulling me in." Another kiss. "Making me want you." And finally I gave in.
I was getting lost in the way our lips collided, forgetting the outside world with each kiss we shared. Until I realized the sun wasn't as bright in my room anymore, bringing me back to reality. I pulled myself away enough to ask. "Wait, what time is it?"
His eyebrows furrowed softly, like he was confused at first why I was asking for the time. And then it hit him, the rest of the group was going to be back soon. He reached over and grabbed my phone to check the time. "It's 4:18pm. They should be back by 4:30pm from what Jacob said." He set the phone back down and turned to look at me. He stared at me like he was waiting on me to figure out what to do next. My eyes traveled down his body for a brief second, wondering if I wanted to risk it once more with the timing being so close.
I pulled myself out of his arm and sat up, leaning against the headboard. Seconds later he did the same. "Yeah, timing is cutting it close." He muttered.
I turned to look at him, narrowing my eyes slightly. "You don't think we have enough time?" I challenged him again.
His eyebrow twitched up and a smirk formed on his face. "Depends. Enough time for…?" He challenged me back, he was going to make me say it out loud.
We sat there quietly for a second, I was thinking about my next move but I knew we would run out of time soon. So I decided to be bold. I stood up on the bed and he watched as I sat on him. "…it all depends on if you're able to…perform again."
"Oh you don't have to worry about me." He looked down for a brief second and my eyes followed. He wasn't wrong.
So we do what we do best and cross the line every damn time. Except for this time there was no hesitation. I was still on top of him as he started shifting back to lay down. His hands traveled from my thighs to my hips, gripping tight as I leaned down to kiss him. Seconds later I shifted myself on him and immediately knew how ready he was and I didn't look back.
Each movement felt desperate, more consuming than earlier. Our breath was getting deeper, deeper than before. It felt like if we didn't get there fast we would fall off the edge. Times before we would go slow and enjoy the moment but knowing there was a limit we held nothing back. It felt like not even two minutes had passed before he gripped my hips causing my rhythm to slow down.
"August…" his voice came out breathy "I am so close and we're not wearing protection."
"Should we stop?" I hesitatingly asked, every part of me not wanting to stop.
"Oh no, we're not stopping." His grip tightened, and before I could process it, he had me on my hands and knees, his body molding against mine. His voice was rough, teasing against my ear. "I know we just started, but I promise to take care of you."
It felt better than it ever had, whether it was the desperation to finish before everyone got here or the lack of a condom. All I knew was that I was enjoying it with no regrets.
There was no patience, just the fevered rush of us colliding as he held me tight around my hips. Finding a pace that chased the urgency we were feeling. I could hear him through the sounds of our breaths, he was so close to letting go. I gave him some resistance by pushing my hips back into him and within seconds I felt the pacing slip, knowing full well he was right at the edge.
His hands trembled on my hips as he pulled himself back and out of me. I thought it was over. But the second he flipped me onto my back, I knew better. His lips met mine, feverish, hungry, desperate. He leaned into my ear and whispered, "I promised I'd take care of you." his smile beaming through his uneven breaths.
His lips traveled down and moments later he fulfilled his promise. Each second sent waves of warmth all throughout my body without a thought in the world. He came back up to meet my eyes, breathless and satisfied. I let out a breathless laugh, still riding the high of it all. That's when he grinned and said, "So did we beat the clock?"
He continued laughing as he got off the bed to grab the towel he tossed aside earlier. He sat on the bed and helped me clean up, but we couldn't contain our laughter or the giddy feeling we both felt.
"That was somehow the fastest and the hottest we've ever gotten off. Maybe we should fight more often." My laugh came out louder than I anticipated, the giddy feeling not wearing off. He tossed the towel into the hamper and started putting his clothes on as I got out of bed and rushed to the bathroom. I came back out and he was just sitting on the edge of the bed, my bathing suit and dress were already laid out ready for me to put on. I slipped them on, one after another and he just watched me. His smile was unwavering as I slipped my dress over my head.
My eyebrows pinched together playfully. "What?"
He shook his head softly, the smile still in place. "Nothing."
I narrowed my eyes at him but before I could say anything else the real world came caving in as I heard my phone buzzing. He reached to grab it and then turned to hand it to me. A text from Mallory appeared along with a missed call from her.
Mals: "Is everything okay? We haven't heard or seen either of you in a while. Starting to get worried but don't want to intrude. Marshall just wanted to make sure Justin behaved."
Auggie: "yeah we're fine. We were just trying to work some things out. But neither of us are backing down. We will be down in a few. Tell Marshall he was fine it was me who yelled now lol"
Mals: "typical stubborn auggie. Well the rest of the gang just pulled up. They said they were going to shower then head over."
Auggie: "okay be down soon."
Justin sat quietly and watched as I typed away. Finally I looked up from my screen and to him. "They're looking for us. We should probably head down, the others also just got here."
"Wow, perfect timing." He shook his head and chuckled, looking rather amused.
"You gonna talk to Hannah today? What did you guys even argue about?" I asked though I wasn't sure I should. I could sense his hesitation as I walked over to take a seat next to him on the bed.
"Yeah I can't really put it off much longer." He paused again, he seemed like he didn't want to say anything else but he still kept going. "She's mad that I talked to you about things of my past and not her. I let it slip that we talked on the plane about my dad so that's why you and I seemed close. So then I was forced to tell her about him. I wasn't ready to talk about it with her so I was mad too." He huffed and shook his head. The disappointment and hurt was obvious.
I was unsure of what to say. I didn't realize he hadn't told her anything about his dad, but then again he told me himself that it's just not something he talks about. I remember how broken he was when he was telling me. And part of me knows he only told me because he heard about my fucked up life too.
I let out a soft sigh, trying to gauge if he wants to talk about it more or if he's done with the topic. "So she's mad that you confided in me?"
He scoffed, rubbing a hand over his jaw. "Yeah. And I get it at least, I get why it stung. But I didn't mean for it to come out that way. It's just…" He exhaled sharply. "I wasn't ready. I wasn't ready for her to hear about how fucked up a childhood I had. I didn't want her to see that side of me. Yet."
I knew exactly what it was like to be expected to share, to open up on someone else's timeline. It didn't sit right with me that Hannah had pushed him into it before he was ready but I bit my tongue. It wasn't my place.
"Do you regret telling me?" I asked quietly, waiting to see what he would say.
His eyes flicked to mine almost instantly. But in the same beat he shook his head. "No."
That was it. No hesitation. No elaboration. Just a firm, unwavering no.
I felt my chest tighten but before I could dwell, he was already standing, stretching his arms above his head. "We should probably head down before they start sending a search party."
I forced a smirk standing up and shoving his arm. "Yeah, I wouldn't want them to think you kidnapped me."
He shot me a look, all slow amusement and something else lingering beneath. "If I did, they wouldn't even know."
I rolled my eyes and headed for the door. "Creep!"
He grabbed my arm and pulled me back gently before I got to the doorknob. "Wait, before we go. Did we resolve this? Or?"
"Uhm after that performance? I think we are perfectly fine." I laughed at the question, wondering what he was thinking.
"No, I mean appearance wise. To everyone else? I know this might be too much to ask but can I patch things with Hannah before we publicly are okay? I know that's a lot to ask." His face was sincere, I know he genuinely likes her and I don't want to keep getting in the way of something real for either of them.
"Okay, we can say we weren't able to resolve anything but we were tabling it for now." I offered him a polite smile, and something in me made me pull him close to me, stand on my tippy toes and place a soft kiss on his cheek. "Come on. Just scoff when we get downstairs and if they ask, you can call me stubborn. Just this once." I laughed as I opened the door finally. I felt a weight lift off my shoulders, whether it was because what we had just shared was so good or whether it was because we did fix things. I was grateful for the turn out, for our friendship and even a little bit for our unwillingness to stop.