Episode 5 – Babysitting A Psychic Baby With Fire Powers

Zayan Woke Up To The Smell Of Something Burning And Immediately Assumed The Apartment Complex Was On Fire Again

He Leapt Out Of Bed Heart Racing Only To Realize The Smell Was Toast Which Was Weird Because He Hadn't Made Any Toast Or Bought Any Bread Since The Last Time The Toaster Tried To Kill Him

Before He Could Investigate The System's Voice Cut Through The Morning Like A Drill To His Soul

Good Morning Host Today's Mission Babysitting Service Activated Objective Keep A Psychic Baby Alive Entertained And Non Explosive Duration Twelve Hours Location Sunnyville Daycare Center Warnings Include Telekinesis Fire Bursts And Inexplicable Object Vanishings

Zayan Sat Down On The Floor And Rubbed His Face With Both Hands Slowly As If He Could Physically Wipe Away This Mission From Reality

Why A Baby He Whispered Why Not A House Plant Or A Goldfish Something That Doesn't Levitate And Detonate

Because Said The System Calmly You Must Learn Responsibility And Also The Baby's Parents Are Legendary Telepaths Who Threatened To Erase Us From Time If We Didn't Find A Sitter

Zayan Threw On Whatever Clothes Looked Fireproof Which Turned Out To Be His Least Fashionable Outfit And Grabbed A Bag Full Of Toys Snacks Wipes And A Full Sized Fire Extinguisher

Sunnyville Daycare Looked Normal From The Outside Bright Walls Cartoon Paintings Of Animals A Plastic Slide Out Front That Seemed Peaceful Enough Until A Teddy Bear Exploded Through The Window

The Receptionist Smiled At Him Like That Was Completely Normal

You Must Be Zayan The New Temporary Nanny Please Sign This Waiver It Releases Us From Any Psychic Damage Or Property Loss Within The Next Twelve Hours

He Signed Without Reading Because He'd Given Up On Logic Three Missions Ago

Then The Door Opened And A Woman In A White Suit Floated In Literally Her Heels Didn't Touch The Ground She Held A Baby Wrapped In A Silver Blanket That Seemed To Flicker With Sparks

She Spoke Without Moving Her Lips Telepathically Projecting Her Words Into His Mind Like A Loud Speaker Inside His Brain

This Is My Son Zekiel He's Teething And Occasionally Sets Things On Fire Please Ensure He Naps By Two Eats At Noon And Doesn't Bend Reality More Than Necessary

Zayan Reached Out And Took The Baby With Shaking Hands The Baby Looked At Him With Glowing Eyes And Immediately Set His Shoelaces On Fire

The Woman Nodded Approvingly Then Floated Out Through The Wall Leaving A Scent Of Lavender And Doom Behind

The System Popped Up With A Notification

Welcome To Babysitting Mode Host Objectives Updated Track Mood Feed Responsibly Contain Destruction Avoid Being Turned Into A Tree

Zayan Looked Down At Zekiel Who Giggled And Made A Stuffed Animal Levitate Then Melted It Midair

Okay Buddy Zayan Said Let's Not Turn Uncle Zayan Into Ash Today Cool

Zekiel Responded By Teleporting Across The Room Laughing Manically And Launching Blocks With His Mind One Of Them Hit Zayan In The Face

The First Hour Was Chaos

Zayan Chased The Baby Who Could Phase Through Walls Levitate Furniture And Occasionally Grow Three Extra Arms Made Of Fire

He Tried Distracting Him With Toys But Zekiel Just Made The Toys Dance Creeped Out A Teacher And Then Set The Play Mat Ablaze

Lunch Was A Disaster

Zayan Attempted To Feed Him Mashed Carrots Only For The Carrots To Hover In The Air Form A Face And Sing A Lullaby That Put Two Other Babies To Sleep And Made One Pee In Fear

Eventually He Managed To Trick Zekiel Into Eating By Pretending The Spoon Was A Spaceship Which Led To The Spoon Actually Becoming A Spaceship That Flew Around The Room Before Landing Back Into The Baby's Mouth

By Noon Zayan Was Covered In Baby Slime Sweat Burn Marks And What He Hoped Was Apple Juice

The Nap Attempt Was The Real Horror

Zekiel Floated Above The Crib Staring At The Ceiling And Chanting In An Unknown Language That Made The Light Bulbs Flicker And A Plant In The Corner Start Speaking In French

Zayan Sang A Lullaby Desperately Off Key And When That Didn't Work He Read Aloud From A Pizza Menu Until The Baby's Eyes Drooped And He Fell Asleep Floating Three Inches Above The Crib

The System Buzzed

Nap Mode Engaged Ten Bonus Points Awarded For Creativity And Not Getting Cursed

Zayan Collapsed On The Couch And Closed His Eyes Only To Wake Up Twenty Minutes Later With A Small Chair Hovering Over His Head Ready To Strike

Zekiel Was Awake And Angry

He Had A Dirty Diaper

Zayan Braced Himself For Impact As He Approached With Gloves Tongs And A Look Of Determination Only To Realize The Diaper Was Not Just Full It Was Radiating Heat Like A Miniature Reactor

He Changed It In Record Time Threw It Into A Sealed Container And Prayed It Didn't Explode Later

Then Came The Drawing Hour

Zekiel Was Given Crayons And A Sketchpad Within Minutes He Had Drawn Symbols That Made The Room Hum And A Portal Opened Briefly In The Ceiling Through Which A Flaming Duck Emerged And Quacked Philosophically

Zayan Took The Crayons Away Gently And Gave Him A Puzzle Instead

The Puzzle Solved Itself Then Exploded Into Glitter

By The Final Hour Zayan Was Sweating From His Eyelids And Ready To Retire From Life

But Then Something Changed

Zekiel Climbed Onto His Lap And Reached Out With His Little Flaming Fingers And Touched Zayan's Nose Without Burning It

He Giggled And Said A Word That Was Almost Zayan

The System Paused

Emotional Bond Detected

Zayan Smiled For Real For The First Time All Day

You're Not So Bad When You're Not Possessed By The Spirit Of A Fire Demon You Know That

Zekiel Burped And A Rainbow Shot From His Mouth And Hit The Wall Forming The Word Thanks

His Mother Floated Back In At Exactly Six PM Eyes Glowing She Looked At Her Son Then At Zayan

He Survived She Said Impressive Most Nannies Don't Make It Past Snack Time

Zayan Handed Over The Baby Gently And Nodded With The Calm Of A Man Who Had Walked Through Fire And Come Out Slightly Toasted But Stronger

The Woman Smiled And Said Perhaps You Are Worthy After All Mango King

She Disappeared With Her Son Into A Burst Of Light And The Room Fell Silent

The System Chimed

Mission Complete Host Rewards Include One Level Up In Patience A Fire Resistant Badge And A Voucher For Therapy

Zayan Walked Out Of The Daycare Slowly Limping Slightly His Clothes Burned His Eyes Bloodshot His Hair Standing In All Directions

But He Was Smiling

Because For Once Chaos Had Actually Been Kind Of Wholesome

Then The System Spoke Again

Tomorrow Host You Must Enter A Competitive Cooking Show With A Sabotage Twist And A Time Bomb

Zayan Groaned And Looked At The Sky

Why Is My Life A Reality Show With Budget Explosions

Because Laughed The System

You Are The Star

Zayan Woke Up In A Cold Sweat With The Words Cooking Show And Sabotage Echoing Through His Brain Like A Nightmare Drenched In Spaghetti Sauce

The System Buzzed With The Excitement Of A Kindergarten Teacher Holding A Chainsaw

Good Morning Host Today's Mission Requires Culinary Brilliance Devious Strategy And Fireproof Socks You Have Been Entered Into A Competitive Cooking Show Called Chop Till You Drop Twist Sabotage Is Allowed Encouraged And Rewarded Begin Preparation Immediately

Zayan Rolled Out Of Bed Hit The Floor With A Groan And Tried To Remember If He Even Owned Cooking Oil That Wasn't Expired

He Dragged Himself Into The Kitchen Looked At His Cabinet Of Mismatched Pans And Found One That Still Had Burn Marks From His Attempt At Making Instant Noodles

He Packed A Bag With Random Ingredients A Spatula That Looked Bent A Pair Of Tongs That Bit Back And A Pair Of Goggles He Hadn't Used Since High School Chemistry

He Arrived At The Studio And Immediately Regretted Every Decision That Led To This Point

The Place Was Chaos On A Plate Chefs Were Doing Warm Ups Like Athletes Throwing Spoons Like Ninja Stars And Chanting Their Secret Recipes Into Bowls Of Uncooked Rice

The Host Was A Man With A Mustache So Sharp It Could Cut Through Steak And A Voice That Sounded Like Thunder In A Cooking Pot

Welcome To Chop Till You Drop Where Culinary Dreams Are Made And Burned Today's Special Theme Mystery Boxes Sabotage Cards And A Live Audience That Votes With Their Taste Buds

Zayan Was Assigned A Station Between A Woman With Tattooed Eyebrows Who Introduced Herself As Knife Queen And A Man In A Full Suit Of Armor Who Only Went By The Name The Sauce Paladin

Each Contestant Received A Mystery Box Zayan Opened His And Found A Pineapple A Bag Of Marshmallows One Sock And A Live Goldfish That Immediately Tried To Escape

What Am I Supposed To Make With This He Whispered

The System Replied With Confusing Enthusiasm

Your Mission Is To Impress The Judges With A Dish Called Tropical Memory Surprise Creativity Counts Explosions Count More

The Timer Began And Everyone Sprang Into Action Like This Was The Hunger Games With Whisks

Zayan Tried To Be Serious He Chopped The Pineapple Using A Spoon Because His Knife Bent On Contact Then Tried To Sear Marshmallows In A Pan That Caught Fire Within Seconds

Meanwhile Knife Queen Used Her Sabotage Card To Replace His Salt With Sand Which He Didn't Notice Until The Dish Sparkled Like A Beach

The Sauce Paladin Stole His Cutting Board And Whispered Blessings Over A Pot Of Soup That Smelled Like It Had Witnessed War

Zayan Poured The Pineapple Juice Into A Blender Tossed In The Marshmallows And A Dash Of Courage Then Realized He Had No Protein

He Looked Around Then Back At The Goldfish Who Was Now Glaring At Him From Inside A Measuring Cup

I'm Sorry He Whispered But Survival Demands Sacrifice

He Didn't Cook The Goldfish But He Put Its Name On The Dish For Emotional Impact

He Plated The Final Dish A Bowl Of Something That Looked Like A Smoothie Had Fought A Marshmallow Army And Lost Badly He Topped It With Pineapple Slices And A Handwritten Sign That Said Forgive Me Gerald The Goldfish

The Judges Arrived

The First Judge Took A Bite Coughed Once And Began Laughing Uncontrollably Declaring The Dish So Bold It Was Either Genius Or A Cry For Help

The Second Judge Sniffed It Sneezed And Asked If There Was Sand In It

The Third Judge A Small Child Who Had Won A Contest To Be Here Screamed I Like It Then Threw A Marshmallow At The Ceiling Where It Stuck

Meanwhile The Other Contestants Were Also Presenting Knife Queen Delivered A Dish Called Vengeance Stew That Was Just Spicy Water And Regret While The Sauce Paladin Served Holy Pasta With Sauce So Bright It Required Sunglasses

Zayan Stood There Covered In Pineapple Juice Marshmallow Goo And The Guilt Of Almost Using Gerald As Protein When The Host Announced The Results

And The Winner Of Round One Is Mango King For Boldness Bravery And Nearly Blinding The Judges With Flavor And Confusion

The Audience Cheered A Group Of Teenagers Shouted Mango Mango Mango While Someone In The Back Held Up A Poster Of His Dance Performance From Episode Seven

Round Two Began Immediately

This Time The Challenge Was Speed

Make A Gourmet Dessert Using Only A Toaster An Umbrella And A Mystery Ingredient That Turned Out To Be Pickles

Zayan Cried Quietly Then Got To Work

He Created Something Called Pickle Toast Tower Layering Bread And Slices With Cream Cheese And Regret Then Torched The Top With A Hairdryer Borrowed From The Host

Knife Queen Tried To Set His Toaster On Fire But It Backfired Literally Her Apron Caught Flame And She Had To Put It Out Using A Bowl Of Whipped Cream

The Sauce Paladin Attempted To Summon The Spirit Of Flavor By Chanting In Italian Over A Gelato Machine That Exploded Mid Spin

When The Judges Tasted Zayan's Toast Tower They Blinked In Silence Then Declared It A Dessert That Reminded Them Of Childhood Trauma But In A Good Way

He Advanced To The Final Round

This Time The Challenge Was A Team Match Each Contestant Paired With A Sabotage AI That Would Randomly Interrupt Their Cooking With Useless Advice And Mild Violence

Zayan Was Paired With An AI Named Gordon Vibe Who Shouted Encouragement Like A Drill Sergeant With A Poetry Degree

Chop Faster Soldier Love That Onion Like You Love Your Dreams Make That Sauce Sing Like A Sad Bird In Winter

He Tried To Stay Focused But The AI Spilled Flour On His Face Screamed Emotional Growth And Tried To Use Butter As Shampoo

The Final Dish Was A Chaos Platter A Compilation Of Every Emotion Zayan Had Felt That Week Arranged In The Shape Of A Flaming Question Mark

He Plated It With A Smile That Looked Like A Man Who Had Been To Culinary War And Returned With Slightly Improved Knife Skills

The Judges Stared At The Dish One Of Them Cried Another Clapped Slowly The Child Judge Just Took A Selfie With It

Then The Host Raised His Hand

And The Winner Of Chop Till You Drop Is Zayan Our Mango King Who Somehow Turned Pickles Sand And Burned Marshmallows Into National Pride

Zayan Collapsed On Stage Covered In Sauce Garnished With Confusion And Holding A Trophy That Looked Like A Giant Fork

The System Buzzed

Mission Complete Host Rewards Include A Five Star Rating From At Least One Judge A Trophy With Your Face On It And A Free Cooking Class Taught By A Possessed Blender

Zayan Smiled Weakly And Whispered

Please Let Tomorrow Be Normal

The System Replied

Impossible

Tomorrow You Enter A Secret Talent Show In An Underground Casino Judged By Talking Animals

Zayan Screamed Internally Then Externally Then Took A Bite Of His Own Dish

And Realized He Might Actually Be Getting Better At This