Different, my ass

After Dae-jin left, Jae-hyun and his mother were left alone in the huge apartment. The boy stood with a nervous expression as his mother walked closer. Her high heels clicked loudly on the hard floor. 

- Was this really necessary now? - Jae-hyun asked through clenched teeth.

His mother let out a disappointed sigh as she brushed her hand over her furrowed brows. 

- What were you even thinking? Do you even know what you're doing? It's always the same situation…you just confuse them. 

- This time it's different, really. - Jae-hyun quickly shook his head, his voice was filled with frustration. 

His mother sighed again, crossing her arms as she studied him. 

- Is it? - she asked, her voice was kind of skeptical. - How exactly is it different from all the times before? 

Jae-hyun pressed his lips together, not quite sure how to respond to that. Deep down, he knew there had indeed been many similar situations when his mother had caught him with someone in different parts of the house.

- You know what really bothers me? - she asked, her voice was calm now. - You look at everyone as if they matter, but the next day you don't even remember their names. 

- That's not entirely true. 

- What about the last time I mentioned?

Jae-hyun avoided her gaze, but the memory of leaning on the table, his hands around someone's waist, kissing passionately played clearly in his mind. Now that he thought about it, he honestly had no idea what that guy's name was. 

Then he remembered that the same scene had played out in his mind just before Dae-jin's left. "Damn it", he thought, knowing Dae-jin had seen that image clearly. 

...…..

Dae-jin walked quickly down the cool, dark street. The night air brushed against his face, leaving faint red marks on it. His heart was still pounding wildly, but this time it wasn't from excitement – it all felt too familiar to him. He felt stupid and disappointed for thinking maybe this time it would be different. That someone wouldn't just want to use him, but actually wanted to know him. 

A few blocks away, he stopped for a moment, then began cursing under his breath. 

" Ahh…how can I be this pathetic, for god's sake…" 

For a moment, the image Jae-hyun had unintentionally replayed flashed through his mind again. The table. That smile Dae-jin never seen on him before – completely different: superficial, greedy, empty. 

It was like being under water, unable to breathe but struggling hard to reach the surface. His stomach twisted and he didn't quite understand why. They barely know each other, yet this almost-stranger had already affected him so much. 

" I thought I was better than this…" he whispered to himself. They really should have skipped that whole part. 

He didn't want to know, but now he knew all too well what kind of person Jae-hyun really was. His hand clenched into a fist. He tried to keep his cool – he shouldn't let such meaningless things shake him this much. His life wasn't easy already ; he didn't need any more drama. It was hard enough as it was. 

So he decided to do exactly what he'd done until now: study hard, work hard, and get somewhere in life. He didn't want to get involved in fleeting affairs. Even though a weak, disgusting part of him still craved that damn kiss. 

When Dae-jin reached his apartment, the tension in his shoulders hadn't lessened one bit. The hallway light flickered as he unlocked the door. He stepped inside and for a while he just stood there without turning the lights on. He felt comfortable being alone again. Then he tossed his keys onto the small table near the entrance and dropped his bag next to the couch. 

Dae-jin's apartment was small but tidy. It was a reflection for him how hard he worked to keep this part of his life stable at least. 

He thought maybe a hot shower or a cup of tea would feel amazing right now. But first, he walked over to the fridge to heat up the food he had quickly thrown together the day before. Then he took out a mug and set the water to boil. 

Once everything was ready, he sat down at the small table in the kitchen. He placed the bowl in front of him, poured the tea, and took out his phone. 

For a while, he just scrolled – news, short videos, nothing interesting. What mattered was keeping his mind off things, anything to stay distracted. The room was quiet, except for the occasional clink of the spoon in his tea. His eyes stared at the screen, but his mind wasn't really there. 

And then a little box popped up on his phone. It was one simple message from Jae-hyun. 

"I'm sorry you saw that."

Dae-jin looked at the message for a long time. Then, without replying, he simply locked the phone and set it face-down on the table with a loud thud.