Episode 38

It felt surreal this time.

I sat at the dining table with papers spread out in front of me.

Guest list.

Venue options.

Sample color swatches.

I tapped the pen against my lip and exhaled slowly.

Not a single lawyer's contract among them.

Not a fake date on paper to keep the press at bay.

Not a single threat of "or else."

This was real.

Our wedding.

Our choice.

"Mommy," Sebi sang from his spot on the couch, legs swinging. "Can i pick the flowers?"

I glanced over at him.

He was playing some cartoon on Raphael's iPad, but his head was tipped toward me in that curious way he had.

I smiled.

"Of course you can pick the flowers."

He let out a cheer and nearly kicked over his juice box.

"Careful," Raphael warned.

He was leaning against the kitchen counter, arms folded, watching the two of us with this quiet, exasperated affection I was still getting used to.

Sebi made a face.

"Daddy's bossy," he whispered conspiratorially to me.

Raphael lifted an eyebrow.

"I heard that."

Sebi just cackled.

I sighed, letting the pen drop to the table.

I felt my cheeks hurting again, the same way they had the other night.

Because i couldn't stop smiling.

Because i didn't want to.

"Okay," I said, drawing a breath. "Guest list."

Raphael pushed off the counter and ambled over.

He glanced at the list, then at me.

"You're inviting all the Lueur board, huh?"

I rolled my eyes.

"Politics."

He snorted.

"Classy."

"You're inviting your entire department."

He smirked.

"Family."

I groaned.

"We're going to need a bigger venue."

-

We spent the next hour bickering gently over names, crossing people out and adding them back in.

Sebi kept piping up with unhelpful suggestions.

"Can we invite my teacher in China?"

"Sweetheart, she's on the other side of the world."

"But she loves weddings!"

We argued about colors.

I liked pale blues.

Raphael liked deep greens.

Sebi wanted red.

"Like a dragon!" he insisted.

"Maybe at the reception," Raphael offered, humoring him.

Sebi beamed.

"Dragons are lucky!"

I tried to be stern, but ended up laughing.

"Fine. Dragon centerpieces."

We argued about the food.

Raphael wanted it "simple."

I wanted "elegant."

Sebi wanted "spaghetti and chicken nuggets."

"Absolutely not," Raphael said firmly.

"But Daddy—"

"No."

Sebi pouted at me.

I shrugged.

"Don't look at me. I'm vetoing the nuggets, too."

Sebi slumped dramatically onto the couch.

"This is the worst wedding ever."

-

We went to a cake tasting.

That was a disaster.

Sebi got frosting in his hair.

Raphael got roped into feeding me samples while the baker giggled at us like we were the corniest couple on earth.

We left sticky, flustered, and a little bit tipsy on sugar.

And laughing the whole time.

Some nights, after Sebi went to bed, it was quiet.

We'd sit on the couch, lists forgotten.

I'd lean my head on Raphael's shoulder, and he'd have his arm around me, fingers tracing idle patterns on my arm.

"You sure you want to do this?" he murmured once.

I turned my face into his neck.

"What kind of question is that?"

He let out a rough exhale.

"The real kind."

I went silent for a moment.

Because i understood.

We'd been here once before.

We'd worn rings.

Signed papers.

Played pretend.

And then torn ourselves apart.

But this time was different.

Because i wanted him.

Not to save face.

Not to hide.

Just because i loved him.

Because he was Sebi's father.

Because he was mine.

I tightened my arm around him.

"Yes," I whispered fiercely.

He shuddered a little.

"Okay."

Other times, we stayed up way too late arguing about money.

"You're not paying for everything," I snapped one night.

"It's my wedding too."

"You don't get to just—"

"Claudia."

I paused.

His voice was low.

Gentle.

Pleading.

"Let me do this. For us."

I let out a sigh and nodded.

He kissed my temple.

And we let it go.

-

We brought Sebi to fittings.

He was an absolute menace.

He didn't want to stand still.

He asked the seamstress why he needed a suit.

"It's itchy!" he whined.

Raphael bribed him with candy to behave.

He still ran off halfway through and nearly knocked over a mannequin.

I chased after him, breathless, laughing even as I scolded.

Raphael just watched us both, arms folded, shaking his head like he couldn't believe this was his life now.

We did our prenup meetings.

This time, no panic.

No threats.

Just calm, rational planning.

Sebi sat in the corner of the lawyer's office, drawing dragons.

Every so often he'd look up and say, "Is it done yet?"

I sat with my parents on video calls late into the night.

They wanted to come in.

They wanted to see Sebi.

My mom cried when i told her it was real this time, that we get back together.

"He loves you, mija," she said through sniffles.

"I know."

I did.

I really did.

-

One afternoon, I found Raphael in Sebi's room.

He was fixing a little suit jacket, cursing under his breath.

I leaned on the doorframe, arms folded.

"You know he's going to ruin that within five minutes."

He didn't look up.

"I know."

"You're doing it anyway."

He finally glanced at me, his mouth twitching.

"Yeah."

My chest squeezed.

I stepped in and wrapped my arms around his waist from behind.

He went still, then relaxed.

His hands covered mine.

"Thank you," I murmured into his back.

"For what?"

"For doing this. For trying."

He sighed.

"I never stopped wanting this."

-

One night, Sebi crawled into our bed.

Nightmare.

He was shivering, clinging to my side.

Raphael was groggy but instantly awake, pulling him onto his lap.

"It's okay," he murmured. "We're here."

Sebi buried his face in Raphael's chest.

I watched them through wet eyes.

Raphael met my gaze over Sebi's head.

He reached for me blindly, found my hand, held it tight.

We stayed like that until Sebi fell asleep, snoring between us.

-

We planned the vows.

Raphael didn't want to write his.

"I'm not good with words," he grumbled.

I lifted an eyebrow.

"Oh?"

He scowled at me.

I poked his chest.

"You're a doctor. You explain complicated things to people all day."

He rolled his eyes.

"That's different."

I smiled, leaning up to kiss him.

"Tell me what you want to say to me."

He was silent.

Then he let out a harsh breath.

"I want to say i'm sorry."

I froze.

"For What?" I asked, voice cracking.

He shook his head.

"For not fighting harder when you did."

My eyes burned.

I pressed my forehead to his.

"Don't say sorry. I was the one eho needs to say sorry, because i left without even telling you."

His hand curved around my jaw.

-

We picked a date.

We picked the church.

We chose flowers Sebi liked.

We practiced dancing in the living room, Sebi howling with laughter every time Raphael tripped.

We kissed in the kitchen.

We argued.

We forgave.

This time, it wasn't just about duty.

It wasn't for show.

It wasn't for anyone else.

It was us.

Our mess.

Our love.

Our family.

For real.

Forever.

And every night, when i lay beside Raphael, with Sebi asleep down the hall, I let myself believe it.

That we were really going to make it.

That this time, the "I do" would mean everything.