Putting the 'Harm' in Harmony

The cabbage merchant's yelling is now stuck in my head... I'm just glad we burned his stupid cabbages, serves him right for being so annoying and loud. I wish I could Lesser Restoration a headache, but as I figured from trying to cure hunger, I can't cure the natural conditions. And being an office worker, headache is natural for me. Alaric was also feeling down. Even though he had improved a lot, he couldn't do a thing against that monster. He was raised as a "chosen hero" for over 20 years – I think he is over 20 years old – I can imagine his expectations of this journey ruining and backfiring on his mental state. Moreover, his cool-looking sword got broken. Well, not much I can do. Even if I, let's say, use Calm, it will only be temporary thing. He needs a therapist, not a healer.

Fortunately, after a few more hours of walking, before the sunset, we reached it... Or, at least, I assumed it was where we were going to. Huge stone walls, big gates... of course, it isn't as grandiose as it was in the capital, but I can see it being a big city. I also see... a huge line of people in front of the gates? It seems like it is a queue for entering? After all, the guards have each visitor sign some form. But for a queue it's hilariously long! I am talking a few... hundreds of people long! And considering how fast that queue moves... I doubt we could get in in the next 10 years or so.

"So, what shall we do?", I ask, looking at Boldwyn.

"Oh, it's very simple", he grinned, "We are the privileged group."

Alaric sighed, as if he knew what's about to happen. Although, perhaps, he did... although I am scared to think it's not the first time Boldwyn did it.

"The Chosen Hero, destined to slay the Demonlord, is passing this City! Please, allows him to travel here to fulfil his fate!", yelled Boldwyn, making all of the city's visitors look at us. 

And it works! Suddenly, that line scattered, making the passage for us.

"Works every time", said Baldie.

Alaric muttered "sorry", as we made our way towards the city gate. I don't think I've seen such a strict regulations to enter just a city even on Earth – one of guardsmen was holding a scroll so long it was falling to the ground.

"Ah, sir Alaric. We were warned of your transit through the fair city of Othburten!", said one of them and bowed.

"Thanks. We would like to pass here, as I have finally set on a journey of executing my destiny", replied Alaric.

"Of course, just, please, pen the form 27-03-B... each of you, that is." 

And then he gives us 4 scrolls, 1 for each of us. I unroll it and... holy hell, it is like at least 2 meters long! "Declaration of Intent for Non-Residents" is written on top of it, and it's a list of countless points that we have to agree with to enter. Some of these clauses are outright absurd! "By entering Othburten, you agree to surrender your firstborn if you fail to return a borrowed quill within 3 (three) days", "By entering Othburten, you agree to say 'by The Price!' each time you see an unreasonable contract; transgressors will be subjected to mandatory paperwork (saying that after reading this document will have you subjected to immediate execution)", "While residing in Othburten, you agree to wear your clothes when you are outside of your apartment; transgressors will be subjected to mandatory lectures on morale (and then – paperwork)", "By entering Othburten, you agree to surrender your fingertips if you do not think that bureaucracy is the greatest gift Gods gave to humanity"... hell, this city is obsessed with contracts, paperwork and bureaucracy!

But the last clause was just infuriating! "While residing in Othburten, you are not allowed to complain about anything within city boarders. Transgressors will be subjected to a long, tedious and boring lecture that will make them fall asleep." It basically says "Kyle is not allowed here"! 

I then turn to see what is my party doing... let's see... Elaina and Alaric pen it down without even reading, Boldwyn is faking his name and signature... I like his idea. I pen it down as "Emperor Rahanor Bernado IV". Yeah, that will show them. With a proud smile on my face, I give them the form back. The guardsmen didn't even read what I wrote. Serves you right, guys. 

With that being dealt with, we finally enter the city. On the other side of the gate, I see a city may as well be ripped from a DM's D&D location starter pack. Two-floor stone buildings with wooden roofs plague the town, as narrow cobblestone streets try to accommodate a beggar next to a merchant. On most houses near the city gate I can see banners that flap like pages of an overzealous tax ledger. 

The air smells of roasted meat, cheap perfume, and, most of all, the omnipresent fragrance of fresh ink – probably from never-ending paperwork. I can see people running here and there with towers of papers in their hands, some even penning things down right on the pavement. I am not sure if I love this place, as a former office worker missing the good old days of paperwork, or hate it... also a former office worker. I bet this place would be a paradise for lawyers.

"What the hell was the form 27-whatever's deal?", I ask.

"Hah! Welcome to Othburten!", says Boldwyn, slapping me on the back.

"You see, Kai, this city is known for its bureaucracy and Lord of Chains worship", explained Elaina, shrugging, as if I should've known it in advance.

"Huh? Lord of Chains?...", and then I instantly continued, "Actually, don't answer, it's probably another fictional character you guys believe in. I have a better question. I thought Lumina is a theocracy-type kingdom, so why is there a whole city where people worship some god that isn't Mother?"

"The church of Mother of Origin allows to worship The Price, as His contract-keeping is said to be same in nature as Mother's order", Witch-Hat closed her eyes.

"The Price?"

"Another name for Lord of Chains. All gods have multiple names. He is also known as The Loyalty and Overseer of Punishments", Alaric said.

"Uhuh... and, honestly, now I wonder. Do you three believe in Mother?"

"Yeah."

"Yes."

"We do."

"You guys just don't seem like these fanatics who worship her. Not like her followers."

"We aren't."

"That's because are not."

"We are not Mother's followers."

Ok, now I'm confused. 

"But you believe in her!"

"Of course we do," explained Elaina, "it is stupid to deny her existence, same as with other gods. The divine intervention isn't something unheard of in this world. In fact, I am sure you will get to experience the presence of a deity eventually, too."

I'd rather not.

"That being said, we do not worship Mother. Me and Elaina are neutral, and Boldwyn worships Shattered Storm...", said Alaric, "Well, was worshiping Them."

"Was?", I ask again."

"Shattered Storm died. In fact, Their death was the reason that prompted us to hasten the church with the summoning", Boldwyn sighed.

"A god... died? Are they mortal?... actually, don't bother. It doesn't matter that much."

This makes my head spin. I got yet another exposition dump falling on me in dialogues! At this point I'd rather find things up by looking and noticing something... oh well.

"So, what now?", I ask.

"Well, we sleep a night here, and then move on. Honestly, it would be the best if we spend as little time in Othburten as possible."

"Huh? And why's that, mister Hero?"

"Oh, the very moment we get to an inn, you will understand why, trust me!"

Boldwyn laughed. I don't like the sound of it. What I don't like even more is that some guy bumped into me, as the huge stack of papers was blocking his sight. 

"Ouch!"

We both fell down, and countless documents were scattered on the ground. I was getting back on my feet, as Elaina and Alaric started to gather the documents... why would they? It's clearly the fault of this... oh my god, what is this man?! He had a silk, or maybe velvet purple... thing on the upper side of his body, not sure how to call it, I'm not historian. But it looked like an armor, but made of silk! It reminded me of these people who wear T-Shirts with image of muscles on them. And below that, he wore a simple, almost worker-class like trousers made of crude leather. I am not the one to criticize the appearance, but... it just looks strange, I am not even sure if he's a noble, a low-class citizen, or just an idiot?

Suddenly, the man jumps to feet and points a finger at me.

"You! The man in white robes!"

"That would be me. What is that?"

"I challenge you to a duel!"

Uh-huh. 

"Sorry, I am not interested. I just had a day where we were walking from sunrise to sunset. I can barely stand."

"My honor and law pride will not be restored until I make your heart stop in a fair duel!", he insisted.

Why do I always get the... special ones? 

"Look, I really don't care about your honor, pride, or whatever. I am not obligated to duel you, so-"

"Oh, are you?!", he interrupts me, pulling another paper from his peculiar clothes, "By the laws of Othburten, by bumping into me you already agreed to the duel!"

I, Boldwyn, Alaric and Elaina say "By The Price!" in unison. Jeez, is it really worth fighting to the death for?...

"What is even considered a 'duel'?", I ask.

"A duel is a fight where two combatants must duel until one is either unable to fight, surrenders, or dies!"

"Well, yeah, but I am unable to fight to begin with. I am the Harmony Adept. So not only I do not have damaging spells, but also I can't wield weapons because of that stupid prophecy."

When I mention being the Harmony Adept, the crowd, that already gathered around us, started whispering. That gave me an idea.

"Speaking of. Are you sure you want to duel with the 'Hero Summoned From Another World'? I do not think it's good for your public image, I will get real."

"No matter! By the law, we must duel! You are courting death!"

My brother, you are not a novel antagonist. A one-of episodic NPC, a minor inconvenience. At best. 

"And what about it being a 'fair' duel? I can't exactly harm you without jumping through hoops."

"You can still punch me, can't you?!"

Really now? I mean, he also doesn't have any weapon, so, I guess, we are on equal terms. Besides, I want to test something.

"Alright... so, if I kill you in that duel, I am clean, right?"

"As if you can!"

Oh, that is exactly what I am about to find out, my nameless friend.

"Sure then. Let's get this over with."

The circle of people around us widens, giving us more place to fight.

"I, Por-"

He probably was going to monologue for eternity, so... I decided to intercept it. 

"Hold person."

He stopped moving. He couldn't even move a muscle, so no more of his stupid monologue. Now, I was wondering. From a physical point of view, it shall make sense, right? Time to find out. Worst case scenario, he kills me, so...

"Spare the Dying."

Alright, now, for some time, I will be unable to die. Time to do what can only be considered a war crime.

"Haste. Haste. Haste. Haste. Haste. Haste. Haste. Haste. Haste..."

The orange glow stacked with itself so many times, I could barely see his body. Yes, I stacked Haste not on me, but on him exactly 20 times. Which means, I increased his speed by 2 to the power of 20, or by 1048576 times. That should be way more than enough. I release Hold Person, and he, tired and angered of being held in one place, dashes to me. Well, he tries.

In an instant, his body ignited, immolating to ashes. I am not exactly sure at what speed he was trying to run, but even if he is not stronger than a normal human back on Earth – which I doubt, considering even Boldwyn can move faster than I can see – he would run at me at about 5 million meters per second. At such a speed, a human body would burn from air friction. Recently I already learnt that spells I use do not give me protection from natural damage they may cause, such as Boldwyn having an ignition aura from just 2 stacks of Haste, or me almost suffocating from flying above the clouds, so it was a matter of experimentation. People around me were shocked, and were yelling things like "divine intervention!" and "it's a miracle!"... "miracle", they claim. Science, I say!

Although, I do not think the young man deserved this, besides... despite what I've been through, I do not want to directly cause anyone's death, if that someone wasn't going to murder me just for the sake of it. I get what this man did, it was the law and all. However, I can't exactly "Cure Wounds" of a pile of ashes. But this one shall work.

"Revivify."

The burning pile of ashes started to reform, transforming back into his body. After a second, after he was back to life, he was looking in my in horror. Then, he was in even more horror after looking at himself. After all, I did revive his body, but... I can't "heal" his clothes, so he stood there completely naked. In the middle of the city square. Surrounded by a crowd. Screaming "I surrender!", he ran off, hiding his... important places with his hands. What a sight! As the crowd began to dissipate, my party ran to me.

"H-how did you do that?!", said Alaric, "Did the Mother help you?"

"Oh, spare me the religion, there was nothing miraculous about it. If you move too fast, you will end up like this guy."

"But... I thought you are a support?", said Elaina.

"Well, yeah, but... it would be stupid not to use everything I have, right?"

As if I can use everything I have... It helped that Hold Person and Haste are low-level spells. 

"But then... what's even the point of us being here?", said Alaric.

Oh no.

He is not wrong. I probably could just teleport to the Demonlord's liar, and kill them in an instant by, for example, opening Gate in them. Moreover, I complain about how Alaric and Elaina are incompetent... while being able to solve everything on my own. I truly became what I hate the most, huh? And what's worse is... I do not want to see Alaric sad because of it.

"Hey. Killing the Demonlord is your fate, not mine. I bet I can't even harm them, as it is your destiny."

That is a lie. I doubt opening a spacetime rift in their body wouldn't harm them, but... I need to lift his spirits a bit.

"Oh, really?! And here I thought you are so 'high' and 'mighty'! You even know how to use a sword better than me!"

"That's because-"

"But... if can just do... that...", he pointed at where the duelist's ashes just were, "you don't even need a sword, do you?!"

"I don't, yet-"

"Don't we just drag you down?!"

"Yes, but-"

"Fine then! Have fun on your enemies-obliterating journey without the annoying, weak and incompetent hero slowing you down! I quit!"

Alaric removed the scabbard from his back, threw it to the ground, and ran away in an unknown direction. Elaina, not without glaring at me with anger, ran with him.

"Now you've really screwed up", Boldwyn said.

"Oh, it's my fault?!"

What was I even supposed to say?! I am not the best one when it comes to calming people down and making them come in peace with their life! I am not a psychiatrist, god damn it! I can make his swordplay better, I can save him from death, but... how am I expected to save him from himself?! If anything, Alaric himself is the only reason for his distress! 

"This idiot... tsk, who cares! He's right! I don't need a hero to get to the Demonlord! I don't even need to kill them, I just need their stupid artifact that can send me home!"

I kicked the scabbard he had dropped... it was so heavy that I barely budged it, succeeding only in smashing my toes. Hurts like crazy. No matter! Nothing a simple "Cure Wounds" can't fix.

"Cure Wounds."

And, would you look at this, my foot is great once again. To hell with him! If he can't help but crash out just from a mere thought of not being only one who can actually fight – that, mind, he never could until I came around! – then who cares what happens to him! 

"You better find these two until they didn't get themselves killed, Boldwyn."

"And you?"

"Alaric is right. I will just continue on my own. No need for the stupid chosen hero to 'drag me down'!"

Boldwyn shook his head, but didn't reply – only disappeared, right in front of my eyes. Well, he is a Rogue, so I didn't pay attention. The big bad evil guy's place is at the east? Fine, to the east I go then! Bye Alaric, bye Elaina, bye Boldwyn! I will not miss you all! 

I continue walking forward, trying to not bump into anyone, so the dumb duel won't take my time. I just want out of this world full of idiots as soon as possible!