The Heavenly Bureaucrat and the 9,999-Year Debt

Kaito woke up to a scroll being slapped against his forehead.

"By order of the Heavenly Tax Division," a voice droned, "you owe 9,999 years of unpaid karmic rent."

He blinked groggily. His system window flickered open like a lazy pop-up.

[System Alert: Your Soul has been flagged by the Heavenly Bureaucracy.][Outstanding Debt: 9,999 Years of Karma Points][Penalty: Compulsory Sect Registration + Spiritual Garnishment + Limited Life Options]

Hovering above him was a floating bureaucrat.

Literally floating. Robes pristine, hair tied in a cosmic topknot, and glowing golden abacus beads circling his wrist. He looked like a tax auditor fused with a celestial monk.

Kaito groaned. "What kind of reincarnation is this? I thought I was supposed to be chosen by a divine phoenix or some immortal granny."

"You were considered," the celestial official said, flipping his scroll, "but your wish was… unique."

He read aloud with complete monotony:

"I wish I could reincarnate into a life where I didn't have to try at all. Preferably with food delivery."

Kaito sat up. "I was half-asleep when I said that!"

"Yes. And yet," the official sniffed, "the Dao takes all wishes very literally."

[You Have Been Assigned to: Broken Heaven Sect (Financially Condemned Division)] [Reason: Low Initiative + Slack Potential + No Marketable Skills]

"Rude," Kaito muttered.

The official waved a hand. "Now sign here. In blood."

A scroll unfurled midair. At the bottom was a blank line marked: Sect Entry Signature – Reincarnated Trash Tier Only

Kaito pricked his finger with the world's tiniest celestial needle. "So what happens if I don't sign?"

The official smiled for the first time. It was terrifying.

"You become a free soul. Which means the Nether Gators get to nibble on you for eternity. They're fond of lazy meat."

Kaito signed.

[You Have Joined the Broken Heaven Sect!] [As a Welcome Bonus, you receive:]

One Moldy Robe (Stained Tier)

One Broken Broom (Misidentified as Spirit Weapon)

One Cultivation Manual: "Sit Down and Shut Up: The Dao of Slack, Vol. 1"

"I see this sect really invests in its new recruits," Kaito muttered, examining the broom. One bristle fell off as he turned it.

The bureaucrat faded into mist, but not before tossing a coin at Kaito's head.

"Don't spend it all in one place. It's cursed."

Bonk.

Kaito trudged across the sect courtyard, which looked like a ruin halfway into becoming a vegetable market. A sagging pavilion. Dueling dummies made of bundled hay and wishful thinking. A sign over the entrance read:

"Welcome to Broken Heaven Sect – We Can't Afford Heaven, So Aim Lower."

He passed a group of senior disciples who were arguing over whether spiritual potatoes could be bartered for talismans.

One guy was meditating upside down in a bucket labeled "Do Not Use – Contains Spirits (the Liquor Kind)."

No one looked above Stage 2 Qi Refining.

"Man, this place is even worse than my old office," Kaito muttered. "At least there, the mold didn't actively insult me."

Suddenly, his system dinged.

[Slack Opportunity Detected.]

Task: Sweep the courtyard.System Advice: Appear to work. Do not work.Reward: +1 Qi, +2 Passive Reputation (Foolish but Harmless)

Kaito picked up the broken broom and began the slowest sweeping motion in the history of physical activity. He made long, dramatic circles around already clean spots. A leaf blew past him. He missed it.

Two junior disciples stared.

"He's… cultivating sweeping?" one whispered.

"No, it's a broom technique. Very advanced. Probably Spirit-Broom stage."

"Should we… copy him?"

They dropped to their knees and began sweeping like slow-motion sloths high on enlightenment.

[You Have Inspired Three Useless Disciples.]

+1 Dao ResonanceNew Title Unlocked: Sect Moron (Unintentionally Respected)

Kaito stared at the notification. "What the hell is happening?"

"KAITO!"

A shrill voice cracked through the courtyard like thunder.

A short girl with a war fan stomped toward him, eyes blazing. She wore the torn remains of a once-glorious robe, her forehead vein bulging. Her name was Zhen Meixiang, and she looked like she had personally fought off seven tax demons and still lost her funding.

"Kaito! You missed Spirit Gardening duty! Again!"

Kaito bowed with a lazy smile. "Sister Meixiang, I was aligning my inner wind with the outer dust."

"You were pretending to sweep!"

"It's called passive cultivation. It's trending."

Meixiang's eye twitched. "You're the only disciple who sleeps more after joining a cultivation sect."

"That's because I cultivate my soul while unconscious."

"Do you even know what your cultivation rank is?"

He opened his system.

[Current Rank: Mortal Sloth – Stage 3][Next Stage: Feign Death During Combat (Must be Believable)]

Kaito beamed. "Almost broke through just now while napping near that chicken coop."

"That was chicken poop, not enlightenment!" Meixiang yelled.

A second later, a rooster flew by with its feathers glowing. A disciple chased after it shouting, "It's reached Qi Condensation! Catch it before it ascends!"

Kaito pointed. "See? Even the chickens here believe."

Suddenly, a loud gong sounded from the inner sect.

A booming voice echoed:

"Attention, outer disciples! The Sect Master will now assign this month's quests. All unpaid debts will be tallied. Those who cannot contribute… may be sacrificed to the Abyssal Pit. Have a lovely day."

Meixiang paled. "We're still in debt from last month! What are we going to do?!"

Kaito tilted his head.

"Relax. I have a plan."

"…Does it involve you doing absolutely nothing again?"

"Yes. But this time, I'll do it in public."