Hook: When Old Rivals Come Bearing Tea Leaves and Thunder
The sky darkened.
The wind howled.
A storm rolled in over the mountains.
Mu Lian stepped outside, hand on her blade. "Something's coming."
Fang Mei looked up from her knitting. "Is it another celestial assassin?"
"No," I said, stirring my tea. "This aura smells like… pretentiousness."
A flash of light cracked across the sky. A figure descended slowly, riding a floating jade throne pulled by spirit cranes.
His hair shimmered like moonlight. His robes sparkled with embroidered golden clouds. His eyebrow game? Immaculate.
He landed with a swirl of dramatic flair.
"I have come," he declared, "to duel the one who shamed the Eternal Sky Sect."
I took another sip.
"…Do I know you?"
The Face Behind the Ego
"I am Elder Ji Mo!" he proclaimed, striking a pose. "Former prodigy, tenth-stage sword saint, cultivator of the Eighteen Severing Winds Technique."
He flicked a strand of hair dramatically.
"More importantly, I am the former master of the man you defeated with soup."
Fang Mei raised a hand. "Technically he wasn't defeated, he just… moved in."
Elder Ji Mo's nostrils flared.
"I will not allow your… broken shack of a sect to trample our dignity!"
Mu Lian muttered, "It's a compound, not a shack."
"And we didn't trample anything," I added. "We just provided dumplings."
The Duel Demand
"I challenge you, Sect Master Kaito," Ji Mo shouted, "to a formal sect duel. Winner takes the other sect's dignity."
I tilted my head. "Is that a currency now?"
He raised his sword. "Stop dodging with humor!"
"I'm not dodging. I'm deflecting with charisma."
Fang Mei stepped forward, bowing politely. "Would you like some tea before your challenge?"
"…Why are you all like this?"
"Like what?"
"So… unbothered!"
"Because," I said, "you can't shake a foundation that doesn't take itself too seriously."
Negotiating the Duel Rules Over Biscuits
Five minutes later, we were all seated around the tea table.
Ji Mo glared at me as I poured him a cup.
"This is the most confusing duel preparation I've ever seen."
"It's part of our strategy," I said.
"Disarm the opponent with pleasantries," Mu Lian added.
"Then offer emotional support until they start questioning their career," Fang Mei finished.
Ji Mo's eye twitched. "You are not a real sect."
"Yet here we are," I said, raising my teacup, "confusing the heavens one cup at a time."
System Notification
New Event Triggered: Formal Sect Duel – Pending ParametersOpponent: Ji Mo, Elder of the Eternal Sky SectVictory Condition: TBD – Awaiting Mutual AgreementReward: +1 Sect Prestige, +1 Ego Deflation (Opponent)Optional Side Quest: Convert Elder via Emotional Intelligence
Choosing the Method of Battle
Ji Mo crossed his arms. "We shall duel by blades."
"Nope," I said.
"Then by spellcraft?"
"Nope."
"Pill refinement?"
"I once brewed tea that put a demon to sleep. Does that count?"
He grit his teeth. "Fine. Then what do you propose?"
I smiled.
"Words."
"…Words?"
"Let's have a debate."
Mu Lian nearly dropped her tea. "What?"
"Topic: What does it truly mean to 'win' in cultivation?"
Elder Ji Mo blinked. "That's not a duel!"
"Sure it is," I said. "Intellectual, spiritual, polite. Much less stabbing."
Three Days of Philosophical Combat
And so, the duel began.
Day 1: Definitions.
Ji Mo argued that strength was measured by dominance and fear.
I countered that strength was measured by stability and community.
He quoted ancient texts.
I quoted Fang Mei's stew recipe.
Day 2: Morality.
He said power required sacrifice.
I said power used wisely required compassion.
He drew diagrams of sword trajectories.
I drew a nap schedule.
Day 3: Identity.
He shouted about legacy.
I spoke about personal peace.
By the end of the third day, Ji Mo was red-eyed and exhausted.
"I… I don't know what's happening anymore."
"You're evolving," I said gently, refilling his cup.
System Update: Duel Concluded
Formal Sect Duel Result: Emotional TKOOpponent Status: Spiritually Wobbly, Existentially ChallengedSect Reputation +15 (Unorthodox but Effective)Ji Mo – Affinity Shifted: "Confused Frenemy"
A Change in the Wind
Ji Mo stood under the setting sun, arms crossed.
"…You didn't defeat me."
"Of course not," I said. "You defeated yourself. With help."
He hesitated.
"…I will report that this was a draw. But I will also send word to the higher elders."
"Send them snacks."
He looked around our peaceful courtyard—Fang Mei harvesting herbs, Mu Lian cleaning blades while humming, our assassin sweeping in the background.
"…Your sect is strange."
"Maybe," I said, smiling, "but it's ours."
Final Message From the Eternal Sky Sect
A few days later, a spirit pigeon arrived with a letter:
"Elder Ji Mo has requested a sabbatical to 'reconsider his understanding of the Dao.'""We blame you." – Eternal Sky Sect Administration