Look at Me

Without batting an eyelash, Lizzie asked Aaron nonchalantly, "Where's your wife?"

Aaron raised his eyebrows and answered her smugly, "Never had a wife."

Strangely, those four words silenced us.

The three girls looked at each other. As I have kept to myself the whole time, they also threw a glance at my direction. They must have been wondering what was going on in my mind.

Honestly, I don't know how to react to that statement. Should I be happy or should I wonder if he was a real man? Forty years and never had a wife. What has he been doing all his life? Was he focused only on his military career? Or was he also doing something else on the side that prevented him from marrying?

Why? What? How?

"Oh!" Molly broke the silence. Once she opens her mouth, expect the unexpected words spilling out from it. We were all hanging on our seats with solemn anticipation. I was feeling nervous when suddenly she blurted out, "Julie hasn't been married as well."

Bam! It felt like my brains were knocked off my skull. I could almost feel myself fainting. I slowly closed my eyes and shut them tightly hoping I could still keep my balance as I gripped the side of the table. I didn't want to see the reaction on their faces let alone Aaron's.

'Molly, what have you done?!? Why did you have to disclose my well-guarded secret?' I took a deep breath as I try to calm myself down.

Somehow, having known my friends all too well, I felt their worried eyes were on me. I could also feel the coldness in the room like there was another pair of eyes looking at me dubiously.

"Are you alright?" Aaron asked as he leaned closer to me. One hand was placed at the back of my chair, the other one on top of my hand. Immediately, having felt his warm rough hand over mine, I retrieved my hand from underneath it.

At that moment, my eyes were already half-opened and staring at the hand I rested on my thigh. I could still picture his large hand over my small one. "I'm fine." And will feel much better if you'll just get out of my face.

"Why didn't you marry, Julie? Were you waiting for me?" I couldn't tell if Aaron was mocking me or was just surprised by the remarkable information he got from Molly.

I wanted to bop his head with the cup of cold chocolate. He's just so annoying. Even until now he could look innocent with those pair of beautiful brown eyes staring at me. But I still doubted him. What if he just wanted to tease me into confessing my enduring and deepest feelings for him. No way! I will never give him the satisfaction of knowing how I felt.

"It's none of your concern." I said calmly even though I wanted to kick his leg. At that moment I wish I could be violent and let out my anger, my confusion and frustration. But it would just be a waste of my precious energy. I wasn't young anymore. My blood pressure could shoot up anytime. Dying by stroke was not an option. I still wanted to spend what's left of my more than half-a-century life being happy and free.

Aaron swiped his face with both hands as he looked upward looking frustrated and disappointed. Then rested his forehead on one hand as he leaned on the table. I bet he couldn't believe what he had just heard from Molly and me.

He shook his head and looked up at me with fiery eyes. It was the most terrifying look I have ever seen in my entire life, like he wanted to strangle me.

"What do you mean by 'none of my concern'? Did you ever think how I felt when I couldn't find you? Did you even know what I went through?" He uttered those words grimly while his hands curled into a fist.

I shuddered at Aaron's words. I couldn't help but back off a little, pushing my body away from him. He held my wrist as if he didn't want me to move away from him. I stared at his cold eyes sideways, ready to look away anytime he started to taunt me. But his hard stare started to soften.

"You...you don't know what I went through." His voice became soft. He breathed unevenly, trying to calm himself.

Repeating those words meant that he must have had a really hard time. Even if I wanted to know what happened, I remained quiet. Less talk, less mistake. I know myself too well. I could say the most painful, and heart-breaking words when provoked. And immature and senseless things when confused. I didn't want to confuse us further.

Suddenly, he leaned his forehead on the hand that gripped my wrist. I felt warm liquid dripping on my hand. I saw his shoulders tremble. I heard soft sobs.

I looked up at my friends with a daze. I didn't know what to do. Aaron was crying.

Brenda, Lizzie and Molly quietly stood up with understanding of the situation. They walked away slowly towards the door, looking back at us once, then they disappeared from the doorway. I saw them looking at me through the window, gesturing that they would call me later at home. I nodded at them.

I remained looking out the window even when my friends have driven away. I waited for Aaron to settle his emotions down. What could I possibly do to calm this big man who was acting like a baby just now.

When his sobbing has subsided, he raised his head and hugged me. My eyes widened with surprise. I looked around, there were quite a few people seated near the counter. Our table was hidden in a corner by a bamboo trellis with climbing plants. If the other customers didn't see us, did they hear us?

What am I to do? How could an almost sixty year old explain this public display of affection? How embarrassing!

"Ahem...er...Aaron..." I pushed him gently away from my trembling body. I avoided his eyes. I might fall into its trap and the strong wall I built around my emotions might just collapse in a mere second. My eyes were darting around the room.

"Julie…" he almost whispered my name as he looked at me. Seeing that I wasn't looking back at him, he held my chin with his thumb and forefinger. Even when my face was directly facing him, my eyes were looking down at his chin. He has a barely noticeable cleft chin which complemented his strong jawline, features that made ladies lose their minds. "Please look at me."

As if in a state of hypnosis, I slowly raised my eyes to him in complete obedience. As our eyes locked, I was completely under his spell. Those mesmerizing eyes that would look my way, eyes that would steal glances at me, eyes that squint when happy, eyes that droop when sad, eyes that look with mischief when he was in a mood to tease, to act funny.

My heart was racing like there were a hundred horses running free in the wild. I could only hold my breath to what was to follow right after our eyes meet.

How was it possible that I allowed him to come closer and let him brush his nose against mine, let his luscious lips slide down my cheeks and let his lips touch mine, softly? Was I just imagining things or was this real?

Whoa! Wait a minute. Were we even in a relationship?