Chapter Four: Next Time

Pinanood ko ang pagtayo nila Mom at nila Tita Cecil, Tita Nerissa at Tito Steve pagtapos nilang mag-alay ng dasal para kay Dad. Bakas pa rin ang pangungulila sa kanilang mga mukha. Halata rin ang mga luha na nagbabadyang pumatak mula sa mga mata nila.

Hindi na ako magtataka. Sino nga namang hindi mangungulila kay Daddy? He's the best husband anyone could ask for. 'Yon ang mismong mga salitang sinabi ni Mommy sa akin noon. Siya rin daw ang best kuya dahil sobra siya kung mag-alaga sa mga kapatid niya. Halos si Dad ang bumuhay sa kanilang pamilya noong nawala nang maaga ang Lola Isabelle, at nang magkasakit si Lolo Lucrecio, kaya siya na rin ang best son para sa kanila. At syempre, best tito dahil sobrang bait at mapagbigay niya sa mga pinsan ko. And of course, he's also the best dad. No words could describe how good a father he was. Halos lahat nasa kanya na.

But sadly, he had me. . . The worst daughter of all. A black sheep in the family, a disgrace in our name, a failure for my parents.

"Halika na, kumain na tayo," Mom said, then ushered Tita Cecil and the others over to the large tent.

Pinaayos niya 'yon magmula pa kahapon sa mga tauhan sa bahay, maging ang pagkaing dala niya ay mukhang pinaluto niya na sa kasambahay simula pa kaninang umaga. Mom really had all of these planned out. Kompleto ang lahat, magmula sa lamesa, upuan, mga plato at kubyertos. Kung sabagay, ayaw ni Mom nang napapahiya sa mga kapatid ni Dad. Kaya ang bagay na ganito ay inasahan ko na rin.

"Sel, hindi ka pa susunod?" biglaang tanong ni Ice, kaya naman nawala ang atensyon ko kina Mommy.

Umiling ako at matipid na ngumiti. "Hindi na, Ice. Busog pa 'ko. And besides, makakagulo lang ako sa kanila."

"What are you saying? Of course not!" he said, his eyebrows furrowed. "Doon ka tumabi sa 'kin. Tara."

"Hindi na talaga, Ice. Ayos lang ako. Kumain na rin naman ako bago magpunta rito. Ikaw na lang ang magpunta ro'n."

Ice looked a bit unconvinced. Sa itsura niya, parang gusto niya akong hilahin papunta kina Mommy, but at the same time, ayaw niya dahil hindi niya gustong pinipilit ako. "Are you sure you really don't wanna come?" he even asked again.

Kaya ako na mismo ang tumulak sa kanya nang bahagya sa likuran para lang pumunta na siya kung nasaan ang lahat. "I'm sure! Maglilibot na lang muna ako. Go ahead and eat."

Even though Ice is still not convinced, he began walking while his eyes are on me. I smiled, then waved at him. He shook his head, and a smile slowly crept across his face.

Before he turned around, I made sure to keep my smile intact. I don't want him to worry even more. But when my eyes flew to where my mother was, that smile immediately faded.

Napakasaya niyang tingnan. Sa loob nang ilang buwan na hindi namin nakita ang mga kamag-anak namin, hindi ko pa siya nakitang ganyan kasaya. Whenever we're at home, she's either drinking her favorite wine or locked up in her room. I've never seen her smile or laugh when it's just us, kaya mas mabuting hindi na siguro ako makisali sa kanila. Wala rin naman akong maaambag doon, masisira ko lang ang pagsasaya nila.

Nagsimula akong maglakad palayo sa pwesto namin, hanggang sa hindi ko na marinig ang mga tawanan nila. Malawak ang memorial park na ito, kaya nakahanap din ako ng pwesto na tahimik at ako lang mag-isa. I'm used to it, anyway. Being alone. I'm always by myself at school, and in my own house, so this isn't such a big deal, or at least, I try not to make it a big deal.

I sat down at one of the benches then looked up at the sky. I remember Dad usually takes me out whenever I feel sad, then we'd park at a nearby field and just look up at the sky all day. We'd play this game we made up, where we'll have to look for odd looking clouds, then whoever spots the most, wins. That basically cheers me up every time.

But this time, no matter how long I stare up at the sky, it just wouldn't work. Because he's not here, not anymore.

I sighed. I can feel the heaviness in my chest, that made me unconsciously said— "Mas masarap talagang pagmasdan ang langit kapag kasama kita." —hoping Dad can hear me.

But then, just before I close my eyes, someone answered me that's definitely not Dad.

"Kasama sino?"

My eyes widened in surprise. In a snap, nakatayo agad ako mula sa inuupuan ko na para bang bigla akong binuhusan ng malamig na tubig.

What can I do? This stranger suddenly whispered into my ear, as if we're buddies!

"What the heck!" I turned to him, raging in furry and at the same time, feeling uneasy. But when I got to see his face, I felt like my emotions all went out the window.

I was frozen, unable to think about anything but the reason why a good-looking guy like him would be out here in the cemetery. Seriously, this guy might've acted like a freak earlier, but he definitely doesn't look like one.

He's got these enigmatic chocolate-colored eyes that were emphasized more by his long lashes, well-shaped jaw, unruly sandy brown hair, and the confidence of someone who knew exactly how well his features looked together.

"Hey," he said, with a smirk plastered on his face that pulled me away from my train of thoughts. "Are you done checking me out?

I blinked, trying to process what he just said. I was still stunned by his looks that I didn't get to answer right away. But when I finally did processed every word he used, my irritation came rushing back.

"Excuse me? I was checking you out?" I said, my right brow slightly curved up.

"Why? Am I wrong?"

I bit my lips. This jerk! Talagang nakuha niya pang sabihin 'yon, samantalang siya nga 'tong biglang lumapit at bumulong pa sa tainga ko! Kung hindi lang death anniversary ngayon ni Dad, baka pinatulan ko na 'to! Pero dahil nga hindi ako pwedeng gumawa ng gulo, lalo na ngayon na narito ang mga kamag-anak namin, pilit kong pinakalma ang sarili.

I won't let him get the reaction he wanted to see.

"Full of yourself, aren't we?"

He shrugged, as if he just got a compliment. "Just confident. After all, this wasn't the first time a girl checked me out."

"Really? Well, I hope your. . ." I trailed off, then looked down at his crotch. "Thing is as big as your ego, so those future girls that'll check you out won't be disappointed."

"Oh, it's big. I assure you. Wanna take a look?" he said in a playful tone, as his smile grew wider.

Gago 'to a? Ano ba 'yan, litrato lang na pwede niyang basta ipakita sa tao? Pinupuno yata talaga ako ng lalaking 'to e!

Breathe, Serina. Don't let him win.

"Nah. I'll pass," I said, waving my hand dismissively, before turning around. "I'm pretty sure that's not worth my time."

His laugh echoed around the field. Nanlaki tuloy ang mga mata ko. Hindi ko inaasahan na magiging ganito ang reaksyon niya. Actually, umasa ako na magagalit siya. But, he laughed.

Damn, this guy is weird.

Bago pa mauwi sa isa na namang sagutan ang sitwasyon na 'to, nagsimula na akong maglakad papalayo. Ramdam kong hindi siya sumunod, hindi siya gumalaw sa kinatatayuan niya. Pero pakiramdam ko naman ay nakatitig siya sa akin. I can feel it. I can feel his stare boring into me.

At hindi nga ako nagkamali. Dahil nang lumingon ako sa kanya, agad na nagtama ang mga mata namin.

His chocolate-colored eyes, that now looked like copper gold in the sunlight, looked straight into mine. Intently, they watched me, as if he was appreciating a fine painting.

"What's your name?" he then said, half-shouting because of the distance between us.

Pinigilan ko ang mapangiti. Hindi ko alam kung bakit, pero sa simpleng tanong lang na 'yon ay natuwa ako. He just has this charm, that if I'm being honest, is so undeniably and frustratingly hard to resist.

"Why?" I answered, half-shouting, as well.

"Just wondering!"

"Then just keep wondering!" I simply said, as a smile slowly creep across my face. "Hindi ka sana patulugin ng pangalan ko!"

He laughed, that showed his perfectly white teeth. Nakakatuwa siyang panoorin, para bang nanghihikayat ang tawa niya na sabayan din siya. Kaya bago pa ako mahatak na naman ng charms niya, nagsimula na ulit akong maglakad palayo.

Pero ilang hakbang pa lang ang nagagawa ko, narinig ko na naman ang sigaw niya na muling nagpatigil sa akin.

"I'll definitely know your name the next time we meet!" he said.

I smiled, wanting to look back, but I never did. Even so, his words unexpectedly lingered in my mind for the rest of the day.